How do you stop a baby running in circles?
Nail its other hand down
( Insane Maniac musically inclined (about 45°), Thu 2 Feb 2006, 12:26, Reply)

How do you get 10 babies in a bucket?
Blender
How do you get them out?
Doritos
( Insane Maniac musically inclined (about 45°), Thu 2 Feb 2006, 12:25, Reply)

What spins & taps on the window every time you see it?
Baby in a microwave
( Insane Maniac musically inclined (about 45°), Thu 2 Feb 2006, 12:24, Reply)

What's black & purple, 10 inches long & makes women scream?
Cot death
( Insane Maniac musically inclined (about 45°), Thu 2 Feb 2006, 12:24, Reply)

What's the best thing about fucking a 6 year old girl?
Fucking her in the arse and pretending she's a six year old boy
( Mr Gimpson Wolfguts, Thu 2 Feb 2006, 12:05, Reply)

sorry about this...
What's white and lies in a ditch?

A black man who's had the shit beaten out of him.
( bakelit72 something really clever, Thu 2 Feb 2006, 11:58, Reply)

another blind one...
What does Stevie Wonder's wife do when they've had a fight?

Re-arranges the furniture.
( bakelit72 something really clever, Thu 2 Feb 2006, 11:54, Reply)

ancient
what wood doesnt float?

Natalie Wood
(jades, Thu 2 Feb 2006, 11:10, Reply)

In what race does nobody win?



*complete joke to taste*
( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Thu 2 Feb 2006, 10:58, Reply)

Hard to illustrate but here we go.
A new mother is waiting in her hospital bed to see her baby for the first time. The doctor comes in with the baby, dashes it to the floor and begins jumping up and down on it. "Stop! Stop!" screams the mother, "What are you doing to my baby!?"

"April fool!" laughs the doctor, "He was already dead!"
( Afinkawan Yes I can hear you Clem Fandango, Thu 2 Feb 2006, 10:52, Reply)

What's red and crawls across the chipshop floor?
Abortion of chips.
( Afinkawan Yes I can hear you Clem Fandango, Thu 2 Feb 2006, 10:43, Reply)

don't say i didn't warn you....
Q - what's the opposite of christopher reeves?

A - christopher walken
(pickles, Thu 2 Feb 2006, 10:17, Reply)

Nun in bath
knock at the door

'hello, it's the blind man'

'oh, well come in then'

'phwoaar! nice tits where d'you want yer blinds?'
( Geoff the Clownfish You know Myra, some people might think you're cute, Thu 2 Feb 2006, 9:54, Reply)

Why are young girl's attracted to men with power?
Because daddy won't give them a lollipop otherwise.
(Keiths Dad, Thu 2 Feb 2006, 3:20, Reply)

I do feel a bit wrong typing this
hopefully not already been told:

A young boy runs into the kitchen where his mother is busy making dinner.
"Mommy Mommy! Grandma is playing with her shrimp!!"
"Of course dear. Please go find something else to do"
So the boy, a bit dejected, walks out only to come running back into the room again:
"Mommy Grandma is still playing with her shrimp!"
So, curiosity gets the best of her and the mother goes into the living room with her son. Sure enough there's Grandma, playing with herself.
"Oh honey, that isn't a shrimp, that is called a clitoris."

"Oh." said the boy, "Well it sure tasted like shrimp!"
(Babbeyroad, Thu 2 Feb 2006, 1:44, Reply)

I'm on a roll.
God: Should I give women legs? or not bother?

Angels: Probably for the best, you remember the mess that slugs make.
( Marn, Thu 2 Feb 2006, 1:21, Reply)

Probably not "sick" but I want to post it.
Q: What do you call a three foot tall black gentleman?

A: A Yardie

(That'll teach you to learn your Imperial measurements)
( Marn, Thu 2 Feb 2006, 1:14, Reply)

Possible duplicate, here goes...
Q: Why did the condom fly across the room?

A: Because it was pissed off.
( Marn, Thu 2 Feb 2006, 1:10, Reply)

One of my own...
I made this one up at Rdg Uni one day and that very evening I had it told back to me by a guy I'd never met before at the Back of Beyond....

Q: Why is fucking your sister like Roy Walker's Catchphrase?

A: 'cos it's good but it's not right!
( Marn, Thu 2 Feb 2006, 1:04, Reply)

Two paedos on a park bench and a 7 year old girl walks by,
one turns to the other and says "I bet she was alright in her day"
( Aphex The Mink Snackless, Thu 2 Feb 2006, 0:09, Reply)

How do you get a clown off a swing?
Hit him in the face with an axe.
( Aphex The Mink Snackless, Thu 2 Feb 2006, 0:07, Reply)

Whats the difference between a Porsche and a pile of dead babies?
I don't have a Porsche in my garage.
(Oldbean! Hiro is my Hero!!, Wed 1 Feb 2006, 23:25, Reply)

How do you make
a little girl cry twice?

Wipe your cock on her teddy bear.

OR

How do you make a gay man cry?

Wipe your cock on his curtains.
( Madam Marlboro wonders if you've found her yet, Wed 1 Feb 2006, 22:54, Reply)

What's the best thing about fucking 28 year olds
the sound of the 20th pelvis breaking
( mrbongo sweating like a formicophiliac on I'm a celebrity, Wed 1 Feb 2006, 22:23, Reply)

Ian Huntley and a kid are holding hands walking through the woods
The kid says "It's dark, I'm scared"
Ian says "shut up"
The kid says "It's really dark and I can hear scary noises"
Ian says "please shut up"
The kid says "I don't like it in these woods it's scary"
Ian says "You think you're scared, I've got to walk back on my own"
( mrbongo sweating like a formicophiliac on I'm a celebrity, Wed 1 Feb 2006, 22:22, Reply)

what's worse than a barrel of dead babies
the one at the bottom trying to eat it's way out
( mrbongo sweating like a formicophiliac on I'm a celebrity, Wed 1 Feb 2006, 22:19, Reply)

what's grey and comes in pints
my spunk
( mrbongo sweating like a formicophiliac on I'm a celebrity, Wed 1 Feb 2006, 22:17, Reply)

why did the girl fall off of the swing
because she didn't have any arms
( mrbongo sweating like a formicophiliac on I'm a celebrity, Wed 1 Feb 2006, 22:14, Reply)

Best told to Jews
-Have you heard the one about the SS officer?

-No

/slap Jew

-LIAR !!! (said in German accent)

(shamelessly stolen from somewhere where i can't remember)
(Laxly, Wed 1 Feb 2006, 22:14, Reply)