Acrylic painting tip
Use rubbing alcohol to clean your brushes. It gets all the bits of paint that are deep in the bristles and makes your brushes last longer.
( flirting with badgers What? It sounded good at the time., Mon 21 Apr 2008, 5:46, Reply)

Fag taste
To get the naty taste of cigarette out of your mouth and the back of your throat, just eat a grape. They're full of juice, and it overpowers the taste of the fag.

Or just don't smoke.
(Pik3y shagged your dad on, Sun 20 Apr 2008, 2:36, Reply)

Budget coasters
Take 6-8 square cardboard coasters from local pub (of same size). Tape together as a stack with masking tape. Result: durable and absorbent coaster for about 5p. Lasts for years!
(runge got stuck to a vertical surface on:, Sat 19 Apr 2008, 19:13, Reply)

Phone Vouchers
with the pay as you go vouchers, get someone on the same network as you. After you both type the 16 digits in you both press hash at exactly the same time - it is said to credit both phones with the voucher amount

anyone tried this?
(The Goat www.cuttingthroughthematrix.com, Wed 16 Apr 2008, 12:12, 2 replies, latest was 17 years ago)

OIl Painting tips
save time cleaning your brushes

just stick them in some tupperware in the fridge so they never dry out and you never need to clean them
(make sure you keep the lid on tight unless you like the faint taste of turpentine in your food)
(The Goat www.cuttingthroughthematrix.com, Wed 16 Apr 2008, 11:56, Reply)

push rice crispies into the treads of you car tyres
for that expensive gravel driveway feel
( Reme Philips laid an epic dump on, Mon 14 Apr 2008, 20:31, 1 reply, 17 years ago)

Want to make your posts look more popular?

( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Mon 14 Apr 2008, 19:12, 21 replies, latest was 17 years ago)

Increase Office morale with a simple game
Wait until the person sitting next to you is paying attention to whatever they are doing, then sneakily try to remove something from their person. Carry on until the other person spots you and freaks.

At this point, jump up and shout "BUCKAROO!" as loud as you can, much to the obvious delight of your work colleagues. Or you get fired. Still, it will raise the morale somewhat.
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Mon 14 Apr 2008, 16:57, 2 replies, latest was 17 years ago)

Are you stuck trying to electrocute balls too tiny for crocodile clips?

Attach small paper clips instead!
(clusterfuck detesting 'length' jokes since, Sun 13 Apr 2008, 12:35, 3 replies, latest was 17 years ago)

You win... I don't want to fight anymore

Now get that ball gag on and lets get to torturing those genitals...

The safety word is taffeta
(clusterfuck detesting 'length' jokes since, Sun 13 Apr 2008, 12:32, Reply)

Want to get revenge because somebody
didn't think you were sexy enough as a child to molest?

see below.
( thiswasmyclone, Sun 13 Apr 2008, 9:45, Reply)

Want to advertise to the world that you molest children
But only thin white ones as you're picky, racist and a paedo? Post this on forums

"Bit of a nob head?
Why not post entry after entry on top tips?"
(clusterfuck detesting 'length' jokes since, Sat 12 Apr 2008, 21:09, Reply)

Pre paid mobile phones
Has your pre-paid mobile run out of credit? Just transfer yourself to an alternate reality and hope that the phone in your new reality has some credit in it.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Sat 12 Apr 2008, 14:30, Reply)

Hate School?
Think of the fact you'll never be a bum if you finish it. You'll be able to get a decent bloody job instead, and OH SHOCK HORROR! you'll be able to look after yourself instead of crying to mummy.



*apologies for cynicism. Am very tired and I smell like pizza. See I have a REAL job. I make pizzas*
(Poppet some assembly required., Sat 12 Apr 2008, 13:26, Reply)

Bit of a nob head?
Why not post entry after entry on top tips?
( thiswasmyclone, Sat 12 Apr 2008, 12:34, Reply)

Looking to blend in in 'urban' areas?

Cover your face with shoe polish, making sure to outline your eyes and mouth with white paint (tipp-ex will do)

If even with such a disguise you are hassled, try jazz hands until the situation is diffused.
(clusterfuck detesting 'length' jokes since, Fri 11 Apr 2008, 16:32, Reply)

Habitual procrastinator?!

It alwa
(clusterfuck detesting 'length' jokes since, Fri 11 Apr 2008, 16:29, Reply)

On fire?

Relieve that burning sensation with water.
(clusterfuck detesting 'length' jokes since, Fri 11 Apr 2008, 16:26, Reply)

Are you jewish?

Are you living in 1930's Germany or Poland?!




GET OUT..... NOW
(clusterfuck detesting 'length' jokes since, Fri 11 Apr 2008, 16:13, Reply)

Gingers

Want to disguise the genetic betrayal growing on your head?

Bleach it blonde or dye it jet black - no one will be able to tell... that is unless you have ginger eyebrows and infinity freckles
(clusterfuck detesting 'length' jokes since, Fri 11 Apr 2008, 14:35, Reply)

Top Tip 3
Want some time off work? Rape ulrika jonnson



worked for john leslie
(clusterfuck detesting 'length' jokes since, Fri 11 Apr 2008, 3:48, Reply)

Paul McCartney?

Save money by listening to your kids - they never liked her, did they?
(clusterfuck detesting 'length' jokes since, Fri 11 Apr 2008, 3:46, Reply)

Ladies

Don't pay over the odds for botox - insist on prozac from an early age and you'll make no facial expressions ever.
(clusterfuck detesting 'length' jokes since, Fri 11 Apr 2008, 3:45, Reply)

One for the ladies
Run out of tampons?

Use a miniature baguette or hotdog bun
(clusterfuck detesting 'length' jokes since, Fri 11 Apr 2008, 3:42, Reply)

Top tip 2
Want to save money on expensive haircuts?

Get cancer - chemo's free
(clusterfuck detesting 'length' jokes since, Fri 11 Apr 2008, 3:39, Reply)

Top Tip
Bored of watching the kids? Looking to earn some extra cash?

Bung 'em under a neighbours bed for a couple of weeks.

*additional tip* don't admit the details of your ingenious plan within earshot of a policeman
(clusterfuck detesting 'length' jokes since, Fri 11 Apr 2008, 3:36, Reply)

Feeling patriotic?
Go abroad and get sh*tfaced every day until you puke.Try to wear as little clothing as possible and make sure every piss you have is on or as near as possible to a treasured national monument. Always speak English slowly to the local spanish waiter while doing 'wanker' movements with your hand to your mate. When walking along and you finish a beer always smash the bottle on the ground and if in a pub try to glass at least one local during your stay. Boycott restaurants that serve local food and make sure you leer at everything with a fanny so they know where you from. Try not to go out in groups of less than 20 people and always make sure at least one of your party is draped in an England flag at all times and someone shouts C*******NNNNNTTTTT!!! at random intervals. These intervals should not exceed a period of 1 minute - this is very important otherwise people may forget where you are from.
(The Archduke of South London I'm in your Girlfriend eating her organs, Thu 10 Apr 2008, 20:22, 3 replies, latest was 17 years ago)

Drivers of automatic cars
Scare the shit out of drivers behind you at the traffic lights by shifting from Park to Drive just before you move off, briefly illuminating your reversing lights and making them think you're going to reverse into them.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 10 Apr 2008, 12:37, Reply)

Top Tip for Vandals
Because the Kooks have printed their name in white on a black background for their latest poster campaign, all it takes is two strokes of a black marker to change their name to the <ocks
( monkeon schmonkeon, Thu 10 Apr 2008, 9:21, Reply)