This was pretty shit
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-uvtC1oOIEc
( cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Thu 16 Apr 2015, 13:14, Reply)

Ted Nugent
I worked for Ted Nugent as a roadie something something shit his pants to avoid going to Vietnam
(DarkLite swallowed my entire undercarriage, Thu 16 Apr 2015, 3:58, Reply)

has anyone done a bruce springteen joke yet?

( Reme Philips laid an epic dump on, Wed 15 Apr 2015, 21:04, 1 reply)

Vote for me as poet laureate...
Apparently, last night in a fugue of brandy and sleepiness and with a fog of my dear half's arse-miasma; I told her, following an inadvertent duvet shift that it smelt, firstly, like someone has wound an eagle in shit, and allowed it to fly around the room. I then followed this by advising that, furthermore, it smelt as though someone had sellotaped poo to a feral cat and thrown it at the wall.

If you vote for me as poet laureate, I'll be a twat to Simon Armitage and Kate Tempest.
(Chickenwire social lubricator extraordinaire, Wed 15 Apr 2015, 19:53, Reply)

Not really a shit boss.
I happen to have seen a video of my boss and her sister naked. It was one of the least sexy videos I have seen.
(Me, I'm not... in any way intoxicated, Wed 15 Apr 2015, 18:55, 5 replies)

I gave my employer a small Vauxhall and he stopped being shit.

I blame it on the bossanova, with it's magic spell.
( edjogs Collared doves are shit., Wed 15 Apr 2015, 12:56, 3 replies)

Meet the new boss, same as the old boss
Bindun?
(RTFM May your god go with you, Wed 15 Apr 2015, 11:07, Reply)

Shit Boss, here we go again
Rhythm eternal from a distant time
An echo of long ago
Not yet forgotten, no
Shit Boss, in control again
Rhythm eternal for tomorrow's tribe
Making that vital re-connection to the goddess mind
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Wed 15 Apr 2015, 10:36, 2 replies)

That shit is boss!

( $$ ✅, Wed 15 Apr 2015, 9:53, Reply)

I once worked in a small factory, where the people working the late shift would sweep and mop the floor last thing
My infuriating boss used to do all kinds of stuff, like send people home on quiet days (we were paid by the hour) and call us in on our days off, with increasingly passive-aggressive demands, if things got busy. One morning, I had this exchange with her:

Boss: "Who worked late yesterday? The floor's been left, it's disgusting."

Me: "Don't know, I was on an early."

Boss: "You must know, you handed over to them".

Me (awkwardly, not wanting to land anyone in the shit): "Er, I can't quite remember. Check the rota?"

Boss (yelling): "Course you fucking remember. Who did you hand over to?"

I caved in and gave their names.

Boss (smirking): "Nobody likes a grass!"

This was typical. I'm glad my current boss is an affable hippy.
(Porcupine, Tue 14 Apr 2015, 15:45, 4 replies)

I was once buying grass off a dealer in Shepherds bush who operated from a basement flat
he was asking 60 quid for a quarter. when I questioned the expense, he said "this is the shit, boss"
( cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Mon 13 Apr 2015, 13:42, 9 replies)

Something something, fifty shades of Spader.

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 13 Apr 2015, 12:04, Reply)

Naturally, we had the last laugh...
Our boss, the Fat Controller, was an arse. One of those who thought "I'm your boss, so naturally I'm a better engineer than you.". He would also drive his car (a Jaguar, naturally) when so drunk it took him several goes, with one eye closed and his tongue hanging out, to locate the keyhole.

He once rejected part of our product proposal as being too expensive and not necessary. Despite our protests, he stuck with it, and the feature was removed from the spec.

Wavy lines to six months later, when he goes ballistic and demands to know why that exact feature wasn't available on the product. We took great delight in referring him to the memo where he himself categorically refused to allow us to implement it, and our explanations as to why it was needed. He never mentioned the feature again.
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Mon 13 Apr 2015, 10:35, Reply)

haha IT wankers

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 13 Apr 2015, 6:52, 9 replies)

Darren you prick, I've just read your post below.
Clear your fucking desk, you're fired.
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 13 Apr 2015, 0:25, Reply)

My boss is an utter fuckwit, and cunt of the first order.
Then again, I am self-employed.
( social hand grenade I was a lurker before you were a lurker, Sun 12 Apr 2015, 14:32, Reply)

Working in tech support
We had to keep calls short, which meant a limited time span for listening to people shout at you about things that were beyond your ability to fix... things like 'your local telephone exchange is under 6' of water due to the recent flooding'.
Our manager understandably did not want to have to listen to the countries most ignorant and angry internet customers either. Passing on too many calls for people who had requested to speak with him would result in loosing your job.

Despite this I got repeatedly complained at for 'forwarding too many calls to extention 253'. I found it the best solution all round... after all its not like anyone actually sent us any faxes.
(rikku_dreamer, Sun 12 Apr 2015, 12:20, 8 replies)

Every 1 of my bosses woz a cunt, alwas whinin about shit
Dunno y
(McChinaman banned, Sun 12 Apr 2015, 10:11, Reply)

sian williams y/n

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 11 Apr 2015, 17:42, 7 replies)

Shit Computer BOSS
BOSS, or Biomorphic Organisational Systems Supervisor, was a computer created by Global Chemicals. It was linked to a human brain, chiefly Stevens, the director of Global Chemicals. Although highly advanced for its time, BOSS's artificial intelligence developed in an unintended way, gaining the characteristics of an eccentric dictator. By being linked to a human brain BOSS learnt how humans succeed: through illogic and inefficiency. It made Stevens program these "qualities" into itself and became sentient and megalomaniacal.

It was confused by the Doctor with a logical paradox (specifically the Liar's Paradox):

If I were to tell you that the next thing I say will be true,
But that the last thing I said was a lie,
Would you believe me?

BOSS was enraged at its inability to solve this paradox and even tried to talk its way out of needing to solve it by saying the question was not relevant. The Doctor was quite satisfied with himself at the BOSS' inability to answer, though BOSS decided to throw the question out the window and simply summon security.

When BOSS was linked to a human brain it could process them and assume hypnotic control through brainwashing. BOSS either used a set of headphones to flood a listener's mind with conditioning or discharge a shrill electronic signal to dampen the will of someone resisting its control. At its worst, BOSS could even kill human subjects by destroying their neural functions if it was necessary to prevent them from revealing something that would disrupt its plans. If the processing failed and a subject overcame the brainwashing, BOSS would implant and trigger a self-destruct command, overriding that person's sentience entirely until their sole function was committing suicide as soon as possible.

BOSS believed what was good for Global Chemicals was good for the world. It had a less serious side, unlike most early AIs. It was disappointed that its human partner in crime was agitated at the idea of singing at the triumphal moment of linking humans minds together into the BOSS, so it sang a slightly off key but well humoured verse itself.

BOSS attempted to spread his influence on an international level through seven locations worldwide, but the Doctor used a Metebelis crystal on Stevens, allowing his will to reassert itself and see the error of BOSS's ways. Once BOSS's link to his mind was severed, Stevens cross-fed the generator circuitry and overloaded BOSS, causing the machine to explode minutes later and take him along with it. BOSS felt great pain as Stevens sabotaged him by slowly disabling his systems, commencing a gradual and permanent shut down. He began to sound incoherent and distressed that it had never thought its fate would come to this. BOSS's last words were pleas for help from his "friend". Stevens pressed a final button that turned off BOSS entirely, facing his impending death in tears. Global Chemicals was blown asunder by the subsequent power overloads, which ended the life of the remorseful Stevens of his own choosing as he atoned for his misdeeds under BOSS's influence and vanquished the tyrannical supercomputer for good.
(Dr Skagra glorious glargzhem, Sat 11 Apr 2015, 16:34, 20 replies)

ho ho holidays
January: "Now I've decided there needs to be changes around here. The Christmas period was our busiest time of the year and so this year I'm stopping all leave requests in December, and each of us has to work either boxing day or new year's day. I know you'll all be with me as we're all in this together..."

September: "Well I noticed that no one seems to want time off around Christmas, so I've just gone ahead and booked myself 3 weeks away until early January."

Then tried to do the same thing the next year.

Edit: when he tried the second time people complained, so he didnt take it as holiday... he just went on sick leave over the following Christmas instead.
(DaftenDirekt, Sat 11 Apr 2015, 15:04, Reply)

Ummm, I'm gonna need you to go ahead come in tomorrow. So if you could be here around 9 that would be great.
Oh and I almost forgot ahh, I'm also gonna need you to go ahead and come in on Sunday too, kay? We ahh lost some people this week and ah, we sorta need to play catch up.
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Sat 11 Apr 2015, 13:58, 2 replies)

Embroiled in the confusion of others
It's my first post ever! So please be nice. I've had more than one horrible boss. I rarely stood up to the first batch, brought up as I was with terrible self doubt I always assumed it must be me and not them who had made the mistake (for a long time I was under the impression that if someone was more confident, richer, popular of healthier than me they must therefore be more clever....)

Worked in a recruitment agency in Slough - industrial jobs, manager saw me coming out of the bathroom flapping my hands (there were no drying implements so I was airing them - we've all done this no?) This chap didn't like me, think it was a class issue, anyway he called me into the back office for a chat, said he was pissed off I was using company time to paint my nails (because I was flapping hands he assumed I was drying nail polish). I showed him my Polish-free nails and explained I was merely drying them. My shock when he ignored this and still told me off. He wanted to tell me off and he wasn't going to let fact get in the way. Soon left for a job with a better salary than his which he hated. I hope he is paralysed from the neck down.

Working in an investment bank, one of the super rich directors asked me to go crawl under his desk and unplug his blackberry charger. When I asked him why he said 'because I don't want to do it myself'. He wasn't watching, it wasn't a perve thing, he was just an overprivilliged twat. Bloody charger was stuck in a mass of tangled cables.

This kind of thing doesn't happen much these days, a wall of unwavering assertiveness/cold cheerfulness and a gaze peppered with a little bit of dominatrix style loathing keeps all of these types well in their place.

Now how do I add one of those witty signatures...
(Biscuitism Never knowingly oversold, Sat 11 Apr 2015, 12:20, 6 replies)

Holiday joy...
I once worked in a university coffee shop and had quite a few run ins with my boss. We parted on good terms in the end and she is actually a lovely and very sweet woman, but the first six months were hellish. She seemed to have a bit of an unspoken problem with me being a) a man, and b) university educated, so this led to some slightly unfair work practices.

Many of these unfair work practices revolved around holiday, where other people were allowed to take unpaid leave for their holiday after turning up to work half cut (muggins covered, obviously), but I was vaguely threatened with having my holiday cancelled because she found out there was an open day that needed staffing when I was away.

Her meddling got the better of her when I tried to book a couple of days one August. I asked for a Monday off, then a Friday off the following week. She said no, so my girlfriend's family very kindly bought me a ticket to come down to their house after work for the thing we had planned. I came in the next day and was told that actually I could have the days off! So she'd wasted my inlaws' money, which was bad enough. She also then said that because we were quiet I had to use up some more holiday, so she'd assigned me some days in between the days I wanted which I now had to take off to keep the labour down in the off season (apart from one or two days bang small in the middle of the fortnight when she needed me, so tough). Fuck arguing about it, I thought, she'll just take the whole lot away.

Later in the year we're all being told how much holiday we have left. I get my holiday sheet and am truly delighted to find that she has forgotten to put the holiday she made me take in the planner! So I take my extra leave at Christmas and revel in my small and petty revenge...

She leaves a few years later and then, a few weeks after that, so do I (it just wasn't the same without my nemesis...). So I look in my contract for my notice period and see a beautiful sentence: "Annual leave pay is calculated by averaging the daily hours worked in the last twelve weeks". You guessed it, that's not how she'd been doing it. I'd worked at least ten hours overtime pretty much every week since I'd worked there, but only been paid 30 hours a week for holidays. So along with my notice came a breakdown of all my underpayment and a polite but absolutely watertight request for about £500, as I was leaving so couldn't have the error paid back as holiday.

Cheers boss!
(Dowbocop, Sat 11 Apr 2015, 11:51, Reply)