Frankly,
As a ninja, I get totally offended when people compare us to orthodox Muslim women.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Mon 26 Nov 2007, 12:27, 3 replies)

Heroes in a halfshell – Turtle Power!
Not sure if this really counts or bindun…it’s tenuous at best, based on heresay and when compared to some of the posts this week – is pretty bloody tame…

Anyhoo…does anybody remember when the cartoon of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles first came out? Kids went fucking loopy over it – Parents shat themselves at the cost of the toys but at least their kids would shut their respective cake-holes for a few minutes while it was on. So generally…everybody was happy?

Were they fuck.

Apparently, somebody decided that one word, ’Ninja’, was unacceptable– it promoted violence and must go. Strangely, they seemed to have no problem with the prospect of the turtles actually BEING violent – oh yeah, nunchucks, swords, sticks and those dagger-things were fine and dandy to be seen getting twatted over the heads of various monsters and black-suited Japanese stereotypes in a full-on ninja-stylie…but you couldn’t use the word in the title.

After what was probably one of the shortest and most ridiculous TV execs meeting ever, they came up with the replacement word…‘Hero’.

Now we were all safe…and not a minute too soon.

But hang on…The cartoon continued to gain popularity and Hollywood got hold of it. Sticking two fingers up to PC In 1990, the first (godawful) movie came out and re-introduced the word ‘Ninja’

So did this result in riots and kids suddenly turning feral?

Did it my arsecrack.

On it goes - they make 2 shit sequels, at least one of them (if I remember correctly) had to bow to PC culture and focus on environmental issues. Before long, the turtles popularity wanes. All forgotten about.

This year though, the new CGI movie came out and so they’ve started the cartoon again…but using the word Ninja.

So what did it accomplish changing the word all those years ago? Are kids today more tolerant to words such as Ninja? Were we too sensitive in the 90s? Or was the whole thing just two stops short of Dagenham?*

I also remember being told that the original title for Star Wars Episode 6 was ‘Revenge Of The Jedi’ and George Lucas was ordered to change ‘Revenge’ to ‘Return’ because ‘Revenge’ was considered too ‘harsh’ a word. FFS. That’s apparently why he insisted on using the word in ‘Revenge Of The Sith’ because now he had total control and could do whatever the fuck he wanted. Yay.


*Barking
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Mon 26 Nov 2007, 12:20, 11 replies)

Barclays Bank
I was at Uni in London when South Africa still had apartheid. The president of our student union - I'll call him Ricky Kenwood, it's close enough - was a fiery left winger who could rage against the injustices of the world as only students can do. At one union meeting Ricky gave a particularly eloquent speech urging us not to bank at Barclays, as this bank invested heavily in South Africa. The union bar would no longer accept Barclays cheques, anyone who used the Barclays ATM near the university building was liable to get a tirade of abuse, that sort of thing. I suppose this was a small way of making a principled stand against an unjust and oppressive regime, but was never convinced that a few students closing accounts worth £100 or so would make much difference and had read that all the banks had dealings with South Africa, so never closed my Barclays account down.

A couple of months after all this a couple of mates and I were staggering out of a pub at 11pm near the university and decided we wanted a kebab. We needed some cash so went to the Barclays ATM near the Uni. Who should we see furtively walking away after making a withdrawal but our illustrious union president, Ricky Kenwood! To this day I regret that we were too pissed to bother saying anything to him.

Perhaps I should add for the benefit of younger readers that in those days you could only use your bank's own ATM, unlike now.
(eesnahk, Mon 26 Nov 2007, 12:17, 2 replies)

Cripple attack!
I have a friend in York who after an operation blunder is confined to a wheelchair, the man, however, is more independent than most able bodied guys I know, he gave ME lifts to places in his converted 4x4 for example and would often growl at other wheelchair bound individuals he saw being pushed about to 'Push your own bloody wheels you lazy feckers!'.

Knowing him completely changed my attitude to wheelchair bound folk, and I know now that being disabled doesn't necessarily mean being disadvantaged and requiring your sympathy, but then again, I guess that's the point of PC-ism, isn't it, to try to make that happen?

Anyway, he is very much one of the lads and is treated as such, including some very un-PC cripple jokes sometimes, most often used by his equally independent (able bodied) girlfriend.

Needless to say, he has no problems using others' overly PC attitudes and disability concessions to his advantage, it's always best to let him go first in a crowded pub for example, a wheelchair cuts through any gathering, and he would often take friends to gigs/theme parks/cinemas and such, get them in free as his 'helpers', get them all front row wide spaced seats, jump queues, alsorts, and they could all be as lairy as they liked, nobody would touch them!

One time that always sticks in my mind was a trip out to Whitby, he, his girlfriend, me and a few mates, had all piled into his spacious car for a day out in the summer sun and a fish supper, his treat, and we were fooling about on the pier chucking chips at seagulls when, as often happens, some of his rather cutting wit was somewhat foolishly directed at his other half and, equally not that unusual, she took objection to this and decided she was gonna go slap him one. Cue a Benny Hill style chase as he, with the advantage of a large open concreted space to play with, half giggling half seriously scared of his lasses wrath, went rolling along at speed, chips on his lap, with her chasing behind him shouting, 'Come back here you fecking cripple, or when I catch ya I'll take yer fecking wheels off!!'

I thought for sure, from the looks on some folks faces, we were all gonna be arrested, or at least hit with a walking stick or something, but I wouldn't have missed the spectacle of her catching him up, applying his brakes, and slapping him about from behind with a rather scary looking smile on her face in front of a truly horrified crowd of mostly auld retired folks, for all the chinks in china land.

Lovely couple, bit mad though...
( ..wil, Mon 26 Nov 2007, 12:12, 4 replies)

Photographic Fraud
The last company I worked for was part of a huge evil empire that attempts to run trains and buses (for the purposes of this entry, lets say they're called 'SecondGroup').

Anyhew - having just joined the company, we were sent to HQ for a 'welcome to the company' chat with the bigwigs. During the day of pointless powerpoint slides and corporate videos, someone pointed out that every person in the photos used on the slides was either black, asian or female.
"It's representative of our workforce" said the HR bod.
Looking around the room, all I saw were 11 other white males, between the ages of 21 and 40. Hmmm. Not really representative enough then...

The last part of the day was a group photo with the head guy himself. Having looked at the group, the HR idiot decided that we weren't 'diverse' enough - so three platform assistants were called up, along with one of the young ladies from the office in an effort to make us look more 'multi-cultural'.

Human Resources Department = misguided fools - didn't anyone tell them about photoshop?
( HSDriver was probably still at work on, Mon 26 Nov 2007, 12:10, 1 reply)

I just got booted off you tube for my 4 second video "I need a poo".
It wasn't a particularly good video, accompanied by noise and grunting "I NEED A POO". I'm wondering whether it was the picture of the eye, the knee (+d) the letter "A" or the biggest poo I've ever done that was deemed pornographic, racist, violent or abusive. Honestly, if you're really offended by something you've seen, been in contact with or at least had some knowledge of every single day of your life then you should probably put yourself into a coma because it's the only way you're not going to be offended.
That's right amputees, I'm talking to you, just because other people have knees doesn't mean that you can call any image of them obscene, losers.

Right, pathetic rant over, carry on.

Click "I like this" if you like having knees.

Edit: video.google.com/videoplay?docid=1380839308116019428

that was it.
(you FUCKING *BANG* BANG*BANG* AAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGHHHHH!, Mon 26 Nov 2007, 12:00, 3 replies)

Political correctness is gay.
It is.
( aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa, Mon 26 Nov 2007, 11:39, Reply)

With so many racist white people
I'm suprised more of them aren't victims of racist attacks.

It always seems to be black and aisian people.

Funny that
( Joe Scaramanga with a G-double-O-D vibration, Mon 26 Nov 2007, 11:36, 4 replies)

Another question?
I know this isn't Question of the week or anything...

...oh wait... ...yes it is.

Why are you allowed to have "Black music week" or "Black awards" but "White music week" or "White awards" would be considered racist?

Surely it has to work both ways to be termed inequality. correct me if i'm wrong?

fuck the length.
(Happyday, Mon 26 Nov 2007, 11:08, 10 replies)

Has anyone mentioned
the über-PC Jasper Carrott sitcom from a couple of years ago... All About Me? I don't think I need to say much more than that.
( Maladicta, Mon 26 Nov 2007, 11:02, 5 replies)

A funny thing
I think it's funny when you meet British people that are on the dole and don't contribute to society in any way shape on form and they join the BNP under the assumption that all these foreigners are coming over here "taking all our jobs". But hang on, you don't fucking work! And isn't unemployment at one of the lowest levels it's been for 20 years?? hmmm...

Wankers.
(Happyday, Mon 26 Nov 2007, 10:58, 10 replies)

Tenuous link to QOTW.
A couple of friends and I were in the 'dam, having a beer and chatting about films.

The conversation turned to Blazing Saddles and the scene where the sheriff first rides into town.

If you're not familiar with it, it's at about 1:50 here-

The sheriff is a near

It turns out one of my friends has never seen it, but finds it very funny indeed, and starts saying 'The sheriff is a nigger' over and over again, although, quite quietly, I'll give him that.

Seeing as there were a load of black scouse blokes at the next table, the other friend and I decided then would be a good time to leave.

So we were wondering down the road looking for pastures new, when we passed a huge black fella. We're talking well over six foot, dreads, dressed all in white and asking passers by if they would like to procure some of Bolivia's finest.

My friend shouted 'The sheriff is a near' at the top of his voice, to which some random passing 'merkin shouted 'NOOOOOOOOOO, THE SHERIFF IS A NIGGER' my friends and I promptly ran, but I turned around to see a huge spade of a hand-no pun intended- grabbing said 'merkin's shoulder, and dragging him into a nearby ally.

One of the funniest things I've seen to this day.

The added bonus is that to this day we still call black people who fit the dodgy stereotype niggers, but all other black people are sheriffs, unless they're half cast-can you still say that- then we call them deputies.

As you can see we couldn't give a fuck about PC.

By the way, I'm not racist, some of my friends are blah blah blah blah, and all that jazz.

My balls are huge, but my cock's only an average size.
( The Awful Puppy Bakery is still bored, Mon 26 Nov 2007, 10:07, 5 replies)

Ignorant stupid black homophobe?
First year at Uni, on a Social Sciences degree.

I'd got friendly with a group who included a lovely chap from a small village in Nigeria. He was in his 30's but very naive due to his upbringing, and this was the first time he'd been outside of his own country.

In one seminar, I can't remeber what it was about, the tutor got to talking about homosexuality.

"I don't understand this idea of homosexuality", he said.

"Well, it's when two men... er... shall we move on?", replied the somewhat befuddled tutor.

"yes, but I don't understand"

"It's when men or women are involved sexually with the same sex. Can we move on, I can't really..."

"But why?", he asked. "Why would a man want to 'be' with another man?", he pleaded, with what seemed to be the genuine concern of someone who really didn't understand.

"I'm afraid. I can't talk about this anymore. And if this conversation continues I'll have to ask you to leave the class and report you for homophobic comments".

The poor bloke looked shocked as hell. My group, including a gay man and a lesbian, calmed him down and said we'd chat to him after the class.

I found this utterly ridiculous, that my Uni, one of the most (if not the most) left wing in the country popint blank refused to explain homosexuality to a man who lived his life in a tiny Nigeran village, and the tutor was so so fearful of being strung up for discussing it, that she threatened to have this poor bloke thrown out, for asking, what to him, seemed a perfectly logical question.
( Joe Scaramanga with a G-double-O-D vibration, Mon 26 Nov 2007, 9:58, Reply)

Censorship Insanity
I spent 5 months in America at the start of this year and have to say that the TV is about 10 years behind the UK in terms of liberalism.

This is funny as fuck. Although they preach to be a country of free speech and bla bla bla, no swearing is allowed even in the evenings. It's really weird.

We were watching Showgirls and obviously only watching it to see a bit of tit. Cue our amazement when they had digitally put bra's on all the girls in the strip club! WTF! What has the world come to me thinks! Digital fucking bra's, they weren't even done well.

+ if people put there middle finger up it's blurred out + people can't say shit or fuck or anything swearwordlike.
Yet they can be openly racist, that's just fine and dandy! Yeehaa!

It makes no sense. Free speech my ass!

Length: so long you can choke on it!
(Happyday, Mon 26 Nov 2007, 9:53, 4 replies)

not unlike Rootx's answer....
..a few weeks back I was walking through this crossroads in Swansea while wearing a cheap "I'm the Daddy!" tshirt. This granny smiles at me and says "Oh, you're the daddy are you?" to which I reply "You bet your sweet ass I am momma!" and carry on walking. No fucking idea who she was too; she was old as feck and held together by dust.
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Mon 26 Nov 2007, 9:01, Reply)

beards
A couple of chaps who live together on the next corner from my mum and Dad are family friends and we have known them for years.

Anyways my brother answers the door to one of the chaps and they begin to have a discussion about beards as they were both sporting said facial furniture.

I stride up to the front door to pick up my keys bellowing; 'Aye, shavings fer gays'...

Pick up my keys, turn and stride off leaving my brother to deal with the tidal wave of my stupidity.
(certosa, Mon 26 Nov 2007, 8:46, Reply)

My old boyfriend Simon's Grandad
Was a bit behind the times. He used to terrify children for his own amusement.. chasing them across his property with a stick when they dared shortcut home from school etc.

Anyway, he has heaps of Maori friend's and stuff, but he's racist as hell.

At Simon's 21st everyone was sat around drinking - his Maori friends included.. and Simon's dad was going on about how his tyre blew out on the way from Auckland and he was going to have to buy another one. Grandad's response?

"you should just sell it to the maoris".

everyone turned at looked at old grandad, it was rather funny though. Seems to be his answer to everything that breaks.. oh the maori's will want that...

Like all 40,000 of them?

Not nearly as bad as some of the old rellie's around here though.
(Sammyj, Mon 26 Nov 2007, 3:57, 3 replies)

Mom has been corrupted
My mother, sister in law and myself were shopping for Christmas decorations.
we were on an Isle with a lot of scented candles, when a little girl about 9 says to her mommy " oh mommy what is it that smells so good" Que my mom without missing a beat she says "oh I just Farted" to a complete stranger.
( rootsxrocks, Mon 26 Nov 2007, 3:44, Reply)

I think this has nicely proven that any kind of QOTW on a serious issue just doesn't work
Pretty please stick to stories about how you got your genitals stuck in a drawer or something, it's way more entertaining and enlightening than listening to other people dribble on about their views on - mainly because you can guarantee with almost certainty that you won't agree with them.
(emcake putting a donk on it since, Mon 26 Nov 2007, 2:57, 1 reply)

City TV is one bad mother
On a local TV station here in Toronto (CityTV, if you know the town), they think our little ears are too sensitive to hear the word motherfucker while watching movies (why they think it'd be OK for someone -- presumably a kid -- to watch a movie with people getting their heads blown off but not to hear an obscenity is anther story). Thus, they bleep out part of the word. No, not the ``fucker'' part. ``You are one bad ------fucker''. The first time I noticed this I was in a slightly-less than sober state, so didn't believe my ears. It happened again with a different movie the following week.
(tuqueboy has been in a medically -induced coma since, Mon 26 Nov 2007, 1:45, 7 replies)

Bit cloudy
Steve, a former work colleague, was a district councillor in his home town. Some years before, I think when the council was Labour controlled, the management had a bit of crisis of confidence on how to refer in official parlance to people who weren't 'white British'. Steve, like me, couldn't really get past why there was a problem with terms such as 'people', but there you go...

They first insisted that all the particular divisions were referred to by their 'correct' ethnic designations, thus invoking the use of several dozen possible terms and almost requiring every official to swot up on identification. Rather like silhouettes for spotting enemy aircraft, really.

This all got too hard, so they opted for referring to everyone as either 'white' or 'black', meaning the owner of a local Chinese restaurant was now officially 'black'. This was plainly odd, not to say counter-productive by its own offensiveness, so then they went for 'ethnic'. This was the term to be used for any reference to any hint of ethnicity beyond 'white British'.

It all backfired when long-in-the-tooth councillors and council staff started to herald the arrival of inclement weather with the phrase "It's all looking a bit ethnic out there..."
(Good old boy just like yer grandma!, Mon 26 Nov 2007, 0:59, 1 reply)

Americans in Yorkshire
Being a Yorkshireman now married and living in luverly New York, it occasionally fall to me to bring Mrs Evilbert and her Newyorkie relatives to visit the wondrous isle of my birth and upbringing. Naturally, there are some cultural differences (yorkshiremen are now referred to as "british rednecks by wifey's family) but a grand old time is usually had by all.

On one of our trips, my very PC mother-in-law stopped dead in the street in York with a confused and rather angry look on her face. "What the hell is that about?!?!" she demanded, pointing at the sign:



"Yes, mum, we still have slavery here. We've not moved on much from the middle ages, ya know?"

"what?!?!? you're not serious are you?!?"

"mum! calm down! It's an estate agents called "Blacks"!!

Bloody Americans..
(evilbert has his nob out under the desk., Sun 25 Nov 2007, 23:11, 3 replies)

Bloody buses
I ended up waiting for an hour once for a crappy bus to take me to work. Whilst waiting, I struck up a conversation with a guy called Andy, who was in a wheelchair, after he asked me for a fag. When the bus arrived, there was all the too-ing and fro-ing whilst the bus driver lowered the ramp and moved people from the wheelchair zone (a chav mum took great offence to this, daft cow) and helped Andy get settled. Pulling down the safety bar, he explained it was to stop Andy from slipping about and falling off. 'Jesus' Andy said 'I'd hate to do that, I might end up in a wheelchair!' Cue the entire bus going silent with shock whilst Andy and I pissed ourselves laughing.

God bless Andy, you're a fucking star.
(missc, Sun 25 Nov 2007, 23:03, 1 reply)

some fo these stories remind me
of this guy
( Reme Philips laid an epic dump on, Sun 25 Nov 2007, 22:56, Reply)

I'm surprised
this QOTW hasn't oroduced more "old people are racist" answers.

So...my friend's granny is walking down the road in Torquay, a particularly homogenous part of the UK, where white old people make up a significant proportion of the population. A black family walks past in the other direction.

"There's a lot of nig nogs out today, aren't there?"

*spluttering*

"Nan, you can't say things like that any more"

"Why?"

"Nan, you haven't been able to say things like that for about 25 years. Catch up a bit, would you?"

In the car this evening, in Paris, behind a small white van at the lights: (my translation of the driver's french)

*light goes green*

"What's wrong with you? Get going, arsehole, what are you waiting for? It's not going to get any greener than that!"

*finally moves off*

*we pull alongside, window comes down, head out of window*

"Wanker! What the hell are playing at? Who gave you your licence then?"

*overtake completed, window back up*

"It's normal, he was a bit black"

What? My wife's family pretend not to be racist, but they're French - who's going to believe them?


Last one:

An usher, at a court on the Northern Circuit, back in the Seventies, was well known for his incorrectness.

At the time, pretty much everyone swore on the Bible before giving evidence. Muslims and other assorted "ethnics" eventually started appearing in court as immigration reached that part of the world.

They would obviously prefer to swear an oath on the Koran -- not having one, this usher would simply wrap a Bible in a tea-towel, hand it to the witness, and tell them it was a Koran.

I'm sure you'll be pleased to know that courts these days have a veritable library of miscellaneous Holy Texts for all varieties of religions.
(Exiled Youth [witty comment], Sun 25 Nov 2007, 22:18, 8 replies)

When my PC went mad
I got out my Windows CD and re-formatted it.
( idonthaveafunnynickname Drink-Aware? Sure. I'm aware I want another drink., Sun 25 Nov 2007, 21:57, 1 reply)