I can make like a banana
and get the hell out of here.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 11:44, Reply)

I can...
... put fags out on my tongue and push things really far (like 4 or 5 inches) up my nose.

Needless to say, both come in really handy.
(ralphseviltwin, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 9:22, Reply)

freak
I can lick my own elbow by dislocating my shoulder and pushing my upper arm backwards out of place, vid to follow if I can work out how to post one!
(themeanderthal, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 7:38, 1 reply)

I had an important business conversation call whilst on a unicycle (holding a wall mind)
Because that's how professional I get when having to work from home.
(McDazzle Knows not what he does, Wed 24 Nov 2010, 22:35, Reply)

A talent!? Thats more than he makes in a month!

(hathat, Wed 24 Nov 2010, 22:23, Reply)

What is the sound of one hand clapping?
The answer, of course is a clap.
I can flick my palm forward such my fingers smack on the base of the hand and make a clap. Not everyone can do this and when I demonstrate it, at least one person will start flapping his arms around like a retard. Some kid was invited onto the Tonight Show because he could do it also. This little snot had NO form whatsoever and he was flapping around and banging his head and bugging out on stage while half of America watched him spaz out on TV. I could do it better than he, but he stole my spotlight.
(hathat, Wed 24 Nov 2010, 22:21, Reply)

An aquintence
at work somehow manages to splash on an entire bottle of aftershave without asphyxiating himself.
(Sadarse works like Mist condensing mud flaps, Wed 24 Nov 2010, 19:29, Reply)

When I was at school
I once did the long jump in 6.5 seconds
(Che Grimsdale Best before:, Wed 24 Nov 2010, 16:58, 2 replies)

I hate the Archers on Radio 4
Which must be a talent because it's been going for about 70 years now with a fanatical audience.

It's utter, utter shit. I actually turn the radio off every time it comes on, but I've heard enough to recognise:

- The acting is straight out of Carry On - strictly stereotypes with imbecilic "Raaral" accents that sound like an unironic 70s TV ad for cider.
- Storylines that would look hackneyed in a daytime TV soap. From Brazil. Made in 1983. They've only just got round to dealing with ethnic minorities, and he's a white Glaswegian.
- Total lack of narrative drive or surprise. Oh no - Old Mr Archer is going to drive his mobility vehicle across a frozen lake . . . I wonder what will happen.
- The occasional sop to agricultural matters, expressed in the most clunkingly obvious dialogue like "Well, I must be going to milk the cows now - these new EU guidelines on milk quotas really make it difficult for the dairy indutry, you know".
- "Issues" as found on your more mainstream soaps, but nothing as exciting as necrophilia or cannibal dismemberment. No, it;'s more like drink driving or forgetting to pay a parking ticket. I think they did epilepsy and Alzheimer's too.

My God I hate it. Even hearing just a few seconds of it after the news of before the arts show will make me want to kill a farmer. Please make it stop.
(Brand name, Wed 24 Nov 2010, 16:19, 16 replies)

Psychological defenses superpower
All of us have psychological defenses between us and the outside world. We weigh information, and reject or provisionally accept it depending on plausibility, how much we trust the source, etc.

My mum has the unusual talent of having a hole in these defenses which appears to be exactly Daily-Mail-shaped. Anything published in the Daily Mail becomes instant truth and cannot easily be dislodged.
( Amish Information Systems hates misplaced, commas, Wed 24 Nov 2010, 16:19, 1 reply)

As a grumpy old man...
...I have the unusual talent to turn any positive negative and to see the cloud around any silver lining.
(Che Grimsdale Best before:, Wed 24 Nov 2010, 12:39, 2 replies)

Countdown
I can perform the Countdown counting down tune in my head whilst brushing my teeth and finish at the exact same time that my toothbrush beeps to inform me that 30 seconds has passed. I developed this ability due to my toothbrush humming at the same pitch as the first part of the aforementioned half a minute musical piece.
( stopmeandslapme Cometh the hour, cometh your mum, Wed 24 Nov 2010, 11:59, 11 replies)

Coming first on QOTW every week....
because I have all of you fuckers set to "ignore".........ha ha WIN!
(stonersmurf stuckin' foned, Wed 24 Nov 2010, 11:55, Reply)

esrever daeha
I nac dear dna etirw sdrawkcab ytterp tsaf. I erdnow woh htat si gniong ot pleh em ni a iebmoz espylacopa?

Htgnel? Orez woleb.
(Robotnik, Wed 24 Nov 2010, 11:55, 18 replies)

Manly
I fitted an isolator valve to a cold water pipe and then replaced the syphon bit in my toilet cistern.

and I can put up shelves
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Wed 24 Nov 2010, 11:53, 18 replies)

I can
actually open a tin of beans with a penknife.
(Woodlouse say it with flowers. Send her a Triffid, Wed 24 Nov 2010, 11:36, 3 replies)