Annoy 1950s vegan tennis player coaches by telling them it's not a logical sport.

(MrOli is ugly, but in the morning you will be sober, Fri 24 Jun 2011, 14:41, Reply)

Annoy 1950s vegan tennis player coaches by telling them their training was shit.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 24 Jun 2011, 14:35, Reply)

Annoy 1950's vegan tennis players by telling them they're complicit in the trade of cat gut.

(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Fri 24 Jun 2011, 12:20, Reply)

Annoy tennis fans by punching them in the face repeatedly.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 24 Jun 2011, 10:50, 2 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Annoy tennis fans by telling them that wiff waff is a far superior game.

(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Fri 24 Jun 2011, 10:43, Reply)

A Magnifying Glass
trained at the sun, makes an ideal 'James Bond'-style interrogation method for stag beetles embroiled in espionage in your back garden...
(SonoraAeroClub "OH SWEET HELEN OF BALLS!", Fri 24 Jun 2011, 7:51, Reply)

why not spruce up top tips by adding genocide and any other 'ides you can think of

( fluffybunnykiller Is feasting on the clitoris of life, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 21:36, 4 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Spruce up your C.V.
by including 'Genocide' amongst your hobbies...
(SonoraAeroClub "OH SWEET HELEN OF BALLS!", Thu 23 Jun 2011, 18:25, Reply)

why not wank over your wifes tits while she sleeps
i do
( fluffybunnykiller Is feasting on the clitoris of life, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 14:42, 2 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

make your other half in to a pie and then invit hanible lechter round for tea

( fluffybunnykiller Is feasting on the clitoris of life, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 13:48, Reply)

Make a nice pie for your other half.
Eat it and tell them how lovely it was.
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 13:10, Reply)

Remind People
that Chris Moyles is a hideous bellend...
(SonoraAeroClub "OH SWEET HELEN OF BALLS!", Thu 23 Jun 2011, 12:40, 1 reply, 14 years ago)

Make a nice pie for your other half
And tell them how lovely they are.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 12:31, Reply)

a toblerone makes an ideal ridged/ribbed sex toy
all the nuts with none of the seeds and you can hide the evidence after by eating it
like jo brand
( fluffybunnykiller Is feasting on the clitoris of life, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 10:57, 3 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Say To People
on June 22nd; "aren't the nights drawing in...?"
(SonoraAeroClub "OH SWEET HELEN OF BALLS!", Wed 22 Jun 2011, 18:33, 8 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Listen to
ELO's Concerto For a Rainy Day from their Out of Blue album, as it's slightly excellent.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 16:56, 5 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

40-year-old Marketing Managers
demonstrate how cool and popular you still are by installing and playing sound effects from Star Wars such as R2-D2 and the Sand People every five minutes...
(SonoraAeroClub "OH SWEET HELEN OF BALLS!", Wed 22 Jun 2011, 16:47, Reply)

Disassociate yourself from irrationality and enjoy the resultant logic.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 11:23, Reply)

If all your neutrino detectors have just saturated
you probably should go and have a nice lie down.
(haberman is singing in the changes, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 11:18, 8 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

City folk in the country.
If you really want to 'blend in' like a local, don't wear pristine flat caps, Barbour jackets and immaculate Hunter wellies. It makes you look like the utter cunt that you are.
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 9:29, 7 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Stop your dog defecating on the carpet
By bludgeoning it to death and burying it in a hole in the garden.
(The Archduke of South London I'm in your Girlfriend eating her organs, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 9:01, 3 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Landscaping your garden?
Make the lawn the shape of "the golden rectangle", it looks really excellent and aesthetically pleasing.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 0:31, 5 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Sarah Millican. Push the boundaries of comedy
by repeatedly mentioning that you're a fat lass with a penchant for the biscuit tin.
( smokey bobinson westing by musket and sexton, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 19:58, 18 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Slow car drivers down by setting up "Police - Accident" tape by the side of the road, next to a a dignity screen.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 14:35, 2 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Somewhat irked because your wife/girlfriend
has spent money you don't really have spare on new clothes? Cause her to take them back by pointing out that it makes her look like she's dressing up as a Japanese schoolgirl.

Tartan skirt, white blouse and long white socks indeed.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 10:46, 2 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Annoy Sum 41 Fans
by telling them that Japandroids do the same thing, but much better. And there are only two of them...
(SonoraAeroClub "OH SWEET HELEN OF BALLS!", Mon 20 Jun 2011, 20:43, Reply)

Anvils, pianos and bin-bags filled with dogshit
make ideal 'raindrops' for Richard Littlejohn.
(costas, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 19:30, 5 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

the penis from a flea make a great add on for stag bettles that abuse steroids

( fluffybunnykiller Is feasting on the clitoris of life, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 19:25, Reply)

The Wheels And Axle
from a Burago model car makes an excellent impromptu 'dumbbell' for large body-building stag beetles...
(SonoraAeroClub "OH SWEET HELEN OF BALLS!", Mon 20 Jun 2011, 16:49, Reply)

Paedo tip
13-14 year old girls in Liverpool have the youngest kids. Don't forget the Vaseline.
( Peej, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 15:00, 1 reply, 14 years ago)