please god
let it end. need a new topic. can't keep...going...*nngggggg*...like...this.

*slumps foward into vat of coffee and dies a wet, murky brown death*.
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Fri 2 Dec 2005, 10:47, Reply)

$£"*Kkgfkkk
Iiii hhaaabvvvveee beeen pressing F555 nnow forrr 17 fuucckkinng houursss….. cann’’t driinnnkk annyyymoorreee cooofffiiieeee!!!!
(Minty Hit, Fri 2 Dec 2005, 10:31, Reply)

Angry of London.
Look, mate, today I will mostly be making lots of tea and coffee, photocopying and generally being underappreciated. I NEED this in my life, I NEED YOU QOTW. I cannot possibly get through the rest of the day with you. You are my sole, my love, my LIFE.

Come to me QOTW, please, don't make me beg. I'd do anything for you, you know that. Don't you remeber that time in the 24 hour café where we spent that beautiful night together? Does that mean NOTHING to you? I thought you cared. I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME?!?

I HATE YOU. You have so many memories of mine and I want them back, all that time we spent together, I regret. Years of my life that I will NEVER get back.

*Sob*
(Spoil Me please, oh, please, Fri 2 Dec 2005, 10:25, Reply)

AWFUL
I fathered stusut79. Sorry guys.
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Fri 2 Dec 2005, 10:24, Reply)

Hello?
Hello? Is there anyone there? I’ve been locked in this question of the week for what feels like an eternity.
It's dark and I’m cold. Oh God, I think there is some one else in here with me. I can hear them breathing.....
Fu*k, something just touched my leg. I'm certain...sssshhhhh... wait.....There it was again....
Oh great, now I just shit my pants, and a bit of wee wee come out. I'm going to die here. My poor poo and wee stained body is going to be discovered weeks from now, then paraded in front of the new QOTW. Maybe I should wear a hat and a sexy dress?
I’m bored now. I think I will tuck my peenee between my legs and pretend I’m a dancer. A beautiful dancer.
i don't want a new QOTW any way. i'll just play with my man-gina. My he-bitch-man-snatch
will keep me entertained.
(Jeeves, Fri 2 Dec 2005, 9:57, Reply)

Wow
It's like the end of that Indiana Jones film when they open the Ark of the Covenant!

Thanks Legless (human), I shall now add the image of Legless (dog) trying to walk pissed to the 'thoughts that keep me happy at work' section of my brain. Along with the image of him destroying the cones at the dog show you posted on your blog.

Of course now we all want to see a picture of him.

EDIT: Wish I was named after a drunken dog. Oh well, at least I can comfort myself in the knowledge I AM a drunken dog of sorts.
( Gleeballs is mostly made out of chocolate and hate., Fri 2 Dec 2005, 9:46, Reply)

Why Am I Legless?
For Gleeballs.

Thought I'd post an explanation of my nickname and where it comes from.

In 1985 I was going out with a wonderful, beautiful girl called Liz and we both worked at Manchester Uni Student Union for the events crew. Liz did sound and I did lights, security and was in charge of all of the humpers (the guys who did the load-ins and load-outs). On Valentines Day 1985 we had a massive event all encompassing the entire student union - all bars, all stages and theatres. We had a load of bands on, films, a disco, comedians and loads of other stuff. A brilliant night. At one stage in the proceedings I was up in the roof of the main hall and I could see a black shape flitting about down below. Wondering what the hell it was, I dropped a rope to the floor and slid down to investigate. It turned out to be a dog. A very drunk dog. He had managed to sneak into the Union and students had been giving it the dregs of their beer and the poor sod was pissed as a rat. Every time he tried to walk forward, his back end would swing round and he would end up facing the opposite way to where he was trying to go. Funny as fuck. Poor sod.

So I picked this dog up and carried him into the crew room and got some food down him. He was bloody starving. He was a lovely looking dog - at the time he was about a year old and still a little puppyish. There were marks in his fur where he'd been wearing a collar but that was missing now. Later on we found out a little bit more about him. He'd appeared outside the Student Union three days earlier and had been surviving by following students to and from the chip shop and begging food. On the night of the Valentines Ball he'd managed to get inside and was eventually found by me.

While we were discussing what to do about the dog and what we were going to call him a comedian called Jeremy Hardy walked in. He'd been doing his act upstairs and had come down to the crew room for a break. He listened to us talk about the dog and said:
"Look. I've just been doing a gig upstairs with a band called Hopeless and they've got a roadie called Useless and if you look at that poor sod there's only one possible name for him - Legless!"

And that was it. Legless had been christened and I took his name as my handle on the Internet. I've been known as Legless on the Net since 1989 - the year I started North West Net, my own ISP and the start of my business empire (well, not really an Empire more like very small farm ) but more on that later - much later.

BTW - Legless remained with me and Liz for the rest of our time together and when we split, Liz got the dog. He lived a long and happy life and died in 2001 at a ripe old age. I'm still friends with Liz and we see each other every few years or so.


Cheers all.

Legless
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Fri 2 Dec 2005, 9:36, Reply)

last?
trying to think of something shameful to post has meant i have spent all week writhing in shame. i couldn't post because every time i started i would remember something more horrific. this QOTW has damaged the group psyche irrediemably and ruined my week. and made me decide to have a nice quiet sober weekend.

and never be a teenager again.

or do anything ever.

i feel sick.
(unlawful odour i dunno..., Fri 2 Dec 2005, 9:23, Reply)

Argh, okay then, you've driven me to it!
I know you've been keeping the question open just to drive that guilt wedge deeper and deeper and deeper in. I give up! I'll talk! I'll talk!!
/breaks down
/bites lip

So there I was, fourteen or so, horned up as only a fourteen year old can be, and fresh from reading the letters pages of the jazz mags someone dumped in a hedge. Little did I know they make those up!!
I took to having a condom slightly visible in my front blazer pocket while popping into the shops on the wayhome from school.
It all seemed so plausible at the time...
"Oh, I see you're all ready for me. Why don't you come into the back while I lock up for half an hour...."

Don't even think anyone noticed...
(foolish_child, Fri 2 Dec 2005, 8:55, Reply)

QOTF (Hey Legless)
Naaaahhh, Question Of The Fortnight just doesn't have the same ring to it does it? And it would probably confuse the merkins. Question Of The Two Weeks would work, but there's something just a little rude about a QOTTT, or am I just dirty minded?

Anyway, Legless, I'm bored, any chance you could go completely off topic and explain your username to amuse me? I know it comes from the dog, but where did the dog get the name? Its been bugging me for ages. Or is this part of your master plan to remain an aloof enigma?
( Gleeballs is mostly made out of chocolate and hate., Fri 2 Dec 2005, 8:19, Reply)

"Oh No" Moments From History...
...is when the QOTW hasn't been updated!

Completely thrown my week into disarray and, yes, that makes me feel a little bit of shame.

Only a little bit, mind.
( Strangey is present at, Fri 2 Dec 2005, 7:59, Reply)

Wow
It still hasn't changed. I'm ashamed. But I'm also ashamed because I have a huge fuck-off essay in history to write This Morning, because I didn't do it last night. And i'm on b3ta instead :S
(Kiera Wilkinson is dancing with shadows, Fri 2 Dec 2005, 7:07, Reply)

Shtrange
Excushe Me Money-Penny But isn't thish the shame queshtion as yeshterday?

mm shepeedboat.
( Humpty Dumpty was Pushed Is unaware of having any limits., Fri 2 Dec 2005, 6:35, Reply)

Shameful
I am ashamed that for 3 months after my fiance decided to leave me, I still let him pop over for sex. I moved out and got my own place when we broke up.

Then he moved FAR away. Thank goodness!

Now I let a married man pop over for sex. I am shameful. But I really like him.
( freyamoon Submit!, Fri 2 Dec 2005, 5:16, Reply)

still waiting....
... for this QOTW to close. (So I can do some semi-constructive skiving in reading the new QOTW)

And the real shame is that I can't think of anything witty to write. It is also a shame that all you lot would most probably be tucked away nice 'n tight in your bed whilst I am typing this on the other end of the world.

It is a shame you all can't experience the glory of this, a perfect Aussie summer afternoon.

It is even more of a shame that I'll be legless by the time I come back here after the work do tonight to see if I did make the last post.!!

(Shame beer-o'clock is still 4 hours away...!)
(Sir Jester, Fri 2 Dec 2005, 4:13, Reply)

shames
afeter leafingg be3rta.com on aftre a night out with thr kadsm my saheem is mu parremts wjo dont knnoe i smoke fingning mwee wirh thee e is neingh caufhr wirh their roll uo cigs and trying my bess to make aa slpiff with the d00b i jad inmy ockets of my jacket. that t is all

polijies for lentgh or gith

/edit I was drunk last night!
(wonderbrawl was pronounced dead on, Fri 2 Dec 2005, 3:13, Reply)

The Tell Tale QOTW
I have a feeling that in fact this somebody has wronged one of the great and powerful mods. This QOTW is merely a foil to force the wrong doer into the open. All this talk of shame, combined with it's unrelenting nature are all designed to first force the villian to think about his deed and then to crush their will into admitting it. However seeing as so few of you have any shame what so ever it is likely to be a perfect crime and we shall never know. I therefore will accept the blame and throw myself as a lamb upon the sword of justice, in the vain hope that the mods shall forgive us all.
(mrbastard, Fri 2 Dec 2005, 3:10, Reply)

Oh.....
....I now see that I'm not.

Shame.
( Fr_Jerry_McGwier looked over both shoulders at, Fri 2 Dec 2005, 0:05, Reply)

I think this QOTW was really a subtle "Hey guys I got laid" post
and Chthonic wants to leave it up for as long as possible to make sure everyone realises that he did, in fact, have sex.

It's a conspiracy!


edit: no :p

edit #2: Damn you and your tricksy ways!

Mod Edit: Yes, it's true. I did once have sex. It was highly over-rated and I'm not doing it again whatever anyone says.
(meagle, Fri 2 Dec 2005, 0:04, Reply)

Am I.....
The last poster..............................

I'm so ashamed to think that I'd be proud of that.
( Fr_Jerry_McGwier looked over both shoulders at, Fri 2 Dec 2005, 0:04, Reply)

...
is this still QOTW? shameful
( writerblock ... embedding disabled by request on, Thu 1 Dec 2005, 23:53, Reply)

Nice and pathetic
It's a shame that Zoran found B3ta..............
(Waddo, Thu 1 Dec 2005, 23:50, Reply)

Bring it back!
If there is no new topic before tomorrow morning, killer kittens will be sent (see my post on 'crappy prizes')
(Mr_Jums, Thu 1 Dec 2005, 23:34, Reply)

I too love QOTW
In fact, after lurking for a long time, it was QOTW which finally promted me to sign up, in order to answer that weeks question.

Unfortunately I was thwarted by Newbie Tuesday (I registered on the Tuesday) and the question was over before I had the chance to post :(

*shakes fist*
(meagle, Thu 1 Dec 2005, 23:19, Reply)

What the hell is going on?
I sod off to the office for a few hours and when I get back still nothing?

Is anyone here starting to think that the QOTW is becoming the bastard child of b3ta? It's unloved despite its charms and when all it wants is a little attention it gets ignored and forgotten about.

Poor QOTW. I still love you.
( Gleeballs is mostly made out of chocolate and hate., Thu 1 Dec 2005, 22:17, Reply)

That's nothing
I used to fancy Chris Tarrant!
( The Helpful Bear, Thu 1 Dec 2005, 22:00, Reply)

One last shot at the tail end...
Being spit-roasted by the Chuckle Brothers.
(Plyck, Thu 1 Dec 2005, 21:57, Reply)

I had a venus flytrap when I was little
and I must say I was truly fascinated by it. I used to tease it by tickling its 'mouths' and they would snap shut (actually took longer than I imagined - several seconds), thinking they were going to have a nice juicy fly to digest.

Apparently this kills the plant. Mine went brown and withered up :(
( The Helpful Bear, Thu 1 Dec 2005, 21:37, Reply)

Sell to the need
I work for a bank, selling loans to customers. Yep, I'm one of those annoying people that calls you as you sit down for dinner trying to convince you that a 35%APR loan is just what you need. No shame there, believe it or not.

The shame I have is that, when we are being preached to at work about the best ways to sell, we are told to "sell to the need".

For example, if I call you and offer you £5,000, the chances are that you won't want it. However, if I engage in conversation with you, lead you on with various open questions and you tell me how you've always longed to go on a world cruise, I can sell a £5,000 loan easier to you by offering it as the payment for the cruise you've always wanted. Easy, see?

So my shame comes from someone who I'd called in the middle of the day. They spoke politely, but weren't really opening up to anything.

"I'm sorry," said the customer, "but I need to go. I found out this morning that my mother had a heart attack and passed away last night."

My response? In hindsight it should have been words of comfort, or even regret. It should most definitely NOT have been what it was:

"Have you considered how you're going to pay for the funeral yet?".

Makes me shiver even thinking about it.
( SeasonTicketless is too often the statue, and rarely the pigeon., Thu 1 Dec 2005, 21:25, Reply)