If any of the people who were there read this, they'll know who I am (or, at the very least, what I've done)
For some bizarre reason, as part of my Masters degree, I had to come up with a phylogeny showing the 'evolution' of biscuit. Yes, I had to draw a little chart showing how biscuits had changed through the ages as part of a flippin' Masters degree course. I was so proud of my work I sent it into a website (I think it was something like acupofteaandachat.com or some such). Unfortunately the laptop that stored this wonderful piece of research died about three years ago otherwise I would share it with you

If it helps, in my opinion, custard cream are the pinnacle of biscuit evolution.

Don't ask me about Jaffa cakes.
( Funkenschlag still likes dogs more than cats, Fri 14 Aug 2009, 10:18, 35 replies)

Jaffa cakes?
Eh?
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Fri 14 Aug 2009, 10:27, closed)

they're not a biscuit
tis in the name
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 14 Aug 2009, 10:31, closed)

Must disagree.
They're biscuity.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Fri 14 Aug 2009, 10:33, closed)

What aren't they called "Jaffa Biscuits" then?
Don't you know about the Biscuit Rule?
( Cawl, Fri 14 Aug 2009, 10:37, closed)

According to Twittering Steven Fry
A cake starts off soft and gets hard if left for a couple of days* while a buscuit starts off hard and gets softer if left.



*Couple of days? Cake? does no one in acedmia have either Kids or a 38 inch waistline?
(Gru being trolled since 1998, Fri 14 Aug 2009, 10:40, closed)

Ten points so you.
Although you get deducted 9 of those for being unable to spell "biscuit".
( Cawl, Fri 14 Aug 2009, 10:41, closed)

Biscuit
comes from the French, meaning twice baked. As far as I know they are. I shall consult Wiki, as far as I know, that's always right.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Fri 14 Aug 2009, 10:45, closed)

It says they're a biscuit like cake.
I just don't know.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Fri 14 Aug 2009, 10:47, closed)

So a cake then.
There was a recent court case involving them, something to do with there being a tax on cake, but not biscuits, er... "Luxury rather than an essential", I seem to recall. Could be the other way around.
But they're cakes.
( Cawl, Fri 14 Aug 2009, 10:51, closed)

It was to do with VAT apparentluy.
A 12 inch Jaffa cake was made, proving it to be a cake.

I give up, you win.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Fri 14 Aug 2009, 10:57, closed)

Here we go:
"Under UK law, no Value Added Tax (VAT) is charged on biscuits and cakes — they are "zero rated". Chocolate covered biscuits, however, are subject to VAT, currently 15%. McVities classed its Jaffa Cakes as cakes, but in 1991, this was challenged by Her Majesty's Customs and Excise and the case ended up before the courts.[9] This may have been because Jaffa Cakes are about the same size and shape as some types of biscuit, and particularly because they are commonly eaten alongside, or instead of, traditional biscuits. A question that the court asked itself was "what criteria should be used to class something as a cake?"
McVities defended its classification of Jaffa Cakes as cakes. In doing so it produced a 12" (30 cm) Jaffa Cake to illustrate that its Jaffa Cakes were simply miniature cakes.[10]
McVities argued that a distinction between cakes and biscuits is, among other things, that biscuits would normally be expected to go soft when stale, whereas cakes would normally be expected to go hard. It was demonstrated to the Tribunal that Jaffa Cakes become hard when stale. Other factors taken into account by the Chairman, Mr Potter QC, included the name, ingredients, texture, size, packaging, marketing, presentation, appeal to children, and manufacturing process. Contrary to a commonly held belief, whether something is considered a 'luxury item' is not a test for VAT purposes.
Mr Potter ruled that the Jaffa Cake is a cake. McVities therefore won the case and VAT is not paid on Jaffa Cakes.[11]"

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jaffa_Cakes#Cake_or_biscuit.3F
( Cawl, Fri 14 Aug 2009, 10:57, closed)

A foot long Jaffa Cake would go down nicely right now.
Bit hard to dunk though.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Fri 14 Aug 2009, 11:00, closed)

Unless you have a bath
Of coffee... Mmmm...
( Cawl, Fri 14 Aug 2009, 11:01, closed)

Yeah...
There was much anger about this one. I came down on the side of 'there's a hint in the name'. Others in the room at the time disagreed vehemently. This led to angry words and someone calling me a cnut.
( Funkenschlag still likes dogs more than cats, Fri 14 Aug 2009, 11:14, closed)

Did you shank the fucker?

( Cawl, Fri 14 Aug 2009, 11:15, closed)

I'd have clubbed him and eaten his bones

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 14 Aug 2009, 11:21, closed)

I would have
but they might have attacked my enchanted shin.

Anyway, after being called this I laughed in the person's face and they left (the room, not the course). But honestly, of all the things to have an argument about effing Jaffa cakes and their place on a diagram? It was surreal, it really was.
( Funkenschlag still likes dogs more than cats, Fri 14 Aug 2009, 11:33, closed)

Wars
have been fought over less.
The War of the Roses. Fucking flowers.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Fri 14 Aug 2009, 11:29, closed)

that's some good internet case-proving

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 14 Aug 2009, 11:12, closed)

I do my best to provide
A valuable educational service.
( Cawl, Fri 14 Aug 2009, 11:14, closed)

Nicecupofteaandasitdown.com?
Nicey and Wifey are long term members of b3ta and possibly the nicest biscuit enthusiasts you'll ever meet.

I very much doubt they'd have ignored your work - ask them if it's been backed up.
( chthonic, Fri 14 Aug 2009, 10:47, closed)

Custard Cremes are awesome
but bourbons are better because they are choclatey.

So there.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Fri 14 Aug 2009, 10:50, closed)

Hobnobs.
Get my vote.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Fri 14 Aug 2009, 10:54, closed)

plain chocolate digestives
are all a man needs. i must stress how important it is that they are plain chocolate ones though. you can take your milk chocolate digestives and fuck right off.
(TheManWithThePlan cussed your mum on, Fri 14 Aug 2009, 10:57, closed)

What are your views on dark chocolate Hobnobs then?
You sound a biscuit chap.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Fri 14 Aug 2009, 11:03, closed)

funnily enough
i have not tried dark chocolate hobknobs, and actually like the milk chocolate variety.

i'm not a biscuit person really, but when i do have a biscuit i like to do it properly.
(TheManWithThePlan cussed your mum on, Fri 14 Aug 2009, 11:16, closed)

or
dark choc gingernuts.

Although they are very hard to find, it seems.
(haberman is singing in the changes, Fri 14 Aug 2009, 11:42, closed)

Can someone invent
chocolate covered custard creams?

surely that would be the best ever biscuit.

While we're on the subject Jacobs orange Club fookin rock!!
(magic the cat will someone please think of the kittens, Fri 14 Aug 2009, 11:46, closed)

No
that would be eleven types of wrong.

Custard ream OR chocolate. The two together would cause all life as you know it to stop instantaneously and you'd find yourself confined forever in another dimension. So consider yourself warned.
( Funkenschlag still likes dogs more than cats, Fri 14 Aug 2009, 11:56, closed)

Ow
I hate it when that happens.
(richardm, Fri 14 Aug 2009, 15:30, closed)

Fuck it.
I'm off to Sainsburys. For to be an internet biscuit fatty.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Fri 14 Aug 2009, 11:47, closed)

Marks and Spencer
used to do a cracking dark chocolate ginger nut biscuit. I'm not sure if they still do 'em though as I'm too poor to be allowed in to check. My dad used to get them once a week as a special treat back in the murky mists of the 1990's when I still lived with the parental units.
( Funkenschlag still likes dogs more than cats, Fri 14 Aug 2009, 11:49, closed)

And Thorntons too
Yep, they still do them. And Thorntons do a variety as well IIRC.
Dammit now I have cravings....
(TheProfessor For all your redbearded intellectual needs, Mon 17 Aug 2009, 15:54, closed)

Ooh,
didn't know Thorntons did 'em. I shall have to sample their wares this week when I get paid. The fact that Marksies still do 'em makes my heart soar like a thing that soars very well indeed. Good Lord I loved those biscuits. Then I discovered 'girls'. Stupid girls, stealing all the good biscuits, meant I had to resort to 'Rich Tea' and garbage like that.
( Funkenschlag still likes dogs more than cats, Mon 17 Aug 2009, 22:36, closed)

you get a click
but only because you have the correct stance on the Jaffa Cake. Unfortunately, the only jaffa cakes I can find in this part of the world are some weird slavic brand (slovenian or croatian).
I fancy a jaffa cake now....
( Sextant goes to him is emotionally erect, on this day, Sun 16 Aug 2009, 18:21, closed)