Where do I get my free cider?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 6 Dec 2010, 19:51, 3 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Ask Gilbert when you see him.

( girlinthehole, Mon 6 Dec 2010, 19:54, Reply)

What time does Gilbert usually come in for his dinner?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 6 Dec 2010, 19:57, Reply)

He's always there at the gate waiting with his bowl in his paws meowing for all he's worth.

( girlinthehole, Mon 6 Dec 2010, 20:03, Reply)

Have you been out and called for him?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 6 Dec 2010, 20:09, Reply)

Yup!
It has happened before but it's still worrying.
( girlinthehole, Mon 6 Dec 2010, 20:12, Reply)

Well leave some lights on for him.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 6 Dec 2010, 20:15, Reply)

I have a security light that comes on.
I can't leave his food out though because George will eat it.
( girlinthehole, Mon 6 Dec 2010, 20:20, Reply)

Well speak to George and explain the situation.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 6 Dec 2010, 20:22, Reply)

They hate each other.

( girlinthehole, Mon 6 Dec 2010, 20:25, Reply)

Why?
Have you tried getting them to work on their problems?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 6 Dec 2010, 20:28, Reply)

Not really.
I hated my sister for a while. I can understand where they are coming from.
( girlinthehole, Mon 6 Dec 2010, 20:35, Reply)

will do

( willenium Fist bump for verification, Mon 6 Dec 2010, 19:58, Reply)

Remember me telling you about Luigi, the massive plastic Italian chef that got launched from a fifth floor window a few days ago?
Well he's been saved (admittedly he has a pillow for a head and lightsabre for an arm now)
sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc4/hs1201.snc4/155350_10150122974016393_649336392_7886144_8196334_n.jpg
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Mon 6 Dec 2010, 19:58, Reply)

Luigi Lives!

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 6 Dec 2010, 20:03, Reply)

Debates are currently ongoing as to what can be made into his left hand.
All that's been agreed is that it needs to be able to hold his trusty pack of Lucky Strikes, like it did before his accident.

And I wonder why I'm behind on my work.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Mon 6 Dec 2010, 20:09, Reply)

never be without a lucky

( willenium Fist bump for verification, Mon 6 Dec 2010, 20:59, Reply)

I like this luigi fellow allready

( willenium Fist bump for verification, Mon 6 Dec 2010, 20:04, Reply)

NA NA NIIIIIIIIIEEEE

( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 6 Dec 2010, 20:13, Reply)

NA NA NAAAAAAAAAHHH

( willenium Fist bump for verification, Mon 6 Dec 2010, 20:13, Reply)

design and build me a functioning
man trap and we'll talk free cider
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 6 Dec 2010, 20:01, Reply)

^this
I'll throw in some nuts too.
( girlinthehole, Mon 6 Dec 2010, 20:05, Reply)

mmm nuts
i imagine this trap to be a disguised hole, perhaps with some kind of bait like boobs and computer bits and games(to ensure geekiness of prey). While down there they'd be forced to look at naked pictures of ann widdecome. By the time they get out, they will consider even me hot and will be like putty in my hands

i may have overthought this
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 6 Dec 2010, 20:08, Reply)

Make the hole really cold and then they'll want a big hug to stay warm when we get them out.

( girlinthehole, Mon 6 Dec 2010, 20:11, Reply)

Surely problem with this is being forced to look at naked Ann Widdecombe yourself while constructing trap?

(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Mon 6 Dec 2010, 20:17, Reply)

I'm willing to make sacrifices
to get some right now
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 6 Dec 2010, 20:19, Reply)

Fair enough
Stockholm Syndrome FTW!
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Mon 6 Dec 2010, 20:20, Reply)

the pictures are in UV paint
Invisible until you have left the hole and turned on a blacklight
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Mon 6 Dec 2010, 20:21, Reply)

this is the kind of blue skythinking
we need here at 'crunchy and blousie trying to catch men enterprises'

you're hired! Now brain storm like you've never stormed your brain before
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 6 Dec 2010, 20:24, Reply)

Men usually like football.
Maybe some sort of blow up famous footballer to entrap them?
( girlinthehole, Mon 6 Dec 2010, 20:27, Reply)

depends if you like men who like football
I tend not to
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 6 Dec 2010, 20:28, Reply)

What do you have against people who like football?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 6 Dec 2010, 20:29, Reply)

nothing, but I tend to get on
more with geeky boys than sporty boys
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 6 Dec 2010, 20:31, Reply)

Then you need a series of screens linked to a computer that scans for the 3G signal from their smartphonr
this collects their browser history, and tailors the lure to suit the victim personally.
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Mon 6 Dec 2010, 20:39, Reply)

keep going...
this is sounding good
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 6 Dec 2010, 20:42, Reply)

I missed my true calling as a evil genius
also: mix your picture in along with Anne Widecomes. Forcing them to keep focused on you a sexy beacon of hope. All A.W. would make most men put their eyes out with their own severed penis.
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Mon 6 Dec 2010, 20:49, Reply)

Me neither.
But there are always exceptions to every rule.
( girlinthehole, Mon 6 Dec 2010, 20:32, Reply)

I'm a geeky bloke that likes football.
Does that make me special?
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 6 Dec 2010, 21:04, Reply)

Hell yeah!

( girlinthehole, Mon 6 Dec 2010, 21:06, Reply)

Woo!

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 6 Dec 2010, 21:07, Reply)

Go to hospital
Find attractive man who has recently emerged from a coma and remembers nothing of his past life. Lie convincingly. It may be possible to create the perfect man this way: "No, you never used to like football before the coma" and so on.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Mon 6 Dec 2010, 20:32, Reply)

you are an evil genius

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 6 Dec 2010, 20:34, Reply)

I am not sure how many anonymous sexy men are currently in the type of coma
that leaves you with no memories, but perfect brain function upon waking up, but I'd be willing to bet there's at least two.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Mon 6 Dec 2010, 20:37, Reply)

it's not like you need many at a time

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 6 Dec 2010, 20:40, Reply)

I'm just saying you and Blousie might have to visit a few hospitals

(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Mon 6 Dec 2010, 20:43, Reply)

I'd imagine by the end of their cider session, they'll be admitted to one.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 6 Dec 2010, 20:50, Reply)

You should set it up so it takes two men at once
so only one can escape by solving saw style puzzles. that way you get the smartest and most agile ones
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Mon 6 Dec 2010, 20:37, Reply)

OK
now I need something that is more likely to catch long haired boys, too
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 6 Dec 2010, 20:39, Reply)

Real ale and rock music?

( girlinthehole, Mon 6 Dec 2010, 20:42, Reply)

yes

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 6 Dec 2010, 20:46, Reply)

instead of the hole
you could use a pub. only you have hired the bar staff from the shining to do your bidding
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Mon 6 Dec 2010, 20:55, Reply)

Velcro?

( willenium Fist bump for verification, Mon 6 Dec 2010, 20:43, Reply)

Hahaha!

( girlinthehole, Mon 6 Dec 2010, 20:45, Reply)

or chloroform soaked scrunchies

( willenium Fist bump for verification, Mon 6 Dec 2010, 20:50, Reply)

YES!

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 6 Dec 2010, 20:46, Reply)

I've conducted some high-level analysis
And I've come up with the following, simple to follow equation.

Provide Free Cider, Receive Free Man

EDIT: I feel I ought to point out that some ciders won't work.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 6 Dec 2010, 20:06, Reply)

It are a fact
it must be I edited the wikipedia article personally
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Mon 6 Dec 2010, 20:08, Reply)

OK - I'm off to lidls to buy in bulk!

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 6 Dec 2010, 20:10, Reply)

*goes shopping*

( girlinthehole, Mon 6 Dec 2010, 20:10, Reply)

let's get a crate of scrumpy and go out on the pull

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 6 Dec 2010, 20:12, Reply)

Woohoo!
Puts on red lacey pulling bra.
( girlinthehole, Mon 6 Dec 2010, 20:13, Reply)

*puts on grey spotty pulling socks*

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 6 Dec 2010, 20:19, Reply)

Well let us all know where you'll be going
'cos if there is free cider, I want to know about it!
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 6 Dec 2010, 20:19, Reply)

How drunk do you have to be before you get frisky?

( girlinthehole, Mon 6 Dec 2010, 20:23, Reply)

Well there isn't an exact science to it.
It depends on a number of factors.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 6 Dec 2010, 20:27, Reply)

Which are?

( girlinthehole, Mon 6 Dec 2010, 20:28, Reply)

we demand formulae!

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 6 Dec 2010, 20:29, Reply)

Probably much the same as the female criteria for liking a bloke.

Personality, looks and all the other usual traits, the sliding scale as to how important all these things are is the length of time since the last bit of action.

The longer its been, the less important all these things become.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 6 Dec 2010, 20:32, Reply)

Woohoo! I'm in then.

( girlinthehole, Mon 6 Dec 2010, 20:36, Reply)

I think you could get in there with a half
from what I hear
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 6 Dec 2010, 20:38, Reply)

What you hear is wrong.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 6 Dec 2010, 20:43, Reply)

She's only joking.

( girlinthehole, Mon 6 Dec 2010, 20:47, Reply)

Is this to make sure
you bring enough cash to the bash to get him drunk?
(berk, Mon 6 Dec 2010, 20:28, Reply)

Shush girl!
( girlinthehole, Mon 6 Dec 2010, 20:29, Reply)

Tsk!
I'm not sure where I'll be this weekend (bar at the football on Saturday afternoon).

It's my mothers birthday this weekend, so I might spend some time with her on Saturday night before a family meal on the Sunday.

But if that does happen, I'll try and get myself to the Flyer on the Sunday (late afternoon).
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 6 Dec 2010, 20:34, Reply)

Families do come first.
*nods sagely*
( girlinthehole, Mon 6 Dec 2010, 20:40, Reply)

that's what bert said

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 6 Dec 2010, 20:42, Reply)

But gaz me your number anyway.
Cos I'll let you know one way of the other what I'm doing, and if I do make it to the pub, I'll need someone to introduce me to your merry band of geeks and freaks.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 6 Dec 2010, 20:42, Reply)

G'wan
come, you know you want to! I'll save you some cake and everything.
(berk, Mon 6 Dec 2010, 21:04, Reply)

there's going to be cake at the bash?
sweet
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 6 Dec 2010, 21:07, Reply)

aww
now I'm wondering why I decided Brighton would be better. I hope there is cake there, too
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 6 Dec 2010, 21:16, Reply)

Most likely
unless by some sad turn of events I don't have time to make any.
(berk, Mon 6 Dec 2010, 21:19, Reply)

that would be sad indeed
I am looking forward to meeting people there.

Sonisphere headliners have been announced recently. Slipknot and Biffy Clyro. I am greatly disappointed by this news.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 6 Dec 2010, 21:22, Reply)

That sounds most distinctly meh
Biffy is meant to be good live but Slipknot? Please. Just no.
(berk, Mon 6 Dec 2010, 21:38, Reply)

meh was my opinion too
Slipknot would probably be worth a watch. They are supposed to be good live, but after the awesomeness of last year I am definitely disappointed.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 6 Dec 2010, 21:41, Reply)

Don't bother turning up without cake.
Seriously.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 6 Dec 2010, 21:24, Reply)

What sort of cake are we talking about here berk?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 6 Dec 2010, 21:22, Reply)

Lemon drizzle
(specially for Amberl as she is letting me stop at hers in Oxford) and probably carrot cake. Unless you have any requests?
(berk, Mon 6 Dec 2010, 21:29, Reply)

My requests would have been for both lemon drizzle and carrot cake.
So you're doing well so far.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 6 Dec 2010, 21:34, Reply)

*sniffs haughtily*
I don't see that I should feel pressured in to making cake for someone who is only maybe coming.

who the hell am I kidding, I'd probably bring cake to the apocalypse
(berk, Mon 6 Dec 2010, 21:37, Reply)

Well if you're going to take that attitude

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 6 Dec 2010, 21:52, Reply)

*trembly bottom lip*
I didn't mean it really...
(berk, Mon 6 Dec 2010, 21:55, Reply)

*Eyes with cake baking suspicion*

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 6 Dec 2010, 21:59, Reply)