Best Insults Ever Recieved?
Probably bindun but my ex wife was once called the absolute motherfucking daughter of fucking Satan.

And not by me
(djlumpyrulesok beware of cousin Mosquito and his solo, Tue 16 Nov 2010, 22:15, 1 reply, 14 years ago)

Hoarding
What random crap have you got lurking in your loft/garage/shed/spare room?

I've got a tin full of plugs cut off old appliances that've been scrapped, a box of aerial cables and connectors. A crate of almost every mains adaptor I've ever owned for anything electric/electronic and bags or boxes of things too numerous to recall.
Every so often the missus forces me to have a clear out and you can bet within 6 weeks I'll need something that I'll have thrown out. And for the life of me I can't find the mini TOSLINK adaptor I KNOW I've got somewhere.

I've never even had to change a fuse, never mind a whole plug.
( mictoboy shitting in your cunt since, Tue 16 Nov 2010, 20:14, 1 reply, 14 years ago)

B3ta's got talent
Buh buh I can do the photoshop and answer questions but what other talents do the fine fiddlers of the B3taverse have to share with us? Myself? I can touch my nose with my tongue.
( dazbrilliantwhites has been meaning to change this..., Tue 16 Nov 2010, 0:58, 2 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Half-arsed
I set out with the greatest intentions last week when sanding down a doorframe. In the end, I give it a quick once over just to take the rough bits off and the drips from the previous paint job.

When have you thought "ah fuck it, that'll do"
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Thu 11 Nov 2010, 12:22, 2 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Poetry
Share your poetry with us.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 11 Nov 2010, 11:09, Reply)

Vanity
Why is it that some people take forever to get ready, only to go to the shops? Why is it that anyone starts smoking? Why is it that I am the most fabulously good looking individual in all of Europe?

Vanity is all around. Tell us what you have done when either confronted or consumed by it.
(2_Killer_Mockingbirds Listened to all the same songs on, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 21:10, Reply)

Good Samaritans
When I was eight I got lost at a service station. Scared and alone, I turned to passers by for help, only to be ignored by several mothers and their own precious darlings. When all hope appeared to be lost... Four burly, shaven headed men looked after me and kept me calm (even buying me lunch) until the matter was resolved.

When have you received help from a seemingly unlikely source?
(2_Killer_Mockingbirds Listened to all the same songs on, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 21:05, Reply)

You Lose
On my 27th birthday party I got very drunk and got into a dance-off with a dwarf. Despite my early confidence, my prospects of winning took a nose dive when he kicked himself in the head to the rhythm.

What contests have you failed in?
(Thebigfella, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 9:19, Reply)

Unfounded fears and phobias
It's never happened to me, but I'm terrified that one day I'll wipe my arse and catch my t-shirt, thereby leaving a shitty stain on the inside of my garment there to rub against my back all day and make everyone think I shat myself violently.

What ridiculous things are you scared of?
(StapMyVitals wouldn't mind a bit of that, Mon 8 Nov 2010, 9:25, 1 reply, 14 years ago)

Filing systems
I once accidentally filed a return proofing form labelled A in the B section of the house system. Tell us your hilarious filing anecdotes.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 5 Nov 2010, 12:05, Reply)

Myths, urban legends and fakes
That seed pod/breast thing still makes me feel queasy and i have in the past removed a movie stars knickers (sadly only via photoshop) then deliberately 'leaked it', it was printed by a tabloid less than a week later. Whats your favourite urban legend/fake, or even better have you ever created one yourself?
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Fri 5 Nov 2010, 9:34, 1 reply, 14 years ago)

If I ruled the country...
If I was in charge of the country and could do anything I wished I would ban X-Factor and make sexy ladies have to wear see-through clothes. Oh, and I'd ban old people from town centres at lunchtime and weekends.

If you were in charge, what would you do?
(Thebigfella, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:51, 4 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Unwanted nicknames
We've all had them...but why? Tell us the grim truth behind you being known as 'Brown Keith' or 'The Tampon'.
( number5 has been fighting tramps and losing., Wed 3 Nov 2010, 8:22, 3 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

The Walkman is dead, long may we remember it.
The Walkman was my lumpy, technologically brilliant friend in the 80's. What edgy, but redundant, thing was your favourite of childhood? Bonus points for the Betamax video with remote attached to a long cord.
(boozehound is drinking your bar dry, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 8:22, Reply)

singing the wrong lyrics
I like to substitute 'In the Ghetto' with the words 'with a gecko'. Makes the song more interesting and less depressing.

What wrong lyrics do you sing? Either intentional or not.
(Monkee girl not a monkee, not a girl, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 2:17, 3 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Celebrity cunts
What stories of D-list slebs frothing with rage at not being recognised by club bouncers have you to tell? Perhaps you were innocently working in a shop and were berated by Dean Gaffney for some imagined sleight, or have had a former olympic athlete cuss you for not giving them your parking space. Apocryphal urban myths need not apply.
( Rotating Wobbly Hat That's not a banana. THIS is a banana., Tue 2 Nov 2010, 19:19, Reply)

Best friends
Most of us have had them, regale us with your stories about them...this one was inspired by going to see a very good friend in London and him accidently glassing me!
(bROKEN aRROW PUA HVI Master, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 17:53, Reply)

Best Ever First Date
On my first 'date' with my beloved, we got really pissed on tesco value vodka, did a gram off his dashboard and shagged in the back of his car in Tesco car park, while people were still shopping.

Love blossomed.

Anyone beat this?
(natakins, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 16:39, Reply)

Halloween Bloopers
Or something like that.
(Archeleus hates cabbage, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 15:38, Reply)

Prejudices
I hate the elderly. Especially when they are in town centres. Why, when they have ALL DAY do they choose to go into town between 12pm and 2pm? I have had the displeasure of having to go to a post office at lunchtime, and it is not a pretty sight!

I would make Post Offices open at 5am to 7am for pension collection (the oldies are awake then anyway) and I would ban old fogies from town centres at lunchtime and the weekends. I don't care if your gran is different - it's the same rule for all.

What are your prejudices?
(Thebigfella, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 15:28, 3 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Song titles
Tell us about when you have managed to secretly slip song titles into a conversation or document without anyone noticing. Bonus shaddapyoufaces if you did it in court.
( stopmeandslapme Cometh the hour, cometh your mum, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 13:40, Reply)

EMBARRASSED.
Everyone's been embarrassed at some point. Tell the stories of how you've turned red-faced, or made someone else want to curl up and die. Bonus points for making people squirm whilst they're reading.
( the pink chicken sniffer sniffs pink chickens., Mon 1 Nov 2010, 18:59, 1 reply, 14 years ago)

Left or been fired from a job in a spectacular fashion?
Has anyone ever left/been fired from a crappy job and burnt those proverbial bridges as they left?

I once spent a lively morning in a warehouse when I was "between jobs" After three hours of having some twat shouting his face off at "the new boy"
I left after giving him the "..and If you ever talk to me like that again you cunt, we'll be communicating via a medium!" speech.
(frightfullybored, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 11:45, Reply)

Sundays
Some of us are old enough to remember Sundays when shops weren't allowed to open and no one did anything.

But even today they are still a bizarre day.

Tell us about what you have done bored on a Sunday, or reminisce about what Douglas Adams called 'the long dark teatime of the soul', that time when you've had all the baths that are useful but it's still only 3 o'clock.
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Sun 31 Oct 2010, 20:40, 4 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Old people in your life.
I remember the time my grandfather was on med's and attacked a club orange bottle. His wheelchair gave him a distinct advantage. Let's hear about the elderly in your life.
( dazbrilliantwhites has been meaning to change this..., Sat 30 Oct 2010, 20:45, Reply)

Stories for the speech
What stories of your friends/siblings/offspring are you saving to put in a speech at their wedding* or what story did you tell and how well was it received?

*other ceremonies are available
(lardyboy Next stop, Fissplap Central, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 14:42, 2 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Kids
tell us your experiences with other people's kids (not your own, or when you yourself were a kid).
(Lannes, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 10:02, 1 reply, 14 years ago)

Breaking the silence.
It's happened to everyone. The headmaster has got everyone to sit quietly during assembly, then....someone drops a proper cheek-flapping fart to break the silence.

Tell me your story about how you(or someone you know) broke a silence.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Wed 27 Oct 2010, 18:04, Reply)

Halloween mishaps
Last year I took my 3yr old daughter out on her 1st Halloween trick or treat walk.
When one old lady in the halloween spirit opened her front door in a witches costume and shrieked loudly, my daughter promptly wet herself, all over the doorstep.
(golddust QOTW now revolves around being a cunt, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 11:11, Reply)