1:The office spacker
everybody must have a complete benny working with them...i have several(i'm surrounded).
tell us about yours


2:LIES EXPOSED- what dumb lie have you told and been exposed, or exposed somebody elses?

3:5 minutes of fame...have you had yours?
(Just Harry What should I put here?, Mon 29 May 2006, 22:38, Reply)

Innocent Bystander
What odd/historical/illegal things have you witnessed over the years?
( ArthurTheRat, Sun 28 May 2006, 19:04, Reply)

QOTW
Invent a word that rhymes with orange.
( @RBFesquire Good luck b3ta, was nice knowing you. So long., Sun 28 May 2006, 16:46, Reply)

What's the best thing you've nicked...
...or acquired illicitly, and how did you do it?
(Guinness2702 Meh! Do I look like I care?, Sat 27 May 2006, 16:30, Reply)

Magickal Drug TripPs
I am no stranger to the land of drugs, b3tans. But last night scared the shit out of me. I've had acid before but nothing like this, this experience had meaning to the soul. Talking to clowns on laughing stars while chatting about bollocks on paranoia thinking i'm dying of blood loss. No word of a lie B3tans I've had enough for one life time. What strange shit have you been seeing?
(sickprophet Injuring Disabled Animals, Sat 27 May 2006, 13:45, Reply)

QOTW
Twat of the year. Who would you nominate?
(DrTugnut, Fri 26 May 2006, 16:01, Reply)

Underground, overground, mental and free...
Public Transport would be ace if the general public weren't on it to annoy me. Was on the tube one night when I noticed a young lady giving her fella a head-bobbin' knob-gobblin' blow job at the end of the otherwise empty carraige. It may be the first BJ to be prematurely ended by an 'All Change' at Kennington Station. Any other Public Transport stories out there?
(Error 404 - Username Unknown, Fri 26 May 2006, 13:10, Reply)

Claims to fame?
harold bishop invented the sports day biscuit.

whats your claim to fame?
( Gerbilinafishtank Gerbil in a fish tank...TURTLE POWER!, Wed 24 May 2006, 23:29, Reply)

Work Experience experiences....
What pranks have been done while on W.Ex and what pranks you have done, gotta be better than nicknames!!!
(djgalaxe, Wed 24 May 2006, 16:18, Reply)

Tents!
Adventures with tents!


GO ON!
( KernKraft Gosh, there isn't much noise outside today, Wed 24 May 2006, 0:08, Reply)

School Reunions
and everyone's tales of shame, smugness, schadenfreude, and lying about how successful you are to a background of crap 80s tunes whilst smirking about how badly all the fit people from your class have aged.
(jennymnemonic, Tue 23 May 2006, 20:43, Reply)

Bzzzz.....

I can understand that wasps eat aphids and gave us paper....

But why, oh why, oh why...

Does Jimmy Carr exist??
(Sultan of Shwing If only I'd eaten my greens..., Tue 23 May 2006, 15:25, Reply)

Nostalgia

Who would play the main roles in movie versions of kids TV programmes?

Stephen Seagal as Daddy Woodentop?
(Sultan of Shwing If only I'd eaten my greens..., Tue 23 May 2006, 15:21, Reply)

Come The Revolution.....

Who would be first against the wall??

And what would be a better punishment than shooting?

Having to stand there while mummy licks her finger and fixes their hair??...
(Sultan of Shwing If only I'd eaten my greens..., Tue 23 May 2006, 15:15, Reply)

Would you like to have sex? No thanks your minge smells.
Have you ever delivered a spectacularly stupid answer, which perhaps you thought was going to be funny or maybe it just slipped out, to someones suggestion for some rumpy-pumpy? Did it blow your chance of fun and frolics?

Misses Cothunt once asked me to jump in the shower with her for some soapy suds action. To which I replied, "I'm not getting in the shower with you." Misses Cothunt is German.
(grytpype thynne, Mon 22 May 2006, 19:31, Reply)

What songs remind you of things?
I have several, and would like to share with the B3ta community.
(David Fishwick Minibus Sales - notmad.co.uk, Mon 22 May 2006, 18:03, Reply)

crime and punishment
ASBOs are lame and rubbish. Bring back proper punishments.

How would you match the punishment to the crime?

I would make sure that people who let their dogs poo in the street have their names and addresses published so that members of the public can go and poo in the offenders' back gardens.
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Mon 22 May 2006, 16:24, Reply)

there was a kid at my school
you know, those stories
(jms, Mon 22 May 2006, 9:58, Reply)

supernatural freaky things?
was just watching the worst show on television, 'most haunted,' and i started to ponder: have any b3tans experienced ghosts, goblins, loch ness monsters? i want to know.
(Candy-O <-likes scotch, Fri 19 May 2006, 4:17, Reply)

Trippy dreams
I once had a very disturbing dream that I changed my tampon on the tube in full view of horrified commuters. Tell us about your weird dreams that had you soiling your pyjamas and fearing for the state of your subconscious.
(grandmasterfluffles Come to my Armageddon party on, Thu 18 May 2006, 15:41, Reply)

Fight talk
I heard an American bloke say to a mouthy bird 'shut your cock-holster bitch' and immediately get panelled by her handy boyfriend.

I stopped laughing at that comment very quickly.
(DrTugnut, Thu 18 May 2006, 14:20, Reply)

World's Shittest Joke
There are some jokes in the world that can only be told by your grandad or, worse yet, your dad.
The punchlines are wank and the joke is so obvious and old that you already know it.
What shit jokes have your grand/parents inflicted upon you?
(sickprophet Injuring Disabled Animals, Thu 18 May 2006, 10:22, Reply)

quim related quarrels?
bindun?
( Gerbilinafishtank Gerbil in a fish tank...TURTLE POWER!, Wed 17 May 2006, 22:09, Reply)

Flatmate stories - oh yes!
I had a totally bizarre lodger for a couple of years, and he would be a very rich mine for the comedy flatmate tale. He eventually moved out when I woke him up at four in the morning and threatened to skullfusk him him if he didn't get his nose lasered and stop snorring. I'm betting y'all got simialr tales of strange and sad individuals, and I'd like to hear some to put my own trials in perspective.

BTW: I was quite prepared to do the laser work myself, though with a homemade weapon of my own devising. Strangely he chose to move out three days later. Musta bin something I said.
(Mr Steve is jobless and fancyfree!, Wed 17 May 2006, 21:22, Reply)

Weird and wonderful flatmate stories!
You know, like the wweird guy/girl who secretley takes your photo. That weird underwear stealer...

Or the bastard who won't stop eating your food...
(Matthew-field.co.uk, Wed 17 May 2006, 20:25, Reply)

Top 5 favourite funeral songs
see my post under this week's QOTW
What songs do you want played at your funeral, and why?
( MontyyouterribleCUNT I gave Jeremy Kyle cancer, Wed 17 May 2006, 17:07, Reply)

Unable to come at the last minute
There you were, grinding away, all ready to blow your load (or the female equivalent), when .... something foul or scary happened, and you simply couldnt manage it.

Did someone switch on the lights, and you saw the dodgy-bird-from-the-club-who-looked-ok-after-10-pints?
Did a ghost gently insert an ectoplasm-laden finger up your bum?
Did a fart or joke ruin the mood?
Or was it as simple as your 5yr old daughter bursting in on you?

Tell us your story of that lingering unsatisfied feeling.
(BourbonBiscuits, Wed 17 May 2006, 13:51, Reply)

RE: Fight Talk
Probably an old one but it goes
"Are you looking at me or chewing a brick? Either way you're losing some teeth"
(sickprophet Injuring Disabled Animals, Wed 17 May 2006, 10:58, Reply)

Fight Talk
There is a great line in the film Joe Dirt where Joe says 'you want a fight? well stick your head up my butt and fight for air'.

I have a mate who was arguing with a greasy biker (soap dodger) when his wife chipped in, quick as a flash my buddy told the feller to 'muzzle the bitch'.

What great fight talk have you heard?
(ElGatodeBarco, Tue 16 May 2006, 15:11, Reply)