The stuff of legend.
The best man's speech was basically an in-depth look at the groom's sexual history, with shout-outs to the occasional lady in the audience he might have flung one up in the past. People were unimpressed. Steam had begun to vent from the mother of the bride's ears. Fortunately he finished speaking before a lynching broke out, and instead a slide show of the groom growing up appeared on the wall behind him accompanied by some suitably sappy music. As the cute kid turned into a handsome young man and, eventually, the first few photos of him with his new bride appeared on the wall people began to calm down and the mood improved. The best man chose this moment to slip out of the room. He'd misjudged his audience a bit, and he was well aware of how his little slideshow ended. With video of the stag night. Video, in fact, of himself and the rest of the stag party stripping the groom naked, holding him spreadeagled for the camera and then throwing him off a pier. The bride cried. Her mother cried. The groom's mother cried.

The best man did not reappear for about six months.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 10:52, 5 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Could have been worse
could have been a video of the groom knobbing a prostitute.
(berk, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 10:55, Reply)

I don't think six months in hiding would have saved him had that been the case.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 10:59, Reply)

ha, why do people do that sort of thing?

(PsychoChomp, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 10:56, Reply)

Classy. Very classy.
I was at a wedding last year where I was bridesmaid and MC. Out of the forty guests I had slept with four of them. All of them worked together. None of them were the groom - I'd rebuffed him at a Christmas party a few years earlier. The next day I found out I was pregnant by some random bloke off the Internet that I'd known for about a month.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 10:58, Reply)

Hahaha!

( girlinthehole, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 10:59, Reply)

I'm the living embodiment of the whorish best friend in a shit chick-lit novel.

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 11:02, Reply)

*jealouses*
( girlinthehole, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 11:04, Reply)

Oof
My best mates Mum has already told me the videos/pictures she's got of him as a child, and that when he does get married, I'm welcome to them

*rubs hands with glee*
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 10:59, Reply)

What a dick. There are some obvious no-nos regarding a best mans speech
Don't mention any past relationships.
Don't swear.

Those were the rules I gave myself when I was Best man.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 11:11, Reply)

Don't jump up on the top table for a Lord's Prayer Wank either.
They really don't like it.

I learnt this the hard way.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 11:20, Reply)

Oh come on
without a screaming Lords prayer wank (preferably into the brides face) the speech is just a stale, turgid piece of shit.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 11:25, Reply)

Well that's how I feel, obviously.
You'd be surprised though: some people really do have no sense of humour.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 11:27, Reply)