The Mods
have absolute power. Which is why they've deleted all the good answers ...
(Biff..., Thu 15 Jul 2010, 12:55, 2 replies)

i have absolutly no power
if i did then youed see! THEN you'ed see!

oh wait... i can at least drive sum folk potty with my amazing use of apostriphies and mi spleling

small victories :)
(DreddPirateBob has watched every scifi film ever on, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 12:38, Reply)

I hold
absolute power in my house. Mrs Sandettie lets me, which is nice.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 12:37, Reply)

Getting stoned with a friend one afternoon in his flat
I demanded that he go and make some tea.

He laughed at me, and said no.

I instructed him, as I was the guest, and he the host, that he was obliged to go and make tea, according to my want.

He responded that I was NOT a guest, I was a mate.

Somehow - somehow - I ended up making the tea.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 11:49, 4 replies)

Yeah near the end.
Warning - fairly long, possibly dull but it's my story so there.

I left my old job due to people having too much power.

I’d worked for the same company, happily and without complaint, for about five years when we got taken over. The new company brought in new managers. The new managers took a dislike to me because I got on with everyone, including doctors (addressing them by their SHOCK HORROR Christian names and not bowing and scraping), I stood up for myself, I stood up for others who were being bullied, I was the Union rep and I had a quirky (not scruffy) sense of style, including facial piercings.

Of the many things that happened to me over the next couple of years (being pointed out to visitors from other offices as ‘the office individual’, being told by one manager that the way I speak to people, it’s amazing how I have any friends, being told to change my personality in seven days – seeing as your personality is defined by the age of 21, and I was about 26 at the time, this wasn’t going to happen, being told I don’t give the doctors the amount of respect they deserve – I countered they’re human beings just like me and they get the same amount of respect that I give to any human being) one thing stuck out as a use of absolute power.

I’d been sent on a management course (foolishly, they thought I was management material). Two other managers from our company were on the course too. Discussing appearance of staff etc one day, I was singled out in the class because of my piercings. I just shrugged it off because I was used to it, when one of the other managers from our place decided to drop the bombshell ‘Yeah well, we’re banning facial piercings’. It was news to me. I was the only person in the (non customer facing) office who had facial piercings and so it was obviously a dig at me. But the fucking cow did it in this situation so I couldn’t react properly. She was wrong. I told her that I’d been employed with these and if they decided they were going to change their minds now, I’d leave (yes, very teenagery, but I was fucking angry).

The ban never came into force. But it was just another thing on an ever increasing list of things they held against me that forced me out, but not before I went sick with extreme depression.

Bonus though, the company is going down the shitter. Small victory for me but just as sweet.
( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 10:58, 4 replies)

I don't expect you to click.
I expect you to die.

But you can click if you want to.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 8:19, 2 replies)

I think you will find
I have absolute power

(Dan dan dan They tik urh jerbs!!!, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 23:45, 7 replies)

This may well get me into trouble
and should probably have ended up in the Prejudice QOTW instead, but...

I don't reckon it's right that teachers are allowed to teach if they only have a qualification in education, rather than having a degree and then a PGCE on top. Practically, it means they essentially stopped studying a subject at any depth at the age of 18 (or 17 here in Scotland.) Having visited around 200 primary schools (for work, perverts) in the last sixth months I've come to the conclusion it doesn't work - the level of ignorance of the teachers in some cases was actually shocking. Seemed like all a lot of them knew how to do was shout at the kids and get them to line up in single file - they had little interest in or knowledge of the subject(s) they were actually supposed to be teaching.

Simply put, absolute power over the bendy and fragile minds of children should not be wielded by someone who studied papier mache and handwriting as part of their sole qualification. Soz.
(jennymnemonic, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 23:42, 22 replies)

Girls' girlie parts
Hold an unbreakable hold over me, whether manifested in the desire to view them, touch them or play birds and bees. I can't understand why after having seen and touched, I still am powerless to want to see and touch more. When combined with their personality, facial expressions and "who they are", it is an unopposable force.

This has caused an incredible amount of pleasure, thought, grief, angst, lost work, heartache and money.

They hold all power: I am powerless.
( BrokenCoccyx doesn't mind if you grope on, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 16:21, 7 replies)

The power is mine
While driving in my Honda Accord and looking for ways to dish out the justice, I think about the options for the next QOTW, sometimes when I am feeling good, have just had gay bum sex with my Dad and possibly run down a few kittens, I choose the good ones.

But other times, when the Honda's in the shop justice is meeting its self out, I am being refused offers to take some gay bum sex and I have nothing but me to pleasure me, I choose a really shit one and fuck up the thousands of people who use QOTW to relieve them from their mind numbing jobs.

Been a lot of shit ones of late and I have blisters on both hands and one foot.

cheers
Scaryduck
(bad_advice QOTW survivor from the first trollocost!, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 15:10, 4 replies)

My sister was a typical teenager - ie, horrible.
One day when she wouldn't get into line, my dad threatened to pick her up from school wearing a silly hat.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 14:12, 16 replies)

Surely
The Ultimate power would be when a fly comes into your house and gets stuck behind the window.

Do you either
a. Open the window and try to shooo it out?
b. Get the nearest piece of junk mail and squish/crunch it against the window, leaving a funny coloured yellow and red smear which you never clean.

For me there really isnt a concious thought given, it really depends what mood Im in.

Sorry flies.
(Dan dan dan They tik urh jerbs!!!, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 13:53, 8 replies)

Fear is absolute power.


Mums know it, “the bogey man will get you”. Advertisers know it, apparently we should all be worrying about the speed of our digestive transits? Governments know it, using rafts of anti-terror laws to bring in draconian police powers.

Fear is the ultimate trump card played to gain control of any situation.

An example that happened in a local school last week.

A teacher is arranging a class assembly about insects. A couple of days before she’s handing out the costumes for each of the class. Little Johnny is told he’s to be a Ladybird. But Little Johnny doesn’t want to be a Ladybird because he’s a boy and Ladybirds are clearly girls. The teacher ignores his protestations. Little Johnny’s upset, his parents step in and complain. The teacher ignores their complaint. So the parents do what any upper middle class parents do and phone up OFSTED.

The parents probably laid it on a bit thick, but even so I suspect fear of being sued played a hand in OFSTED’s advice to the parents.

“This is potentially a case of discrimination and therefore a matter for THE POLICE!” The parents, scenting victory, contact the police (no really they did) who arrive at the school the following morning to make their enquiries. And little Johnny is in the front row of the class assembly dressed as an ant.
( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Wed 14 Jul 2010, 13:06, 17 replies)

Also works for bad management...
Absolute power corrupts. Also frequently turns you into an arsehole.

My old manager told various members of the team I was in, that whilst our peers in very comparable roles were getting a pay increase to bring them in line with Industry minimums, we wouldn't as one of his bonus KPIs was keeping the budget in check and pay increases would take us over the threshold. Fortunately his boss was our old one and he got it sorted for us but it was a sign of things to come.

The time that he really took the piss and showed himself as considering to be waaaaay above us mere mortals was after a shake up at the office. The new format meant we should have had 8 "indians" plus the 1 "chief". We only had 6 +1. Two of the others were due to go on holiday/ hospital and then convalesce for a fortnight and that left us with 4 to do the work of 8. In a team meeting he asked for ideas and it was suggested that he become hands-on for a fortnight and muck in. His reply? It's imprinted on the minds on all that were in the room:

"It's like this. I'm driving a car and you are the kids in the back seat. If one of you drops something I can turn around for a second and pick it up for you. However if I have to help for more than a moment, no-one is looking where we are going and we all crash". Silence reigned. Fists were clenched and tounges bitten. What a cunt.

A week later someone who missed the previous meeting also suggested (having not heard the story) that he should help out. The cunt said "I have an analagy for that". The rest of us cut him off and told him not to bother. He used every buzzword and phrase going and just spoke bollocks half the time. The only thing he was good for was bullshit bingo - the only time I have ever played this properly.

I feel much better having vented. Thank you.

Edit: for one single letter. You know who you are. Twat.
( ForecastMonkey, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 12:44, 6 replies)

My arse!
My anus may not yet have attained absolute power. But it is jaw-droppingly rich - in nerve-endings! Same goes for my genitals now I come to think of it.

B3tans, how can I convert such wealth into power?
(Happybara The jungle came alive and took him, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 12:02, 5 replies)

What is it with people who get off on humiliating others?
I understand taking advantage of someone for your own gain (see most of my stories), but humiliation no.

EG the sort of people who, when the tramp starts spare-changing the people outside the pub, will offer him a pound to go and sit in a bin, or similar - the sort of people at whom "bumfights" is aimed.

Indeed - the sort of people who get off on watching the auditions for X-factor.

I understand humiliating pricks - watching Michael Portillo lose his seat I'm sure caused a spike in pregnancy rates that month - or watching Piers Morgan be fed, ever so slowly, and in close-up, High Definition detail, into a tank of concentrated sulphuric acid and wee - but not innocents or the harmless.

Yes I know tramps made their choioes and that may well be why they're on the street, but spare-changing is harmless - maybe annoying when you're trying to chat someone up, but it's hardly a crime.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 11:27, 19 replies)

teachers exploiting their power
Well since other people are sharing their stories of teachers, I feel driven to share a story as related to me by a close friend. We'll call her Miss X. She was a teacher in a secondary school, where she was secretly having an affair with a teacher from another department. One day, a student came into the class with a message from another teacher - the one she was boinking. (Lets call him Mr Y) (Quite normal - teachers often use the kids as their own private message delivery service). The child handed the folded piece of paper, addressed to Mrs X, and waited for the answer to take back to his teacher.

My friend read the note which said: "Isn't this the ugliest kid you've ever seen".

"Tell Mr Y, that the answer is yes"

Poor kid. If only he knew... (or perhaps he did... if it had been me I would have read the note on the way!)
(becks3uk, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 11:14, 2 replies)

I've got
A Chairman Mao wavey hand wristwatch that a friend brought me back from China. It keeps terrible time.

Dictator endorsed products are always shoddy.

But maybe that's the point of them.
( Dervel OTBC, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 9:42, 6 replies)

Power Corrupts
The Honda VFR corrupts absolutely.
(Smoked Oysters Yes, magick helmet! And I will give you a sample!, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 4:14, 3 replies)

Not today, not tomorrow, but soon
An ex of mine became a teacher. There have been other teacher tales on here - I think this is different. She has got a proper science degree. She worked for a few years in a related industry, then trained to be a teacher. Odd, I thought, for a quietly committed anarchist.

She's been a teacher for a few years now, never staying at one school for long, working at schools all over the world. Good schools too. Schools where the great and the good send their offspring; Royalty, captains of industry, politicians, surgeons, judges, lawyers. Pupils with pedigree,and connections.

She's good too. The parents all seem to like her and the good results she gets. But her pupils! They admire her, adore her, are inspired by her and are blindly devoted to her.

Then they graduate, or pass their exams with flying colours and go into their parents profession, or follow their own path. How many pupils does a teacher influence? 4 classes of 25 in each year? Teaching 4 year-groups at a time? Certainly several thousand over 10 years.

A few years from now her devoted followers will be scattered throughout corridors of power, boardrooms, exclusive clubs. They will be in positions of power or they will be experts in their chosen fields. They will have influence and they will have excellent family and professional connections. And they'll all remember the much-loved Ms Cartwright

Now the thing is, she's an ex for a reason. She can be really mean.
One day, I fear she will decide that she has had enough. One word from her, and all it would take is a message on an alumni forum and her sleeper network will activate...

It may not but evil but I don't believe the transition to the new world order will be easy.
(Rich T has a clever and witty sig, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 0:10, 3 replies)