Presenting
for displaying cleavage
( heymister, Wed 4 Feb 2004, 16:57, Reply)

I don't know if this one's been on here before
but has anybody heard the word 'chebs' for breasts? It gets better the more you think about it.

Also, a friend of mine came up with 'purple-veined ram attack action pack'. I think you can guess to what it refers.
(Sir Harrington Titsmith disgraced himself on, Wed 4 Feb 2004, 16:52, Reply)

Fugly
someones response to the new Micras, now in regular use in the Potanga household
(fatpotanga, Wed 4 Feb 2004, 16:28, Reply)

just remembered
heard this builder chatting on his mobile about his broken down car/white van "nah mate won't start dead as a dodi" this was about a week after the lady di thing
(Yarrrrrrrrrr, Wed 4 Feb 2004, 16:21, Reply)

Just a brief one
In the west midlands, "Horse Pickle" was where you went when you were sick, if that is of any interest?
(Snitter the Rat, Wed 4 Feb 2004, 16:15, Reply)

in my family, having the shits after a bad curry is referred to as
having a johnny cash (ring of fire)
or it being like the back end of the batmobile
( Ulic hissing slightly, Wed 4 Feb 2004, 16:12, Reply)

A particularly tedious task..
would, according to my mate, "put tits on a snake".

Not quite sure why this is funny, but it has me chuckling every time.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 4 Feb 2004, 16:11, Reply)

ladybits
not new, but an honorable mention must go to ladybits and the things you do to em: hairy clam/bald man in a canoe/parting the beef curtains/stroking the stoat/flicking the bean/gussett typing...etc etc
(doofer, Wed 4 Feb 2004, 16:06, Reply)

Yellow Bus
Simmlar to the sunshine bus: 'riding the yellow bus' of course means idiot.

Also - me and my friends at uni describe people as 'special', 'individual' or for especially stupid people 'unique'.
(bLaXe, Wed 4 Feb 2004, 15:40, Reply)

Modern Definitions:
Ass Clown
Someone who's head is severely implanted up one's ass; suffering from "video rectal-itis".
Useage: "Hey, who's the ass clown in seat 4B?"

Nut Juggler
A simpleton; a chronic masturbator.

"Gay as a French submarine crew"
Describes the degree of someone's homosexuality.

"Queer as a tennis helmet"
Describes an even greater degree of someone's homosexuality.
(blindspot, Wed 4 Feb 2004, 15:35, Reply)

Slang
I always liked

"Face like a melted welly" for ugly.

Also myself and some friends refer to spunk as slug. ie I slugged in her face. This slowly became a word for a hot chick, "damn that bitch is sluggable" and "she's a total slug"
(HenriksleavingandImsosad, Wed 4 Feb 2004, 15:28, Reply)

LIKE DRAGGING A BLACKMAN OFF YOUR MOTHER IN LAW
first used when trying to park a large car without power steering but now used at any time when a task is difficult
(pussypoop, Wed 4 Feb 2004, 15:21, Reply)

turd metaphors
going for a "kenny" - (kenny LOGgins)

"bombing naam" - speaks 4 itself ie " i'm off to bomb naam"

"drop the kids off at the pool" no explanation needed i think
(funkenstein Be pure! Be vigilant! Behave!, Wed 4 Feb 2004, 15:19, Reply)

Can anyone explain?
What the devil may care does "I wanna flip reverse it" mean, that's what I need to know.

Oh I be so innocent of mind, bliss
(mebirdo, Wed 4 Feb 2004, 15:18, Reply)

Similar to others, but nice.
A mate of mine has a lovely turn of phrase to describe the fact that his bird can't refuse a bit of slap and tickle when offered, despite her being tired/late for something/not in the mood/cooking.

'Breaking strain of a chocolate fireguard'

Normally sung to the first line of 'Lonely Goatherd'
( moogthedog, Wed 4 Feb 2004, 15:17, Reply)

Here have a tissue....................
Bab Tash (from babus tashus): the residue left on a shiza porn stars mouth after shooting a flick, aka once they've munched the brown log.
The use of this term has progressed and now it is used as a signal of dissapointment i.e.,
Watching Emmerdale............."thats bab tash" or "what a load of bab"
Now that its overused by my friend Mike,i'm constantly having to retort with "whats that on your lip??" or "get yer ed down, you crank
(dubious chu, Wed 4 Feb 2004, 15:15, Reply)

anal treat
My mate proudly proclaimed recently to have got his Brown Wings. Its one up from pink wings. (or one below, depends on your point of view. Literally).
( I have run out of coke is a little sweaty, Wed 4 Feb 2004, 15:10, Reply)

squinnies
are what whingers are called in portsmouth
(funkenstein Be pure! Be vigilant! Behave!, Wed 4 Feb 2004, 15:10, Reply)

A couple different
'Moobs!' - said whilst standing and pointing at fat blokes who should be wearing a bra (der. man boobs)
'Set the makeup gun to whore' - women who have gone a little OTT with the slap (orig. Simpsons)
'Guard dog' - the ugly friend who always accompanies the fit bird (orig. The Pantsman)
'Jurassic Park!' - Exclamation of joy (orig. Alan Partridge)
'Arsebiscuits!' - Exclamation of extreme displeasure (orig. Father Ted)

A couple used by friends:
'Better than being shot up the arse with a cow' - alternative to being slapped with a wet fish.
'Teeth like a witch doctor's necklace' - somebody with a poor orthodentist
(bomba, Wed 4 Feb 2004, 15:06, Reply)

RE: Pikey Mutterings...
I'm probably being really dumb but it might be to do with "oh aye". I don't know where you're from but in Scotland we used to say "oh aye, cream pie" and other stuff that rhymed with oh aye...don't rightly know why guv'nor!!
(funkylins, Wed 4 Feb 2004, 15:03, Reply)

CHAV: An answer?
this link to a website dedicated to Polari, a 40's 50's and 60's homosexual theatreland slang
www2.prestel.co.uk/cello/Polari.htm

I think it's older than all of us, and not a) native geordie, b) kentish, as I thought, or c) anything to do with pikey-types originally.

So there, we're all wrong!

PS soz about the threadwaste...
(doctor sideburns, Wed 4 Feb 2004, 14:58, Reply)

Pikey mutterings
Not exactly new but it's been bugging me for ages, the pikeys from where I used to live always said: "chicken eye, mother die, chavvy pie". Anyone got any ideas as to what they were actually trying to say? For some reason I always get the urge to have a chicken and mushroom pie when I think of it, but that could just be me...
(Modster2k, Wed 4 Feb 2004, 14:44, Reply)

"Riding the sunshine bus"
used to describe stupid people eg

"Did you come in on the sunshine bus this morning ?"

Derived from seeing mongs / windowlickers / joey's etc etc in the 'special needs' buses but can be used for descibing any idiot
(mr matt, Wed 4 Feb 2004, 14:43, Reply)

How I Laughed
I Remember the time I was on a weekend break in Paris, which my mum very kindly paid for as a leaving home present, I said to a lovely young lady I would love to clean out her Rusty Pipe for her. She naturally thought I was offering to flush out the fallen leaves from her guttering. Imagine her surprise when I drilled her up the Ass..........Stupid bitch!
(Mapper, Wed 4 Feb 2004, 14:41, Reply)

"Cant polish a turd"
used to describe ugly people who do their best to look good ie

"She does her best, but you can't polish a turd can you ?"
(mr matt, Wed 4 Feb 2004, 14:33, Reply)

duh! posted in the wrong place.
Wot the fuck R U lot on about, Charva dervied from Kappa Slappers ?

Chavie is NOT RECENT, I was using it in primary school and that was thirty years ago. So to say that "You Chav ..." has any history this side of the millenium is stupid. You yung wipper snippers havent got a clue between you or an original insult (although the bear's smile made me laff).

Since I am considerably older than Yeou, here's the definitive derivation of Chavie (it should be noted that Word wants to spell check it a Cavies)

First Heard : 1977, Surrey England (We used to run the world before we let the American have a go)

Number of uses daily : fucking loads.

Last Recorded Public Use : THE famous moment outside of a polling station on the one occasion I got dragged there by my parents because Thatcher was showing up, "Thatcher you are a Fecking Chavie .. " yelled the small boy with viciously bruised legs (me)

Chavie is derived from Chavvie Yordie an insult heard by me in Surrey during the 1970’s. It should be remembered that Chavie was around before close monitoring of human trials with drugs was the norm. So shortly after Chavie new miracle drugs and treatments were released, so a whole new genre of birth defect related insults became the norm.

Spastics - They may change the brand, but it doesn’t change the meaning, (we just call em scopes now),

Mongols (Downs syndrome) as in you Mong to describe someone being unbelievable dense.

And the great creative spark Thalidomide. Instigator of many a hurtful childish insult and like all the greats, still in stong use today (or at least in my office you Bunch of Lowery’s) as in You Phlid or Lowry (Phlid = Thalidomide ) Lowry was famous for his painting of people with matchstick arms and matchstick legs.

Before this lot we had to make our own up. Christ I feel like such a lowlife after reading what we used to call people, we should be ashamed of ourselves.


Damage.
(lastingdamage, Wed 4 Feb 2004, 14:08, Reply)

Bin the lids
A Crawley (the town) expression meaning "put the coins in your pocket"
(JuJu, Wed 4 Feb 2004, 14:00, Reply)

see - over the past four years or so
me and my mates have developed so many slang words - that our conversations have become incomprehensible to the average joe-eavesdropper.

Here is an example -
The word twat. We don't use it in it's normal meaning. If T'was means 'it was' then Twat means 'it was at'. We also use it to mean 'it was on'

eg. "twat last saturday........"
(Market Man, Wed 4 Feb 2004, 13:51, Reply)

Slang & Phrases
Here are a few that i have either heard, or use amongst my friends. They arent meant to be offensive/homophobic/racist or anything like that. After all, some of my best gays are blacks.

"Homeowner" = A homosexual, always funny to give letters addressed to "the homeowner" to my various housemates.

"Taking care of business" = Shagging

"Doing a Phil" = Ending up in bed, but not having sex with, a female friend. One whom you really fancy but doesent seen you in "that way". Something my mate called Phil does on a regular basis, to our never ending amusement.

I actually have loads more, some of which are good. But maybe taken out of context, it would be difficult to appreciate the nature in which they are intended.

I have never used a message board before, so i dont really know how much i can get away with :)
(RustyJames, Wed 4 Feb 2004, 13:50, Reply)