Ok, first go at this. *awaits random flaming*
Long time lurker, but signed up in the end. Lurked since so apologies to the profile hunters.

One new years eve we were all out at the local and had our fill of ale. I was 18, had a crush on a girl a couple of years younger than me (enter Shambolic) but nothing ever happened there, other than I got to know her brother who was the same age as me. Ended up working as slaves at the same supermarket and became the best of friends. That night, Steve (as was his name) became increasingly interested with an "older lady" with a face like a bag of spanners who was with the group of girls we met there. She was ancient - a whole 7 years older than us. She had a young daughter and was known as a bit of a bike locally so I wasn't impressed, even less so with her interest in my best mate.

Anyhoo, drinks were had, midnight rolled past and the pub kicked us out. By this stage I had decided that this harriden was not fit for my mate and he should abandon his attempts to get laid. Being a mate, and drunk, this translated into "are you sure about this?" which was met with "yep I`m in, see you tomorrow".

I left and the deed was done. Thus followed the next 4 weeks of him telling me all the things they got up to, how well she gave head, the positions they tried and how often he made her cum (which to me at the time as a fully paid up member of the virgin club was wankbank gold, and worth taking notes for). Finally things got the better of him and he gave her the old "it's not you, it's me" speech. "You deserve better, you shouldn't be with me". Cue a distraught phone call to yours truely from said lass, who I had oddly formed a friendship with despite my initial misgivings. She was my best friends girlfriend after all, so I thought I should at least try to get along.

Long story short, after Steve dumped her in the best way he knew how, she called me. A few months later and the woman I had grave misgivings about and made some half arsed attempt to warn my mate about, became my girlfriend. There began the next 10 years of my life being manipulated and physically abused by this cow. *edit* should point out that I finally ended the relationship by giving her a grand so she could fuck off from my house which she refused to leave and set up elsewhere. The good old "you're dumped" simply failed to work - in her mind she had rights to live in the house I rented in my name whilst she was not paying a damn thing. Shortly before she finally fucked off she moved into one of her friend's house and whilst I thought salvation had come that only lasted two weeks before she moved back. I still wish I knew how her friend managed to banish her in one night when it took me months and a large amount of cash to shift her arse from my house.

Eventually I met a lovely girl where I worked at the time who had had a strikingly similar 10 year relationship with a guy who was equally adept at the mental and physical manipulation techniques. We got talking and eventually went on a date. She's upstairs in bed now as I type this and I couldn't be happier (not that I`m on b3ta and she's nicely out the way - I mean in a good way). More importantly she's happy too.

The regret? I`ve only had two sexual partners? Nah not really. We wasted 10 perfectly good years of our lives under the thumb of someone else who manipulated their way into our minds so much so that even the thought of breaking up was taboo. My girl and I could have met earlier maybe, had things been different, but I`m a firm believer in that your experiences to date make you the person you are. Had I met her first, all those years ago, I`d still have been an immature 18 year old and who knows where it would have gone. The life we have now? Unlikely, as much as I wish it were otherwise.

So for the tldr crew, with the exception of Chart Cat's post, dont regret what you`ve done or missed. It makes you who you are now. Shit happens (no pun intended) but things generally work out for the best.
(sumi, Thu 15 Dec 2011, 1:00, 48 replies)

Have you spent all week composing this?
It reads like a Famous Five yarn.
( P-MONKE We're all fucked, Thu 15 Dec 2011, 1:34, closed)

I believe it possible
apart from the grand. That offends my Northern sensibilities.
(zebideedoodah likes florence but prefers venice, Thu 15 Dec 2011, 1:42, closed)

Obviously
she was a cow from what you've said - nice to see a guy owning their part though! There's a lot of dominant female hatred on here, often men let it happen...
(wavylines ~~~~~~~~~~, Thu 15 Dec 2011, 2:58, closed)

I liked your cueing for Shambo.
So that's a click from me (feel honored - I rarely tell people, not 1 of those luuved up *click* types am I).
Trust me tho - Shambles really doesn't need a cue in, it's not like he appears to have anything else to do with his time.
;-)
EDIT: I wouldn't have given her any money. But that's just me & my opinion
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Thu 15 Dec 2011, 4:05, closed)

Stone Cold Steve Austin was overrated and ruined wrestling.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 15 Dec 2011, 8:49, closed)

LIES!

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 15 Dec 2011, 8:57, closed)

His 2001 Royal Rumble "triumph" over Kane was one of the weakest girlie fights in WWF's tragic demise.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 15 Dec 2011, 9:05, closed)

That was an excellent RR

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 15 Dec 2011, 9:20, closed)

It was.
Ummm ... I mean ... no. It was rubbesh. They were all whimpy and gay.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 15 Dec 2011, 9:24, closed)

No shame in admitting you were a fan of wrestling when you were younger
The problem is when you still like it, and have booked the day off after Wrestlemania, so you can watch it live.

*whistles*
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 15 Dec 2011, 9:54, closed)

Ha!

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 15 Dec 2011, 9:57, closed)

I think the rot set in
With Hulk Hogan
(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Thu 15 Dec 2011, 10:59, closed)

Can't help it
After several years of not watching it, through boredom I had a quick look at what was going on, and now I think it's brilliant again.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 15 Dec 2011, 11:11, closed)

*flames, randomly*
You're a total doormat, who thinks he might be a nonce?

Disclaimer: not random.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 15 Dec 2011, 9:07, closed)

Dude. Harsh.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 15 Dec 2011, 9:25, closed)

People who like dogs smell worse than people who like cats.
And are far less interesting in bed.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 15 Dec 2011, 9:09, closed)

What if you like both equally?

(Bababoon, Thu 15 Dec 2011, 11:10, closed)

Graeme Souness had a rubbish moustache.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 15 Dec 2011, 9:10, closed)

Kiwis like to pretend that they sound different to Aussies but they totally don't.
And they're both rubbish at sports and drinking.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 15 Dec 2011, 9:10, closed)

Ah, the rugby?

(yourmumonastickwithmintsauce, Thu 15 Dec 2011, 9:37, closed)

See that bit where it says *awaits random flaming*? Got it? No? Yes? No? Never mind.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 15 Dec 2011, 9:41, closed)

Oh you fucking didn't!
Is nothing sacred with you?
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Thu 15 Dec 2011, 12:13, closed)

The phrase "long time lurker" always pisses me off as I have said before because it sounds like the person is trying to get kudos.
Long time lurker? Really? You are so cooooool!!!!!!!! You must have been with B3ta since the beginning? Were you shagging Rob when he thought of it?


Who fucking cares!



Also. Hi and welcome to QOTW Sumi.
( The Mock Turtle ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Thu 15 Dec 2011, 9:35, closed)

You care.
I don't mind one way or the other because I'm soooooo cool.
( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Thu 15 Dec 2011, 9:38, closed)

I care, you are right. IT FUCKING GRINDS MY GEARS.
( The Mock Turtle ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Thu 15 Dec 2011, 9:42, closed)

I am so aloof that I didn't even read past the title.
People who read the body of a message are like totally square.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 15 Dec 2011, 9:43, closed)

Ah, but it works so well in real life, too:
"Hi, I've been watching you from afar, and I like what I've seen. We should totally hang out."
Never fails.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 15 Dec 2011, 9:40, closed)

Cunts who say they like Brussel Sprouts to try and look all different and interesting. Nobody likes sprouts.

( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Thu 15 Dec 2011, 9:40, closed)

Too right! Sprouts are spheres of pure evil

(IHateSprouts is baking a huge pie shaped like an enormous pie, Thu 15 Dec 2011, 9:41, closed)

I like sprouts,
and you are victimising me.

I'm telling.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 15 Dec 2011, 9:43, closed)

I also like sprouts in a totally honest and non-ironic way.
I even grow sprouts. Can I be in your clique. I'm dead good at holding hands. I don't fidget or sweat much and most of the scabs have come off.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 15 Dec 2011, 9:44, closed)

I have made
so many friends, this way.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 15 Dec 2011, 9:53, closed)

I love sprouts
my favourite vegetable. Cooked for hours until the are a sloppy mess is my favourite.
(Bababoon, Thu 15 Dec 2011, 11:11, closed)

This is a well-written story, please stick around
There's too many kids showing off and trying in vain to be funny, these days.
(IHateSprouts is baking a huge pie shaped like an enormous pie, Thu 15 Dec 2011, 9:40, closed)

You don't need that last comma.
Or ... you know ... any of those words.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 15 Dec 2011, 9:43, closed)

I was referring to stuff like mentioning mums, endless Star Wars refs and pretending to be violent to women

(IHateSprouts is baking a huge pie shaped like an enormous pie, Thu 15 Dec 2011, 9:47, closed)

I heard your mum dresses as Boba Fett and beats up schoolgirls.
I'm not saying it's definitely true. It's just what I've heard.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 15 Dec 2011, 9:50, closed)

She does beat up schoolgirls, occasionally
She's a dinner lady in a girl's school
(IHateSprouts is baking a huge pie shaped like an enormous pie, Thu 15 Dec 2011, 9:54, closed)

This is easily the most arousing thing that has been posted this week.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 15 Dec 2011, 9:57, closed)

^wanking to qotw answers^

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 15 Dec 2011, 10:08, closed)

^^Wanking to MM^^

( The Mock Turtle ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Thu 15 Dec 2011, 10:41, closed)

Anybody who doesn't wank to MM is clearly gay.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 15 Dec 2011, 10:50, closed)

My Mum's 65, so she'd be chuffed at the thought of someone cracking one off while imagining her in a pinny slapping girls
Oh no. I'm getting drawn in.
(IHateSprouts is baking a huge pie shaped like an enormous pie, Thu 15 Dec 2011, 10:58, closed)

Maybe your mother is 65
but she has the minge of a 25 year old.
( The Mock Turtle ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Thu 15 Dec 2011, 11:43, closed)

You mean a minge that's been crocheted from the discarded pubic hair of a 25 year ... oh ... back in a mo.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 15 Dec 2011, 12:02, closed)

.. in a box
oh no, wait
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 15 Dec 2011, 12:07, closed)

An everyday minge, and one for special occasions.

( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Thu 15 Dec 2011, 14:08, closed)

10 years!
It can't have been all bad...can it?
( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Thu 15 Dec 2011, 9:43, closed)