All that wedding crap
Right, Catface and I are getting married in about five weeks time. It's all so laid back it's horizontal. No speeches, no shitty formal traditions that I can't be arsed with, no top table, no elaborate vows.

But wait! Maybe I'm missing a trick. Now is the time to tell me what you hate about weddings so we can inflict it on our guests and make their lives even more miserable. If your answer is "weddings" then be pleased you aren't invited.

Alt question: what's the best wedding you've been to and why?
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 10:20, 159 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Alt q: yours.

( girlinthehole, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 10:22, Reply)

With that you win the Internet.

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 10:23, Reply)

: D
And Aberaccions of course.

I haven't been to that many weddings but I did go to a fancy dress one. We all turned up in medieval costumes. I went as a priest and after me and a work collegue went back to my house and took acid.
( girlinthehole, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 10:24, Reply)

I like weddings, no problem with them
Alt Q: The worst I've ever been to was my Dad's, all the others have been absolutely superb.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 10:24, Reply)

Don't leave us hanging, we need detail!

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 10:26, Reply)

Haha
I was just uncomfortable, it was before I was able to drink, my family were all off doing their own things, and I was mostly just sat on my own, as I didn't know anyone.

I went to a wedding in Liverpool a couple of years back, got absolutely shit faced, and decided it was time for me to go back to my brothers, 2 minutes away. I suddenly sobered up around 2 hours later, when I found myself on the phone to him, completely lost, describing a strange looking building. Turned out to be Walton Prison, about 3 miles from his house.

Whoops.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 10:30, Reply)

You are technically able to drink from birth.
Weddings are ripe for underage drinking. I once went to one where my bloke's 13 year old sister got us to buy her a sneaky alcopop. She also got about five other people to do the same.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 10:32, Reply)

I was a strange child, I didn't want to drink until I was about 16-17, and even then it was rarely.
I was 15 at this point.

The first wedding after I turned 18, I got utterly shitfaced.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 10:35, Reply)

Speeches.
I hate them, they never get easier, either to give or to suffer.

Alt Q. Mine. It was nice.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Tue 2 Nov 2010, 10:25, Reply)

Yeah, we vetoed the whole speech thing.
Except I'm allowed to give a vote of thanks and we've pacified my da (who isn't giving me away and doesn't get to do a speech) by letting him give a toast.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 10:27, Reply)

We had a horrific discussion recently
If my relationships with my friends stay the same now as when they marry, at this rate I'm due to be a best man at least 4 times.

Rather worrying tbh...
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 10:27, Reply)

I don't mind the speeches because we always bet on them
usually on the length or the number of thank you's.
(Zoz prayed for twink on, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 10:58, Reply)

I hate religion in weddings
It's always dull, and they make you stand for ages.
Alt: I've been to four this year, and the best was in London. The reception was in the Royal Horseguards, the food was amazing, the drinks were astonishingly reasonably priced, the band was good and I DJ'd a blinding set at the end.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 10:27, Reply)

Shining the lights into the kids eyes again?

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 10:28, Reply)

Kept the strobe on for 4 hours.

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 10:30, Reply)

"It was such a good night, even the Epileptics joined in with the dancing!
Should have seen them, shaking away..."
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 10:36, Reply)

I am sad that there will be no terrible Horseguard porn at my wedding.

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 10:30, Reply)

There's always the honeymoon for that sort of thing.

( girlinthehole, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 10:31, Reply)

I was about to say "It can be arranged"
Then remembered it's illegal.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 10:31, Reply)

Is it?
I bow to your professional knowledge.
Also, please don't look at our computers.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 10:33, Reply)

Illegal under the Extreme Porn act
Bestiality, that is. Necrophilia porn is too.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 10:34, Reply)

The horse was asking for it.
It said "NAYYYY" but its eyes said yes.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 10:36, Reply)

My sister got married at the hotel at Camelot theme park
After the ceremony, one of the knights came over on his horse, and saluted the couple, was fucking sweet!
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 10:33, Reply)

I think it's important
stops it turning into a big party. People should take it seriously.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 10:33, Reply)

No religious stuff allowed in civil ceremonies.
I guess that's why they're civil.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 10:34, Reply)

You should still have a bloke telling you not to be a cunt.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 10:34, Reply)

The phraseology is somewhat different but it amounts to the same thing.

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 10:35, Reply)

I love weddings.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 10:32, Reply)

Full of drunken girls so gagging for it that you don't need rohypnol?

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 10:33, Reply)

...and that's just the Bride!

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 10:34, Reply)

Yep, and I look good in a suit.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 10:34, Reply)

I don't suppose you have any older single brothers?

( girlinthehole, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 10:34, Reply)

WHO DO YOU THINK I AM, BERT'S SISTER?
Oh, for you? Nope. Sorry.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 10:35, Reply)

What about your dad?
Is he getting on OK with your mum?
( girlinthehole, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 10:36, Reply)

How much do you like beards?
He looks like Santa.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 10:38, Reply)

Oh! never mind.
I'm on a promise with Jeffthedogfucker.
( girlinthehole, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 10:40, Reply)

Your dad is Tim Allen
AICMFP
( Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 10:40, Reply)

We did the works
Horse and carriage, rolls royce, top table, speeches, traditions the lot.

And it was fucking great!

My wife's sisters brother husband even had a fight in the car park with our father in law!
( Peej, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 10:34, Reply)

You are a pikey AICMFP.

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 10:34, Reply)

I'm not rich enough to be a pikey :(
A pikey camp turned up and took over the car park at the university I work at and they all had 09 or 10 plate 4x4's and massive posh mobile homes.
( Peej, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 10:37, Reply)

You wife's sisters brother?
Don't you mean your wife's brother?
( girlinthehole, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 10:35, Reply)

Ooops
Fixed
( Peej, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 10:36, Reply)

So your brother in law?

( girlinthehole, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 10:37, Reply)

yes but saying my brother in law may have made people think ha had a fight with his own dad
which is not the case, hence "our" father in law.
( Peej, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 10:40, Reply)

I'm confused now.

( girlinthehole, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 10:41, Reply)

That makes me the winner
My brother in law had a fight in the car park with our father in law.

Is that better?
( Peej, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 10:45, Reply)

I hate hymns, I have always hated hymns.
At primary school in the 80's it seemed that we were always singing hymns. I bet they don't make the little bastards sing them anymore.

At weddings where we have to sing hymns I find myself regressing to my 7 y/o self, where I think to myself; "Almost there, just the chorus, another stupid verse and then the chorus again and I can sit down again"

Stupid hymns.

Alt Q: Best wedding was my mates in Gretna Green, they had a piper in full scotchland regalia.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 10:37, Reply)

No religious music permitted at mine.
My friend wanted "All things bright and beautiful" as her wedding hymn but unfortunately for her she was marrying the most hardline anti-Creationist possible and he went apoplectic at the idea that "the Lord God made them all".
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 10:40, Reply)

It's always "All thing bright an beautiful" for some reason
I have sung it so many times, I don't even find the line about "The purple headed mountains" funny anymore.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 10:44, Reply)

I totally have this in my head now
damn you!
(berk, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 11:01, Reply)

Ha! Is it being played badly on recorders?
(do kids even learn to play the recorder anymore? I hope not)
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 11:03, Reply)

No, it's being sung badly by a bunch of 5 year olds
why my brain is doing this to me I am genuinely not sure.
(berk, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 11:13, Reply)

That's awful
the sound of children singing is like nails down a blackboard to me
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 11:18, Reply)

What I hate about weddings?
Simple. That was getting married.

I hope your experience of married life is different to mine.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 10:39, Reply)

You dead yet?

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 10:43, Reply)

Almost.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 10:44, Reply)

I'll swap places. I'm in a lecture on role play. It's excruciating.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 10:48, Reply)

Am I the only one that thinks weddings are class?

(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 10:39, Reply)

I like them too.
One of the last ones I was at I fell backwards through a door while attached by my tongue to the bride's brother. Didn't spill a drop of wine either.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 10:41, Reply)

Was he made of ice?

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 10:43, Reply)

Only his cold, cold heart.

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 10:49, Reply)

But I assume that's not what you were interested in?
I've never pulled at a wedding *sadface*
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 10:57, Reply)

Nope. I love weddings
The last one I went too I left with a backpack full of wine to drink on the 5 hour train ride back to Cornwall. Maybe CHB is right I am a pikey!
( Peej, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 10:42, Reply)

Did you tarmac anything?

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 10:43, Reply)

No
Does that get me off the hook?
( Peej, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 10:45, Reply)

I'm still getting "My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding" flashbacks.
Did you have a child bride with a 100ft train?
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 10:51, Reply)

Nah she was 21
and the train was modest
( Peej, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 10:56, Reply)

Surely the groom should make some sort of short speech
Just to thank everyone for coming and of course thank his stunning bride for agreeing to the whole shebang?

I do hate all those LOLWAKI best man speeches...Fucking horrendous.
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 10:40, Reply)

Yeah, I might let him say a few words proclaiming my fabulousness.

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 10:42, Reply)

I do think everyone should be reminded.

( girlinthehole, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 10:43, Reply)

Obviously you can write the speech

(Cancer Joy was short lived, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 10:43, Reply)

So, VERY few words then?

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 10:46, Reply)

Yes, because he'll be so overcome with emotion he'll break down and cry like a girl.

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 10:48, Reply)

And if he doesn't, you'll pinch him?

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 10:55, Reply)

I've never met the husband to be.
But I've read enough on here to say.

'lol at 'short' speech'
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 10:44, Reply)

We'll give him a box to stand on.

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 10:45, Reply)

Let him sit on your shoulders?

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 10:50, Reply)

*insert strike through using the word face somewhere*

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 10:52, Reply)

The Groom doesn't really traditionally make a speech
He just thanks everyone for coming, the bride for turning up and the parents for having the daughter.

I just gave a few gifts out and said thanks.

My best man was a cunt. He had made a booklet of all my hair and clothing disasters of the last 25 years and stuck one under each chair.
( Peej, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 10:44, Reply)

Magnificent

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 10:46, Reply)

Our speeches go like this:
"Thanks for coming everyone, really good of you, lovely to see you, nice day, eh? We're very happy, it's all great. Thanks again, especially to CHCB's parents who paid for the band and Catface's parents who did the cake. Woo. Yay"

Actually, scrap that, I want Gonz to write my speech.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 10:47, Reply)

I'm not looking forward to the speech
particularly since last time I saw my dad he was insisting that it was the solemn duty of the speechmakers to be thoroughly entertaining and hilarious.

Says the cunt who spent his entire working life stood up in front of people talking.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 10:56, Reply)

Although I don't really believe in the whole marriage thing, I do actually love going to weddings.
I like seeing people I know happy and in love.


OMG! I think I'm going to cry.
( girlinthehole, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 10:45, Reply)

Really?
That not why I like going to weddings. I like drinking and watching old ladies fight.
( Peej, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 10:46, Reply)

Bitter?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 10:46, Reply)

A little.

( girlinthehole, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 10:47, Reply)

Yup, bit him too

( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 10:48, Reply)

I haven't really been to that many weddings
and I have no plans to have one myself, but my sisters wedding was quite nice.
(berk, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 10:46, Reply)

last few I have been to have been superb for totally different reasons
useful I know.

for mine we are getting married here
st olaves

food is going to be antipasti type stuff, followed by big lumps of roast pig and cow.

we're keeping it pretty simple generally. nice music played on acoustic guitar with a couple of good singers doing stuff like John Martyn and Robert Plant + Alison Krauss, then a top quality band.

No bridesmaids, no particular colour scheme, don't give much of a shit about the flowers etc.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 10:47, Reply)

Don't you wish antipasti was like antimatter?
Do you get the children thrown in for free?
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 10:54, Reply)

I struggle with the link to the place we are getting married
it should work now

I do indeed wish antipasti was like antimatter
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 10:55, Reply)

Very nice indeed!

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 10:59, Reply)

the rooms we are actually using used to be a call centre
but the hotel have got a bunch of Poles in to transform it so it looks like the Georgian part of the hotel. We've seen it halfway through and it already looks fucking brilliant.

Our mates are all well pleased it is actually in Exeter so they can walk home too.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 11:01, Reply)

The stuff of legend.
The best man's speech was basically an in-depth look at the groom's sexual history, with shout-outs to the occasional lady in the audience he might have flung one up in the past. People were unimpressed. Steam had begun to vent from the mother of the bride's ears. Fortunately he finished speaking before a lynching broke out, and instead a slide show of the groom growing up appeared on the wall behind him accompanied by some suitably sappy music. As the cute kid turned into a handsome young man and, eventually, the first few photos of him with his new bride appeared on the wall people began to calm down and the mood improved. The best man chose this moment to slip out of the room. He'd misjudged his audience a bit, and he was well aware of how his little slideshow ended. With video of the stag night. Video, in fact, of himself and the rest of the stag party stripping the groom naked, holding him spreadeagled for the camera and then throwing him off a pier. The bride cried. Her mother cried. The groom's mother cried.

The best man did not reappear for about six months.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 10:52, Reply)

Could have been worse
could have been a video of the groom knobbing a prostitute.
(berk, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 10:55, Reply)

I don't think six months in hiding would have saved him had that been the case.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 10:59, Reply)

ha, why do people do that sort of thing?

(PsychoChomp, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 10:56, Reply)

Classy. Very classy.
I was at a wedding last year where I was bridesmaid and MC. Out of the forty guests I had slept with four of them. All of them worked together. None of them were the groom - I'd rebuffed him at a Christmas party a few years earlier. The next day I found out I was pregnant by some random bloke off the Internet that I'd known for about a month.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 10:58, Reply)

Hahaha!

( girlinthehole, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 10:59, Reply)

I'm the living embodiment of the whorish best friend in a shit chick-lit novel.

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 11:02, Reply)

*jealouses*
( girlinthehole, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 11:04, Reply)

Oof
My best mates Mum has already told me the videos/pictures she's got of him as a child, and that when he does get married, I'm welcome to them

*rubs hands with glee*
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 10:59, Reply)

What a dick. There are some obvious no-nos regarding a best mans speech
Don't mention any past relationships.
Don't swear.

Those were the rules I gave myself when I was Best man.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 11:11, Reply)

Don't jump up on the top table for a Lord's Prayer Wank either.
They really don't like it.

I learnt this the hard way.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 11:20, Reply)

Oh come on
without a screaming Lords prayer wank (preferably into the brides face) the speech is just a stale, turgid piece of shit.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 11:25, Reply)

Well that's how I feel, obviously.
You'd be surprised though: some people really do have no sense of humour.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 11:27, Reply)

Best wedding I went to
was that of Heinz ('Great Egg Race') Wolff's* son, many years ago.

The service itself was in the chapel of an Oxford college, it was a fucking hot day, and half way through the service one of the choristers fainted and fell forward, smashing his face against the pew in front: MASSIVE GOUTS OF BLOOD, screaming women and children, my brother and I weeping with hilarity.

Best wedding ever for lolz.


*perhaps my shittest name-drop ever?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 10:52, Reply)

I used to love that programme.
I'm impressed.
( girlinthehole, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 10:56, Reply)

Actually
the best wedding I've ever been to was my little sister's.

She was lucky to still be alive by then, let alone have met and fallen for the loveliest, most marvellous man and have him feel the same.

/blubs
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 11:01, Reply)

Gay.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 11:02, Reply)

Awwwww. Your soft side.
Softer than a lampshade made of human skin.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 11:02, Reply)

I've never had any desire to get married
(and not just because I would lose the bet made with my friend Gary in 1974 resulting in the forfeit of all my Slade abums, a Bazooka Joe Bubbly and 2.5 new decimal pence), but I like weddings. Particularly ones where the couple have had the strength of character to make it exactly how they want it rather than pandering to tradition.
I hope all goes well.
(Cave Duck, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 11:06, Reply)

unless it is someone i really love
or i am involved, like a bridesmaid and therefore getting a little bit of attention, i find weddings pretty tedious until the drinking/dancing stage.

however, this saturday is army wedding day. my lovely friend james has confirmed the following critical pieces of info: (i) yes swipe there will be many army officers there; (ii) yes swipe, it will be a total sausage fest; (iii) fine swipe, i have annoyed my bride by messing with her seating plan to put you next to my friend who is the heir to the rolls royce fortune (no idea if he is rolls or royce, nor do i give a flying fuck so long as he looks good in his uniform); (iv) for fucks sake for the millionth time swipe, yes they will be wearing dress uniform.

i am looking forward to this wedding a LOT more than usual.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 11:09, Reply)

I await your posts of the fun/shame that will be forthcoming.
I have decided to live vicariously through your adventures.
( girlinthehole, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 11:12, Reply)

i deliberately said i didn't want a plus one when he asked me a few weeks ago
i am now, however, wondering if i should have taken one of my female friends as a wingman.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 11:13, Reply)

BGB's hoping you'd take her
She's positively frothing at the clopper at the mere thought of it
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 11:17, Reply)

i wouldn't want the competition

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 11:20, Reply)

Are the majority of Army Officers not raving benders or depressed beyond tablets?

(Cancer Joy was short lived, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 11:30, Reply)

Only when Kitty is there

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 11:36, Reply)

*waits for stories on Monday of how swipe made an arse of herself in front of all the soldiers*

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 11:21, Reply)

Hur hur, rswipe

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 11:36, Reply)

I really hate the bit in weddings when everyone fights over who gets to go home with me and I get my pick of anyone I want...
.... OH NOES !!! Please don't auction me off like meat to your beloved friends and family.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 11:11, Reply)

I was just looking through the pictures to prove that the train on my wife's dress wasn't massive
It was pretty big but I also found a picture of my uncle holding up the worst page of the "Phils bad haircuts" booklet my cunt fuck assface of a best man did. Grrrrrrr I hate weddings now. There is a good picture of me threatening to stab my new bride with the cake cutting knife.
( Peej, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 11:14, Reply)

The thing I hate most about weddings is divorces.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 11:15, Reply)

The wedding I was best man at was a bit uncomfortable
My mate was obviously just going through the motions, didn't really want to get married but didn't want to split up with his girlfriend either. He did it on the cheap and she was obviously disappointed with her big day.

I did a cracking speech. They lasted less than a year.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 11:17, Reply)

I really don't get that at all
Seriously, why bother having a shit wedding if it is only to pacify your other half and is so crap that all it does is piss her off? It's not like getting married really changes anything apart from getting a tax break nowadays, so why do it unless you're going to do it properly?
(berk, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 11:23, Reply)

With the benefit of hindsight, I should have talked him out of getting married and/or refused to be best man
At the time I had my own problems though, so I let nature run its course.

Wish I hadn't spent so much on the presents though.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 11:30, Reply)

Ah well, we live and learn etc
Most of my female friends are like this - frothing at the chops to get married and sprogged up. All of their respective partners are really not interested in weddings and have produced an engagement ring only because they were nagged to.
It's just fucking weird if you ask me.
(berk, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 11:37, Reply)

FUCK. THAT.

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 11:38, Reply)

totally
what's the point in coercing someone into doing something like that?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 11:42, Reply)

With bells on
I just don't get it - it's surely got to be a case of 'hey, I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you, will you marry me' rather than 'so-and-so has got engaged, when are you going to ask me, can't we get married etc etc ad nauseam'
Fuck that. I don't ever want to get married - I'd rather spend the money on going travelling.
(berk, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 11:44, Reply)

it's not fucking cheap
but it's something we both wanted to do. I totally agree with what you have said.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 11:52, Reply)

My family eat so massively and so fast
that we ask to be seated on different tables to avoid collective shame at weddings.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 11:19, Reply)

Ha!
My family are the same. Eating Christmas dinner takes less than 15 minutes.
(Zoz prayed for twink on, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 11:20, Reply)

Went to one in Italy in May - 9 courses of food.
Only problem was there was a least one speech between each course. Each speech was repeated twice so that made 27 speeches in total (in English, Italian and Swedish). We sat down to eat at 4 and were still eating at 9.
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 11:20, Reply)

Chimps tea party?
Or a collection of half starved Eastern European sex workers at a chinese buffet?
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 11:23, Reply)

Bit of both.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 11:27, Reply)

Eastern European sex chimps?
I've only heard good things about their services.
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 11:31, Reply)

Fucking GREAT band, too.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 11:32, Reply)

Their riders can be a bit mental though.

(Cancer Joy was short lived, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 11:34, Reply)

Wedding, my brothers
Kitty, you're being a gimp. Wiggy did nothing wrong.
Jeff/battered, I dont have aids.
Back to role play now.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 11:30, Reply)

he didn't do anything right either

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 11:31, Reply)

You're wedding your brothers?
You sick fuck
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 11:32, Reply)

Not blood related so fair game I say

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 11:34, Reply)

*narrows eyes*
You're all right Bobby
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 11:35, Reply)

*pistol fingers*
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 11:39, Reply)

Shut up Bert.

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 11:32, Reply)

It could be argued he was not doing his fair share
which is unfair on Kitty and thus puts him in the wrong. Although there isn't really a right or wrong in that kind of argument.
(berk, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 11:34, Reply)

Exactly. They should both shut the Fuck up go out and get a cleaner in.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 11:37, Reply)

Wiggy should pay as he's bound to be wrong. Kitty couldn't possibly be wrong.

(Cave Duck, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 11:42, Reply)

I think the "clean up while I go do my hobby"
part of her argument was very unreasonable.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 11:37, Reply)

I have no idea what you lot are talking about.
Was there a load of OH WOE IS MEing going on?
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 11:48, Reply)

Kitty is on the blob.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 11:49, Reply)

He should respect my need for empowerment

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 11:58, Reply)

The sex talk was yesterday Bobby
Let it go.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 11:35, Reply)

oh you've pissed me off now
that's a shame really because I was one of the only ones on your side.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 11:57, Reply)

Can I request a few songs?
I like Semisonic, you could play one of their songs, I got the tape that I can copy for you if you want.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 11:33, Reply)

Sorry Gonz, you don't have to go home but you can't stay here.

(Cave Duck, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 11:54, Reply)

Best wedding without a doubt
my little sister's, who is French. God the French are so civilised. The legal part of the wedding was first, conducted by the mayor resplendent in a tricolor, looking something like a retired film star, then the entire wedding party walked through the streets of Cassis - a beautiful old port town near Marseille - and then to the church. Church bit over, we took one of those tourist "trains" that run at seaside resorts to a bar overlooking the Med - had a toast and some nibbles - then by car to a chateau for the reception - the cake didn't come out until 2am ! Being French, there were no fights, no unpleasantness due to booze, and we all stayed in gites next to the chateau, and started again on the champagne in the swimming pool next morning. Wonderful...
(TheImmortalJenkins, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 11:43, Reply)