Surely its time for
another Wanking Disasters.
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Thu 10 Feb 2011, 19:32, 3 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

& I woke up and it was all a dream....
First day of Yr. 8 Lit. and the teacher - Mr.Giant-Ice-cream-Sandwich (for that was his claim to fame, another story for another day) laid down the law to us with - "If you ever end a story with '& I woke up and it was all a dream' that's an instant fail"
Cue me finishing every piece with said phrase. For the year. And thus failing Lit., eventho I got a prize & had work published (a Lit. teachers journal thingy - it's not like I was getting rejection slips from Penguin, Granta or Tor etc.)
So: either your best bloody-minded, stubborn effort or ending a tale with....
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Thu 10 Feb 2011, 5:48, Reply)

Any pretext for lustfish to pearoast (pee-roast?) the nappy cannon story.
SquishBOOM!
(lanternchikk hat eine schwere Bohlenallergie, Wed 9 Feb 2011, 19:50, Reply)

First dates.
Cockups, successes, love at first sight, you know the score.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 9 Feb 2011, 17:32, 2 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Exercise
I accidentally trod on a rat whilst I was out on a run last week: he didn't live to tell the tale.

What exercise/sport/gym stories do you know, do tell!
( number5 has been fighting tramps and losing., Wed 9 Feb 2011, 15:53, Reply)

The best thing you've found on the internet
Since there's so much bickering on here about the quality of QOTWs, why not use this week's to post a link to something else you've found on the internet that you'd like to share with us all. That's how most of us first found this place, after all.
(gobsh, Wed 9 Feb 2011, 14:29, 2 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

I think there are few things as displeasing as a posh child with a sense of entitlement.
Likewise, NEDs/CHAVs are rightly held to be the scum of the earth. But who would win in a fight?

Well it's the posh kids, obviously - they end up running the country, and everyone else can simply fuck right off.

Also annoying is people bandying about the phrase "You're just jealous" in lieu of a counter point. CF America after Sept 11th 2001 - "You're just jealous of our freedom(s?!)"

So - tell us about the people you've experienced in life who, through only the fault of the environment they were brought up in, which they have taken on unquestioningly, and are therefore absolute cunts in every single way.

Lets see some real venting of spleen.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 9 Feb 2011, 13:51, 1 reply, 14 years ago)

Airplane stories

( Clay hopes this bit is long enough to promote my websi, Wed 9 Feb 2011, 12:00, Reply)

How about a troll of the year QOTW
We discuss our favourite trolls and link their posts, some might think this hasn't got legs but think about all the archive trolling, you can even go back to the first archived qotw if you want and see some trolls from yester year and compare them to the current crop.

Catergories could include -

Funniest troll

Least funniest troll

Best troll

Worst troll


etc etc etc
(bROKEN aRROW PUA HVI Master, Tue 8 Feb 2011, 16:14, 4 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Instead of telling a story this week
Think of the most scathing, caustic, and belittling replies you can think of to vent upon contributers.

Extra marks given for ill-placed conceitedness, self-importance and incredibly ironic, juxtaposed witty comment.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 8 Feb 2011, 10:17, 3 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Valentine's Day Massacre
It's Valentine's Day next week - source of much business for restaurants, jewellers, and card shops, as well as an excuse for the soft-hearted to declare their love and the hard-hearted to grumble about how it's all just an invention of commercial interests (while not mentioning that they never get any cards).

What have been your greatest romantic triumphs and disasters?
( shinyshinyscalp less a man, more a way of life, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 14:18, 1 reply, 14 years ago)

RUN AWAY!
Drunken yobs, wild animals, unpaid restaurant bills? When have you had to run away.
( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Sun 6 Feb 2011, 14:29, Reply)

The Greatest Moment of My Life

Self-explanatory. Talk about the most amazing accomplishment, the greatest triumph, and definitely not sappy shit about seeing your newborn son or whatnot.
( Digeridude Lord Wellington's Beef Trapeze, Sat 5 Feb 2011, 7:31, 1 reply, 14 years ago)

Implausible made up stories

( WormuIus, Thu 3 Feb 2011, 15:57, Reply)

....needles to say, I had the last laugh.

( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Wed 2 Feb 2011, 19:39, 2 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Look at me I'm on the internets!
showcase links of internetty bits where you can be seen - i.e., youtube, magazine articles etc
(Brighton RAWK at the tone, the time will be:, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 15:12, 1 reply, 14 years ago)

Write a letter to a 16 year old you....
What would you like to tell yourself? What advice would you give yourself if you could go back in time?

Inspired by this: www.lettersofnote.com/2011/01/dear-sixteen-year-old-me.html
(The Archduke of South London I'm in your Girlfriend eating her organs, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 9:29, 3 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

don't fear the reaper
never mind piffling injuries, when have you actually cheated death? from being hit by a bus to being hooked out of a swimming pool unconscious, right through to accidental overdose, tell us of the times you've been mentally scripting your own obituaries.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Tue 1 Feb 2011, 20:15, 2 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

I wish someone had seen me
In riposte to this weeks Q, what amazing feats/flukes have you inadvertantly achieved that you wish you'd had an audience for?
(i.charlius *Two Ronnies Theme*, Mon 31 Jan 2011, 15:10, Reply)

Moving House
It's time again to pack up. I organise everything well in advance, all runs smoothly, but I never label the boxes. What don't you do, when you know you should?
(boozehound is drinking your bar dry, Mon 31 Jan 2011, 8:51, Reply)

Tell us about all the times that your IT department had an email fault reported to them,
and agreed that it was a problem with their server, and didn't say 'it's the remote server, probably they haven't got their DNS entries set up properly. Tell them to talk to their ISP', and continue surfing the web, while eating a bag of quavers and drinking coke.

Might have to extend that one by a week, we'll be overwhelmed.
( Not Pineapple anymore, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 13:46, 1 reply, 14 years ago)

My Power Trip
Im currently supervising an intern who goes to great lengths to stay on my good side.
He has resorted to eating crisps as quietly and slowly as possible, glancing over to me to make sure each laboured crunch isnt testing my patience* as it had earlier.
Descibe your moments of condescension as the superior.

*ninja edit
(augsav forgot about B3ta, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 6:00, 1 reply, 14 years ago)

Utter Irrelevance
Make up something utterly irrelevant to polish your hatstand.

Soapy ignited colostomy hairs, with a tendency to lean sideways for a glancing blow to a house brick, sellotape with universally denied postal fudging.
( brown-wings Made with three kinds of butter, Wed 26 Jan 2011, 11:44, 4 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Mini Cabs from Hell
There must have been many eventful bookings since this was on QOTW in May 2004, so I think it's time for a re-run.
( Terry Oblong There's nobody here but us chickens on, Wed 26 Jan 2011, 2:29, Reply)

Blasphemy
Jesus Harold Tap-Dancing Christ on a stick.
(lanternchikk hat eine schwere Bohlenallergie, Sun 23 Jan 2011, 20:58, Reply)

Vengeance
My Dad says that in frustration at being telephoned by a fax machine at 2 o'clock every morning, he made his PC send a blank 200 page document, blank except for the last page, which read "Paper feed fault".

I don't know if he really did, but I like the idea.
( finnbar has officially retired, Sat 22 Jan 2011, 9:18, Reply)

Those moments when you realise someone thinks you're a cunt.
So I have just had a visit from someone who owed me money and he said he would call when he was outside. Not a friend just an acquaintance who buys gear off me occasionally. Well I heard him coming in his badboy car so walked out to meet him as I got to his car my phone started ringing. I tapped on his window and could clearly see on his phone display 'calling TURD'

When have you realised someone thinks you're a cunt?
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 21 Jan 2011, 17:55, Reply)

I'm glad nobody saw me
Have you ever done something, realised how stupid or embarrassing it was and then looked about to see if anyone watching?
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Thu 20 Jan 2011, 12:18, 3 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

The Fantasy and the Reality
Ever had a fantasy* come true? Or achieved a life-long ambition? If so, did it live up to the hype?

* doesn't have to be sexual!
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Thu 20 Jan 2011, 10:33, Reply)

your childhood home
everyone has vivid memories of the house they grew up in.
what stories do you have about your childhood house/ apartment/shoebox in the middle of the road?
(augsav forgot about B3ta, Thu 20 Jan 2011, 7:20, 1 reply, 14 years ago)