I do my sons homework for him
Upon hearing that I do my sons homework I bet that you are all thinking that he is a spoilt brat, and to be honest he is, in other areas like computer games, toys etc. I am doing his homework for reasons of my own.

Mon Bison Jnr has been given a dream diary for this weeks homework and as soon as I heard of this I couldn't resist adding a couple of fake dreams into it for him. The diary started last Friday and on a night where he dosent dream of anything I will add an entry for him. As he is at a church school I decided against putting things like "I am the spawn of satan and will bring death to you all!!" as I can't stand another teacher parent meeting or angry mob getting together to burn the devil child. So far he has the following bizarre dreams:

Monday 13th Oct I dreamt I was Hugo Myatt on the 80's kid show Knightmare, the dungoneers were arguing over which item to take the gold bar, the quill or the sword. I have told them the clue is that the pen is mightier than the sword but they arent listening

Sat 11th Oct I was sat on the sofa watching Hollyoaks, the show was so tedious I bored myself awake.

Can't wait for the next parents evening.

Any other suggestions on what to put in this then let me know, my son has bugger all imagination so I know I will have a few more days to fill up for him.
(mon bison powered by magnets, Tue 14 Oct 2008, 14:18, 29 replies)

Hmmm...
I dreamt a couple of nights ago that the moon was leaking brightly coloured gas into the night sky. I awoke fully expecting that to be the main headline on Today.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Tue 14 Oct 2008, 14:25, closed)

How about something a little bit Freudian for a laugh:

I dreamed I was on a riverbank, I reached in and pulled out a huge fish, the fish was flapping around in my hands and it was all wet, then it jumped up into the air. Then I was eating a big bowl of strawberries and cream and you (teacher) were there, saying "Eat them all up like a good boy"

/off to hell....
(Che Grimsdale Best before:, Tue 14 Oct 2008, 14:28, closed)

Have a click
for "so tedious I bored myself awake". I'd give you another for the Knightmare reference but you'll have to do with one!
( uberdeity Wondered why Owen Lars knew of the term "hell" on, Tue 14 Oct 2008, 14:39, closed)

Cheers
One click is fine
(mon bison powered by magnets, Tue 14 Oct 2008, 15:07, closed)

Hmmmm...
I dreamt that I was swimming in a lake and a beautiful girl came up and asked if she could swim with me. She took off all of her clothes and dived in, but when she came up to the surface she turned out to be one of the Hanson brothers. I let her kiss me, but I woke up feeling confused.

EDIT: or you could substitute Lance Bass in there, or perhaps Michael Jackson.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Tue 14 Oct 2008, 14:46, closed)

cough splutter
.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Tue 14 Oct 2008, 14:52, closed)

Hahah!
You have to include this one
( Jessie © needs pirate name suggestions, Tue 14 Oct 2008, 17:48, closed)

I dreamed I did a poo
and when i woke up, there was a poo in the bed!
(bazmorningstar efil4nat3b, Tue 14 Oct 2008, 14:54, closed)

My dream from when I was about 6
I once dreamt I was an Arab (thinking back, looking like 'Mustapha Million' from Whoopee comic).
I walked down my local high-street and went in every shop.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Tue 14 Oct 2008, 14:54, closed)

I'm really, really intrigued
why does he have to keep a dream diary? What do they teach in schools these days?
*shuffles off muttering about the Three Rs*
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 14 Oct 2008, 14:55, closed)

Why does he have to keep a dream diary?
God knows, I think that the teacher is one of the happy clappy worship the moon kind of people. Last week he had to write a story about what plant they would like to be (My son decided to be a smart ass and write Whomping willow).
(mon bison powered by magnets, Tue 14 Oct 2008, 15:13, closed)

*snigger*
CHCB said 'arse' (nearly)
( snee held his breath since, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 8:11, closed)

One of my dreams
I once dreamt I did a sexy wee in bed and when I woke up I actually hadn't started puberty yet and the bed was dry.

_{(May not strictly be true)}
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Tue 14 Oct 2008, 14:57, closed)

In a dream once I was chased by the three scousers
but was saved by a jeep driven by a ghost.
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Tue 14 Oct 2008, 15:10, closed)

More than once
as a kid I dreamed that the school burned down. I still recall the crashing disappointment on waking ....
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Tue 14 Oct 2008, 15:22, closed)

A dream diary? For homework?
*mutters to self about damn hippy teachers & homework being harder in my day*
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 14 Oct 2008, 15:25, closed)

genuine dream
to clean out the cellar we flood it, this pisses off the demon who lives in the infinitely deep hole in the middle of the room, he causes a huge whirlpool out of which mud covered corpses rise up, everyone in the town starts to run away but the demon's mind control makes most of them give up and sit down waiting to die. i get in the only vehicle to escape and we drive away, however the demon's mind control means that cars keep swerving into our path and a school crossing leaps in front of us, we swerve and only break the crossing lady's arm. then i realise my baby daughter didn't escape with us and get all upset and wake up.
( monstrinho do biscoito teeeshurts = www.nogunarmy.com, Tue 14 Oct 2008, 15:34, closed)

I dreamt I was on an Island...
in the south pacific sea.
One million seagulls,
Ten million coconuts,
Twelve nyphomaniacs and me..
( buffet_the_appetite_slayer ٩(●̮̃•)۶ jacked in to the ICE on, Tue 14 Oct 2008, 15:35, closed)

Satanic Apostate, Martin Luther
...used to have nightmares about a huge bottom mooning and farting at him.
(RayPugh So, what are you wearing?, Tue 14 Oct 2008, 17:05, closed)

Hmmm.
I don't know why I just wrote that.

Yes, the Freudian route would be best. Something along the lines of: Your kid was exploring this deep, mysterious cavern when suddenly a huge snake leapt out of the darkness and vomited clotted cream all over him.
(RayPugh So, what are you wearing?, Tue 14 Oct 2008, 17:09, closed)

This will fuck his Teacher up...
I am Transsexual and first had Gender Identity problems as a very young child, problems that often came out in my dreams.

These were some of my dreams.

I quite often dreamt that I was a real girl, I wore girls clothes and had a girls name and grew up to be a normal woman. However every time, I awoke I felt suicidal.

I dreamt that I had to thread a tiny needle with giant thread, the needle was too tiny for my hands and the thread was made of woven ropes. I used to have this nightmare quite often, well in to Adulthood and only stopped it in therapy by using visualisation.

I dreamt that my parents were freeze dried by the Penguin from Batman!

Feel free to scare the wits out of the Teacher with these, but be warned, you might get your kid referred to the psychologist...
( Rev. Jayneflakes Buy my book, I need the cash for drugs and hookers, Tue 14 Oct 2008, 21:13, closed)

how about
I dreamed that conventional interpretations of Immanuel Kant's abstract concept of the 'ding an sich' are incommensurable with his strictly deontological approach to moral decision-making; to wit, that that which can only be epistemologically aggregated somewhat obliquely should nonetheless be regarded as the logically inalienable foundation of moral and political theory. Also, there was ice cream.
(Axeman Jim, Tue 14 Oct 2008, 21:22, closed)

^^^^
Wins.
(ComplexStuff Was confused by life on, Tue 14 Oct 2008, 21:27, closed)

^
*agrees*
( warmfuzzies Isn't here, Wed 15 Oct 2008, 1:25, closed)

I had a dream
I was checking my email, and a friend sent me a link to a free game, I clicked....







Were no strangers to love
You know the rules and so do i
A full commitments what Im thinking of
You wouldnt get this from any other guy

I just wanna tell you how Im feeling
Gotta make you understand

* never gonna give you up
Never gonna let you down
Never gonna run around and desert you
Never gonna make you cry
Never gonna say goodbye
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you

Weve know each other for so long
Your hearts been aching
But youre too shy to say it
Inside we both know whats been going on
We know the game and were gonna play it

And if you ask me how Im feeling
Dont tell me youre too blind to see

(* repeat)

Give you up. give you up
Give you up, give you up
Never gonna give
Never gonna give, give you up
Never gonna give
Never gonna give, five you up

I just wanna tell you how Im feeling
Gotta make you understand

(* repeat 3 times)
(knackerz is skinning up, Wed 15 Oct 2008, 1:36, closed)

How to upset a religious school..
Simply write:
"I dreamt that I was naked on a desert island, and I heard a great wind approaching so I covered myself.
But the wind was actually God, and he said "Why do you cover yourself? I made Adam and Eve naked, is that not good enough for you too?"
Then I woke up"

Should stimulate interesting conversation.
(paof2 Nude might not be rude, but rude could be nude..., Wed 15 Oct 2008, 9:23, closed)

I was walking thru a field and there was just one tree that grew right in the middle of this big bright green field, it's a nice day with blue skys,
the tree had moss all down one side where small bushes also grew, but on the other side in the shade there was no moss and no bushes, and I laid down in it's shadow and looked up at it's branches.

After a while I decided to climb the tree and I went up the shady dry side, but the closer I got to the top the more the wind blew and rocked the tree, and by the time I reached the top and sat right on the middle a storm had come up and the skies were dark and the tree rocked so much I got afraid and decided I had better jump down again.

I could see a couple of small bushes on the other side that looked soft enough and I moved forward to try and drop myself onto them, but on this side the moss was too slippy and I slid down like I was on big fireman's pole, but then halfway down there was a huge flash and I fell onto the bushes and looking up I could see the tree had been hit by lightning, and the top was split open and fire and bits of tree and stuff was shooting up out of it, and I was scared I was gonna get burned as it all fell, but luckily just then it began to rain, which was a big relief, but then I got all wet.
( ..wil, Wed 15 Oct 2008, 12:58, closed)

Yay Hugo Myatt!
Welcome Watchers of Illusion, to the Castle of confusion!
I am Tregaurd...

WARNING TEAM! A Goblin horde approaches! Make haste and tarry not!

etc
Reminds me of being small, watching tele on a dark pre-winters night. And just after Duckula.
Nostalgia...
(tweebianmonkey Should be known as Widget, Wed 15 Oct 2008, 15:55, closed)