what are you doing with your life?

( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Fri 31 May 2013, 11:00, Reply)

Wrongly Accused.
Have you been accused of doing something you didn't do?

Did you then go on to escape from a maximum security stockade to the Los Angeles underground?

Are you still wanted by the government and survive as a soldier of fortune? Do you and your comrades help people with problems, if no one else can help, and if they can find you?
( Muns, Thu 30 May 2013, 13:30, Reply)

Change
We had mid-life crisis the other week, but what about big life changes in general.

Has your life been turned upside-down by marrying a man with three teenage kids? Have you just been made redundant after 15 years' hard service? Did you lose a leg and an arm in Afghanistan?

Stories about money found down the back of the sofa are allowed, but for fuck's sake, make them amusing.

As for me...OK, I'M GOING THROUGH THE CHANGE. OK????????

K
(K.W.A. Knickers With Attitude, Thu 30 May 2013, 11:49, Reply)

Fruit woes
Tell us your fruit woes
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 30 May 2013, 11:46, Reply)

why don't you love me any more?

( mictoboy shitting in your cunt since, Wed 29 May 2013, 22:42, 2 replies, latest was 11 years ago)

Please banhammer Rory, tell us how YOU want Rory banhammered
I don't want Rory banhammered, because he's LOVELY.
But Misery McUglywife wants him banhammered, so it might be worth asking this question here just to find out how many accounts Ringo has. Then we can pull off his rubber mask to find out that he was baldmonkey all along.
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Wed 29 May 2013, 15:25, 1 reply, 11 years ago)

Ask B3ta
This week B3ta takes on the role of an agony aunt - B3ta users must supply questions and also supply the perfect answers - for example -
Dear B3ta. after a rather random and unexpected chain of errors (no milk or bread) I somehow ended up having grapefruit for breakfast this morning.. Am I Gay?
Ask B3ta for the advice you diddn't need to know.
(bangthedrum, Tue 28 May 2013, 21:38, Reply)

Good Times With Weapons
Tell us your stories relating to arms, keeping, bearing, and usage of.

Did the rozzers nick you because of your pocket knife?
Did your parents get angry when you brought home a toy revolver?
Did Al Quaeda mortar the hell out of your FOB?
(Did you mortar the hell out of some infidel's FOB?)
(GermanGuy invaded on, Sat 25 May 2013, 6:47, Reply)

Se7en
Wrath, greed, sloth, pride, lust, envy, gluttony.

Sounds like a good night out to me, but let's hear your tales of sinning against one (or more!) of these.

Or, you could suggest some new ones...
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Thu 23 May 2013, 15:23, 1 reply, 11 years ago)

What's the most laboured, godawful pun you can think of?

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Thu 23 May 2013, 11:58, 6 replies, latest was 11 years ago)

Cheer us up
Everything's shit - the weather, politics, people, society - and everyone's really fucking glum.

Tell us some nice things to cheer us all the fuck up.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 23 May 2013, 10:42, Reply)

Misery.
When were you at your most miserable?
(ringofyre, Wed 22 May 2013, 20:34, Reply)

Kidspeak
Have your kids - or anyone else's- come out with something that provoked extreme laughter, embarrassment or any one of any number of emotions? Tell us your little darlings' memorable words.
(Smudge the Demon, Wed 22 May 2013, 17:12, Reply)

Things from B3ta that have appeared in real life
At a wedding last week a guest eating her starter commented "My soup doesn't look too happy..." to which I immediately shouted "SAD SOUP!" much to the confusion of everyone else present. What things from B3ta have you seen in or brought to the real world?
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Wed 22 May 2013, 17:12, Reply)

What's the capital of Holland?

( cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Thu 16 May 2013, 22:06, 3 replies, latest was 11 years ago)

your most boring story.
what's your favourite anecdote - peppered with people nobody else knows or cares about, replete with wonky narrative, unnecessary exposition and unwarranted self-importance?

then the mods can simply ban everyone from qotw except for ringofyre, have a bottle of scotch fed-exed to his house and we can all get on with our lives.
( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Wed 15 May 2013, 17:38, 9 replies, latest was 11 years ago)

SuperMatt
Ever met SuperMatt? asks Monty Boyce. Tell us about your SuperMatt experiences.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 14 May 2013, 10:15, 1 reply, 11 years ago)

Lie Amnesty
Admit to all the unconvincing sex lies you've told in previous weeks. We'll all pretend it didn't happen and you can scrape back a little of that dignity you've been bleeding onto the internet for the last few years.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 13 May 2013, 19:44, Reply)

Getting someone else fired
A recent incident when I forgot to NSFW a link on twitter that Rob Manuel clicked at work (I would have though "double fisting to glory" would be enough of a warning) got me thinking, have you ever gotten someone else fired and not yourself? Saying "you're fired" to someone else does not count, it has to be from something you did.
(TimChuma, Thu 9 May 2013, 22:34, Reply)

WHY DON'T YOU LOVE ME?!

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 9 May 2013, 12:29, 1 reply, 11 years ago)

Why didn't you stop? Oh god, there's so much blood. What have you done?

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Fri 3 May 2013, 13:09, Reply)

Does your mother know?

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Fri 3 May 2013, 12:23, Reply)

Exactly why are you so hateful?

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 3 May 2013, 12:13, Reply)

Your left ear.
Tell us about your left ear.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 2 May 2013, 13:41, Reply)

When the penny dropped.
Tell us a story about a moment of realisation (crushing or otherwise).
( Pig Bodine., Thu 2 May 2013, 11:28, Reply)

What's in his pocketses?
Bilbo Baggins wants you to guess what's in his pocket.
( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Tue 30 Apr 2013, 13:29, 5 replies, latest was 11 years ago)

Crap Cars
Tell us tales of mirth about old sheds that you've owned, and the fun you got up to in them. Road trips, accidents, love trysts, tangles with the Old Bill and nightmare journeys. Remember, the Car's the Star!
( The Lone Groover has mal des nuts., Tue 30 Apr 2013, 13:27, 1 reply, 11 years ago)

Mugs.
I've got an Avengers mug, and two heat-sensitive Tetris/Pac-man mugs.
The Avengers one is mine, nobody else is allowed to use it, ever. The other two are given to guests based on how much I like them. Pac-man means I like you more than if you got Tetris. If you have neither, then stay about from my house.

What sperglordery do you indulge in, even though you're obviously perfectly normal and not a creepy internet weirdo?
( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Tue 30 Apr 2013, 13:15, 4 replies, latest was 11 years ago)

You win the lottery and need to advise work.
How do you do it. What format will it take.
Email? Text? Something more personal?
( p4c_m4n There, I said it!, Mon 29 Apr 2013, 15:12, 1 reply, 11 years ago)