Assistance required. Yes, I'm asking for advice from the internets. How low have I stooped?
My current GF has had a couple of fairly ridiculous outbursts in front of my family. She's also quite possessive and I seem to get constantly grilled on my relationships with female friends (purely platonic, and who I've known for years - long before I met the GF). She justifies all this by saying that "but I wouldn't be like this if I didn't love you".

Is this a reasonable excuse, or is she just as mad as a box of frogs?

On the plus side, she goes like a barn door in a hurricane, and more importantly, she swallows. (I thought I needed to add this in for the sake of balance.)

Bonus points will be awarded for humourous replies, but deducted for mindless trolling.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Mon 25 Oct 2010, 16:18, 31 replies)

you always get the best sex from the mentals
you've just got to work out if it's worth it or not. if she's possessive and not above kicking off in front of your family, i'd say she's only going to get worse.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 25 Oct 2010, 16:21, closed)

Yeah, that's what I'm worried about.
My family have only met her a dozen times, and she's kicked off in front of them twice. They think she's bonkers, as you would expect.

The thing is that she's actually lovely 99% of the time, but just totally lets herself down at the worst possible moments.

After the last occasion I came *this close* to giving her the heave. She was literally begging me not to finish it. She promised that it would never happen again, and I've made it quite clear that it won't be allowed to happen again, but I suspect that the damage is done as far as my family is concerned.

To be fair though, my ex was mental as well, and the sex was distinctly meh.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Mon 25 Oct 2010, 16:31, closed)

just keep an eye on the crazy levels
if they start to creep up, or if you find yourself constantly having to say to people "but she's fine when it's just the two of us", then run like fuck.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 25 Oct 2010, 16:34, closed)

box of frogs
unless you're one of those guys that's super flirty with all women by default regardless of intent, she's either chronically insecure, mad, or has a history of being cheated on. it might not be something you can get over anytime soon. the only thing you can do is either tolerate it and let time demonstrate you're not a cheating douche, chances are you'll be batshit crazy/nursing an ulcer like the mare crisium by then, or you'll hate her. lay it out in no uncertain terms, and don't back down, or you'll never regain control.
(UppityDamnPrimate LET'S OPEN THIS F*CKING PIT UP, Mon 25 Oct 2010, 16:21, closed)

I'm impressed by the moon reference
crises, indeed...
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Mon 25 Oct 2010, 16:24, closed)

All women are completely and irrevocably bonkers *
...the only question is, does this particular one have a set of neuroses / freak-outs / irrational behaviours that you can live with?

* The same is true of men, of course
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Mon 25 Oct 2010, 16:22, closed)

On the other hand...
She's unlikely to get any saner; she may well stop swallowing.

What's the difference between a wife and a vacuum cleaner? The cleaner still sucks after a year.
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Mon 25 Oct 2010, 16:34, closed)

my cleaner still sucks after a year
Youd think the more she did the job, the better she'd become. But nope. Im still seeing marks on the glass, and dust on the shelves.
(Miggyman, Mon 25 Oct 2010, 21:11, closed)

match her and break her jaw.
You wouldn't do it if you didn't love her.
(waxdart hello., Mon 25 Oct 2010, 16:30, closed)

I did explain that her excuse was often used by wife beaters to justify their actions
but she couldn't quite see the parallels I was drawing.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Mon 25 Oct 2010, 16:33, closed)

explain != fist

(waxdart hello., Mon 25 Oct 2010, 17:30, closed)

"I wouldn't be like this if I didn't love you"
I'm getting flashing warning signs and red lights right there, as it's not a million miles away from:
"You made me cry today" (when you've not seen nor spoken to her)
or "You made me do this" (when showing you her fresh self-inflicted scars)*

It's the sort of emotional blackmail that means "I can behave any way I want and blame it on you".

Get out now.

*both of these have been my cue to leave a relationship
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Mon 25 Oct 2010, 16:35, closed)

Dump her

( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 25 Oct 2010, 16:43, closed)

Frogs, definitely.
So she's saying her love for you has turned her completely psycho?

Here's what you do. Get a mini-recorder. Make sure it's recording when you break up with her, so you have the inevitable suicide threat on tape. Contact her family/friends/any authority needed to have her ass involuntarily committed. Here in the U.S. they can be held for 72 hours on something like that. While she's in, you run like hell. Feel free to change your name/move to another country/join a monastery, whatever will get you far far away from this chick.

Also, there are girls out there who are totally sane and complete animals in the sack. Just ask my husband. :D
(ladydyani, Mon 25 Oct 2010, 16:54, closed)

Get her sectioned!
She'll only get you sectioned first! Just don't try and section me or I'll section you into next week!
(Me, I'm not... in any way intoxicated, Mon 25 Oct 2010, 21:34, closed)

Hmmm ...
I think we need photos in order to make a complete analysis

*cough*
(Captain Dispensible, Mon 25 Oct 2010, 17:01, closed)

Run. Run now and don't look back.

( Wanderer, Mon 25 Oct 2010, 17:13, closed)

^this^ in spades

( miltonlives on, Mon 25 Oct 2010, 17:19, closed)

Don't use a spade
Forensics today will find any trace of nutter remains!!!!!
( number5 has been fighting tramps and losing., Mon 25 Oct 2010, 18:20, closed)

Genuine advice
You say she is sane most of the time. Have you tried discussing her behaviour calmly, when she is calm herself? Does she know that she is behaving badly? Does she know what triggers it?
( seeballs Doo da da doo da da doo da da doo, da da doo da do, Mon 25 Oct 2010, 17:22, closed)

My ex confided in a mutual friend:
"I know I just provoke him into fights, but I don't know why I do it."

Yay.
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Mon 25 Oct 2010, 17:28, closed)

She justifies
all this by saying that "but I wouldn't be like this if I didn't love you".

You should politeley remind her that nobody can love or hate more than a madman/woman.

Ken, Fist of the North Star
(bROKEN aRROW PUA HVI Master, Mon 25 Oct 2010, 17:37, closed)

All of the above is true. She's mental, but... SHE SWALLOWS FFS!!
Had a similarly mad GF some years ago.

I just kept upping the let's experiment' stakes until I'd ticked off pretty much all the fantasies I'd always wanted to try by using the same 'you would if you loved me' back at her.

Unfortunately I met someone else and dumped her - oh boy, psycho stalker time went on for about 3 months...

Dave
( da5id <YOUR SIG HERE>, Mon 25 Oct 2010, 17:54, closed)

First things first
She will at some point for a period of time lose her sex drive (with you at least).
She will almost certainly not stop being ' a mental' for any period of time ever.

As far as I can tell your options are as follows:

-Run, get some minor cosmetic surgery, change your name by deed poll and tell her you're gay.
-Tell her that you can't bear being loved so much and don't feel worthy of her emotional intensity. You don't deserve her and need to let some other 'lucky' bloke reap the benefits etc.
-Stare impassively at her whenever she kicks off and start to hum to yourself. Refuse to react at all...she will eventually think of you as an emotionally retarded freak and feel unfulfilled enough to leave. Make sure your family do the same...they will undoubtedly do anything to assist you.
-Does she have male friends? Treat them the same as she treats your female ones.

Remember a swallow does not a summer make!
( number5 has been fighting tramps and losing., Mon 25 Oct 2010, 18:33, closed)

On a serious note
She could be bi- polar or something similar, in which case get out now ( I have the badge and the scar) but make sure she seeks professional help before you go.
( number5 has been fighting tramps and losing., Mon 25 Oct 2010, 18:36, closed)

sounds like she's insecure
The going off at family could be nerves about being in that situation believe it or not.
Going mad at you with some crap about love when it comes to your female friends is definately jealousy and posessiveness and some insecurity thrown in there for good measure.

Spin it back round on her "if you love me, you'll go see a counceller"

Also, when she's mouthing off about your female friends. Re assure her by saying that none of them do BJs half as good as she does. :)
(Miggyman, Mon 25 Oct 2010, 21:09, closed)

Props
A relationship is all about communication. I got chatting with my cousin last weekend who is also friends with multiple ladies and his then gf/now wife was super super super jealous. But bit by bit he would tell her, over, and over, and over, and over 300 more times before she understood that thats how it is. Guys can be friends with girls.

So yeh, in a nutshell, you need to talk to this girl. Sit her down, and call her on her issues. Or re-assure her. Could do a combo of both. Maybe assure her that these are good people you know and that your life is better for having them in it, but then put an edge on it by explaining that she is also pretty insecure and that makes her super unattractive.

Swallowing is not a get out of jail free card for outbursts in front of your family.
(lemonadegame, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 0:41, closed)

maybe not
but, it fucking helps to sooth the pain
(bad_advice QOTW survivor from the first trollocost!, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 2:51, closed)

^ this ^ in spades
(Large Hardon Collider Bah Bloody Humbug, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 3:04, closed)

Borderline Personality Disorder?
I've been in a similar situation. listen to what people around you are saying, run, change your phone number, and don't let her mess with your head.
(unoriginal spluffed so hard it came out her nose on, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 1:07, closed)

get rid

(Thebigfella, Wed 27 Oct 2010, 16:12, closed)