Claim to fame
My most tenuous claim to fame is that my mother-in-law used to work in a Fish & Chip shop that Joe Longthorne used to frequent.

What's your most tenuous caim to fame? The more vague the better; your cousin once fitted a carpet for Barry Took - that sort of thing
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 9:56, 1 reply, 15 years ago)

SHIT - The story continues
I think it is high time that we re-open the shit files. It has been long enough since the last, pant shittingly good, installment.

Give the B3tards what they want, stories about caca, nightsoil, caviar, bum gravy, arse chutney, thick brown soup, rich gravy, fizzy bisto and whatever other shit related names you can think of!
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 16:21, Reply)

when your life fell apart around you - how did you turn things around
i got burned badly taking a job in dubai with a bunch of twunts - www.b3ta.com/questions/theboss/post460435

when the shit hit the fan and the arse fell out of your life - how did you pick yourself up and get on with it
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 14:26, Reply)

Walked in on.
Surprisingly, mine is quite clean. This time at my friend's house, we were watching TV, and he left the room to go to the toilet. On TV, there was a scene where a man was punching himself in the temples, and screaming really loudly. I was thinking, "Hang on. It can't hurt THAT much, surely?" so I tried it. Just lightly hit myself in the temple. I looked over to the door, and it turns out one of my mate's mam's friends was looking in the window the whole time. She must have thought I was completely insane.

Have you ever made a fool of yourself in front of others, or been walked in on at an inappropriate moment?
(almightyjoey is most likely listening to Electric Wizard on, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 13:19, 1 reply, 15 years ago)

Techincal Fails
There's a guy my other half works with who, among other things, is convinced that Microsoft have 24 hour access to his computer and mess with it while he's not looking, but insists that he's totally tech-savvy.

Who do you know that just shouldn't be allowed near modern technology?
(TuftyBee should have been working on, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 12:27, Reply)

Shagging
Just to annoy Friz.

That is all.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Thu 25 Jun 2009, 12:16, 1 reply, 15 years ago)

Nice but dumb
I prevented someone from getting arrested this week, at considerable expense to myself. What nice but dumb things have you done lately? (Note: "your mum" is not a valid answer.)
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 9:12, 4 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Speed
I love the kick in the arse a fast car gives you when you put your foot down. I adore hurtling down a hill on a mountain bike with water streaming from my eyes. Roller-coasters, however, have me cowering in fear at the mere sight of them*

Do you love or hate going fast?

* I realise this fear is totally shit.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 9:04, 2 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Freakish accidents
Subtitled "Dear Christ that hurt". We all know that the pain of others is amusing.

Plus I could explain how padded bike saddles are capable of leaving permanent scars...
( MatJ LOOK, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 22:45, Reply)

doing things to excess
I ate 4 croissants today, that seems excessive to me but probably not to the man I saw having three English breakfasts to himself in a cafe the other day.

What have you done to excess?
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 20:26, Reply)

Too much information
Tell us all your personal secrets that no one wants to hear- like that rash no one knows about.
(mariam67, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 1:21, 2 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

cock ups
plain and simple, when, how and where

for instance i konw of a person that after been told that they need to wipe their hard drive they then proceded to take their computer apart and wipe the disk drive with a wet wipe. he then wonderd why the people who had told him to wipe it were caling him an idiot
(radial head fracture, Tue 23 Jun 2009, 23:25, Reply)

the most sureal thing youve seen
Such as seeing Julius Caesar (well a living statue guy) in Cardiff yelling at some guy in the street why he shouldn’t go and beat the shit out of some guy who ran past him
(radial head fracture, Tue 23 Jun 2009, 22:16, Reply)

Your life story.
In 100 words or (preferably) less.
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 19:48, Reply)

"If I had the money...."
I would buy a motorhome, load it up with booze and drugs then get myself to fuck....

But what would YOU do?
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 15:44, Reply)

With friends like these...
Have you ever been let down by a friend? Or just dropped in it, however accidentally?

Get it off your chest. You never know - it might be cathartic.
( TheMagicDwarf is back like ballroom dancing, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 15:40, Reply)

Unfortunate Photos
Maybe you were in the middle of blinking, singing or sneezing, but sometimes photos are taken of you or your friends which make you look a bit... simple. Or maybe a guy behind you holding up an umbrella makes it look like you're wearing a poncey hat. Share all the embrassing photos you have.

[I thought of this, because then we won't get a whole week of people somehow reverting the question to sex stories, lies or honda accords]

EDIT: I SUGGEST CALLING IT "PICS OR GTFO"
(__, Sat 20 Jun 2009, 14:59, 44 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Shopping distasters
Ever knocked over a carefully stacked pyramid of canned baby corn, 80's kids movie-style?
Found a turd under one of the shelves?

Tell us your shopping mishaps, and why you'll be using Tesco online for the rest of your life.
(I'm not here was here on, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 10:33, Reply)

One word:
Bicycles.

Tell us your stories.
( sanityclause is waiting until, Thu 18 Jun 2009, 11:55, 1 reply, 15 years ago)

Meh
Blackpool illuminations? - just bits of plastic on lamp-posts.
First sex? - damp and uncomfortable
Champagne? - makes you burp vinegar


What is all the fuss about? I don't get it
( seeballs Doo da da doo da da doo da da doo, da da doo da do, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 20:22, Reply)

Practical Jokes and Gags gone wrong.
Those times when revenge was yours and it litrally got you not the intended target.

What are your pranks / practical joke stories then went horibly wrong ?
(tfi049113 Was found alive on, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 15:08, Reply)

I like driving in my car
From motorway pile up to Sunday drivers – tell us your motoring stories!

Maybe you solved crime whilst driving a Honda Accord? Maybe you had a VW Beetle with a mind of its own?

From passing your test, thru your first car and back again.

It’s not quite a Jaguar
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 13:40, Reply)

Dads
Everyone's got a dad, except those who don't. Some dads are great, some are cunts. Mine's a bit of both.

Let's hear your memories of father figures.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 7:53, 4 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

If you had a time machine, built out of a Honda accord
would you go forwards or backwards in time?

Would you go to your past and rectify old mistakes, or take a sneak peak at your future to see the point where it's all going to go wrong for you?
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 18:43, 3 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Hiding?
Ever won an epic game of Hide and Seek? Found things, or overheard gossip whilst hiding?
Failed to find your sibling?

Tell us your tales of concealment...
(Beer Elf Thought this was like a campfire, anyhow, on, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 11:49, Reply)

Environmental Disasters
Whats the biggest fuck-stain of a mess that you've ever caused on the ground, sea or air?
(tingtwatter Eating loads of red meat since, Mon 15 Jun 2009, 22:44, Reply)

Misunderstandings...
...I know it's been done, but not for ages, and it's one everyone can contribute to.

I'll start it off with my recent example in replies.
(SnowyTheWereRabbit the Leporid from Hell, Mon 15 Jun 2009, 13:21, 3 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

I wish I hadn't done that...
Many years ago, my missus had the misfortune to be chatted up, groped, then snogged by a midget. Somewhat surreally, she was dressed as Santa at the time and the whole scenario ended up with him lying on his back in the middle of the pub.

What have you done, that you later wish you hadn’t?

Minus several thousand points for ‘got married’.

If this is picked, Tourette’s will give the blow by blow unexpurgated version of events, I'm sure.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 15 Jun 2009, 11:44, 3 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

How do you want to die?
Yesterday morning, a friend announced that when he goes, he would like to be hacked to death by Orks. How would you like to meet your maker? Do you already know, due to a bizarre gypsy lady at a fair, or an uncanny gift handed down from your slightly weird grandmother?

In other news, any LARPers available to hack my friend to death?
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 15 Jun 2009, 9:59, Reply)

Adventures Abroad
Once i woke up once in a Serbian household without any recollection of how i got there...

Tell us about any crazy shit you have done outside of Blighty!
(neorockz :), Sun 14 Jun 2009, 11:36, Reply)