"Do you need any help"?
"So I just...like...look on the shelves and see if there is anything I want? Is that how shopping works? Because somehow, despite the fact I have dress myself, gotten myself into your shop, started looking at merchandise, started reading the descriptions on the back of the box and managed, throughout the whole process, to not shit myself with fear an confusion, I don't understand the idea of shopping and need a tit in a bad suit and twattular facial hair to explain it to me."

If I'm busy looking at stuff I don't want shop assistants to bother me
(teebie jeebie, Fri 28 May 2010, 13:10, 20 replies)

I like it when in an electrical shop about to make a significant purchase, and ask the spotty teenager about specific functions of the product,
in reponse to which they read out the description card by said product.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 28 May 2010, 13:15, closed)

in fairness, as someone who's had this job...
they never train you
( likeajackhammer, Fri 28 May 2010, 13:56, closed)

But surely it's better to admit that you don't really know
Rathert than trying to bullshit the customer who can quite clearly see your eyes looking at the card as you talk to them?
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 1 Jun 2010, 14:48, closed)

The o2 shop
Tards
(BiggestNizzy your company name here pm for rates., Tue 1 Jun 2010, 14:45, closed)

I am also someone who has had this job
And frankly there are 3 facts you need to know:
1) We're paid absolute peanuts, the money does not match any kind of commitment to commit to memory the vital statistics of some mid-range LG flat-screen TV and the other 800 items a store may be selling.
2) There is absolute no training whatsoever.
3) Most 16-20 year olds who are in this job are only there temporarily.

Furthermore, managers are absolute arse-candles. Bunch of feckless pen-pushers who are only slightly more qualified than the monkeys you berate (and thus wear a coffee and snot stained tie to remind you of this qualification) who scream at you if you display any level of honesty. You're the exception, if I said to you 'Sorry Guv, not a clue' you might appreciate the honesty but the average punter will probably not be too impressed.

I was actually paid worse at this job than I was at Tesco, and the thing is, would you come into Tesco and ask an assistant to name the ingredients and nutritional content of a Tesco Value Frozen Lasagne from memory?

If you're smart enough to recognise that the work-monkey knows about as much as you do about the product you're interested in, why bother asking in the first place? Do you really expect him to reveal any secret information that either the info-card or the display box don't already detail?
(kingh0 is grating the cheese of life, Tue 1 Jun 2010, 16:46, closed)

Corollary
When you *do* want some help, can you find an assistant? Can you chunf.
(Vice Admiral Sir Charles Cockbrush KCB MBE DSO, who is finding it increasingly difficult to log into b3ta.com wants to duck your aunt and kick your puppy, Fri 28 May 2010, 13:26, closed)

.
If I was in a words shop right now, I would look around slightly lost, and be happy when the shop assistant took my cue.
"Is there something I can help you with sir"
"Yes, I'm having a problem with a portmanteau word. Do you know the ingredients that go into 'chunf'. I think there is chuff in there, but I'm not sure."

Shop people, help people who need help. Don't help people who need you to shit off and leave them alone.
(teebie jeebie, Fri 28 May 2010, 13:47, closed)

^ this
"Shop people, help people who need help. Don't help people who need you to shit off and leave them alone."

So...how do the shop workers find out who is who?
(Mork, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:58, closed)

by the mongy confused look on the ones who don't know what they are buying

(bamboozled Can hear you getting fatter, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:51, closed)

I love
the word chunf. I have never heard it before, but I love it.
( sanityclause is waiting until, Fri 28 May 2010, 20:07, closed)

As a former shop monkey, I apologise -
managers make us say this otherwise they get shirty with us. We hate saying it as much as you hate hearing it.

Plus it alerts you to the fact that we've noticed you, so you'll be less inclined to try nicking anything.
( Bob Todd whee, Fri 28 May 2010, 13:45, closed)

I didn't bother arguing because this seems so fucking obvious to someone with half a brain
/ac
( likeajackhammer, Fri 28 May 2010, 13:57, closed)

Shirty customer
gets zero discount.
( Blind Meach Cautiously optimistic, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:18, closed)

Intrusive shop assistant
gets no commission

(in the shops where they do this)
(teebie jeebie, Fri 28 May 2010, 16:08, closed)

Oh touche!
I'll just leave you to it then.
At least when you come back having ordered the wrong size/part number I can turn my back a la Naboo.
( Blind Meach Cautiously optimistic, Fri 28 May 2010, 16:53, closed)

If I want to talk to you I will attract your attention.
This applies to shop workers and anyone else selling something.
Yes, I know some people have to bother me or they don't get paid -- in that case I blame their boss.
(Me, I'm not... in any way intoxicated, Fri 28 May 2010, 18:34, closed)

Then again...
Maybe it may be an annoyance to you, but you have to remember that seemingly 90% of customers in a shop at any time are complete idiots, and actually need to be asked so they can be pointed out that when they want to buy soap, it is easier to go look in the aisle under the sign saying 'bath products' rather than trying to find shampoo amongst the batteries...
(442, Sat 29 May 2010, 12:19, closed)

when i worked at best buy...
i was told specifically that we had to make contact with everyone in the store because it had been scientifically proven that pointing out to the customer that a) you know they exist and b) you know they're in your store will keep at least the timid ones from shoplifting. as someone who hates talking to strangers, the only resource i had for the afore-mentioned making contact was to hide behind a "can i help you find something?" for fuck's sake, what else was i going to say? "lovely breasts you have there, can i fondle you?"
(fai is rocking khaz modan server as of, Mon 31 May 2010, 4:39, closed)

You're in the minority
I too hate being bothered by the work monkeys in shops but I can sympathise due to the fact I used to be a work monkey. You're in the minority of consumers who can actually work it out themselves.

When I was working at an electrical store, well, if you're not going around asking customers if they need a hand (and 95% of the time, my help was actually needed/requested) then either your manager gets shirty that you're not 'generating sales' or you're sent to do a task even more menial than asking walking purses if they need advice on choosing a Dyson Vacuum Cleaner.

There are as many customers like you and me (who want to be left alone and look at the products in peace and my own time) as there are customers who wait by the product they are interested in and wait until they are asked. I've seen more than one grown adult throw a hissy-fit when during busy periods a salesperson hasn't been able to go ask them if they need help within 2 minutes of them entering a shop. I've never seen someone who was considering a purchase leave explicitly because someone was doing their job and being polite and asking if they needed anything.

For the record, I would approach most people in a store within 2 minutes of them standing looking at digital radios with a digit up their arse (provided I wasn't something else), and if they declined, I'd politely leave and mention either myself or someone else would be happy to assist if they were free. I didn't do it because I got some sick satisfaction of pissing off customers, I did it because I was being paid to do it.
(kingh0 is grating the cheese of life, Tue 1 Jun 2010, 16:55, closed)

On the other hand being ignored
when you're obviously making strong buying signals pisses me off as well.
Cue anecdote of trying to buy washing machine, and wandering round to get best price. We were going to store to store being followed by a Bosch rep doing store checks. After the third store, she did a bit of market research about "Why we didn't consider her company's product (Expensive, good quality, like it, can't afford it)" and then prodded sales assistants gossiping in the corner and pointed out that they had customers, with cash, and if they moved quicksmart, they'd actually make a sale.
Hint if an obvious couple is in there looking at white goods, going back and forth, or measuring for size, this usually implies they are serious
(Sir Tainley Barking Ezekiel 23:20, Tue 1 Jun 2010, 23:00, closed)