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This is a question Public Transport Trauma

Completely Underwhelmed writes, "I was on a bus the other day when a man got on wearing shorts, over what looked like greeny grey leggings. Then the stench hit me. The 'leggings' were a mass of open wounds, crusted with greenish solidified pus that flaked off in bits as he moved."

What's the worst public transport experience you've ever had?

(, Thu 29 May 2008, 15:13)
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I am posting this for the Chav on the 163
Last year, during the Rugby world cup, I was on my local bus going to the pub to watch the England match. On the bus were about eleven South Africans who were clearly avid fans and avid players. Some of them were huge. The type of blokes you would address as Sir yes Sir.

One of the larger blokes had brought his younger brother along to watch the game. The boy was about 17 and was quite weedy. I am sure that in his family he was the academic while his elder brother was the sportsman. The majority of the group sat on the back few rows of the top deck with the younger brother sitting on his own in the row in front of them.

We pulled into the next stop and just as we did the younger brother’s phone rang. He turned away from the group and started talking to his mate on the phone.

It was at that exact time that a group of five 16-18 year old chavs got on the bus.

They had hoodies, music blaring from their mobiles and bright white trainers on. They were doing nothing for stereotypes.

They approached the younger brother and said/spat

“Let me see ya mobile innit”
“No” said the younger brother in a remarkably brave voice
“I’m taxing ya mobile, give it ere or I will blade you with me flicky innit” replied the Chav gang leader
“Your do what” said the younger brother
“Ill cut you”

Now I am sure you’re expecting me to say that the group of South African rugby types stood up and kicked several shades of shit out of the chavs, but, they done something quite unexpected

They sat there and waited until the next stop in silence. As the bus come to a stop they walked past the chavs (giving a sly wink to the younger brother) as if they were heading to the stairs. Once they were all past the chavs they had them cornered on the bus with no where to run.

The elder brother approached the chav gang leader and advised him that he, and his entourage, would be best advised to take a seat at the back of the bus. The Chavs kicked up a bit of a fuss, but, eventually decided to comply when the older brother lifted the Chav leader clean off the ground by the neck. With one arm.

Once the chavs were at the back of the bus the South Africans demanded there phones, ipods, door keys, wallets etc. When they had collected the entire contents of the Chavs pockets they opened the bus window and dropped the items out one by one.
They then spent the remainder of the two mile journey writing words like “thief”, “robber”, “Chav” and “cunt” on the thieving-chavy-cunts faces.

And to add a final insult – the elder brother gave the chav leader two options. Piss himself in the middle of the bus or have his teeth removed.

The entire top deck laughed as a dark patch quickly appeared on his Kappa jogging bottoms.

As they got off the bus the South Africans were singing

“Chavy boy has pissed his pants do dah do dah”

Perhaps that was his most traumatic journey on public transport. It was one of the funniest for me!
(, Fri 30 May 2008, 13:13, 17 replies)
Please tell me this is true
(, Fri 30 May 2008, 13:17, closed)
he got exactly what he deserves...
*wishes he was a huge rugby bloke so he could do that*
(, Fri 30 May 2008, 13:19, closed)
The perfect way to deal with the dregs of society.
(, Fri 30 May 2008, 13:22, closed)
Bloody superb
I really wish I could have seen that.
(, Fri 30 May 2008, 13:25, closed)
Please tell us the medals are in the post...
(, Fri 30 May 2008, 13:27, closed)
Make this in to a film!
We should all see this!
(, Fri 30 May 2008, 13:29, closed)
huraaah for south africans!
To be honest, considering the type of bad people they have over there, Chavs are nothing. For example, where my South African friend comes from, they dont even have a bus service because its considered too dangerous.
(, Fri 30 May 2008, 13:29, closed)
But I suppose the real question
on everyone's minds is, were all the Saffers wearing shorts and flip flops?
(, Fri 30 May 2008, 13:32, closed)
100% Fact
This is a true story

IT was the complete humiliation of the chav having to piss himself that made me cry with laughter

The thing is the story does not end there - i am saving the oter half for the next "police" type question
(, Fri 30 May 2008, 13:41, closed)
What a story!
This should be used in public vigilante manuals detailing how these cnuts should be dealt with!
(, Fri 30 May 2008, 15:20, closed)
Rugby justice
There used to be a nutter in my local swimming pool (Warrender) in Edinburgh. He was oldish - 65? - and seemed to derive enjoyment from picking fights with anyone else in the pool. His favourite trick was to overtake people in the fast lane (he started fast and slowed down a lot) and then pull in directly in front of them, kicking them in the face. He particularly enjoyed doing this to women.

One day he did it to a rather large young man. Who turned out to be one of a group of Edinburgh University rugby players having a training session. Next time he had to turn at the end, they all seemed to be there. Think shark feeding frenzy. The turn took, erm, quite a long time, and when he emerged he seemed breathless, battered and, for him, quite subdued.

Oddly enough, the lifeguards saw nothing.
(, Fri 30 May 2008, 15:23, closed)
Dammit! I now want to hear part 2!
(, Fri 30 May 2008, 15:27, closed)
Superb. Just superb. Those guys deserve many pints being bought for them
(, Fri 30 May 2008, 20:26, closed)
One of the funniest?
I can't for the life of me imagine seeing anything on public transport that would make me laugh more.
(, Fri 30 May 2008, 21:30, closed)
We have a winnar!
*clicks repeatedly*
(, Sat 31 May 2008, 15:13, closed)
it's stories like this
that make me go all fluffy inside. *clickety click click click*
(, Tue 3 Jun 2008, 17:58, closed)
Best story I've ever read on here!
this gets a hearty *click* from me
(, Thu 5 Jun 2008, 8:37, closed)

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