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This is a question Biggest Sexual Regret

Our glorious leader Rob asks: Most of us have done it, right? You've seen a grown lady/man naked, right? What's your biggest regret connected to The Acts of Venus? "Your Mum" does not an answer make, but big fat lies about threesomes are welcome.

(, Thu 8 Dec 2011, 13:34)
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A few years ago,
I was was working in a club in Scotland. We closed early one night so i decided I'd pop over to the bar we all went to on sundays and have a wee pint. I was in there for about half an hour - sober - amongst a bar full of drunk people. That didn't last long though, quite a few of the local girls started buying me nasty little shots with nasty little names and things got blurry.

Anyhow, i noticed across the bar a tall blonde woman was wearing a hustler shirt. She made eye contact and when i said "nice shirt", she lifted it. A bit unexpected, but later I end up at her house drinking coffee and whisky while she talked on the phone to someone. After maybe twenty minutes she finished her conversation and we went outside for a smoke, got halfway through before the tongue-wrestling began, then up to her room.

She must have been early thirties, but had a stunning body. I got her clothes off and noticed she had very nice lady bits so I went down town for pizza. Thought i did a marvelous job, and when I couldn't hold back any longer I came up and mounted her.

She was asleep.

This is what I did:

Pulled out, got dressed and took her bottle of whiskey for the walk home.

This is what i should have done:

Stuck it in her arse, jizzed under her pillow and taken the whiskey home.
Fucking wish i had.

Turns out she had a boyfriend who approached me at work a week later, I denied everything, he was a cunt anyway. And it turns out quite a few of the local ladies fancied me, hence the free shots. I never had a clue. Now I'm on the other side of the world in a long term relationship with one of Hitler's offspring.

Sorry about the length not being used more deviously on that cunts girlfriend.
(, Sat 10 Dec 2011, 1:17, 40 replies)
I call bullshit
If you were working in a bar in Scotland, you'd know they spell it "whisky".
(, Sat 10 Dec 2011, 7:06, closed)
counter call of bullshit
if you were in Scotland would you be working at all?
or for that matter educated/sober enough to spell whiskey?
(, Sat 10 Dec 2011, 10:48, closed)
get tae fuck yabasssard
And the OP sounds like a lovely person. I mean, who doesn't wish they hadn't raped a passed-out woman, hey?
(, Sat 10 Dec 2011, 11:21, closed)
/\ to many spaces between words/\
i my humble but long experience it would go some thing like this
(, Sat 10 Dec 2011, 11:39, closed)
B- for spelling mistakes
(, Sat 10 Dec 2011, 12:13, closed)
So your biggest regret is not committing rape?

(, Sat 10 Dec 2011, 11:23, closed)
Oh man. Brilliant.
You didn't sodomise an unconscious girl. You're a proper gent. And not a creepy wannabe rapist.
(, Sat 10 Dec 2011, 11:40, closed)

(, Sat 10 Dec 2011, 11:58, closed)
Wow. You regret NOT raping someone?
Fucking hell.
(, Sat 10 Dec 2011, 12:01, closed)
Fuck off back to mumsnet.

(, Sat 10 Dec 2011, 12:04, closed)
Haha I can't believe you didn't rape an unconcious girl. What are you, some kind of faggot?

(, Sat 10 Dec 2011, 12:13, closed)
Haha you're such a Lad
(, Sat 10 Dec 2011, 12:15, closed)
I think you're all missing a key point.
He 'pulled out,' which to me implies that he penetrated an unconscious woman. Sounds pretty rapey to me.
(, Sat 10 Dec 2011, 13:13, closed)
So the story really is 'I regret not finishing up the rape I was in the middle of doing on an unconcious woman'.

(, Sat 10 Dec 2011, 13:25, closed)

(, Sat 10 Dec 2011, 14:00, closed)
Oh hang on...
'when I couldn't hold back any longer I came up and mounted her.

She was asleep.'

So not only is he not very good at cunnilingus he IS a rapist.
(, Sat 10 Dec 2011, 14:37, closed)
I'm 50/50
On whether this is actually a nicely weighted bit of trolling
(, Sat 10 Dec 2011, 15:14, closed)

She must have been early thirties, BUT had a stunning body... dont you mean AND, or are you 12?
(, Sat 10 Dec 2011, 18:11, closed)
When i spelled it 'whisky' it turned red so i went american on it.
I was twenty, and I say stunning because she hadn't had kids so the finer details were all good. You know, stretch marks, nipples and such.
I THOUGHT I was doing a marvelous job - being twenty and very drunk, I mean i only had a hard on because i was twenty.
And i regret not shagging all the other girls in town due to being captain oblivious himself.

It was a decent drop though, a fine single malt.
(, Sat 10 Dec 2011, 19:16, closed)
So, you're a rapist with refined tastes then?

(, Sat 10 Dec 2011, 20:27, closed)
Cheer up.
I've done my fair share of anal rape. To be honest, it's not all it's cracked up to be.
(, Sat 10 Dec 2011, 19:45, closed)
I like to think I have taste.
And I was not aware of consent being withdrawn.
(, Sat 10 Dec 2011, 20:30, closed)
You're honestly too thick to understand any of this, aren't you?

(, Sun 11 Dec 2011, 16:41, closed)
Tell it to the judge, Glitter.

(, Sun 11 Dec 2011, 19:21, closed)
fair legal point
Morally corrupt, but there are very few DPP's that would touch this.
(, Tue 13 Dec 2011, 15:39, closed)
Yeah, I'm clicking 'I like this' in the hope that your 'I raped a woman and wish I'd raped her more'' post gets on the popular page.
That way, even if it is just trolling, you'll be stuck with it anyway.
(, Sat 10 Dec 2011, 22:01, closed)
Thats actually a brilliant title, I regret not thinking of that myself.

(, Sat 10 Dec 2011, 22:13, closed)
So you regret being poor with words
but not being a rapist.

It's a shame you've written all this from an account that's so easily traceable back to you.
(, Sun 11 Dec 2011, 10:26, closed)
I woke up once to find The Lovely Mrs Ring of Fire sucking my cock.
It's only now, after reading these replies, that I realise I should have immediately phoned the police.
(, Sun 11 Dec 2011, 12:11, closed)
Would you have felt any different
if she had woken you up by buggering you with a strap-on? And not been your wife?
(, Sun 11 Dec 2011, 16:30, closed)
No. I'd immediately phone the police then as well.

(, Sun 11 Dec 2011, 17:10, closed)
Hurray! It's the point-missing white knight patrol!

(, Sun 11 Dec 2011, 16:49, closed)
it's someone taking a joke too seriously.
(, Sun 11 Dec 2011, 17:10, closed)
God bless you Ringo, always willing to fight the corner of the sex offender.

(, Sun 11 Dec 2011, 17:20, closed)
It's time the prejudice faced by the sex offending community was confronted.

(, Sun 11 Dec 2011, 17:35, closed)
I'm now guessing,
Maybe I shouldn't post the stories about my experiments with pyronecropaedophilia.
(, Sun 11 Dec 2011, 21:58, closed)

the stories about my experiments with pyronecropaedophilia.
(, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 9:04, closed)
Devastating put-down.
Nice, they should leave that one open for ever.
(, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 20:29, closed)
The biggest regret? Not drawing a dick on her forehead - with six hairs on each ball.
(, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 21:33, closed)
Perhaps Shambo
You should take your own advise
(, Tue 13 Dec 2011, 12:24, closed)

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