Cautionary tales
as in, the worst possible outcome for a particular thing or activity you can think of (with the hopeful result of everyone who hears it immediately rushing off to recreate that exact incident). Well, the best one I can think of at the moment didn't happen to me but to ome of my friends who were living in a house together the first year of university. They were having a nice quiet "we really don't have any money" night in with the TV and some seriously cheap 'n' evil Aldi plonk. Anyway, what happened was they put some candles around the sitting room and lit them rather than waste any valuable units lighting the room properly. One of the candles went on top of the TV(so they could see it better?) and within 15 minutes, the candle's leaked around from the top of the set where it was sitting without any holder, and the wax goes into the grille-thing a the back. Huge, impressive explosion, the sitting-room is destroyed, the whole place is full of smoke, and my friend's eyebrows are only starting to grow back around now. ;oD And the moral of the story is...uh...don't skimp on electricity.

Btw i really wanted to put somethig however irrevelant in the 'have you ever started a fire' thread, but you closed it on me. Huh, see what i did there, heh, heh...;p
(insanes_addiction, Fri 5 Mar 2004, 14:52, Reply)

the worst time you have ever been sick?
Most unusual place/experience/reason for praying to the porceline god in the bathroom? tell us what was the most bizarre reason you were technicolour yodelling? and whats the best expression for calling europe on the big white phone that you have?
(Lord Monkey of Yorkshire,OBE killed a gipsy on...., Fri 5 Mar 2004, 1:20, Reply)

Re Internet search terms...
I am a huge formula one fan, and the team i support are the perennial wannabe's Jordan. i have lots of Jordan merchandise including model cars, so I google searched modle Jordan's....... doh!!
(Lord Monkey of Yorkshire,OBE killed a gipsy on...., Fri 5 Mar 2004, 1:18, Reply)

What is your favourite saying you picked up on b3ta ?
Personally, I've found myself using the phrase "fucksocks" more and more as of late..
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Thu 4 Mar 2004, 4:44, Reply)

Living a lyric
Anybody lived a lyric from a song?
Be imaginative here, you may have been one of two tribes who went to war, thanked a deity that tonight it was them instead of you or simply twisted and shouted.
As for me, I've danced by night in the pale moonlight on the road to Mandalay.
(MrHackenbacker, Wed 3 Mar 2004, 21:06, Reply)

Best one-liner?
That would be Ming the merciless in Flash Gordon, to one of his dumb sidekicks, when they stupidly tried to flout his authority for the millionth time:

"Why do you say these things when you know I shall kill you for them?"
(And I don't agree with that in the workplace, Wed 3 Mar 2004, 16:46, Reply)

the best one liner in a movie
what is the best one liner that you've heard in a movie, mine has to be from lethal Weapon 4

Benny-"ah officers, would you like the porlice
speshal" (chinese accent)

Riggs-"what is that uncle benny, flied lice??"

Benny-"Flied Lice?!?! it's Fried Rice, you Plick!!"


it's a cracker
(Jinxy - Spontaneous Randomity awaits those who question my pic-a-nic basket, Wed 3 Mar 2004, 12:08, Reply)

chest cheese
Can you make cheese from breast milk and if so would you eat it?
(heatmiser, Wed 3 Mar 2004, 0:12, Reply)

Do you have teh codez?
TEH CODEZ TO UPLAOD?????!?!?!!?!11?//1/1?!?!?!?
( ArthurTheRat, Tue 2 Mar 2004, 18:12, Reply)

Toilet etiquette
Do men use the toilet or sit directly on the toilet (bowel)? And what do ladies do/use?

Got interesting opinions so far!!
(Age, Tue 2 Mar 2004, 12:13, Reply)

Internet Search Terms
These days you get those websites you can go to where you can see what strange search terms people have whacked into their computer, giving a disturbing insight into the minds of the more worrying strata of society. Thus:

What is the most disconcerting search term you can think of?
I think if I found out that someone had searched for "stretchmark horse" on Google, that that would be the most worrying one for me.

Or have you ever typed a search term in that sounds strange, but actually has a genuine, and not sick explanation for it...
(And I don't agree with that in the workplace, Tue 2 Mar 2004, 10:49, Reply)

what's your
favourite colour?
( viperrr mostly comes out at night, mostly, Tue 2 Mar 2004, 9:50, Reply)

Txt Messages
What the best TXT message you have ever received.... Joke/mistake you get the idea !
(sorted, Mon 1 Mar 2004, 13:02, Reply)

well
how about the worst thing/most embarassing thing to ever happen to you while on a date?
( Lisette von Falcon, Sun 29 Feb 2004, 23:37, Reply)

Why it is alright to have a cat called Tiddles...
Personal experience. I was shocked when I read "Tiddles need not reply" on the stupid pet names thing.

I have a cat called Tiddles by the way, and he had an abcessed tooth so he had to have it removed and therefore he only has three canines...
(brazzin, Sun 29 Feb 2004, 7:54, Reply)

the strangest item of clothing you ever bought...
when drunk and/or sober?
Mine was a shirt that looked like the wallpaper you got in indian restaurants! I wore it twice, and it spent the rest of its life hiding in the warderobe and being used as ammunition, as in to girlf of the time, if you don't do.... then I'll wear that shirt tonight!
Inevitably I always got my own way...
(Lord Monkey of Yorkshire,OBE killed a gipsy on...., Sat 28 Feb 2004, 19:18, Reply)

The best practical joke
you or your mates have ever played on someone (who deserved it in spades)
(baldie, Sat 28 Feb 2004, 9:04, Reply)

What do you think happened
to Nohands?
(JMas, Sat 28 Feb 2004, 4:12, Reply)

? of the week
should be. What should we ask for a question of a week?
(blind corner, Sat 28 Feb 2004, 3:56, Reply)

question of the week
When you were a kid, what freaky ass tv programmes did your parents make you watch, or what tv programme was your fav?
we all used to have massive discussions like this in six form (we were mostly high at the time...) my favorite was he man and dogtanyon.. but rainbow kicked as... was george gay?
( squiddylyd Once you pop you can't stop!, Fri 27 Feb 2004, 23:57, Reply)

The question.
What is the best double take that has ever happend to you? state if you read it or head it.
mine is that i was in a church once and read" we are here to horse whip the lord."
in actual fact it said " we are here to worship the lord"
i dont know why maybe dyslexics have an advantage.
(shredy, Fri 27 Feb 2004, 19:54, Reply)

Best Teacher Stories
I had a religion teacher in the 9th grade who was absolutely gangbusters. Hilarious man. He'd sing to us on Wednesdays, removed the hands from the clock in the room, tacked up a sign on the ceiling that read "Quit looking at the ceiling, and pay attention to the teacher," and whenever somebody asked him for a Kleenex he'd respond "No, but I've got a dirty Y!" and then proceed to pull out a letter "Y" that he had found on the ground one day and cackle like a hyena.

What're some of your best teacher moments?
(deilbfe6ogcshnbcryjh, Fri 27 Feb 2004, 7:47, Reply)

for all the women...
what weird cravings did you get when you were pregnant?
(funkymonkey, Fri 27 Feb 2004, 6:58, Reply)

If a bear shits in the woods
can the Pope smell it?

Discuss.
( Bud Muhnquai Update your profile or fuck off, Thu 26 Feb 2004, 19:54, Reply)

The Strokes
Dearest People,

I have recently returned from a dirty weekend with a young lady of my acquaintence, the hotel bedroom was interesting for one reason and one reason only...There was a mirror behind the bed and lo I got to see something usually reserved for onanists with a mirror or makers of homemade pornography...The face I make at the point of issue...Or the Vinegar Stroke face. Scarey as all fucking hell I can tell you, fair put me off my stride it did...anyway I digress....I would be fascinated to see the vinegar stroke faces of other B3ta folk. Actual would be the most amusing, failing that adobe enhanced will do.
(dannyboy72, Thu 26 Feb 2004, 15:59, Reply)

I'm applying for Big Brother this year...
and it made me think about andy warhol's '15 minutes of fame' statement, so i cunningly devised this one...

What is your claim to fame?

Everybody has one, whether you were on tv/film, or you just met some gayer off the radio.

Maybe you won a conveyor belt and a set of swing doors on the generation game, or perhaps you were 'lucky' enough to be on Bullseye
( lo, the Greebo Warrior - Est. 2002, Thu 26 Feb 2004, 9:42, Reply)

How about...
What was your best comeback? Everyone has had some snappy reply at some point. What was yours?
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Wed 25 Feb 2004, 5:48, Reply)