Timely
My wife was due to have a baby middle of next month. 5am yesterday morning she started making 'having a baby' noises. I said I should call an ambulance. 'dont be stupid I'm not going to have the baby here'. My 2 year old wakes up and comes to see what's going on. More screaming and i call the ambulance. The 999 man starts talking me through how to deliver a baby. 'please just send the ambulance'. 'now, can you see the head yet sir?'. 'no, can you please send the ambulance'. 2 year old wants to play giraffes. Relief number 1 was when the ambulance crew huffed and puffed up the stairs. Relief 2 was when the baby cried, having been successfully delivered by a totally unphased ambulance man. Slightly strange monty python aspect was other ambulance people asking me who did my loft conversion while the baby was half out. 'they done a lovely job sir. Can I ask you what you paid?'.
Length - short. Weight - 5lbs 15. Happy new year!
( browser still relating boring anecdotes into a void on, Tue 1 Jan 2013, 22:04, 25 replies)

Congratulations!
Well done to your wife - and, may I ask, what did you pay for your loft conversion?
( Tiffany Aching 's bowl of oatmeal tried to stare her down and won, Tue 1 Jan 2013, 23:28, closed)

5lbs 15 is a very small loft!
I imagine that conversion cost a bit less than your new child will cost you!
Congrats and all that.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Tue 1 Jan 2013, 23:41, closed)

Conga rats
!
( clockworkrat has nice pants, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 1:00, closed)

Congrats!
Another new B3tard....
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 2:13, closed)

Meh, they ain't even given us new icons for the last couple that have shuffled off yet.
Why bother replacing them?
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Wed 2 Jan 2013, 6:34, closed)

Thanks Levites. Keyless. Keyless. Legless.
( browser still relating boring anecdotes into a void on, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 10:02, closed)

With a birthday that close to Christmas, the money you'll save on presents will more than cover the cost of the loft conversion

( Ghoti Fingers, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 8:31, closed)

He can use the money saved to buy a car,
then drive his missus down to the maternity unit, saving the cost of the ambulance visit.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 8:53, closed)

;-)
I was reassured that if I had tried to carry my wife and toddler into the car, the baby would have been delivered in the front seat, and we'd have had to call her Nissan. I hope you can forgive my use of the emergency services on this occasion.
( browser still relating boring anecdotes into a void on, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 9:22, closed)

:)
Nissan sounds better than Lofty
(Isitjustme, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 10:38, closed)

You could combine the two....
Nissan Dormer
(the_icks has the sweet essence of giraffe, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 10:41, closed)

GET OUT

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 11:55, closed)

But
I can't find my coat...
(the_icks has the sweet essence of giraffe, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 12:21, closed)

Hahaha

( browser still relating boring anecdotes into a void on, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 16:44, closed)

Yeah, you're alright.
I don't look after any ambulance budgets, anyway. ;-)
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 11:26, closed)

well done to you!
and the wife as well, lets be honest, she did most of the work
( zulu eh?, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 13:54, closed)

congrats!

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 15:21, closed)

I've been there dude...
I totally want to get my loft done to make room for the sprogs. You get a click for excellent forward planning.
(badgermonkey007, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 15:44, closed)

Dammit
My mate just got his missus pregnant again, which means the boys' loft is going to become the second baby room :(
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 22:20, closed)

omgbabies

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 17:35, closed)

So you've got time to post here so soon after your new baby was born?
Top parenting.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 20:33, closed)

Ah come on.
They do fuck all but eat and shit for the first six months. You might as well have a pet tortoise.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 22:14, closed)

Gay.

( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 21:22, closed)

Well done!!
Hope you are all doing good.
( Herb Alpert's Taxi Driver I have very beautiful lips, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 22:54, closed)

paedo scum

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 3 Jan 2013, 8:00, closed)