You know you're a student when...
a fit blonde that you've been shagging at night and completely ignoring during non drinking hours see's you in a club and whispers sweet nothings in your ear to the tune of
'take me home and fuck me'
To which you reply
'here are my house keys, go back to mine now and I expect you to be naked, wet as a Wham-O slip 'n' slide and waiting for me when I can be bothered to finish talking bollocks and drinking cheap alcohol with the lads'

So as it turned out; my housemate Jon, who was back at home, completing a 3 day (without sleep) coursework marathon heard what he thought was me coming back from a night out. The sleep depraved idiot, burst into my bedroom and cops an eyeful of my bit-on-the-side preparing herself for my return and a post piss-up poke.

Clearly caught in the act, fiddling with her whimsy, breasts a-pert and legs a-kimber, she stops, looks him straight in the eye and says..'i've got nothing to hide'.

Whether it was Jons lack of sleep, his lack of way with women or sheer surprise, apparently he replied with an aplogetic whimper and scuttled back off to his room to finish colouring in his new car design coursework.

When I actually returned, Jon was only to quick to declare what he had seen and kind of ruined the surprise for me. Nevertheless...

length?...about 2 and a half minutes then straight to sleep.
(Eggstrovert isnt patronising you...honest..., Thu 28 May 2009, 15:34, 45 replies)

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( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Thu 28 May 2009, 15:36, closed)

I love you

(Goatse not a comedy account, Thu 28 May 2009, 15:39, closed)

This person
is ASCII-win.
(mmmm curry doesn't really understand this sig lark, Thu 28 May 2009, 15:42, closed)

haha, yeah,
that happened.
( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Thu 28 May 2009, 15:36, closed)

I had full sex with a woman once
I got to see her boobies and her fanny
( WormuIus, Thu 28 May 2009, 15:37, closed)

FUCK OFF AS IF YOU 'AV!

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Thu 28 May 2009, 15:39, closed)

what's that like?
is it like touching your winky against another winky?
(likeajackhammer, Thu 28 May 2009, 15:47, closed)

I've heard it's way better.
But I don't really know for sure.
( flirting with badgers What? It sounded good at the time., Fri 29 May 2009, 7:51, closed)

We should so do bicep curls together and high five after each rep
I'm having 12 blowjobs RIGHT NOW!
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Thu 28 May 2009, 15:37, closed)

Cuuting down?
It's not Lent, or anything.
( thealternativefact, Thu 28 May 2009, 15:43, closed)

You are the man with 19 penises
AICMFP.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 28 May 2009, 15:45, closed)

I've read more believable tosh in the letters section of Razzle.

( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Thu 28 May 2009, 15:39, closed)

"I dropped my trollies and within seconds I'd tipped my filthy cement"

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 28 May 2009, 15:43, closed)

Now, see, THAT I believe.

( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Thu 28 May 2009, 15:48, closed)

See, I'm good at this ;)

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 28 May 2009, 15:49, closed)

You've certainly got my interest piqued.
By interest I mean penis, and by piqued I mean throbbingly wrapped around my neck, sentient and angry.

Ahem.
( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Thu 28 May 2009, 15:50, closed)

SENTIENT COCK!
I'm sure there's a whole wave of Razzle stories, right there.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 28 May 2009, 15:51, closed)

If I wrote for Razzle
this time next year, Badders, I'd be a miwwionaire.
( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Thu 28 May 2009, 16:17, closed)

OBJECTION!

LIES ON THE INTERNET
AUTISMING

(INTERNETLAWYERMAN QC: Ace Attorney, Thu 28 May 2009, 15:39, closed)

haha
fuck. Autisming. That's a class word, right there.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 28 May 2009, 15:42, closed)

You need to add apostrophe abuse.

(Gravity's Raincoat, Thu 28 May 2009, 15:43, closed)

you have beautiful handwriting there
your signature is a pleasure to behold
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 28 May 2009, 15:52, closed)

Ahaha!

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 28 May 2009, 18:56, closed)

ahahaha
priceless
( manolith hooray for me, Thu 28 May 2009, 15:40, closed)

This is fucking boring bullshit.

( thealternativefact, Thu 28 May 2009, 15:40, closed)

Oh you're so manly!

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Thu 28 May 2009, 15:45, closed)

PLEASE CAN I BE YOUR FRIEND?!
WE CAN MEET UP BEHIND THE BIKE SHEDS AND TOUCH THE TIPS OF OUR WINKIES TOGETHER!
(likeajackhammer, Thu 28 May 2009, 15:46, closed)

hah
dick.
( GrandmaOfShoes, Thu 28 May 2009, 15:46, closed)

Jeez ..... you /talk lot are like flies on shit when a crap post is made.
*applauds*
( girlinthehole, Thu 28 May 2009, 15:54, closed)

Inspector W.Webb thinks it's almost as if someone posted a link to it there.

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Thu 28 May 2009, 15:58, closed)

Yes of course.
And you all have sooooooo much to say about it.
( girlinthehole, Thu 28 May 2009, 16:00, closed)

Is it any wonder?
I mean, christ, read it.
( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Thu 28 May 2009, 16:06, closed)

Very much this
I'm not by any means a fan of arses trolling any of the boards, but seriously BGB, this post deserves everything it gets.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 28 May 2009, 16:34, closed)

I'm not denying it's crap but it's a shame you lot don't have much to say when a funny or clever post is written.
Seems you only come out of the woodwork to sneer and complain.

I've said my peace. *wobbles away*
( girlinthehole, Thu 28 May 2009, 19:04, closed)

Bit of a late reply granted
but 'woodwork'? I've been here a while.
( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 29 May 2009, 0:01, closed)

Woodwork = /talk
.
( girlinthehole, Fri 29 May 2009, 8:28, closed)

OMFG!
I saw a gurl once but I couldnt talk to her so in the end i just ran up to her and waggled my tadger at her and then she ran away but i knew that she was well turned on really and then i went home and told REALLY BADLY WRITTEN LIES ONLINE.
(Slip Digby is a meat puppet, Thu 28 May 2009, 16:05, closed)

And then like, I opened my eyes, yeh
and like, my mum had left a cup of tea by my bed, innit.
(Flid James carry on, mongs, Thu 28 May 2009, 16:11, closed)

hahaha, I'm actually going to click this one.....
'tis a feat of literature
( theoriginalsteve <this space intentionally left blank>, Thu 28 May 2009, 16:40, closed)

That is classic
I wish I was cool enough to do that
(Is this a good idea? ... Yes this is definitely a good idea, Thu 28 May 2009, 16:42, closed)

I'm amazed
at the abuse, fairly flattered cos i like the attention but most of all, i find it ironic that i get berated for the story that actually happened!

Exaggeration? slight
Truth? undeniable.
(Eggstrovert isnt patronising you...honest..., Thu 28 May 2009, 16:57, closed)

part of the problem is that you sound like a balcony-sitting, croissant-munching knob-cheese
and frankly it sounds made up. has all the hallmarks of a boastful teenager telling a pack of lies.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 28 May 2009, 17:02, closed)

If that was the case
I would have said

"Then i fucked her like a jack-rabbit for 2 and a half hours and made her scream wiv pleasure at the top of her lungs while she squirted her womanly love juice all over my massive ramrod". "Innit"

which i didnt.

Then maybe i would have had it printed in Razzle
(Eggstrovert isnt patronising you...honest..., Thu 28 May 2009, 17:14, closed)

So you posted the version that didn't get printed then?

( flirting with badgers What? It sounded good at the time., Fri 29 May 2009, 7:54, closed)

Leave him alone!
He's telling the truth about being a student, at least: He can't spell, doesn't know where an apostrophe goes and clearly has his wank fantasies worked out..

So who knows what else may be true?
(El Fandango carved a big EF onto his nemesis' doublet on .., Thu 28 May 2009, 23:25, closed)