Broke down...
I once broke down in the South of France when I was around 19 years old with my 18 year old GF.

We had to push start the car through most of Italy, and when it did go it was running on three plugs.

If it wasn't for a fluke running into her boss in a camp site and him fixing the car and buying us a battery, we'd still be there.

Bastard!

What's your worst breakdown and how did you get out of it?
(dchurch bah, Fri 31 Jul 2009, 17:16, Reply)

Nicknames
Inspired by this post from the current QOTW:

www.b3ta.com/questions/mobiles/post493518

The origin of your nickname, or those of people you know. There's a lot of funny stories in this. Thanks!
(Pastabator earned his brown wings with your girlfriend on, Fri 31 Jul 2009, 10:10, 1 reply, 15 years ago)

Bad days
As a starter for ten: Today, I got drenched by the rain first thing in the morning due to a broken umbrella, spent 13 hours at work, managed to accidentally piss on myself then had to go back into a meeting (and people spotted it!), got shit thrown at me from a tower-block by a bunch of kids, and then got home and accidentally took a big gulp of gone-off tomato-juice.

Beat that...
(SnowyTheWereRabbit the Leporid from Hell, Wed 29 Jul 2009, 23:20, Reply)

Falling over
I fell over and dislocated my shoulder while waiting for a bus.

Ever taken such a horrible drop in front of bystanders?
(NuffMuff fucks shrubbery, Wed 29 Jul 2009, 16:01, Reply)

Food Sex.
Chocolate body-paint? M&M's where they shouldn't be? Painful cucumber antic's?
Bringing the kitchen into the bedroom, get involved!!
(MissUnexpectedNuttering Mad to live, Mad to talk, and burn, burn, burn...., Wed 29 Jul 2009, 15:07, Reply)

Strange beliefs
I just read on the "dark" QOTW that someone else had the same belief as I did when I was a kid - that the carpet was inhabited by sharks. I never met anyone else who had that fear, and I'm so relieved I'm not a lone nutjob after all.

How about a QOTW where we can find out what stupid stuff we believed in as kids with no real explanation? Not the "lies your parents told you" but stuff that kids make up from the very backs of their weird little minds.
(The Apeface Cherub is not a cunty-uber-cunt, Wed 29 Jul 2009, 13:46, 2 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Projectile weapons
We've all done it, fired an air rifle at something we shouldn't have done, thrown something at the wrong person and suffered the consequences, projectile vomited in the wrong place.

Tell us your stories.
( monkeyboyalpha jumping on the bandwagon since, Wed 29 Jul 2009, 8:24, Reply)

Fiction reality cross over
Tell us about the times that you have been confused about the difference between real life and the game you are play or the book you are reading.

I don't mean the shit like thinking that Twilight is real, I mean times like when you see a vending machine you think 'oh I'll check that for Nuka-Cola Quantums'.
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Sun 26 Jul 2009, 19:28, 2 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Last Day at Work
(courtesy of Raelene in the comments to the following answer: www.b3ta.com/questions/customersfromhell/post236485)

We've all had really shitty jobs we can't wait to get away from. Or maybe you've had a really great job you had to leave. What did you get up to on the last day? Rude to a customer? Sabotaged the whole company? Or just had a little cry with your coworkers? Tell all.
(whirleygig, Sat 25 Jul 2009, 15:35, Reply)

Superstitions/ OCD
My Girlfriend has to cross her fingers if she walks over or under a bridge.

What crazy random superstitions or borderline OCD do you follow?
(Eggstrovert isnt patronising you...honest..., Fri 24 Jul 2009, 14:47, Reply)

Hospitals!
I once spent the very early hours of a Saturday morning getting my broken leg put into plaster.
I also 'amused' the nurse doing this, with my Sean Connery impressions whilst high on Nitrous Oxide...

"Yesh. Itsh my shubmarine"

Tell us more hilarious hospital horrors...
( scoshi pretending to diet since, Thu 23 Jul 2009, 14:52, Reply)

Cutting Corners
Tell us about your half-arsed attempts to cut corners and save time - (extra points for killing or maiming some poor unfortunate in the process).
( SpankyHanky, Thu 23 Jul 2009, 13:28, 1 reply, 15 years ago)

Farms / Farmers
There must be some amusing anecdotes about farms?
(Monkey the Chicken Twitter: death_stairs, Thu 23 Jul 2009, 10:25, 1 reply, 15 years ago)

Culture Shock
Was in China a while back, where, as guidebooks will happily tell you, there is very little concept of privacy.

Didn't really take in what that meant until I spent two weeks having lots of curious Chinese chaps openly lean in and check out my dangly bits every time I used a public loo.

Tell us about your culture shock moments.
(SnowyTheWereRabbit the Leporid from Hell, Wed 22 Jul 2009, 22:04, 1 reply, 15 years ago)

Gotta be better than teh waffle about banks
I was walking down the street the other day and some bloke drove through a puddle right next to some bird in front of me. Instantly she turned from Flake advert girl in to swamp thing off the vicar of dibbly and had was forced to go to her interview with the hairier manager of subway dressed in her pajamas. Have you every walked down the street and breathed in and out resulting in hilarious consequences ?
( buffet_the_appetite_slayer ٩(●̮̃•)۶ jacked in to the ICE on, Wed 22 Jul 2009, 16:47, Reply)

Pets!
Tell us about your pets.
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Wed 22 Jul 2009, 16:19, Reply)

My Mum and her glory hole
My mum had started to call the big walk in cupboard in her kitchen “the glory hole”. This led to her “popping it in the glory hole”. After I spat my tea across the kitchen counter I had to explain what a glory hole was. She isn’t talking to me any more.
Just one example of innocent Old folk using perfectly acceptable phrases which have been polluted by the modern day filth of the young.

I’m sure you’ve got lots more.

Ps. My Grandpa really did have actual Jazz mags under his bed.
(Jeeves, Wed 22 Jul 2009, 14:07, 2 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Wrongly accused!
While having a drunken piddle into a bush a police car pulled up behind me and started questionning me about a local burglary for which I fitted the description.

Realising I was no burglar I relaxed and promptly resumed piddling... this time on the side of the police car with obvious consequences.

Tell us how being wrongly accused has had alternative consequences for you.
(golddust QOTW now revolves around being a cunt, Wed 22 Jul 2009, 11:08, 1 reply, 15 years ago)

It's broken but we can live with it!
When I was a student we had a rental tv and the remote control tended to be left on top of the storage heater beside the armchair.

One day we discovered the heater had worked overtime and melted/welded the remote control to the radiator!

Fortunately it was still pointing at the tv so could be used and the added benefit it would never get lost... only problem would be one day the batteries would go flat.

What have you learnt to live with despite it's obvious broken nature?
(golddust QOTW now revolves around being a cunt, Wed 22 Jul 2009, 11:05, Reply)

Getting away with it
Originally suggested here but it got overlooked.

What naughty things have you done without getting caught? Tell us all about the times you evaded sweet, merciless justice.

My dad inspired me with his amusing tales of 1950s coal theft, pheasant poaching and neighbourly apple scrumping. Thanks dad!
( chart cat has an itch, Wed 22 Jul 2009, 8:39, Reply)

What's Your Favorite Color?
Please specify the exact hue along with the jawbone-achingly, mind-numbingly fascinating backstory that led to your selection of this particular slice of the rainbow!
(tingtwatter Eating loads of red meat since, Tue 21 Jul 2009, 21:13, 1 reply, 15 years ago)

Camping woes
It was raining and cold in the middle of summer and a group of us nearly gassed ourselves to death with a petrol Tilley lamp inside the tent.
What great things have you experienced whilst camping?
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Tue 21 Jul 2009, 10:44, Reply)

What about "HAIR"

Haircuts from hell, hairdressers from heavan, shaving shananigans, dyeing disasters, golden tresses and afros. We've all got hair, we've all done silly things with it.

Choose this while I've still got more on head than my back - just.
(Che Grimsdale Best before:, Tue 21 Jul 2009, 9:03, Reply)

Showoffs
I witnessed an incident at lunch time today which prompted this suggestion.

Some underage (he looked about 14) little scally tried to pull a wheelie on his piece of shit dirtbike in the pouring rain.
Predictably, the bike slid out from underneath him, he landed on his back and the bike slid down the road, narrowly missing a car.

I tried to suppress a smile (honestly).

Tell us your tales of daring demonstrations that ended up with you or someone else looking like a complete prat.

(Sorry if this has already been a QOTW)
(porkinator is a Rock n Roll nerd!, Fri 17 Jul 2009, 15:12, Reply)

One night stands!
Good, bad, ugly? etc...
(El Foxerino, Fri 17 Jul 2009, 14:14, Reply)

Car's
simple story's with cars as the central plot point
(radial head fracture, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 14:23, 4 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Feuds
From neighbourly disputes to workplace rivalries, tell us about the feuds that got out of control.
( flatfrog Staring vacantly into space, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 12:22, Reply)

Sod's Law
I was driving yesterday and it occurred to me that "born to be wild" that I burned to a mix CD with highway driving in mind only ever comes on when I'm stuck in traffic.

how does/did sod's law affect you?
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 7:11, Reply)