Lies and subterfuge
At 18 months I tried a spoonful of mustard and was so traumatised that I couldn't go near the stuff for the next 20 years. But anyway...

I was a very picky eater when I was small, and refused to touch anything containing onion or tomato (no pizza, made spag bol a bit dull), wouldn't eat salad (but didn't mind lettuce, or "tree", as I called it aged 3), mushrooms were off the menu (my "teeth bounced off them")....

Rather than argue and force me to eat stuff I didn't like, my parents resorted to covert tactics, including:

Surreptitiously adding dried onion powder to food.

Finely blending soups, then swearing blind they didn't contain anything I didn't like.

Telling me, aged 5, that when I had my tonsils out I would start to like all the things I hadn't liked up till then. (I found out the hard way that this wasn't true)

Now I'll eat just about anything except cucumbers.
(lolwhites, Fri 2 Mar 2007, 13:09, Reply)

Goats anything
Never mind goats cheese - which is akin to the fetid, putrid crap that you'd dig out from under a fat, slop-walking pig's toenail.

Goats milk - that's more like the rank pus flushed out from an oozing sore on the arse of an unwashed chav.

I've tried both.

No. Just No.

_{To conclude, there's actually a lot I won't eat, contrary to my first post and I'm not sorry as this is far more entertaining that actually working}
(james_tiger_woods is going to start his killing spree on the, Fri 2 Mar 2007, 13:07, Reply)

When I go to the pub, I order...
Gin and tonic, no ice, no lime, tonic in a separate glass.

Apart, they are lovely.
Together, they taste like paracetamol.
(Don Diasco, Fri 2 Mar 2007, 13:06, Reply)

Curry
.
I've some sort of genetic disorder when it comes to curries. I love chilli, curries, any hot stuff but, when I eat it, it often upsets the people around me. You see, my face sweats. Just my face. In fact, I drip buckets of sweat and look like I'm in physical pain. I'm not - I'm really enjoying my food it's just that the slightest hint of spice and I'm sweating like a paedophile at playtime.

Cheers
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Fri 2 Mar 2007, 13:05, Reply)

Oh yeah....forgot
I don't eat cheesecake.

IT'S NOT CHEESE

AND IT'S NOT BLOODY CAKE!

I don't eat maltesers because they are the cheesecake of the confectionery world.
(Jugular, Fri 2 Mar 2007, 13:05, Reply)

devils poo cheese
I can and frequently do eat absolutley anything, no food is too exotic or too out of date for my taste buds and stomach to handle......with one single exception - goats cheese. It smells and subsequently seems to taste of goat dung. Utterly revolting. Goats also have the freaky hour glass shaped devils eyes which I suspect may in some way help to explain why their cheese tastes of crap.

.
(Darth Vegas Poke It With A Stick, Fri 2 Mar 2007, 13:03, Reply)

for most of my childhood
I would refuse to eat the ends of chips. I would go through my portion of fried and chop of all the end bits. I was also the same with sausages, and by the end of the meal I would have a little sausage-end mound on my plate.
( HelloIamAdam and Adam is my name, Fri 2 Mar 2007, 12:58, Reply)

Touching
I went out with a girl who couldn't have egg and beans touching. She'd spaz out.
(In a breakfast way, not a sex way.)
(fatcock has decided to be more mysterious.....or has he?, Fri 2 Mar 2007, 12:52, Reply)

cant eat-wont eat
I had a friend who was anorexic.
I took her to the park for the day.
That was no picnic........



*ashamed face*

length?? 11 pages already!!
(UnstableDan Bah, Humbug! ooooh, humbugs, nyom!, Fri 2 Mar 2007, 12:52, Reply)

makes me heave
Yoghurt, with bits in.

The very second it reaches the back of my throat I start retching like a model who just ate half an alpen-bar.

If it tastes of the flavour its meant to, it DOES NOT need lumps of whatever fruit it is meant to be.

Just wrong. See also, rice pudding/anything with lumps in EVER. (dads gravy:see previous posts re:gravy)
(UnstableDan Bah, Humbug! ooooh, humbugs, nyom!, Fri 2 Mar 2007, 12:48, Reply)

Friends
1. Friend A won't eat a portion of chips - because she doesn't like the word portion. I have another friend who won't eat food out of ramekins for the same reason.

2. Friend B has never tried custard because he won't eat yellow things. He actively bawks at bananas. I can't imagine life without having tried bananas and custard

3. Friends C and D. One won't eat raw tomatoes, the other won't eat processed tomatoes, bloody nuisances!

4. Friend E won't eat cheese, eggs or courgettes. Courgettes, maybe, I guess, but CHEESE? How can you not have cheese?

5. My dad's a chef - but he won't eat out in public.

6. I don't drink tea (smells of wee), I don't eat crisps or chips (the smell of fried potato products makes me puke), I'll only eat baked bean juice, not the actual beans.

That said I'm funnier about my alcohol intake, I can only have certain drinks.
They are:
Whisky with Ginger - ONLY
Bacardi with Coke - ONLY
Southern Comfort with Lime and Lemonade - ONLY
Gin with Bitter Lemon - ONLY
Brandy - I'd rather chop my own toes off and swallow them than drink the stuff of the devil which is brandy.

Tequila is the only spirit I can mix with more than one mixer.

So, if anyone fancies buying me a drink, at least you have a rough idea what to go and get me.

{Wish i was funnier/wittier/had more to say for myself sometimes - probably should just get out more}
(Jugular, Fri 2 Mar 2007, 12:48, Reply)

The chap next to me at work
His 'rule' is NO WET FOOD.
No gravy, no sauces, no soup, no pasta.

He likes a nice dry steak.
Fish n chips are eaten by removing the batter first. Oh, and he won't eat pizza either.

Is he wafer thin, from years of avoiding so many different foods? No, he's BIG AND FAT.
(BourbonBiscuits, Fri 2 Mar 2007, 12:47, Reply)

sometimes
i think i share too much on here!

off to starbucks in a minute with a friend who will actually eat not only the olives i pick out of my panini but also the monkey's miscarriage masquerading as a tomato that they shove in there just to make the bread slimey and soggy. this makes me retch.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 2 Mar 2007, 12:47, Reply)

RACHELSWIPE
you suck AND swallow?? *gets on one knee*

anyhoo......
If I take you *anyone* out for a meal, and when asked if you want chips, you say 'no',
it is NOT then permissable to take some of MY chips.
If you want chips, ASK FOR SHITTING CHIPS!
(UnstableDan Bah, Humbug! ooooh, humbugs, nyom!, Fri 2 Mar 2007, 12:43, Reply)

Chilli
Ok, I'm probably a bit left-field with this one.

I like a spicy dish - I don't eat the stomach melting stuff any more as I just don't enjoy it.

I just don't get how you can eat the hottest damn curry on the planet, sweating like a rapist and face on fire - you're clearly not enjoying it are you? And curries are NOT meant to be RED!

My Mum does a hot curry, it's curry coloured and full of herbs and flavours and next to no chilli - the meat's tender and has actually been cooked in the curry and NOT tossed in at the last minute.

<sub>Rant over

Yes, I have only JUST discovered the charcter things!</sub>
(james_tiger_woods is going to start his killing spree on the, Fri 2 Mar 2007, 12:42, Reply)

Opposite to RachelSwipe
I think it's my God-Given right to try everyone else's food if we're out.

Even if it's something I don't really eat - like some arse burningly hot chilli.

Drinks - I'm not that bothered about as I'm more than happy to chug my own. But if you don't want it - slide it over here :-)
(james_tiger_woods is going to start his killing spree on the, Fri 2 Mar 2007, 12:39, Reply)

sharing food
this is my biggest pet peeve of all time. people sharing each other's food makes me feel totally and utterly sick. or eating other people's leftovers, that's the worst of all.

look, that person's fork has become covered in dried saliva and dead food. it has touched the food on the plate and has mixed it all in. then they have stirred it around and rejected it. why would you want to eat that? why??

instant dumpable offence for stealing food from my plate, biting into my sandwich, eating out of the pan whilst cooking or doing it to anyone else whilst i am in eyeshot. makes me gip.

worst thing is, my friends know this, and if one of them takes a big wet swig of my drink, or my dinner, they know full well i won't touch it after that. wahey, free drink for them. c*nts!

all my boyfriends (as in every one i've managed to sucker into going out with me, not as i have 100 on the go at once!) can't believe i'll suck and swallow but not let them within a square mile of my toothbrush...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 2 Mar 2007, 12:37, Reply)

I can answer two QOTW with the same answer.
Ice Lollies, can't stand the little fuckers.
(Squash, Fri 2 Mar 2007, 12:35, Reply)

Cold Tinned Food
Now if might be me but the thought of eating food out of a tin cold is enough to make me feel the need to vomit.

Especially if it should be eaten warm such as baked beans, custard or rice pudding. Even the thought of it going cold after being heated up is sometimes enough to get me going.

Cold bean juice is evil and i cant even bring myself to wash the plate is had been on as the idea of touching it repluses me! Ewww even now its making me shudder!

p.s. How is it possible NOT to like tea this country wouldn't function without it!
(Ferrelcat, Fri 2 Mar 2007, 12:33, Reply)

Big Mac
I'm not a fan of big macs, but the principle's the same with McD's cheeseburgers:

Eat some chips, eat some burger, eat more chips, eat more burger. Leave some burger to one side (the middle-y bit) and finish chips, finish burger.

I guess in the same way that I leave the nice bit until last as per one of my early posts.

_{Yes, I am mad. No, I don't expect you to care}
(james_tiger_woods is going to start his killing spree on the, Fri 2 Mar 2007, 12:27, Reply)

RE: Big Mac Avoider
The story regarding the bloke who always eats his fries before eating his burger

I do that...

But I have VERY good reason.......read on


Everyone knows that fries have the heat holding capability of those 'hot' face wipes you get at a curry house.

When in the relative safety of their 'meal bag' (where the burger keeps em warm a bit) they are fine.

But as soon as they are removed, you have about sixty seconds before they ...'turn'

And everyone knows that cold, limp fries are pooh (you might aswell eat the box)

Therefore I ALWAYS eat my fries before touching the burger...(ahem)

I like to think of it as a starter

I thank you..
(never-right -getting it wrong since '78, Fri 2 Mar 2007, 12:22, Reply)

I WONT EAT......
Bogies.
Poo.
Insects.
Babies.

I used to eat used tea bags tho, straight from the bin.
And I used to race the cat to it's bowl. If I got there first it was mine. I was 3.

I need councelling. And spellchecker.
(UnstableDan Bah, Humbug! ooooh, humbugs, nyom!, Fri 2 Mar 2007, 12:13, Reply)

RUIN MY XMAS WHY DONT YOU!!??
SPROUTS.

Foul.

Taste of old football socks combined with essence of pure evil.

Bleh.
(UnstableDan Bah, Humbug! ooooh, humbugs, nyom!, Fri 2 Mar 2007, 12:09, Reply)

nori rolls aka California rolls aka sushi.

They're all cold.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Fri 2 Mar 2007, 12:01, Reply)

3 Second Rule?
Does the 3 second rule fit in here?

I generally stick to it, but it always depends.....

Random
(james_tiger_woods is going to start his killing spree on the, Fri 2 Mar 2007, 11:59, Reply)

Purple diet
My girlfriends started that purple diet where you can only eat things which are purple...



...i'm off to dip my cock in the pickled cabbage jar before she gets home for lunch...
( SpankyHanky, Fri 2 Mar 2007, 11:58, Reply)

I don't get it
What's with those meals that are "meat flavoured" or have "meat textures" in them?

Surely if you're a random vegetarian, you don't want anything that even resembles meat?

Personally I reckon it's all just really bland chicken.

Me, I'm enjoying my ham and gouda sarnie :-)
(james_tiger_woods is going to start his killing spree on the, Fri 2 Mar 2007, 11:56, Reply)

Tofu and Hedgehog
I've eaten them both. Really.

Hedgehog - tastes like a beef type of chicken.

Tofu. Hmm.

I was over at my Mum's and she'd done a HUGE curry (what is it with mothers that they feed you GIANT portions???) - I was eating it and she was grinning like a fool.

The meat texture was odd and I wasn't really enjoying it. Asking what it was, Mum piped up "Tofu".

I stopped eating it there and then.

Not specifically because I didn't like it, but Tofu is, well, pretend food. Stop messing about and get proper meat.

The Hedgehog issue, on the other hand, Mum told me what it was and I just said "odd" and carried on eating it. I also didn't ask where she got it from.
(james_tiger_woods is going to start his killing spree on the, Fri 2 Mar 2007, 11:55, Reply)

skin
I hate skin and won't touch it not even to remove it from the lovely non-congealed underneathness not even with a fork or anything.

Custard, gravy, rice pudding, chicken etc etc- skin on these things is just wrong and makes me want to run away.

I'm not picky, I don't like it on *anything*
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Fri 2 Mar 2007, 11:54, Reply)

ice
i once made the mistake of asking my friend jayne why she doesn't like ice. oh my god, i got an absolute lecture that went on for about 15 minutes. choice highlights:

it hurts your teeth
it gets in the way and makes you slurp
it waters your drink down
it fills the glass so you get less drink
it's too big
it's too cold
it has bits in it (we were in stockport, she has a point here)

and so on. it's water ffs! that's all!!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 2 Mar 2007, 11:51, Reply)