I may have mentioned before that I do occassional security work.
This is generally quite tedious, until summer arrives, at which point in time it becomes a series of weekends away at music festivals up and down the UK. At one of the larger UK festival a call comes over the radio from a fairly bemused response team.

The victim had a lobe extension, what this effectively is, is a ear piercing that has been stretched and a hoop inserted to give a clear opening. Sometimes these are a few millimetres at most, sometimes they're wide enough to fit a can of redbull through.

Someone completely unknown to the victim approached him and after a brief conversation, then said the following "You know what would make a cool picture? If I was to padlock you to that fencing through your ear!"

The victim agreed that it indeed would make a cool picture. The protagonist produced a padlock from his pocket, they approached the nearest fencing and he was duly locked to it through a lovingly stretched hole in his flesh.

The protagonist unfortunately didn't stick around to take a picture. He didn't even release the poor sod. Instead, he just fucked off and left him.
( Muns, Fri 19 Jul 2013, 14:43, 25 replies)

Hahahaha - actual office lollery here, and due click.
Marvellous!
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 19 Jul 2013, 14:47, closed)

That's brilliant, in an unfortunate way

( The Great Architect is still waiting for his account to be deleted on, Fri 19 Jul 2013, 14:54, closed)

Didn't you tell this tale last week?
Or am I losing my marbles?
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 19 Jul 2013, 15:03, closed)

Psst!
Wanna buy some marbles?
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 19 Jul 2013, 15:05, closed)

I'll swap you for these two steelies and last week's Beano.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 19 Jul 2013, 15:39, closed)

It was part of my suggestion.
Seeing as they went with someone else's story when setting the question, I feel fully justified in being a needy prick™!
( Muns, Fri 19 Jul 2013, 15:23, closed)

Righto.
As long as I'm not going potty.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 19 Jul 2013, 15:36, closed)

going?

( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Fri 19 Jul 2013, 18:40, closed)

I think if you're stupid enough to put massive holes in your ears.
You deserve everything you get.

Well done that man.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Fri 19 Jul 2013, 15:05, closed)

I'm with Gormo here.
Stupid fucking look-at-me wakki earprick (the chap in the story, I cannot pass comment on Gormo's ears at this juncture).
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 19 Jul 2013, 15:20, closed)

^Upset ONLINE^

( The Mock Turtle ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Fri 19 Jul 2013, 15:36, closed)

I think it's a genuine life achievement for some of those pricks.
Like not cutting their hair. Or washing their balls.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 19 Jul 2013, 15:38, closed)

I fear you are right.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 19 Jul 2013, 15:56, closed)

I struggle to believe that it's an actual thing adults partake in.
Bit like wrestling really.

As for my ears; they're mostly normal.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Fri 19 Jul 2013, 16:50, closed)

I disagree with all of you.
It is very important to Western society that white people identify with serious cultural mores from across the globe. Although, of course when they do it, all it symbolises is that we are indeed too decadent for our own good and by my thinking Pol Pot was right. Year Zero for every motherfucker with tribal tattoos, piercings and unending stories of their world travels and how web design is so important. Oh wait. . .

errr
( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Fri 19 Jul 2013, 18:47, closed)

For this reason alone, stretching past 10 mm, unless you're really, really, really sure, is a really bad idea.

I'm happy at 5 mm. My ear piercings, that is. Rather the same as Dr Shambolic's knob.
(EffinNitWit asks his tobacco where his whisky is, Fri 19 Jul 2013, 15:12, closed)

You had your earlobes stretched to
accomodate Shambo's Knob? he would have been happy using a nostril.
(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Mon 22 Jul 2013, 14:34, closed)

so would i for that matter

(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 13:43, closed)

Clicked.

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Fri 19 Jul 2013, 15:26, closed)

ahahahah

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 19 Jul 2013, 15:33, closed)

This wins.

( The Mock Turtle ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Fri 19 Jul 2013, 15:36, closed)

Smashing!
*click*
( Infidel , shit and wrong, Fri 19 Jul 2013, 15:43, closed)

Winner.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 19 Jul 2013, 16:14, closed)

This is funny. I cannot wait to give this jolly jape a whirl.

( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Fri 19 Jul 2013, 18:41, closed)

Fantastic!
Needlessly cruel, but fantastic.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Sat 20 Jul 2013, 0:03, closed)