I wonder if this would work with modern xray equipment?
Cut the shape of a gun out of one of those antistatic bags. Discreetly place it in your intended victims carry on luggage, before she or he leaves for the airport.
(testdummy, Fri 14 May 2004, 8:19, Reply)

Landlord
I once poured half a bucket of abalone guts into a wall cavity, I also spent about 2 hours cutting every second thread in the carpet backing in the middle of the lounge room (biggest room).

I crawled into the roof cavity as well and carefully broke the TV antenna cable center conductor in multiple places.

This was all after the bastard landlord broke our rental agreement by kicking me out.

All I did was skateboard on the roof and cause a bit of ceiling plaster damage next door, and he kicks me out! Sheesh!

I'm not bitter.
(testdummy, Fri 14 May 2004, 8:05, Reply)

Pee Revenge
There is nothing more gratificating than seeing others drink your own urine, especially when mixed to some asshole nerdish twat's ribena.

Nerd - "It tastes funny today"

Me - "Must be because of the heat"

Nerd - "Yes. must be"

Obviously my friend, because of the heat
(Musk ox hygene inspector, Fri 14 May 2004, 7:55, Reply)

More fun at college.
During my second year at Hawaii Loa a stupid female student decided it would be cute to walk across a frequently trafficked section of dormitory parking lot on the hoods of several parked cars, mine included. It was just a POS Omni and I didn't care about the paint getting scuffed but she slightly caved the hood in and needlessly dinged sheetmetal really steams me. I tracked down her location in the dormitories (pretty easy as there were only 150 rooms total) and proceeded to wage a low level war of annoyance against her. I started with keys liberally smeared with the slow drying, gap filling superglue, inserted into both lock cylinders of the door and then savagely twisted off to ensure no purchase whatsoever for removal. After four of these attacks her locks were replaced with unique blanks, necessitating a shift in tactics: toner bombs.

I secured one of the numerous and poorly cataloged jars of copier/laser toner from the computer supply center and created a slim envelope/baffle to slip partially beneath her door. A simple stamping on the exposed portion of the sleeve and clouds of the fine black powder filled her room. You can never get rid of all of this stuff, so people were continually getting black streaks from touching things in that room for years afterwards. The carpet was immediately replaced: her clothes took a bit longer to be completely cycled out.

The next insult was one that I had some difficulty with as I am a wee bit squeamish around them: cockroaches. I'm not talking about the tiny German variety but those monsters that occupy the tropical areas and grow to three inches in length if you give them the chance. Another membrane delivery device was constructed and filled with the scuttling mass (aiee...). After assuring myself it would be alright even if a few made it back out in my direction I snuck over to her dormitory, slipped the deposit end beneath the door and pulled the release on the far end, lightly squeezing the back section to encourage the blattidae to head in the opposite direction. To my relief nearly all of them entered her room where they promptly tried to hide in all sorts of semi-secure areas, just waiting for the first touch to send them scurrying into the open. When she returned and began discovering the artificial infestation the screams were audible across the dormitory campus.

The final insult was an inadvertent one: she and her friends ordered several pizzas from the local delivery place one Friday night and upon their arrival refused to acknowledge or pay for them, from what the delivery guy told us. We found out because as he left the dormitory we noticed the hotbags were still full and asked him what was wrong. There were a bunch of us, we were hungry, the table we were at was empty and we cut a decent deal with him, ensuring a lot of nice business for the future. As we tore into the still hot meal the same girl and her friends wandered out from their room and quickly figuring out what happened asked us to share some of the food. It gave me and my friends great pleasure to tell them to get lost.

Yes, that was her first and last semester on that college campus.
( Felis Concolor, Fri 14 May 2004, 7:46, Reply)

Revenge
Our neighbours once reported us to the police for having too loud parties so we reported them as beating there kids to social services
(CheekyMonkey, Fri 14 May 2004, 6:58, Reply)

Sacked revenge...
When y sis was unfairly sacked for being a slacker,she went to the company office when they were on a 2 week summer shutdown, and scattered heaps of grass seeds through the letter box onto their lush carpet, and doused with water from a water bottle...left a nice lawn for when they came back to work..
I also sent gay porn to the home of her married boss while in Amsterdam
revenge is sweet!
(CUNextTuesday, Fri 14 May 2004, 6:55, Reply)

well,
there was this cunt, named bo. he would always come over to play my nintendo, one day, when i told him to leave; he broke my nintendo and my window by chucking it out the window. So the next day when he came over, i had set a trap. when he walked into the door a gas gun shot rubber balls at him. broke his rib and left some arse bruises. He never came over again.
( tolin its me, Fri 14 May 2004, 6:46, Reply)

Really mean but
I lived in Antigua in the West Indies, and some of the locals are somewhat 'homophobic'. After an evening of drinking rum at a beach bar, my mates and I were giving a local guy a ride back to his village. He had drunk a lot of rum, and had been verbally insulting a group of (quite obviously) gay tourinsts at a local night club. A few puffs on a joint and he was comatose in the back seat. The plot was hatched for a lesson he wouldn't forget in a hurry.

We laid him out on his front on the beach, pulled his trousers half way down his legs, and using a pen, inserted a condom (with some suntan cream in it) a few inches into his anus. We left him there.
(anotheradam, Fri 14 May 2004, 6:07, Reply)

These days, faxbombs are illegal, kids...
After getting fired because my handwriting was 'unprofessional', I decided to do a little more than just file for unfair dismissal. I did the usual thing of hiding a few prawns in my managers office, however then I decided to get a bit creative.

After photoshopping a picture of my (female) managers face onto a particularly strong piece of gay pornography (amazing how people will let a fired employee work back late on their last day - boggles the mind), I sent a fax bomb from the office fax to her managers fax, one from the reception to their managers fax, and from her fax to that of our biggest client, who I got on quite well with. I then called the client on his mobile (friday night he was at the pub) and told him that there was an urgent message waiting for him at work.

never did find out what the consequences were...
( gronkpan https://twitter.com/VomitingLarry, Fri 14 May 2004, 5:48, Reply)

you know when you get a hair in your mouth and you can't get it out..
back when i was in high school there was this really snotty bitch of a broad, and somehow i managed to put one of my pubes into her water bottle. my friend and i watched closely the whole class until after the last sip she made this disgusting look trying to pull the little fucker out of her mouth.
(retro, Fri 14 May 2004, 5:36, Reply)

Last one now. sorry for having so many, I must be evil.
If you dont like someone at school/college/uni/work. Wait till they leave the computer and open up their important documents and then proceed to add random words, sentence or whole paragraphs in places where they wont notice. I once sabotaged a friends business studies coursework by explainging how much Chinese people like rice at various intervals throughout a 20 page report. Needless to say the lazy twat didnt proof read it and failed after the teacher refused to mark it.
( Nimble Colin camera-wrangling, globe-trotting whisky enthusiast, Fri 14 May 2004, 5:35, Reply)

revenge
My sister invited a whole appartment block to her (ex) boyfriend's business dinner party. He was a real snob and hadn't invited her. She got hold of an invite and photocopied it, inviting all the residents. Apparently strangers kept arriving all through the evening with bottles and good neighbourly intentions.
(anotheradam, Fri 14 May 2004, 5:31, Reply)

Porn:
If someone is really conservative, uncomfortable and squeamish about sex and the discussion thereof (and deserving of revenge for some reason), this is perfect. Cut up about 4 or 5 complete porn magazines, the more depraved the better, and then proceed to hide the bits in all their belongings. I once helped a friend do this to his flatmate at uni and it was a top laugh. We waited till he was out and then filled everything he owned with pictures. His bag, his pencil case, his drawers, his cupboard, his books, coursework, we took apart his speakers and put some in there, wrapped round batteries in his torch, stuck underneath furniture, in his printer and computer case, literally almost everything he owned. They will still be turning up in a few years at this rate.
( Nimble Colin camera-wrangling, globe-trotting whisky enthusiast, Fri 14 May 2004, 5:30, Reply)

More tales to tell.
At school a girl in our class was a complete snotty bitch so a couple of people in my form forced her into the store cupboard, turned the light off and locked it from the outside while the teacher was out of the room. The cupboard was about 1 metre wide by 1.5 long and she had acute claustrophobia. How everyone chuckled as she screamed and banged on the door.
( Nimble Colin camera-wrangling, globe-trotting whisky enthusiast, Fri 14 May 2004, 5:24, Reply)

People with cars:
Last year at uni (the home of revenge it would seem), we (me & 2 friends) took loads of washing that had been left unclaimed at the laundrette and then proceeded to stuff it into the exhaust pipe of a Rover Metro (hateful little shitboxes) that belonged to someone my mate didnt like. We poked it all in with a stick to make sure it was well wedged & left a rather sexy looking basque hanging out of the end. The car didnt move for months after that. It also got a good kicking every time we walked past as well.

A related story: I know of someone at school who got revenge on a neighbour by getting their friends to roll the neighbour's car onto its roof in the middle of the night. That was also a Metro incedentally.
( Nimble Colin camera-wrangling, globe-trotting whisky enthusiast, Fri 14 May 2004, 5:21, Reply)

Culinary revenge:
Last year me and a couple of friends swapped over my flatmates salt and sugar. He didnt notice for six months.

In a restaurant that had somehow conned us out of an extra £10 so that we paid 300% for a meal that we had a 25% off voucher for, we used linked straws to siphon vinegar onto the carpet and then coke into the vinegar bottle.

I once retaliated against someone who put salt in my glass of water by going through about £70 worth of spirits and cocktail mixers and adding salt to them.

Me and a friend went through someones collection of professional quality kitchen knives and blunted them by using the sharpening steel in the wrong direction and also by attempting to cut the metal leg off a kitchen table. The knifes had trouble getting through a block of cheese after that and the victim could never work out why.

Throwing peoples belongings out of 3rd story windows is also simple and effective. This was the fate of most of the cutlery owned by the guy with the blunt knives.
( Nimble Colin camera-wrangling, globe-trotting whisky enthusiast, Fri 14 May 2004, 5:12, Reply)

Mate of mine
Had just broken up with an office fling after he found out she was also shagging their boss.

A couple of days later, he was on a course of antibiotics for a stomach bug, and was taking one in the lunchroom when she walked in and said "are you sick?"

He turned around and said "I need these for my Hep C, don't you remember?"
( gronkpan https://twitter.com/VomitingLarry, Fri 14 May 2004, 5:11, Reply)

Revenge #2:
Not by me but done to me. I had somehow pissed off my flatmates so when I went out one night they went into my room (I never lock the door, Im a trusting sort of person) and completely reversed every single item of furniture in there, bed, wardrobe, chest of drawers, computer, chairs, the lot. I came home absolutely bladdered, didnt notice my bed wasnt in the correct place and crashed out on the floor.
( Nimble Colin camera-wrangling, globe-trotting whisky enthusiast, Fri 14 May 2004, 5:04, Reply)

I have so many,
I'll try and just include the highlights and I'll put them up as I remember them.

Last year at uni we were constantly receiving post for a lad that had previouly lived in our flat and was clearly on some sort of engineering course. Every so often we would recieve a pack of postcards from over 200 different companies regarding their building supplies of various sorts. Each postcard had boxes to fill in so that you can have brochures and catalogues sent to you so I painstakingly filled them ALL in with the address of someone that lives on my road at home with whom I have a grudge. Every box asking for affiliates to send on info was ticked to ensure maximum junk mailage. The volume of post that goes to the house must be absolutely phenominal. Lesson: never threaten me with a hammer, there will be consequences (even if it takes 5 years).
( Nimble Colin camera-wrangling, globe-trotting whisky enthusiast, Fri 14 May 2004, 5:01, Reply)

The bastard deserved revenge. This is not the time to explain why, simply to tell how.
I filled a wheelie-bin 3/4 full of water, and emptied a few packets of watercress seeds into it. I waited till he went into his room (this was in a uni halls of residence) and then I partially tipped the bin up against his door, so that it was leaning on the door. When he opened the door (it opened inwards of course) the bin fell into his room and flooded it with water. Being winter, his carpet didn't dry out for a week. After a few damp days, it mysteriously began to sprout green shoots...
( Purple Martin is board sigless, Fri 14 May 2004, 4:22, Reply)

teachers always cop it...
I went to a slightly toffy boys school and we did some awful things to our teachers, but the one I'm most proud of was the havoc we wreaked on our italian teacher. His crime, by the way, was simply to teach us italian, but lets not let that get in the way.
He was small, slightly shabby, with grey/brown hair, glasses and an improbably big nose. He looked distinctly ratty.
We used to cover the chalkboard with rat footprints, put rat traps on his chair, shredded newspaper in his drawers, fake droppings around the corners of the room - you name it. In a move that must have left him in no doubt as to the main perpetrator, I started wearing a stuffed mouse (one of those cat toys) as a badge. I even fashioned little silver rimmed glasses for it.
In the end, everyone in the school, including the other staff, knew him as the rat.
( woowoowoo, Fri 14 May 2004, 4:20, Reply)

bad teacher
we have all had a bad teacher who just hates us. mine was my 10th grade english teacher. the year after i was out of her class, she ended up being the head of the prom committee i was on. i asked her if i could go to my locker to get a tampon because i had started my period. she said yes and told me that it sucked to me to have my period during the prom and that she had already finished with hers.
to make a long story short, i went into her classroom and peed all over her carpet and then wiped snot on her chair. not very mature, but it got my point across, even if she never knew about it :)
(i watch the cars, Fri 14 May 2004, 3:58, Reply)

The one that worked
My big brother HATED me when we were kids--and for no reason, really. He would hit me and narc on me every day. The only thing I can remember doing to him that worked was this (way too long) story:

When we took showers and the bathroom mirrors got fogged up, we were told not to draw on the fog with our fingers, cause the oils in our hands would streak the glass (yeah strict parents). If we did draw on em we'd have to clean the mirror, which was about half the wall of the bathroom, and we were kids, so it was a huge deal. Anyway, one time after my brother got out of the shower I went into the bathroom and wrote his name in it. But since I was a kid, my handwriting was worse than my brothers, so I got caught (like I did with just about everything I tried) (being a terrible liar didn't help matters any). So anyway I came up with a better plan the next time--I went in after my bro had taken a long shower and put my hand on the mirror, then added an extra digit to each finger to make the handprint his size. No amount of me being a terrible liar could save him that time. The moral of the story is: NOBODY COUNTS THE DIGITS. NOBODY EVER COUNTS THE DIGITS.
(RunningFool, Fri 14 May 2004, 3:55, Reply)

Keep getting fired
My dear darling ex boyfriend landed me in a lot of trouble 2 years ago - jail, etc - long long story, most of you know it.
Anyway, he still lives in the area, and was spotted working in a supermarket that is well known for drug-testing its employees. He'd obviously used someone elses piss as he's a big stoner. One quick call to Head Office and a week later he was called for random drug testing and fired for failing :)

He was then spotted working in a lumber yard, so friends of mine kept calling the company and asking them to talk to him as "she needed money for the baby". 3 phne calls later, he was fired.
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Fri 14 May 2004, 3:24, Reply)

Effortless Revenge
My friend and I got evicted from a cushy, cheap, apartment in Cambridge (the other one, in Massachusetts) by a couple of jerk landlords who converted the building into condominiums. We found another place that happened to be near the largest shopping center in the area.

This shopping center had a strict parking lot policy because of the shortage of local parking and the guards were quick to have a car towed away if they saw the owner leave the premises. Parking only for patrons! A few days after we moved, I was walking to the store and noticed the ex-landlord's car in the lot. I went and stood next to the driver's side door until one of the guards looked at me, then haughtily sauntered off the premises, across the street, and into a bar. I sat by the front window and enjoyed the spectacle of the car being towed as I quaffed a cold one. It was especially gratifying to see the ex-landlord come out from shopping with bags of groceries only to find the car missing.

Four or five more times over the next year my friends and I spotted one of the two ex-landlords' cars in that parking lot. "Hey guys, time for a pint and a side order of vengeance."
(Wahoo, Fri 14 May 2004, 3:01, Reply)

More Natural Justice than revenge, but hey...
Shared a farmhouse at college with 4 other mates in our second year. In the first year we all got on fine, but then we weren't living together then...
One of the five was an only child, and the apple of his wealthy father's eye. This farmhouse had no heating (other than open fires) and only an outside bog. The hot water heater for the bath never worked in the year that we were there, had to use the showers at the college gym. Yes it was up north, students were harder then...
Spoilt lad of course has a big electric fire and electric blanket etc which were left on morning noon and night. We used to turn them off, he'd turn them back on. As we had previously agreed to divide all the bills equally we were a little unimpressed, especially as his "daddy paid".
One lad had a mate from home come to stay, and she was a gorgeous nurse, and an unshockable one too. Needless to say spoilt lad, who was a handsome devil and used to getting his way with women took a shine to her. Bless her, she was having none of it. The last morning that she was with us we were awoken by an outraged scream, she'd tied a pink bow round his knob while he was asleep. He put a lock on the door that same morning.
One of the crew was raised on a farm on a diet that contained plenty of unpasteurised milk etc, so food poisening was a foreign land to him. Every day when he came in from college he used to get the frying pan and concoct a student meal which became known as onions, rice and shit, (the shit being anything else he could find in the fridge). This one time the shit was some very old sausages. Spoilt lad comes through the kitchen and helps himself to a piece of sausage from the pan while farmboys back is turned. Within the hour spoilt is shitting through the eye of a needle and being copiously sick in the lean-to basher while farmer has eaten the lot with no ill effects.
Spoilt had an obsession with Bladerunner and when it came on the telly we were all sat round to watch it (first TV showing I think) AND he's got the VCR set up to record it. He'd been boring us about it for weeks. Half way through the telly goes of as does the video. Spoilt goes frantic. He goes to check the fuses, sure enough one is gone, so he replaces the fuse wire and puts it back. POP. Repeat. POP. Oh dear. By now he is beside himself. Once we were sure that he was close to giving himself an aneurism one of the lads went upstairs and removed the plug with the live shorted to earth that he'd put into a time switch several hours earlier...
I could go on cause there were loads of these little games, but that was probably the best of them.

Further to the Onions, Rice and shit story, the farming lad never ever did the washing up, never, not even once. When we started to get on his case about it he calmly took the washing up bowl outside and shot it several times. (We had a shooting gallery set up on the top corridor, hence the gun).
When he got home from college the next day we had prepared his O,R and S for him already, except that the shit was manure harvested from "Gusto", the lonely pony in the adjoining field. Farmlad just emptied it into the bin,gave it a half hearted rinse under the tap, and cooked his dinner in it, again with no trace of ill effects. Bugger.
( A Lurker jacked up on B3ta on, Fri 14 May 2004, 2:48, Reply)

I've quite a few
I used to fight quite a bit with my older brother and I'd do little things to drive him insane. That one that worked best was just poking a hole with a thumbtack on the bottom of his Cup Noodles (the kind you fill with boiling water and let it sit?) Luckily he never found out it was me.

Ah, the joys of being young and having no common sense.
(Cabus, Fri 14 May 2004, 2:23, Reply)

Dont use your normal pass for everything
I used to work at a Internet cafe, and every so often people would forget passwords and expect me to psychicly know them, however one was very special.

This bloke calls me over, so I go over, and he tells his tale of woe, turns out his girlfriend of the time had found out he had been using a internet dating service behind her back, guess the password and changed his preferences to Gay S&M submissive, changed his password and posted his mobile phone number for all to see, I got a regular to cover as I went out the back to wet myself with laughter.

Serves the bugger right ;)
(Spoonlord, Fri 14 May 2004, 2:16, Reply)

In High School
Bear in mind, I went to a southern US high school in a redneck farming town.

As a budding computer geek, I was given the chance to design the school's webpage (hosted by a local ISP). The woman put in charge of myself and two others was completely ignorant of anything related to web design, or the internet for that matter. We published a very nice flash marquee that could be altered by simply changing a textfile, for updates and info on school events. She failed to upload it properly. We put together a photo archive site for her and the photography students to use. She broke it.

As I understand (nearly 5 years later), she still gets animal sex pornography, urine related pornography, and good ole lesbian pornography in her e-mail at the school. She's quite the Southern Belle, too.
(Floz sells fried objects, Fri 14 May 2004, 2:13, Reply)