i bought my usual bi-monthly box of stupidly expensive designer hair products over the weekend
they arrived today. in a massive box. assuming it was deeds, i asked my trainee to open it. his face when he saw the receipt for all these shampoos was a picture.

not as much as mine, however, when i dragged it over to my desk (the box, not the trainee). somehow, god knows how, i must have managed to tick the "giftwrap" option. every single bloody bottle is handwrapped with gold paper and silver curly ribbons. so... not only do i have to piss around opening them all, it has cost me an extra tenner for the privilege.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 9:56, 5 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Pretend it's your birthday. You might as well.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 9:59, Reply)

She can spend the day acting like a real saddo who has to buy themselves presents because nobody else would

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 10:04, Reply)

yeah thanks for that nice little upper
you're like ecstasy in font aren't you?!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 10:07, Reply)

I don't why I have picked on you. I am actually in a good mood today - working from home sat on my sofa with my 4 cats around me and loads of films to watch.

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 10:12, Reply)

aka 'acting like a real saddo'

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 10:14, Reply)

Correct. I am quite happy with this today though.
Partly as I have leftover beef bourginion and chocolate cheesecake to eat.
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 10:18, Reply)

I'll be round in 20 minutes.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 10:20, Reply)

I had the most incredible bottle of wine I've had in years, last night.
I'll let you know what it was when I have internet at home as I kept the bottle. My sister and brother-in-law gave it to me - he works in the wine trade and has a personal stash of at least 50k's worth of wine, so I knew it'd be good - but not as good as it was.

I was hopping from one foot to the other with joy after each sip. I am barely exaggerating.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 10:24, Reply)

I had some fucking fabulous port the other weekend
I have no idea what it is because it was a present bought for a friend who I was staying with and it had been decanted a while ago.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 10:31, Reply)

Expensive port is one of th ebest drinks ever.
I have yet to get into white ports - maybe that is my project for this winter.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 10:34, Reply)

it was the best port I've ever had by a significant margin
it was a present to my friends from some army pal of theirs who is in the sort of circles where very fine port is drunk often
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 10:36, Reply)

I would like a glass of vintage port RIGHT NOW.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 10:37, Reply)

I couldn't quite believe my taste buds

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 10:38, Reply)

I am tempted to have a glass as I am working from home, but even a pisshead like me thinks this is a bad idea.

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 10:45, Reply)

It is only 10:45 so you have to have sherry instead.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 10:46, Reply)

Or maybe a Bombay Sapphire with a splash of tonic?

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 10:46, Reply)

I will take you to Gordon's Wine Bar on Villiers St - they have some excellent white port on draft.

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 10:37, Reply)

Yes please.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 10:41, Reply)

that place is AWESOME
the cheeseboard is amazing too
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 10:42, Reply)

huge portions of cheese too. I love it there.

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 10:44, Reply)

Right. When are we going?
This is serious now.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 10:45, Reply)

This evening?

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 10:45, Reply)

I have my criminal meeting tonight or I'd say yes, indubitably.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 10:47, Reply)

Ok gaz me some dates - and you Rachel as well if you'd like to join us

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 10:48, Reply)

ooh
i only just saw this! i wait to hear more.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 11:09, Reply)

I love cheese more than I can possibly put into words.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 10:44, Reply)

two little words
VIVAT BACCHUS

wine and cheese specialists!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 11:09, Reply)

I was told about this place by an acquaintance who's an old-school financial journalist (I think)
... whose effusive praise of this place was only overshadowed by his anecdotes involving three-martini lunches and consequent shenanigans.

It sounds like the sort of place I need to visit, especially since I can probably walk there from the office in about 20 minutes ...
(BrianHequator was stretching owls, on, or around, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 11:19, Reply)

I can't wait to find out what it was
I'm on the edge of my fucking seat Monty. RIGHT ON THE EDGE
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 10:32, Reply)

You'd love it.
It had 'Pot Noodle' undertones, with a 'sammich' finish.

Quite delightful.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 10:34, Reply)

*roars with laughter*

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 10:34, Reply)

red or white?

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 10:37, Reply)

Red, an Argentine blend of quite staggering quality.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 10:38, Reply)

*sniggers*

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 9:59, Reply)

Loving the name

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 10:00, Reply)

yours too :-)

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 10:13, Reply)

I need a name
*A scary one
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 10:18, Reply)

Mary.
*Scary Mary
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 10:19, Reply)

Hahahha

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 10:20, Reply)

Quite contrary
:(
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 10:31, Reply)

you really are Bridget Jones aren't you?
I proper lolled at your driving to the gym and then walking home fiasco.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 10:03, Reply)

argh, well, that served me right for being so lazy
as to drive in the first place. the gym is about an 8 min walk and about a 90 second drive! i had only driven because i was going to tesco afterwards... lazy people take the greatest pains.

i was about 21 when the first bridget jones book came out, and everyone told me then that i was her. now i am even the same age as her, and sadly it is just as true. oh wait, except for the sexy barrister and publisher fighting over me in the street.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 10:06, Reply)

Do you have the massive pants?

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 10:14, Reply)

of course
every girl has sexy pants, everyday pants and massive pants
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 10:34, Reply)

that is not the case

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 10:38, Reply)

just because you don't always get to see them all
does not mean they aren't lurking somewhere!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 10:42, Reply)

I've lived with my mrs for 5 years or more
I think I'd have seen them by now.

similarly, I lived with my ex for 2 and a half years, and she didn't have any massive pants either.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 10:43, Reply)

I don't have massive pants
despite what Labs keeps saying.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 10:58, Reply)

I don't have massive pants either
They create a dreadful silhouette
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 11:38, Reply)

check the drawers in their old childhood bedrooms
that's where mine lurk, in case i ever forget to pack any when i go home!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 11:08, Reply)

she hasn't lived at her old home for more than 10 years
pretty sure she doesn't have anything left there any more.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 11:28, Reply)

nor have i
but i still have an entire bedroom stuffed full of rubbish!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 11:31, Reply)

I've totally just gazzed you.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 10:04, Reply)

you did WHAT?
hang on, i need to read this again.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 10:08, Reply)

yeah, I know I was drunk.
I did mark it without predjudice though if that makes it any better.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 10:09, Reply)

it means he can't use it in court
unless he can show it was genuinely not without prejudice.

but this joker isn't going anywhere near a courtroom anyway!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 10:37, Reply)

that sounds like something someone would say on The Wire

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 10:58, Reply)

*something about City Hall*

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 11:27, Reply)

If we ever meet, your hair will have to be fucking awesome.
Or else I will be terribly disappointed.
( girlinthehole, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 10:04, Reply)

oh god when we finally meet
i will soooo have been to the hairdresser first!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 10:07, Reply)