I'm putting off
posting anything in the Home Sweet Home threads over on Off Topic, because if I wanted to exchange pleasantries, niceties and general chit-chat, then quite frankly I'd just talk to the people I work with.

/got out of the grumpy side of bed this morning.

I've also been putting off writing anything like a real reply to a QOTW for weeks now, but that's mostly down to laziness, and a complete lack of having any original ideas or anything to say.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 14 Nov 2008, 10:35, 5 replies)

World of god damn Warcraft (With god damn expansions)
I'm sure I really should of gone to work this morning....
(Mellowchimp, Fri 14 Nov 2008, 10:25, 5 replies)

Driving licence
Alas, not me this tale, but a person from previous employment. They were overjoyed that they had successfully passed their driving test. Sheer excitement clearly wiped their brain, as they neglected to send off the pass certificate and other miscellany required to obtain their full licence.

Did you know that, after two years, the pass expires and you have to start again? Failing to get around to putting an envelope in a letter box meant that this person had to take both their theory and practical tests again, at a cost of however much it cost.

I learned of this a day prior to my own test and sent off the papers the same day I passed. Reasoning that, as I didn't have a driving licence at that point, I couldn't do any driving, I deemed there to be no harm in imbibing celebratory alcohol in large quantities, and did so. Hurrah.

I believe that you can just give your provisional licence to the examiner these days and they make all of the magic happen for you. What larks.
(ThomsonsPier consumes, Fri 14 Nov 2008, 10:21, 5 replies)

Make the dog get it
Soooo, under the guise of improving his training I have taught my dog to do things for me because I'm a bit lazy...

If I drop my keys he'll pick them up and bring them to me.

He'll bring me a bottle of water from the other side of the room.

He helps me tidy up the house - "Bring me that kitchen roll!"

This week I'm going to teach him how to load and unload the washing machine.

OK, so it DOES take some time to teach him these things in the first place, but then you get the joy of knowing that for the next nine years you'll never have to lift your finger again!!
(Psyche finishes work at the end of June! Yay!!!, Fri 14 Nov 2008, 10:20, 2 replies)

I have had a bad cold all week
so when I failed to wake up until 930 yesterday morning (I was meant to be at work for 9) I just thought 'fuck it' and called in sick.
After an entire day of sitting around on my sofa in my pj's I felt I had accomplished a full day of absolutely nothing.

I remembered this morning that I have all of next week off for college as part of a training course Im on, and seeing as I intend to post off my notice to quit my job at the weekend, I thought...

'Fuck it, call in sick, you're leaving anyway'.
And I haven't got around to getting dressed or leaving my sofa yet.

Oh dear!
( TheGirlWithNoName, Fri 14 Nov 2008, 10:12, 2 replies)

There seems to be some confusion over procrastination and being lazy.
The two are not necessarily the same thing.





Ooo! get me, I'm being pedantic.
( girlinthehole, Fri 14 Nov 2008, 10:10, 4 replies)

I nearly joined the Army
But I couldn't be bothered.

My entire teen years were filled with the idea of joining HM Armed Forces. I was a keep fit fanatic, was in the cadets, and looked forward to a career in the signals.

However, I got a job as a Dole Office clerk in the months before I was called-up, and found sitting on my arse doing nothing except weeding out fraud cases and paedos so much more fun.

I went up to Sutton Coldfield for the selection course, and haven't done a jot of exercise for the best part of a year, I completely failed the Basic Fitness Test on account of being a fat bloater who was living on cake and McDonalds. I actually FELL OFF the pull-up bar, and floundered around on the floor like the fat kid in PE class, before the instructor took pity on me, classifying me as "injured".

"Come back when your - err - injury clears up, lad"

I never did. Back to sitting in an office, drawing speed-cocks on official files. For twenty years.

I'd have regrets, but I can't be bothered with them, either.
( Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Fri 14 Nov 2008, 10:03, 3 replies)

How's this for lazy?


I'm Lazy when I'm loving
I'm Lazy when I play
I'm lazy with my girlfriend, a thousand times a day
I'm lazy when I'm speakin
I'm lazy when I walk
I'm lazy when I'm dancin
I'm lazy when I talk

Open up my mouth
Air comes rushin out
Nothin doin nada never how you like me now?
Wouldn't it be mad, wouldn't it be fine
Lazy lucky lady dancin lovin all the time

Ohh , I'm wicked and I'm lazy
Ohh, Don't you want to save me?

I'm lazy, lazy, lazy, lazy

There's some folks they got money &
Some folks life is sweet
Some folks make decisions &
Some folks clean the street

Now, Imagine what it feels like
Imagine how it sounds
Imagine life is perfect and every thing works out

No tears are falling from my eyes
I'm keepin all the pain inside
Now don't you want to live with me?
I'm lazy as a man can be

Ohh , I'm wicked and I'm lazy
Ohh, Don't you want to save me

I'm lazy, lazy, lazy, lazy

Imagine there's a girlfriend
Imagine there's a job
Imagine there's an answer
Imagine there's a God
Imagine I'm a Devil
Imagine I'm a Saint
Lazy money, lazy sexy, lazy outa space

No tears are falling from my eyes
I'm keepin all the pain inside
Now don't you want to live with me?
I'm lazy as a man can be

Ohh , I'm wicked and I'm lazy
Ohh, Don't you want to save me

Lazy when I work
Lazy all the day
Screamin all you like but it only fades away
I'm lazy when I'm prayin
Lazy on the job
Gota lazy mind, a lazy eye, a lazy lazy bod

Hard men, Hard Lives, Hard keepin it all inside
Good times, Good God, I'm so Lazy I almost stop

Ohh , I'm wicked and I'm lazy
Ohh, Don't you want to save me

I'm lazy, lazy, lazy, lazy

Ohh , I'm wicked and I'm lazy
Ohh, Don't you want to save me
( jim_bob can herd cats., Fri 14 Nov 2008, 10:02, 10 replies)

Half marathon.
I'm going to be doing a really not very lazy at all thing in March and running a half marathon.

I've already been really not very lazy at all and started training for it, for it has been many years since I've run more than, well, since I've run anywhere, to be honest.

So what the tits are you telling us all this for then? You may be asking. Well, I'll tell you:

A friend of mine, who does this running thing far more frequently and far more seriously than I, has put together a training program, which allows me to build my fitness gradually and should prevent me from keeling over with a nasty bout of death, caused by my body going into shock from the sudden uptake of running.

She then directed me toward a website called Map My Run, which does exactly what it says on the tin. This means that, as well as wasting many an hour on b3ta, I have been putting off important presentations, crucial reports and vital conversations with suppliers and agencies in favour of mapping out all manner of runs of various distances and difficulties. Chances are I won't remember the vast majority of them once I actually put feet on street, but I feel better that I'm not doing any work putting in the effort.
( Moey, Fri 14 Nov 2008, 9:57, 8 replies)

First!
I would have been if I hadn't been lazy and tried...
(Jester_, Fri 14 Nov 2008, 9:46, 1 reply)

Don't write your own wedding vows....
Planning a wedding is a very girl orientated thing.... everything seems to have hidden significance, hidden repurcussions & hidden costs.

So among the many other things going on, in the interests of making things as pain free as possible, I went along with the idea of writing our own wedding vows.

Now if like me you were the person who spent the night before the assignment deadline writing that essay then I recommend you avoid this idea at all costs!

As there we were in the hotel, night before my wedding day, and I've still not written the vows.... Except you can't apply student assignment logic to this situation for a number of reasons;

1 - There are exactly 6,147 tasks outstanding to be done by morning; including (but by no means limited to) decorating the room, chair layout, table decorations, placecards etc etc etc

2 - EVERYONE of your/her relatives that arrives at the hotel immediately wants to stop and chat to you for 20 mins about some obscure relative who couldn't make it (who?!?) or a wedding which took place before you were born (it was so lovely they said).

3 - Your so called "mates" are dying to get you drunk by topping up your drink or toasting anything they can.

4 - You're shitting a brick and CANNOT focus at all.


So readers, that is how I came to be sat attempting to write my wedding vows just hours before my wedding. Stressed is not the word.

Some might say that 2 years in the planning could have given me ample warning and preparation time, but somehow this is a task which requires a certain mood and it just hadn't been there.... for 2 years.

Perhaps the 7 years of engagement before hand may have been ample time you ask? Nope, there is a reason I was engaged for 7 years and this fateful day was it seems not it.

So you may be happy to hear that my literary skills turned out speech to be proud of. Even the hotel receptionist girl (who was uncomfortably dishy for my wedding day) went starry eyed and shed a tear as she typed it up for me.

The ceremony went off without a hitch and by lunchtime I was married.

So you might not be surprised to learn that after just under a year of me being walked all over the ex did me a favour and went off shagging some other bloke she pulled on a night out. It wasn't for lack of trying to make it work on my part though. After a few months of utter depression I've now met a new girlfriend who thinks the world of me.

Lesson learnt: If you're putting something off for that long, chances are you don't want it!
(golddust QOTW now revolves around being a cunt, Fri 14 Nov 2008, 9:44, 4 replies)

I had been out with a lady
This may not sound like the start to a lazy situation, but hear me out.

At some point during the night I had fallen over on the dance floor, and when she kindly offered me a hand, I thought it would be hilarious to give her arm a pull so she came tumbling down on top of me. Oh what a funny fellow I am.

Anyhow, very soon after that it is the end of the night. We're both fairly drunk and she starts complaining that her wrist is hurting. As the taxi journey back to our uni halls continues, she says it REALLY HURTS! "I think it's broken" she announces.

What would any gentleman do? Well, I didn't know any gentleman would have whisked her off to hospital. And, anyway,if I wasn't going to get sex, just a complaining lady, all I wanted was a nice sit down and a spliff in front of late night TV. So I told her to go back to hers and just sleep, her wrist was just sprained and she'd feel better in the morning. I couldn't even be bothered to walk her back to hers.

Next morning I find out her room mate has had to take her to hospital during the night as the pain was unbearable. She had a rather nasty break apparently, and the doctor couldn't believe she hadn't come straight in. She must have been in agony.

Oh dear.

This seems to be a bit of a theme in my life; next door neighbour, on deaths door, wanting an ambulance called, let my ex-wife deal with it, I was comfy and warm on the sofa. Dad having a diabetic hypo in the middle of the night, pretend to sleep through it and let brother and mum look after him.

On careful reflection, it would appear that I am the bastard that I've been described as. I'd try to make ammends for my past, but I just can't be arsed.
( monkeyboyalpha jumping on the bandwagon since, Fri 14 Nov 2008, 9:33, 1 reply)

Rubbish Blogger
I am a blogger, and being somebody who is actually not too bad at it, I consider myself to be a success. Particularly on one blog, which is incredibly targetted at a small niche.

This blog is great. It potentially (and not "Digital Point" potential: which is Indian speak for "I haven't made money on it in 6 months of busting my nut on it", but real as in emails from huge companies wanting advertising space) could make me a full time income. There's only one thing holding it back.

Me.

I had an offer this week of somebody wanting an advertising slot for £300/month (of which there are six advertising slots), plus 10% of anything which I sell through the site. I haven't replied.

I also last week paid some Indian £50 for 6 weeks of posts. They are truly terrible, but they're better than what I can write at the moment - nothing.

It's really bad. It's in something I'm hugely interested in, and I know the subject and I'm good at the whole promotion aspect. Just when it comes to actually blogging it. I really, really, REALLY cannot be arsed.
(rhyswynne - on every social network mullarkey known to man, Fri 14 Nov 2008, 9:30, 5 replies)

I weep for the future…

You people make me sick! What hope is there for mankind when our next generation idly blag their way through life?...in some shite-arsed, parent-mollycoddled comfort zone without ever experiencing the grim realisation that you don’t get anywhere in this world without hard work and commitment?

What’s the point of University when every essay is drunkenly ripped off Wikipedia and shoddily botched on the last day?...yet they're STILL given a pass! No doubt by teachers who can’t be arsed to mark? So these students eventually embark into society and still can't spell or use grammar correctly?

For bumfuckery's sake, what possible reaso……

EDIT: note to self – come back and finish this off later.
(Mr Twisty Cheeky The worst kept secret in B3ta..., Fri 14 Nov 2008, 9:30, Reply)

I'm thinking that im Lazy....
Wow where to start. During the week.....

Well like most i goto work but as soon as I get in I goto Bed for a few hours to get up and eat / wash then back to bed and sleep all night till I get up and do it all over again. Im so lazy that happens every weekday! I average 14/15hrs sleep a day.

I once got so bored of having to pick my drink up and sit up in bed that i got lots of straws a gaffer tape and made one long straw so I do now no longer need to get up.

Im so lazy I drive the 2 mins walk to the shops.

Im so lazy I have perfected avoiding work at work into an artform.

Im so lazy I never tie my shoelaces.

Im so lazy that the Oxford Concise Dictionary asked if they could have a picture of me and to confirm the definition.

Im so lazy that even Mulder and Scully cannot work me out.

Im so lazy everything is controlled by remote in my room.

Im so lazy I cannot be bothered to complete computer games.

Im so lazy I mostly order food in.

Im so Lazy I spend most of my waking hours at home in a Laz-y-Boy.

Im so Lazy the prospect of a relationship just seams alien.

So during the week, I avoid life...

But at the weekends Im a REALLY fun guy!
(tfi049113 Was found alive on, Fri 14 Nov 2008, 9:24, 2 replies)

Reassuringly Expensive.
About 3 or 4 months back, I got thirty quid from a cash point on Corn Street in Bristol.

For some completely inexplicable reason, I managed to drop the ten pound note when trying to put both notes in my wallet.

Did I chase after it as it blew down Corn Street towards Claire Street? Did I just stick my wallet and twenty pound note in my pocket and walk after the tenner? Did I do anything to ensure I had thirty quid on me? Well, yes, yes I did. I put my cash point card back in the ATM and withdrew another tenner and then walked off.

I was double skint at the time as well, well into my overdraft and every penny counted. I’m just obviously more lazy than I was desperate.

Length? Well, Corn Street isn’t that long, but it can be quite busy.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 14 Nov 2008, 9:17, Reply)

I play World of Warcraft
Plus a new expansion has just been released. Need I say any more?
(Potty Jag har smör i min rumpspringa, Fri 14 Nov 2008, 9:13, 3 replies)

home renovation
When my parents moved into their current house they put an extension on the the back of it . It consisted of a masterbedroom , a smaller bedroom and a bathroom. My dad did most of the fitout himself once the shell was completed.

We are still waiting on the bathroom getting into anything near a usable condition. My dad is a (now retired) plumber.
The extension was built in 1987 .
(welgar, Fri 14 Nov 2008, 9:08, Reply)

I'm so lazy
I can't even be bothered to repeat the same not posting joke that makes up 80% of the answers so far. So I'll actually tell a story.

I'm asthmatic. And I absolutely loathe going to the doctors - even if it's just to pick up a prescription. I hate all the waiting around and the doctor's surgery is in the rough(er) part of town.

So I've been taking half my proper dosage to make my meds last longer. Thus far, I've not had to go to the surgery in 1 year, 5 months and counting. Wheeee!
(GONEism, Fri 14 Nov 2008, 8:44, 2 replies)

Morning Laziness
Dunno if this counts though, but...

I love my bed. There's nothing better than this warm fortress against the cold every morning. Sadly, it means I find it extremely difficult to get the motivation to leave it and get ready for work. So much so that I need 2 alarm clocks set 45 minutes before I actually need to get up.
If that wasn't bad enough, I always end up hitting the snooze buttons all the way til the point where I need to rush about like a madman to get ready on time.

Lazy? Oh yes.
(Stephen5555 is posting on, Fri 14 Nov 2008, 8:40, 2 replies)

My Father-in-Law
Is a master of this.

MIL once bought a towel rail which he put up in the bathroom. It fell off. And lay on the bathroom floor for 4 YEARS awaiting re-attachment. He's a joiner. My hero.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Fri 14 Nov 2008, 8:34, Reply)

So then
How many people are planning on "forgetting" or "not bothering" to do this QOTW until it's closed and then informing us in the next QOTW, or the one after, or a year from now?

Yeah.

Click this if it crossed your mind.
(Sco smokes crack often., Fri 14 Nov 2008, 7:56, Reply)

Remote
Although technically not procrastination I guess, I do tend to do this.

I'll be sitting, watching TV, dorito crumbs down my shirt front, when some bollocksy advert comes on. Time to change channel. But oh no! Where's the remote?!

I will then scour the sofa, putting hands down the side of it, looking underneath of it and the table, looking around the room in the most ridiculous places, for 10 mins maybe.

Instead of just getting up, going to the telly, and switching the channel via the big buttons on the front.

Later, I would inevitably discover the remote next to the bog.
(1.21 Gigawatts, Fri 14 Nov 2008, 7:48, Reply)

I'm so lazy (2)
I am actually so last I posted that last post after reading the other very similar posts.
( difficultchild, Fri 14 Nov 2008, 7:39, Reply)

I'm so lazy...
I can't
( difficultchild, Fri 14 Nov 2008, 7:38, Reply)

I'll tell this tale tomorrow.
/original
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Fri 14 Nov 2008, 6:53, Reply)

Ugh, I'm disgusting!
I haven't done any housework in a week. I made dinner for myself at home on Friday night - fettucine alfredo - it was delicious. Left the dishes in the sink thinking I'd do them the next day. The day we were going to a friends wedding....where we found out another friend had passed away earlier in the morning.

This meant we got very drunk.

The next day, I couldn't face the dishes in the sink, and Sunday night we went to see The Who in concert. Yeah, I got trashed again. Tequila - to kill ya!

So Monday rolls around, I look in the sink. Halfheartedly swirl the dishes around and pour fresh water over them. Hangover = can't even think about food, lucky I made it to work. Monday night, still hungover and just quietly fall asleep on the couch with the kittum purring on top of me.

Tuesday - up and at 'em for work. Tuesday night, dinner at the boyfriends. I start getting sick. Nausea, diaorrhea etc. After spending a very unpleasant night on his bathroom floor, I get home Wednesday morning and call in sick. Looked in the sink. Dishes still haven't miraculously been washed. This makes me heave. Spend 4 hours in the bathroom.

Go to sleep.

Wake up this morning feeling miles better. Realise that I'm going to Arizona tomorrow. Look in the sink. Ah fuck! Dishes need to be done, the apartment is a shit tip.

Week old washing up is not fun. I did my dishes as soon as I was done eating tonight. And I pissed off the crazy old bat next door by vacuuming at 10pm :D
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Fri 14 Nov 2008, 6:51, Reply)

I check the X Factor lines are working correctly*
one was playing up on Saturday, but seeing as it was obvious 'Dead Wife Man' & "Shouty Crackhead' would be in the bottom two, I couldn't be arsed to walk to the server room and fix it, and anyway, Strictly and Casualty were on.

No harm done though hey!



edit - 'Dead Wife Man' & "Shouty Crackhead' are not users on here are they? Sounds a possibility. I don't mean you.

* possibly a lie, I don't want death threats.
(turtles head is touching cloth poked a dwarf on the forehead at, Fri 14 Nov 2008, 6:18, Reply)

Hands Up
Which of you filthy miscreants are dirty marijuana smokers? There will be a fair proportion I'm sure. Marijuana is like a steroid for the muscle of procrastination. The anchor on the good ship Lazy Town. I'm not for one moment inferring that procrastination is confined to the habitual herbal healer, but it certainly doesn't help the situation.

My friends tend to be a similar flavour. A lovely well intentioned, but at heart, gleefully lazy bunch of cretins. In the spirit of this QOTW it seems pertinent to put off the more damning accusation of a lifetime of treading water, treating ambition like one might treat a leprosy infected Ian Huntley, wallowing in the cess of the maudlin mundane, a life that seems to practically bend you over and demand you spend an inordinately larger amount of your time intoxicated than sober...we shall save it for another time! Let us favour a more anecdotal approach!

On one night, I and some brethren found ourselves stoned and hungry. I know, what are the chances! It's like a MILLION TO ONE or something. We order some pizzas. They will be Italiany and great! After what was either 7 years or 12 minutes the door goes. I don't mean like it got bored and went, someone knocked on the it. The pizza man. A mild ripple of murmur goes round the room:

 "shotgunnotme"
        "shotgunnotme"
   "shotgunnotme"

It was a tough call. A second round commenced, similar in fashion to the first. No new information came to light. Two of us were secretly relying on the third, who, while probably the laziest, was constantly the hungriest. We hoped these fundamental urges would overcome what is essentially a state of mind. In doing so, we drastically underestimated how deep our friend's...erm...beliefs... ran. It was a stoic moment. None of us moved, now giggling a little at the faintly ludicrous situation. When someone (not I /proud) went to check the door, it had been so long that it was more to confirm that the pizza man had indeed pissed off.

In my youth, it was the fashion at the time for the schools to be setting homeworks. One such art assignment was the drawing of ones own face, a self portrait. I set about the task - in the obligatory fashion, the night before it was due - and decided that my best starting point would be to draw round my actual face, just as a template. I could then just fill in the detail after. You can rightfully surmise here, that I was stoned.

So I put my face down on my drawing pad. And fell asleep.

In a different house to the one what I do currently find myself situated in right now, there lived a bin which was emptied on what I may gently refer to as a sporadic timescale. I once witnessed my housemate approach it armed with an empty fish-finger box. There was perhaps a foot clear of rubbish, pyramid like above the bin. He places it gently aboard. It hangs perilously for a moment and slides off to the floor. Humourously, it lands right in front of a roll of binbags we have strategically placed next to the bin, in an effort to stop us being so lazy. My friend's frankly lovely buffoon like face becomes momentarily aghast. He attempts the procedure once more. I say once. He was at it for ten minutes.

I say this as one of two people who watched him for that entire time.
(bacontrout got ska, Fri 14 Nov 2008, 3:26, 1 reply)