also i had some more ritual humiliation last night which i might as well share, seeing that it's friday and all
as part of my masters i have to do some observational sessions at a theatre, and they have given me a children's theatre. i had to go from work. i weighed up dragging in a bag in the snow to get changed and thought, sod it - you never know, the theatre company might need legal advice or one of the parents might need private client stuff, so i'd better look smart and maybe i can pitch for my firm at the same time.

to quote julia roberts... "big mistake. big. HUGE. i have to go shopping now". literally every other fucker in the theatre was barefoot and in dreadlocks, black leggings and a t-shirt, whereas i was marauding around in my new pale grey trouser-suit and killer heels. i felt like a total moron. then we went into the studio, at which point the director asked me if i would mind removing my shoes. i agreed. then remembered. froze. oh no. oh no no no.

"i won't slip and sue," i pleaded. but it was no good. apparently their wooden floors are important to them. so i took off the high heels, stashed them in my bag, joined the circle of children who were all staring at me beadily. i was introduced, and the children were told not to worry and to ask me anything they liked. sure enough, within about 1 second, a hand shot in the air. beadily.

"miss angelina, why is this lady wearing odd socks?"

one nice neat black sock, and one hot pink sock with "sexy" on the side (it's ironic, ok). damn my slovenly ways, although even with the whole class of children laughing at me, i still think life is too short to spend it pairing fucking socks!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 3 Dec 2010, 10:27, 3 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Do you have another pair of black and pink socks?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 3 Dec 2010, 10:30, Reply)

no
i know the joke, but in this case the pink one lost its twin a long time ago.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 3 Dec 2010, 10:32, Reply)

Did you lose the other sock on a school trip to the swimming baths?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 3 Dec 2010, 10:33, Reply)

You are exactly right
life IS too short to spend pairing socks. This is why I have 10-20 identical pairs of black cotton socks. Fuck 'em, they're kids, what do they know - when they have to pair their own socks they'll realise what a genius you are!
(berk, Fri 3 Dec 2010, 10:30, Reply)

I don't even care if my socks are inside out
that's how I roll
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Fri 3 Dec 2010, 10:32, Reply)

my brother does that
all his socks are identical. but the thing is, sometimes i quite like pretty socks. until it comes to washing day.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 3 Dec 2010, 10:33, Reply)

It takes about a minute to pair
socks. Are all of you that feckless to find it that difficult?
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Fri 3 Dec 2010, 10:42, Reply)

Two weeks ago
my own two year old child pointed and pissed herself laughing at me because I was wearing odd socks, saying 'silly Daddy'.

So I punched her in the face and locked her in a cupboard.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 3 Dec 2010, 10:36, Reply)

hahahaha

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 3 Dec 2010, 10:37, Reply)

wait til she's 15
she'll do the same to you
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 3 Dec 2010, 10:39, Reply)

She'll be lucky to make three at this rate.
I'm gonna get all 'Baby P' on her ass if she gives me any more shit tomorrow.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 3 Dec 2010, 10:44, Reply)

Too far?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 3 Dec 2010, 10:45, Reply)

3 is a fair estimation

(Himjim died a little more inside on, Fri 3 Dec 2010, 10:46, Reply)

Haha!
I have visions of you in 5 years time tied to a tree and your daugher and her friends running round whooping and hollering, dressed as Indians.
( girlinthehole, Fri 3 Dec 2010, 10:46, Reply)

*rumbled face*

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 3 Dec 2010, 10:48, Reply)

There is nothing greater than seeing a load of young kids running round and screaming like stuck pigs because you're pretending to be a monster.
But this is only because they're not my kids and they eventually have to go home.
( girlinthehole, Fri 3 Dec 2010, 10:50, Reply)

I spent three hours last weekend pretending to be a giant
with text-book 'fee fi fo fum' booming voice and doing sound effect crashes when I took steps. I tired of it long before she did.

She insisted on calling me 'giant' all day. 'Let's play Play-Doh, Giant' etc. and introducing me to all her toys.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 3 Dec 2010, 10:53, Reply)

PRETENDING to be a giant?

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 3 Dec 2010, 10:54, Reply)

Shake her like an english nanny!

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 3 Dec 2010, 10:46, Reply)