Slang - Put your seatbelt on
Put your seatbet on

You are being a wanker/Stop being a wanker

The phrase is used to highlight wanky behaviour from associates. It is usually accompanied with the gesture of pulling a seatbelt from the right shoulder with the right hand, repeatedly.
Originates from a misunderstanding with the police.
(Basher, Tue 3 Feb 2004, 10:25, Reply)

you have to love the slang used on Grange Hill
i.e.
wanker, becomes "you double quited twonker"
(Leroy_slade, Tue 3 Feb 2004, 10:01, Reply)

Two more
bits of modern slangage;
firstly, suffixing 'age' onto everything. I do it, he does it, and so does she. Sometimes it works, and sometimes it doesn't.

Another good'un is 'Frunt', the contraction of cheeky C*nt and front bottom. Don't know why, but I suppse it's just that little bit more insulting whilst being utterable in polite-ish company.

Oh, and to prove me a liar, a third one.

Cut n paste, meaning either a post coital vagina or swinging the lead, i.e. doing the job but with minimum effort. Usually applied to sexual situations such as 'she gave me a blowjob, but it was a bit cut n paste'.

See, this is the sort of place my brain's at when I get to work in the morning. Shocking!
(doctor sideburns, Tue 3 Feb 2004, 9:54, Reply)

subtle slang for ladies
Damage - bit of alright
Major damage - bloody fit
Damage has been done - older fit bird
minor damage - fit but you would be arrested for it
fire damage - she'd leave you with a burning sensation
smoke damage - stoner
water damage - would wet the bed
collateral damage - ugly bird with fit mates
(evilash, Tue 3 Feb 2004, 9:05, Reply)

last one..."tardmate"
When you meet someone new and you find out they like all the same stupid shit you do, you're tardmates. You know you're tardmates when you instantly pick up on eachother's pop culture references. Like plate of shimp.
( Pee-Bob, Tue 3 Feb 2004, 7:56, Reply)

oh yeah...
We overheard a smelly hippy use the term "kind vegan brother" once and have used it to insult one-another ever since.

My favorite, though, is one I heard from my dad: "Wilder than a peach-orchard-boar." Apparently has something to do with boars eating peaches pit and all, but not being able to pass the pits easily...
( Pee-Bob, Tue 3 Feb 2004, 7:50, Reply)

LBFM, PBR, or CFMs
LBFM PBR - Used by expats in SE Asia, used to describe the local girlies, ie Little Brown F**king Machine, Powered By Rice.

CFM's - Used to describe thigh-high boots on a goodlooking chick, ie Come F**k Me's

Fingerpuppets - Another (not nice) term used to describe the local chickadees in Thailand etc

Club Veg (a pair of radio DJs in Sydney Oz) put out a song called "The Wanking Song", set to the tune of "One Week" by the Bare Naked Ladies, which has countless variations on euphemisms for self pleasuring. I have copy, but how do I share it withe people?
(Barry Dangerous, Tue 3 Feb 2004, 7:49, Reply)

"Call the waah-mbulance"
Use to accuse someone of whining, in particular when they want to quit drinking before the rest of the group.
( Pee-Bob, Tue 3 Feb 2004, 7:39, Reply)

Newish stuff heard in the smoke
Radio Rental (Mental) - If she finds out she'll go "Radio Rental"

Bum Gravy - What you get after being out on a "Leo" (All-Dayer) followed by a "Basil" (Balti) usually accompanied by "An arse like a Japanese flag"

Pearl Harbour - "It's a bit pearl harbour out tonight" (Theres a nasty nip in the air)
(Defoe, Tue 3 Feb 2004, 6:45, Reply)

In New Zealand
...we say things like

sweet: something good
Choice: " "
Bro: a friend, male or female
heaps: a lot of something

A: "Choice waves today Bro"
B: "Sweet bro"
(Rnold, Tue 3 Feb 2004, 3:56, Reply)

A few words heard recently
Just a few 'slang' words heard recently (or tell the truth just ones I like..

Bitch Fuel - covers most alcopops (i.e. smirnoff ice, VK etc)
Slut Wellies - Knee high boots
Wizard - Said in the term "Shes a bit of a wizard" meaning " shes got a C*nt like a wizards sleave"
(grimmmy, Tue 3 Feb 2004, 2:12, Reply)

Tampons
I have a tough job coming up with new and offensive slang names for these once a month. But i have to keep trying because it annoys my girlfriend so very very much :-D

Vampire Mice
Jam Sponges
Cunt Corks
Blob Catchers
Clot Blockers
Artificial Pube (referring to the piece of string which is left dangling)
Menstrual Mops (or Flow Mops)

I'm sure there were more... but i cant remember due to the head injuries she's inflicted...

[edit - remembered a few]
(Daveybaby, Tue 3 Feb 2004, 2:03, Reply)

Some
kids came up to me a while back when I was sitting around having a crafty number on Hampstead Heath and asked me if I was smoking a "zoot".
(Wong Fei-Hung - now with added flickr.com (see profile), Tue 3 Feb 2004, 1:55, Reply)

Some more my mates use
Bum sticks - Exclamation of displeasure.

Fuck sticks - as above, but ruder.

Arsecandle - A brilliant insult from the day today or brass eye. I forget which.

Mumbler - A woman with a front wedgie. cf: You can se the lips are moving, but can't make out what they're saying. Also known as having a camel's toe.

Ultimate Sex - wanking

Sloanes - The identikit posh pink-pashmina-wearing girls/ rugby-shirt-with-collar-turned-up-wearing posh blokes common around the University of Bristol. And Sloane Square in London, I guess. Also known as Rars

Sloane Ranger - A particularly posh/irritating one of the above
(Mr Mandrake, Tue 3 Feb 2004, 1:02, Reply)

That girl's a Hoya
Hoya: an ugly, skanky, crusty girl. Alternately, you could spell it Jolla. If you wanted to be... Ethpanish.

Someone I knew a long time ago came up with this one, and I feel a twinge of guilt stealing it from him for the glory of the b3ta board, but here goes:

Two guys I knew were walking down the street in San Diego and saw this ugly girl wearing a Georgetown sweatshirt with "HOYAS" written in huge print across the front. "That girl's a total Hoya" was born.
(Mabel DelTaco, Tue 3 Feb 2004, 0:44, Reply)

Slang
Fercirious. Its a mix between "for real?" and "are you serious" and it is really annoying.
(Philosophacles Now is my chance to be funny, Tue 3 Feb 2004, 0:40, Reply)

slang
bit old now but i recall overhearing the following from a besuited one in a city bar referring to a proposed transfer of a colleague
"that really would be fisting him into the wrong swimming pool"
(mink stole, Mon 2 Feb 2004, 23:45, Reply)

Rough As A Badger's Arse
Comparative phrase best used when the speaker is unwell. Like now.

Also, f**kbadgers and c**tbadgers, appropriate when leaving one's train fare at home and missing the train because you were at the cashpoint, only for it to pass over your head as you walk under the railway bridge. Often useful in public situations.
(underachiever, Mon 2 Feb 2004, 23:21, Reply)

A personal favourite is . . .
. . . 'rougher than a witch's crotch', to describe the less attractive lady. Also, when you wake up in the morning with a mouth 'like Gandhi's flip-flop'.
(DoctorJ last upset some twat who doesn't like swearing on, Mon 2 Feb 2004, 23:05, Reply)

Shop talk from work...
'Hitting the low hanging fruit' as in to get the easy stuff done first.

Other phrases

'Hungrier/tireder/older/fatter than Ken' not sure who Ken is but his name is always there

'Does the pope shit in the woods'/'is a bear catholic?'

'It's colder than a witches tit' but I've lately replaced that with random endings i.e 'Colder than a witches pension book'

scousers sometimes call people Queggs.

Ned seems to be taking over from townie

and going for a shit is either 'dropping the kids off at the pool' or 'logging on at the porcelain PC'
( beefandcheese, Mon 2 Feb 2004, 22:55, Reply)

'doing a westlife'
ie, off ya tits (usually on 'k') from 'flying wihtout wings'
(Trimble, Mon 2 Feb 2004, 22:52, Reply)

Rowing banter
My rowing team at College in Oxford has spent so much time together, we have our own slang that makes us completely unintelligable from all sane individuals. For example:

Tonk = Muscly
Hench = Very muscly (can also mean good)
Ripped = Extremely muscly
Hurt locker = General state of exhaustion achieved during exersize
Treenaus = From the finnish "training"
Mena biden trainausta = I like training
Goodlad = Someone who puts in considerable effort, also my personal nickname
Negative ghostrider = No, and I wish to make my answer to your question longer whilst sounding cool
Tosspiece = Wanker
Spazz button = 110% effort; usually results in loss of coordination
Whack off = to down ones drink

If that isnt confusing enough, in the presence of alcohol we must all call each other by our Top Gun names....

"That's damn hench Hollywood, now whack off you tosspiece"
"Negative ghostrider, I shall not be hitting the spazz button"
"You'll never get in the locker like that, remember treenaus"
"Mena biden trainausta"
"Goodlad!"

I think I need to get out less
(Goodie, Mon 2 Feb 2004, 22:50, Reply)

Re : Charver
Yip its from the north east - i used it regularly as a teenager some 10 years ago - incidentaly, when i went to uni nobody knew what i was talking about - by my final year there every fucker was using it! I agree re 'Chav' - WTF!! its ChaRva...

Also, current charva bon mot de jour is 'ladgeful', meaning sly/not on/out of order..as in 'sir that homeowrk you give us was ladgeful'..
(Trimble, Mon 2 Feb 2004, 22:38, Reply)

Re re
I was just presuming they pronounce it like they spell it. Chav to rhyme with lav(atory.) Can anyone clear that up?
(Daveh, Mon 2 Feb 2004, 22:36, Reply)

and more!
"shit the bed!" "bob the bed!" "fuck a duck!"
And thus: "Shit a duck!" "bob the duck!" "fuck the bed!"

"Shit the fuck" is still a bit obscure for us.

Partrige is coming back in big time: "That, was liquid..." eg liquid football, liquid maths.
"Back of the net"
"Fuck off you spacker you're a bloody mentalist"
(Daveh, Mon 2 Feb 2004, 22:34, Reply)

Knicker Stickers
Ladies' sanitary pads

(I'm so very very sorry)
(Johnny Fantastic, Mon 2 Feb 2004, 22:33, Reply)

Re NiLiD69
I don't know how they pronounce it down south... but I do know it took a fair amount of research to find out the "correct" spelling. There are so many variants (on so many bus shelters)... Chaver, Charva, Charver, Chava... Well, charvers can't spel ov corse. But it is "charver" it seems.

My brother had the idea for "Charverscript".
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 2 Feb 2004, 22:33, Reply)

re dr tricky
How annoying is it that these southern fairys say "chav" rather than "charv?" It just sounds stupid... like something a charver would say. I mean, seriously, chav? Chav? Its such a pussy word! Chav chav chav hehehe losers...
(Daveh, Mon 2 Feb 2004, 22:20, Reply)

I work in a supermarket
Safeway to be precise (student work)

Funny phrases come up often - and the people that use them are serious as hell.

Example;

"Can you rack off the WIGIG section then face up the BWS aisle please?"

Translation;

"Can you work the 'When Its Gone Its Gone' promotion stock, and then bring all of the bottles to the front of the shelves in the beers, wines and spirits aisle please?"
( Delete Me, Mon 2 Feb 2004, 22:20, Reply)

Making a pearl
It started as "What's a matter? Sand in your vagina?". Eventually it just became "making a pearl"

Generally used when someone's being a whiney little bitch.
(fishclown, Mon 2 Feb 2004, 22:05, Reply)