Wankers that are "Enviromental Wardens" aka thundercunts
There is no lower piece of scum. Especially when they are lying bastards. I have no problems with any kind of warden, if I have genuinely done something wrong and they fine me for it, fair play. However, the one cunt I dealt with was such a lying bulling piece of shit I could have fucking opened him up.

So standing in the alley way next to my office which is a kind of cut through, now we don't have an ashtray or anything like that so we used to either stub the fags out and bring them in and put them in the bin or on the odd occasion we would stick them in a crack in the wall.

So me and my colleague are out having a fag and I see the fag man, sorry litter warden, walk past the end of the alley way. Now this bloke is the kind of guy you can tell thinks he is the dogs fucking bollocks in his black get up, stab proof vest and cctv camera on his chest. Total and utter wank sock. Probably still lives with his mum and his collection of samurai swords after being rejected from the army, police and lidl security jobs.

So I finish and pushed my fag into the crack of the wall after carefully checking I'm not in his line of site even though I'm not dropping it on the floor. So I nip over to the shop and as I come out he stops me and tells me he needs to talk to me about environmental law etc, so initially I didn't even click until he asked for my details, I asked why and he said because I am issuing you with a fixed penalty notice for dropping a cigarette butt, warns me I'm on his homo cctv etc. Now hold up a minute there you wanksock of a storm trooper I did not drop any fag but on the floor. A few rounds of oh no he didn't, oh yes he did ensue and eventually I did the stupid thing and said no I didn't fucking drop it I put it in a crack on the wall! "Well that's not a bin is it sir?" well fair point you fucktard but its not a public footpath either. Then he says he saw it fall from the wall and end up on the ground, ahh changing your story now eh? I see well no fuck off I didn't I'm not giving you shit. So at this point he says if I don't he will come into my office (he knows where I work) and he will do my co-worker for the same offense. Now I didn't want her to get in any shit either so I reluctantly start reeling off my details. Well the other thing is there was no physical way you could have seen me do it because trust me I thoroughly checked you weren't fucking looking you wobbling blob of jizz! Show me some evidence I ask, "Don't have to, I saw you do it!" No but you clearly fucking didn't you most likely saw me come out of said alley way sans fag butt and have gone on an assumption I have discarded it, yes but technically I discarded it on private property so fuck the system.

"Have you got any ID sir?" Not for you sonny jim me thinks (I was giving genuine details and the law states they have no right to ask you to provide ID it is only an offense not to give details or give them false details), so no sir I don't. Well if you don't show me some I'll just call the old bill, my old man is ex flying squad, this threat does not worry me in the slightest although he has now kept me out of work for 20 mins and I didn't have time to be hanging around to wait for the old bill so reluctantly I provide him with ID.

Thank you very much £80 fine

tl:dr bullied by a meat head into an £80 fine.
(bumless The man with the hole in the middle, Mon 31 Mar 2014, 18:02, 32 replies)

Couldn't you just bend over and show him your not-arse?

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 31 Mar 2014, 18:15, closed)

i.imgur.com/h1F2RS9.jpg
(bumless The man with the hole in the middle, Thu 3 Apr 2014, 10:16, closed)

Homo cctv - hardly necessary for the story you cunt.

( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Mon 31 Mar 2014, 18:26, closed)

The gay race would be extinct if you weren't policing this important corner of the internet.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 31 Mar 2014, 18:55, closed)

EQUAL RIGHTS FOR OUR SILICON CHIP BROTHERS

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 31 Mar 2014, 19:45, closed)

Lol, you have the fucking audacity to accuse someone else of policing this important bit of the internet.
Too delicious, next you will be TTT.
( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Tue 1 Apr 2014, 9:33, closed)

pipe down, queen

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 1 Apr 2014, 13:49, closed)

God, I hate people who leave their poisonous filth all over place
I think they should arm the poor fucker with a sniper rifle. What a thankless task - trying to convince morons like you to show some personal responsibility. Instead of a fine it should be, BOOM! HEADSHOT!
(cli_que, Mon 31 Mar 2014, 18:27, closed)

You waited nearly 12 years to attack a man with a permanent bum bag?
You should be ashamed.
( edjogs Collared doves are shit., Mon 31 Mar 2014, 19:29, closed)

That's one of the most remarkable posting records I've seen!

( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Mon 31 Mar 2014, 19:49, closed)

Found the account lurking in my password file the other day
Couldn't bear the thought of leaving it all on it's own for another decade.
(cli_que, Mon 31 Mar 2014, 20:09, closed)

"its" you thick cunt

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 31 Mar 2014, 20:41, closed)

"It's you, thick cunt." works as well.

( edjogs Collared doves are shit., Mon 31 Mar 2014, 21:01, closed)

Camelot actually considered that as the opening slogan for the National Lottery...
...but thought better of it.
(eViLegion Chief Commissioner of the Scottish Lunacy Board, Tue 1 Apr 2014, 18:02, closed)

Oh noes, I dun a typo
Waaaaaw, waaaw, waaaaaw.
(cli_que, Tue 1 Apr 2014, 10:00, closed)

"done" you thick cunt

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Tue 1 Apr 2014, 11:33, closed)

Needs more nonce-punching.

( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Mon 31 Mar 2014, 19:48, closed)

Near Jahled levels of hardmanning here, Polo.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 1 Apr 2014, 8:58, closed)

What I'm getting here is -
You ACTUALLY littered. You failed to place your cig butt in the bin or receptacle that it should have been placed into. You may wish to be careful with the whole "it was on private property so fuck the system" - at my last employment the punishment for being seen leaving a fag butt anywhere other than the designated ashtray was a written warning.
Then you were rude to the guy whilst he was simply doing his job, I fail to see how wearing a cctv for protection and to gather evidence is indicative of a persons sexuality.
And then you lied to him about being able to produce ID which you eventually had to show him thus despite the fact that you think 'won' the situation you really lost. And had to pay a fine. Sucked in to you.
(wheeples mcsquiblington a spazmatic cuntwankatron., Tue 1 Apr 2014, 10:34, closed)

alright *** ********e

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Tue 1 Apr 2014, 11:33, closed)

what would be a suitable penalty
for flicking a fag butt into your 22,000 litre pool of tears?
( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Tue 1 Apr 2014, 18:08, closed)

You ACTUALLY littered. You failed to place your cig butt in the bin or receptacle that it should have been placed into. You may wish to be careful with the whole "it was on private property so fuck the system" - at my last employment the punishment for being seen leaving a fag butt anywhere other than the designated ashtray was a written warning.
Then you were rude to the guy whilst he was simply doing his job, I fail to see how wearing a cctv for protection and to gather evidence is indicative of a persons sexuality.
And then you lied to him about being able to produce ID which you eventually had to show him thus despite the fact that you think 'won' the situation you really lost. And had to pay a fine. Sucked in to you.
a massive erection
( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Tue 1 Apr 2014, 18:43, closed)

Heheheh

(eViLegion Chief Commissioner of the Scottish Lunacy Board, Tue 1 Apr 2014, 20:23, closed)

Alright
Rimmer!
(bROKEN aRROW PUA HVI Master, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 12:15, closed)

"Smoke me a kipper, I'll be back for breakfast!"

(wheeples mcsquiblington a spazmatic cuntwankatron., Wed 2 Apr 2014, 14:36, closed)

Just as long as you dispose of said 'smoked' kipper
In the proper and correct manner outlined by article 516.2 of the smoked kipper disposal act of 1952.
(bROKEN aRROW PUA HVI Master, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 16:48, closed)

You can't tell me what to do,
you're not my real Environmental Warden!
(wheeples mcsquiblington a spazmatic cuntwankatron., Thu 3 Apr 2014, 8:45, closed)

bottling up some anger
"I could have fucking opened him up" - but you didn't.
"I'm not giving you shit" - but "I reluctantly start reeling off my details"
"'got any ID sir?' Not for you sonny jim" - but "I provide him with ID"

Why do it to yourself? Either stop stubbing ciggies out where they're not wanted, or tell the guy to go fuck himself and walk away.
( ferret -> twitter.com/syfyautocorrect <-, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 10:38, closed)

Alright alright calm down
Yes admittedly I basically littered and shouldn't have done but it was just the way he dealt with me was a bit unprofessional and aggressive.

The other problem is that Enfield council are happy enough to spend money having one of these guys stroll up and down the high street every day but there is not a single public fag disposal receptacle anywhere.

Anything else you wish me to address?
(bumless The man with the hole in the middle, Thu 3 Apr 2014, 9:52, closed)

Take the hint and stop smoking, or start carrying your own ashtray.
Don't see why tax-payers' money should be spent on enabling your filthy habit.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 3 Apr 2014, 11:16, closed)

I am packing up so all of this horrible eposiode will be a thing of the past soon

(bumless The man with the hole in the middle, Thu 3 Apr 2014, 11:21, closed)

Nobody likes little Hitlers, and by paying up you perpetuate this sort of behaviour.

For the record, the twat has no powers of search or arrest, and if you walk away there's bugger all he can do about it.

To enforce the fine he needs to provide proof of the offence - any on-the-spot fine can be appealed to a real court that will want to see this proof.

Next time just turn around and go inside.
(strongp, Thu 3 Apr 2014, 12:05, closed)