user names
how did people get their user names?? there've got to be some stories there...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 11 May 2005, 16:58, Reply)

Farting....
....most embarassing...
....well-timed...
....worst-timed....
....etc etc....
(The voices told me to do it, Wed 11 May 2005, 16:31, Reply)

The anti-test
Questions to which knowing the answer actually proves you are more stupid.
Examples would include:
Who are Dick and Dom?
Can you list five reasons to vote Bush?
What is the total cost of Heat magazine and Hello?
(Garnett, Wed 11 May 2005, 11:34, Reply)

Unluckiest moment
I slipped whilst exploring an old Vietnamese war tunnel and landed in the toilet pit which had been colonised by giant spiders. I got covered in shit, bitten by three spiders and caught tetanus off a rusty nail.
What's your unluckiest moment?
(skindley, Wed 11 May 2005, 11:25, Reply)

how about
disasters when meeting people from the internet.

don't fuckin deny it, all you geeks have met someone from the internet in person. I certainly have, some of the people were cool, some were complete fuckin wankers.
(BadLuck13RiotExtravaganza, Wed 11 May 2005, 9:15, Reply)

What should you have said?
When you have walked away from a situation, beaten and bowed, silent in your own misery. You know that there was one killer line you could have said. And it came to you six hours later as you were tossing and turning in bed, unable to sleep. Shit! I should have said...........what? What was the knockout punch that you should have delivered?
(george_w_anker, Wed 11 May 2005, 1:08, Reply)

Weird/bad nightclub incidents?
Just thought I'd be constructive and suggest something, although I do have a few of these aforementioned incidents...

Got stupidly drunk in Derby several years ago. Went to an indie night at Union 2 (when it still existed). Steve Lamacq was DJ'ing that night and for some reason I thought he was my enemy so I tried to barge past the bouncers to the upstairs DJ booth so as to launch my attack on him but got stopped by the burly fellows, punched and chucked out.

Actually, thats a rubbish story but what you going to do about it?
(Fully Goyle what?, Tue 10 May 2005, 16:18, Reply)

Monkey Tennis?
?
(dogger collymore, Tue 10 May 2005, 14:18, Reply)

Those little things that make you really angry
For some reason, I find myself getting really angry when I see babies/toddlers with piercings. What little things make you angry?
( rubberduck should only be used after consulting with your GP, Tue 10 May 2005, 9:42, Reply)

bumhats
i once heard that someone had said to the beatles that ringo was the best drummer in the world, to which paul mccartney replied, "best drummer in the world??? he's not even the best drummer in the beatles"

That leads me on to an "insults" question. or something.

How about a "wierd people youve met" thread?
i met a sucking english redneck on teh bus who asked my friend if he's ever fired a gun in anger. the cockstrap.
(Mr Moo Cow - HairyBeef, Mon 9 May 2005, 8:37, Reply)

Schoolboy error
What have you done that was really really stupid lately? Share within the relative anonymity of B3ta's forgiving bosom.

I once got fired from an ice cream van cos i accidentaly turned on the music and everyone thought we didn't have any ice cream left. Duh! What a twat.
(Rushy, Mon 9 May 2005, 2:30, Reply)

Rubbish
what's your favourite type of printer, and why?

(I realise this type of "joke" must have been done about once every page so I apologise, couldn't help myself).

Serious considerations (and again I apologise if they have already been mentioned, don't have time or inclination to read through all 40+ pages):

- Worst experience with children
- "" exams
- Best Lie (we're not talking golf)
- What amuses you but realy shouldn't (although may be too similar to guilty pleasures)
- Have you ever pretended to be someone you're not
(Lannes, Sun 8 May 2005, 20:14, Reply)

How did you come across B3TA?
Friend? Girlfriend? By Chance? Tracing a stolen picture?
(Jenovaschild, Sun 8 May 2005, 14:19, Reply)

Your Little Quirks
Weird thimngs you have/do/are that no one else you know has/does/is. For example I am one of 3 left-handed children born to 2 right-handed parents (hugely unlikely), I can make noises by drumming on the spaces between my knuckles and I can shoot laser beams out of my armpits.
(Radio Free iPods "Fickt nicht mit dem Raketenmensch!", Sat 7 May 2005, 20:01, Reply)

What's the most disgusting thing you've ever eaten?
Through choice, curiosity, drunkeness or sheer poverty?
("Doctor Doctor...", Fri 6 May 2005, 19:13, Reply)

What's the worst thing you've done while drunk?
NOT to be confused with the earlier drunken stories QOTW, but just the stories you woke up with and thought "...Shit"

I broke a girls back while i was on the piss a couple of years ago. Oops!
(Rushy, Thu 5 May 2005, 17:49, Reply)

Animal Tales
Riding a horse and got famous again for being paralyzed? Been mounted by a girlfriend's dog? Dared to eat a live guinea pig? We want to hear about it!!!
(monkey explosion, Thu 5 May 2005, 6:26, Reply)

The best way to get over/win back your lover
Hi folks,

My completely amazing girlfriend of 3 years has decided that we should part company as we are both moving to different towns, which would make our relationship really difficult. I am planning to deal with this in the following way:

1. Get completely pissed.
2. Watch all the break up DVDs I have (High Fidelity, Mallrats, Spaced, that kind of thing).
3. In a flash of misplaced bravado and optimism, try and win her back.

How should I go about winning her back or - if that fails - what's the best way to get over being dumped?
( blindmelon, Wed 4 May 2005, 9:58, Reply)

...
Crazy things you've done to try and get the girl / boy you're after. Did it work???
(flash, Wed 4 May 2005, 4:00, Reply)

Revenge
What bout things that people have done as revenge?

Woooo its my first post!

Neil
(clarkson4sheephahaha, Tue 3 May 2005, 22:00, Reply)

Delusion
QOTW: What's the worst case of self delusion you've ever had?
I have a great (?!) story which involves me, a girl, a misunderstanding and a bunch of howling chavs. Won't tell the story unless this is QOTW. Suffice to say that I'm glad I don't have to go there any more, or see her any more. Although my self-confidence has diminished considerably
(Gat Bandish I've got wood in my soul, Tue 3 May 2005, 16:23, Reply)

Worst reply ever...
...when I was about 7, our family and our next door neighbour's family helped out a lot with the Clubs and Scouts. One evening we were returning from a jumble where our neighbour's son had managed to buy a big stack of books. "My that's a lot of books!", my Mother said.

I thought I'd make a light hearted quip about it and say something along the lines of, "yes that'll keep his quiet!", but unfortunately it came out as, "yes that'll keep his mouth shut".

Cue the stunned silence followed by my Mother attempting an apology for her potty mouthed son.
(Swirly, Tue 3 May 2005, 13:55, Reply)

Ever Been Caught Doing Something Naughty?
Ever been caught doing something you weren't supposed to do?

There is all kinds of fun in that topic. :)

Sean
( Citadel Because the world needs less morons, Mon 2 May 2005, 21:59, Reply)

Devil's Horns
Ever broken up a couple? Maliciously or unintentionally? Or how about for their own good? Write down your game plan, or for the veterans, scribble some tips and tricks.

For all the folks who find themselves surrounded by fantastic potential sig. others that are held down by right bastards/sluts.
(Tezcatlipoca, Sat 30 Apr 2005, 20:37, Reply)

Introduction to self destruction
even the most dedicated party people wernt born drinking amd schmoking etc. Tell us you first encounters with drink, drugs, fags, limbo dancing or anything else thts killing you slowly in a good way.
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Fri 29 Apr 2005, 16:08, Reply)

Days
Anyone ever woken up when it was saturday... thought it was still a day in the week... realised you are late, rush out of bed half dressed and the doors are locked?
(Lezarel, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 10:34, Reply)

World's Dumbest People.
I work in a hardware store.
To date, I have had to deal with:
The budding genius who wanted me to find the white paint for him. He was standing in the white paint aisle surrounded by the stuff.He then asked me if it was alright to use Kitchen and Bathroom Paint above his bath, since "it gets a bit wet there".
A man who buys an 8 foot by 4 foot piece of MDF and *forgets to take it with him*. These were just the worst.

Who do you see as living proof that the gene pool needs a few more gallons of chlorine in it?
( Labmonkey last thought about having another coffee on, Wed 27 Apr 2005, 21:44, Reply)

Really ironic events.
Last week at work I was moving glass bottles off a trolley, so they wouldn't fall off and shatter, when one falls off, shatters and slices my finger open. While wrapping up the glass shards so they don't hurt anyone, a shard punches through the wrapping and punctures my thumb. I then decide to put the shards in a cardboard box, which gives me a goddamn papercut. Then some boxes fell on my head.

tell us the most ironic thing that's happened to you recently.
( Labmonkey last thought about having another coffee on, Wed 27 Apr 2005, 21:33, Reply)

Whats your pet hates?
Whats your pet hates?
Whats utterly pointless that you hate.
I hate bloody shite little dancing dragon ringtone adverts.
(spike4848, Wed 27 Apr 2005, 20:58, Reply)

What to ask for a QOTW
Crappy competitions...

Ever won a compeition/prize and it turned out to be completely usesless/worthless/crap?
(IcePimp, Wed 27 Apr 2005, 14:40, Reply)