It's a good thing none of you know who I am
No money? A girl? (Or not so finicky boy?) Simple! Blow jobs. They're fast, easy, no mess if you dodge at the last minute and flavoured condoms are a plus.

And you can plan out the rough draft of your next anthro paper while you're doing it, killing two birds with one stone.

I can't believe I admitted this.
(TDub Nunc id vides, nunc ne vides on, Sun 10 Oct 2004, 22:10, Reply)

Not me,
but I guy I know who couldn't afford new underpants when his old ones fell to pieces. So he just mended his old ones.

With a stapler.
( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Fri 8 Oct 2004, 10:24, Reply)

Oats
A guy at work went to Edinburgh University. One of his flatmates decided food was too expensive so he bought about 25 bushels of rolled oats at the start of the year and ate nothing but porridge until February. Then he went to the doctor and was diagnosed with Scotland's first case of scurvy in the 20th century.
(rogerzilla, Fri 8 Oct 2004, 18:20, Reply)

Baby rabbits
When I was a very little kid and lived on a farm, my mum and dad were way poor.
As a result my dad had to go hunting for rabbits! This all was going well (after mum got used to skinning their still warm bodies) until spring time when one day she discovered the unborn baby rabbits inside their mum. They slithered out into the kitchen sink and were still (barely) alive and moving.
Mum had had enough at this and ran out of the kitchen screaming leaving me to cry in my own shit filled napppy til dad came to sort the mess out.

They also regularly dined on boiled pigs head!
(I've done it so many times it's boring now..., Fri 8 Oct 2004, 12:32, Reply)

In my chaotic and directionless life,
I have been unemployed and/or homeless on a number of occasions - manageable in good weather, when young and in decent mental health.

In London, while living in a shed in the garden of a derelict house in Hackney in the late 80's, I used to keep a decent outfit clean in several layers of bin-bags and would wear it to visit every art gallery opening I could get to for free wine and food. In Los Angeles, where I stranded myself for three months between the end of a contract and my pre-paid, unchangeable return flight, I ate my fill of fruit (avocados, endless citrus, figs, prickly pear - all grown for display, so not really stealing) from the gardens of the moderately wealthy, and did even more galleries - generally slept on or near the beach, and a few nights in the drunk tank when pulled by the polis (not allowed to sleep on the beach, you see - not quite sure why).

Mostly, an adjustment of expectations allows an adequate diet on very little money - no meat, limited alcohol/narcotics, lots of pulses and cheap carbs. Scavenging in markets is a good way to pick up discarded fruit and veg that is perfectly edible when washed and trimmed. I used to get the newsagent to put a card in his window (will do any odd job for cash), and take messages for me - painted a lot of walls and did shopping for housebound old people for 25p a time. Eventually, someone was kind enought to let me use their postal address, so I could get a normal job and rejoin the mainstream. I am not sure that I feel any happier, but I do have more things.

Reading back, this isn't funny and doesn't fit with the "poor student, ketchup sarnie" nature of the responses, but sod it, I don't have access to image manipulation software this week, so this my only reasonable means of self-expression.
( godstar, Mon 11 Oct 2004, 17:50, Reply)

wasnt actually skint at the time but was poor
i got mugged...
Laughed
Walked off £80 richer with a rather blunt kitchen knife and proceeded to go get rather drunk.
What can i say? I was about a foot taller than him and probably about a foot broader aswell, what a dumbarse.
(Voidedge, Mon 11 Oct 2004, 16:27, Reply)

Asked a tramp for any spare change
And its not as if he could say he had none.. it was siting in a hat infront of him.

Needed money for fags and was only 20p short. The tramp kindly obliged and was reembursed with not one, but two of mayfair's finest ciggies.
(Lex0r, Fri 8 Oct 2004, 19:52, Reply)

I...
...masturbated instead of getting a whore.
(Rabid_Weasle, Tue 12 Oct 2004, 15:04, Reply)

Pizza-go-go
I offered my housemate a blowjob in return for a slice of pizza.

B*stard declined saying he really was THAT hungry...
(spacecowgirl, Mon 11 Oct 2004, 9:55, Reply)

In such an event:
I once stuffed some wet tissue paper up a vending machine change shoot. Went back at the end of the day; over £5 in change. Hurrah!
( CaroWallis, Fri 8 Oct 2004, 15:34, Reply)

To people who stick random foods together because they are "poor"
In future, don't stick them together. Eat them seperately. You cockflaps.
(keify34, Fri 8 Oct 2004, 11:25, Reply)

My first flat.
It was the main social area for "the group", there were about 50 of us, all into our various drugs and dealing. My flat had one HOOGE room that everyone chilled in, the door was always on the catch an everyone just came in, made a spliff an passed it round. As we used to get rancidly off our titties in there frequently (and it was impossible to hoover with so many people in all the time) there were normally little finds of a pill or piece of weed daily. I decided to clean, kicked everyone out, and gutted the place. On my travels around the giant room I found 14 grams of cocaine, still bagged, 2 and about 3/4 9-bars of marijuana, more than a hundred pills and various brands of acid tabs as well as the usual decks of 20 ciggies and rolled up notes. I put all the drugs in paper bags in a hat and charged anyone who dared a tenner for a "lucky dip". Made many pennies that month. Ah the joys of being poor.
Apologies for length.
(carpediem, Fri 8 Oct 2004, 18:50, Reply)

Hopeful....
A student friend of mine had 20 quid to last him 3 weeks till the end of term so he bought 20 scratch cards.

He won a quid.

Chump
(Fat_Baz_turd, Fri 8 Oct 2004, 18:02, Reply)

they were
dire times.

I was out of tobacco and weed.. so I shook my keyboard, and smoked what fell out. it was harsh. it did get me stoned though, so all was well in the end.
(radja, Fri 8 Oct 2004, 11:06, Reply)

I once had to take a bus because the Aston was in the
garage, Eurgh! Never again.
( theWooinator, Fri 8 Oct 2004, 11:00, Reply)

I do recall one time when thanks to an accountancy mishap,
Daddy couldn't buy me a new pony one year, AND I was forced to keep the Porsche for two years running!
He made it up to me the next year by refurbishing my holiday home in France and bought me my very own fag to bugger at school.
What-ho!
( Zak McFlimby Twibbling @McFlimby, Fri 8 Oct 2004, 10:30, Reply)

End
of term at uni. Nobody has any money at all.
"Hey," says my mate. "I've just found out how to get all the money out of a leccy meter! Do you want me to do yours?"
"Woo" says my other mate. "Go for it!"
"All right!" says the first mate, and vanishes downstairs to the hall. There is an absolutely fucking unholy racket which suddenly makes other mate wonder precisely what method is involved in this 'getting all the money out of a leccy meter' lark.
So downstairs he goes to find first mate standing there with a coal hammer in his hand, about five quid in 50p coins at his feet and a million fragments of what had once been the leccy meter scattered around the hallway.
(And yes, he did subsequently get arrested for it and only avoided jail by paying to have the meter replaced.)
Oh and there was always the old favourite of blagging into gigs (I was mates with the ents secretary) then, when the lights went up and everyone was leaving, checking the floor just in front of the bar for dropped change - and I used to be able to pick up fifteen or twenty quid on a good night...
(Wong Fei-Hung - now with added flickr.com (see profile), Fri 8 Oct 2004, 19:20, Reply)

When my wife ran off with all the money...
I waited until 9 p.m. or so (when the local shops closed for the night), and then went door-to-door borrowing cat food from the neighbours. I claimed my cat was hungry, and had forgotten to buy cat food.

I then split the "good stuff" with my kitty. See, I was too proud to admit my wife had cleaned out the bank account, and I had no food in the house. It took three days of hunger, but I did sink that low.

After that, I resorted to stealing from co-worker's lunch boxes until I got paid from my job (about a week and a half later). I think they suspected, but no one said anything.
(i.am.jamie, Fri 8 Oct 2004, 17:54, Reply)

Money
Four years ago, I wanted to do a degree but had very little money. Luckily, the government and a friendly high street bank lent me some and now I am unemployed and £16,000 in debt. Fucking magic.
( TomOz, Sun 10 Oct 2004, 22:10, Reply)

I and two others
would regulary stow onto this Golf Course which was near a bike path. We had a little hole cut in the wire to get in. Finding balls was quite difficult as this Golf Course was in Australia and the long grasses hid snakes as well as balls. Once my mate ended up face to face with a Silver Roo as the quest for golf balls took over.

So then we found an easier method, just sit at this specific short green where the tee was around the corner from the hole, then run out and grab the ball as it landed neatly on the green or just off it. By the time they walked up the ball was safely in our bucket. When the novelty of watching the old coots looking for their balls wore off and we had enough golf balls, we would proceed to the Surf Shop in town where the proprietor would give 50 cents a ball

Watching the roller coaster of emotions of the old guys suddenly stepping out quickly to the hole to see if it was a hole in one, and then discovering it was not, and then wondering where the ball was without giving away your position with laughter was an art in itself
( Bling Blong Bling Blong, Sat 9 Oct 2004, 23:22, Reply)

My friend is as poor as me. At my school instead of cash they have swipe cards - essentially, credit cards that have money on them that you use in vending machines and in the lunchroom. You can put coins onto your balance at a "revaluator" - a small metal box in the wall with a coin slot, a wee screen and a swipe thingy.

What my friend realised was the whole thing was computer-controlled. So he found a PC that a helpful IT Support staff member had forgotten to log off of, opened the "SkoolMoney(TM)" program [not it's real name] and added about £150 to his bank account. Needless to say, he was caught.

He tried again two months later - he discovered if you swiped your card, proceeded to cut a red wire in the side of the revaluator and then reconnect it, your credit balance would fly upwards, roughly £15 a second. [course, if you cut the blue wire the bomb would blow]. He got about £225 before a teacher found him at a revaluator, screwdriver and swiss army knife in hand, and asked him what the hell he was playing at.
(basstard, Fri 8 Oct 2004, 23:15, Reply)

i hate mcdonalds
But one day I was really, really hungry.
My mate had come up from Wellington and he had purchased some vile meal with 2% meat (I believe it is more commonly known as a "cheeseburger"). I had no money. Zip. Nada. None. Not wanting to scavenge off a friend I hadn't seen in ages, I survived by asking him to save me a bit of his burger. He saved like TWO BITES for me. Oh well. I got a hair from my head (I have real long hair) and wrapped it around the remaining burger. I'm serious. I WRAPPED it around. It seemed clever at the time. I did a pretty bow too. Then I went down to the nice people at the counter and demanded a refund. The gangy teen just looked at me and went "Shit!!!" and yelled about some worker not tying their hair up. BUT I GOT A FREE BURGER NO QUESTIONS ASKED. It fed me for like a day.

I hate having no money.


edit: I just remembered I hate that knob from Wellington, he really is so very annoying and knob-like.
(hayno, Fri 8 Oct 2004, 12:33, Reply)

Hello sailor.
The one thing i wasn't willing to sacrifice at university due to tight finances was beer, so all I could afford to eat was bread. This fairly limited diet led to me getting scurvy 3 times. Bleeding gums and wobbly teeth alerted me and my doctor to the problem. I then expanded my diet to encompass bread and orange juice. And beer
(robzilla666, Fri 8 Oct 2004, 10:05, Reply)

I was so poor once...
...that I had to shop in Marks and Spencer instead of Harrods.
(Skellers, Mon 11 Oct 2004, 20:07, Reply)

I sucked a man's penis.


ok, maybe not. but I thought someone should say they had.
( zog why change it now?, Sun 10 Oct 2004, 14:18, Reply)

Sounds bad, but
Last year when I was especially poor and couldn't afford food, I went out on dates for free dinner regularly.
It's good to be a girl...
(little one, Sat 9 Oct 2004, 6:58, Reply)

Strip Scrabble...
Because Strip Buckaroo takes too long, and the missus was too good at Connect 4...

(hey, if you're in on Friday nights and everyone else can afford to go dancing what else are you gonna do?)

Basically...

Person 1 places a word.
Person 2 has to beat the score of that word, or else they lose a sock (or whatever).
Person 1 has to beat Person 2's word. Etc.

When someone loses they get to place a new word, which begins the process again.

It passed many a long evening this game. Extra rules being that if you spell a word that is a body part (i.e. Minge, or Elbow) that overrules the current score (and obviously the opponent needs to get that part out on show.)

Add as much Gin as you wish.

Gin rules.
( ArghZombies No longer has a Leaky QUIM, Fri 8 Oct 2004, 15:38, Reply)

Getting drunk on the cheap
When I was sharing a house with a fellow pisshead, we'd run out of money and there wss nothing at all to drink in the house. Except my aftershave.

My mate and I proceeded to gulp and gag in equal measure till we'd polished off a bottle of Issey Myaki. At 89% it did the trick and although it was free on the night, it'd cost someone £20 as a present for my birthday, so it was also a very expensive drink.

It had the desired effect and we got drunk and had nice-smelling breath to boot (:

xxxx
( <>Dog www.stevelaker.blog, Fri 8 Oct 2004, 13:10, Reply)

A Pint of Pennies
When I was at university in Derby (they do have one I'm sure) it had got to the end of term, which is the poorest time of all. I was left in the flat with the one other housemate who was stupid enough to get the cheapest flight back to Belfast with me. We knew the electricity was running out so everything was off. We had one of those card meters where you had to go to the local 24hr garage and buy a card (in valuee no less than £5) which you then slotted into the meter. We had already pushed the "emergency" button which gives you about a day's leccy but that had been 4 days ago...

ANYWAY, we gambled on a cup of tea at 4pm one night and the twatting leccy cut off. All we had between us were the coppers (2p's and 1p's) that were lying around the house. We collected all these up and had £5.15 - in a pint glass, which we duely took to the garage and poured onto the counter in return for a card...

and 15 penny sweets. Nice cup of tea though.

Apologies for length.
(Thebigfella, Fri 8 Oct 2004, 12:30, Reply)

Sensible
I was once so poor that I couldn't afford to feed anyone in my family, and both my parents died. I got together with the other students in my village and we came up with a wacky scheme. We sold my mate's youngest sister to a man from the city and used the money to pay someone to smuggle us to England. Now our financial problems are over! It's a pity the mental scars will never go away.
(steer, Fri 8 Oct 2004, 12:26, Reply)