land of the free.. part 6.
In Kansas, It's illegal to shoot rabbits.... From a boat.
( Humpty Dumpty was Pushed Is unaware of having any limits., Tue 22 Mar 2005, 13:07, Reply)

Humpty...
It's not like a zoo, no-one visits them on the reservations... except if they have a reservation...

/coat.
( umbongo I vote for Evil Lu as Mayor of /talk, Tue 22 Mar 2005, 12:59, Reply)

land of the free Prt 5
Thanksgiving.

An official thankyou-ceremony to the Indians (native americans in modern political correctness-speak) for saving the bible-bashing/land-stealing immigrant's arses when they failed to understand the implications of "cold weather"

The next step in the process of thanks was to slaughter most of them, destroy thier homes, and banish them to a few reserves where they were to be treated like animals in a zoo*




*may contain historical innaccuracies.
( Humpty Dumpty was Pushed Is unaware of having any limits., Tue 22 Mar 2005, 12:58, Reply)

As Lister says...
Sir I Newton did indeed dye a virgin. Her name was Betty Franlington and he dyed her red. This was to commemorate the apple falling on his head, which happened just the year before.

There was a parade in his honour, and people dyed themselves apple colours and danced in the street. However Betty was the only one of the dancers to be dyed my Sir Newton himself.
( umbongo I vote for Evil Lu as Mayor of /talk, Tue 22 Mar 2005, 12:57, Reply)

Fish
are great swimmers. Fact.

except for 'Fish', ex Marillion lead singer. Hes too fat.
(nappy rash, Tue 22 Mar 2005, 12:54, Reply)

land of the free? part 4
In California it is illegal to set a mouse trap without a hunting license.
( Humpty Dumpty was Pushed Is unaware of having any limits., Tue 22 Mar 2005, 12:53, Reply)

America
America was founded by all the religious nutters europe didnt want.*

After that all the filthy, money grabbing capitalists from europe went there to get as much as they could.*

Explains a lot, its all in the genes...



* may contain gross generalisation
(squidboy, Tue 22 Mar 2005, 12:51, Reply)

land of the free part 3....
1991... there were 22,000 (known) murders in the US, and around 500 in the UK.
With populations taken into account, you're Eleven times more likely to be murdered in the US.
( Humpty Dumpty was Pushed Is unaware of having any limits., Tue 22 Mar 2005, 12:47, Reply)

did you know
If you want to get annoying clicks on your phone conversations you just have to use the following words during calls:

cyclonite
rdx
detcord
(squidboy, Tue 22 Mar 2005, 12:45, Reply)

Found this on a packet of crisps the other day
Most pirates had 2 good eyes, but they would keep one eye covered so it would be more sensitive to light. This would mean at night they would be able to navigate using the little light there was. This knowledge is still taught to soldiers for use on secret special missions at night.
( bobzarkoff, Tue 22 Mar 2005, 12:44, Reply)

land of the free prt 2.
prison poulation in the US.... over 2 MILLION
( Humpty Dumpty was Pushed Is unaware of having any limits., Tue 22 Mar 2005, 12:44, Reply)

Well...
Time flies like knives, fruit flys like banannas.
(squidboy, Tue 22 Mar 2005, 12:42, Reply)

Aglets
Those little plastic things on the end of your shoelaces are called Aglets.
( NomDePlume fo shizzle my nizzle old bean, Tue 22 Mar 2005, 12:39, Reply)

The land of the free...
Isn't.
( Humpty Dumpty was Pushed Is unaware of having any limits., Tue 22 Mar 2005, 12:36, Reply)

remote door locking for cars
You can increase the range of most remote car lockers by about 3 times if you push the clicker into the base of your chin then clicking (as though you were going to bite the big one). Something to do with the shape of your skull concentrating the beems from the clicker. I tried it, it works.
(Gusofnavarone always makes a map of france from sarnies, Tue 22 Mar 2005, 12:23, Reply)

Shape of France in le hamburger
If you take a bite out of a hamburger so that no edge of the bun remains intact you will find a pretty good map of France. Take another bite, and then another and you will find that each time you will still get a France-shaped burger bit. Don't believe me - try it.
(Gusofnavarone always makes a map of france from sarnies, Tue 22 Mar 2005, 12:20, Reply)

Albert the Fish: water wings...
...so does the gap between the sofa and the sofa cushion.

unless its leather on a hot day that is.
(nappy rash, Tue 22 Mar 2005, 12:05, Reply)

n00b warning
yeah me first timer
oh a useless fact. wait, i can do it... hnggg..

Both koalas and wombats have hard pads on their arse regions. The koala uses it to sit on. The wombat uses it to block the entrance to its hole (not that hole you sick freaks). When, say, a dingo tries to eat out the wombats burrow the wombat can crush the dingo's skull between the roof of its burrow and its arsepad. What a way to go.

I'm sorry. Thats actually a useful fact: Never stick your head in a wombat burrow. I'll leave.
(riedacher_bertram, Tue 22 Mar 2005, 11:28, Reply)

It's a skin thing................
Ever wondered why skins seem stickier at certain times of the year, and at other times they don't stick for shit?

Well, it's the same reason that potatoes, when being fried for chips, go a lovely golden brown dead easy at certain times of the year, but at other times of the year will become totally fossilised in oil rather than go brown at all.........

It's all about sugar content. During the summery months that whatever trees are used for skins and the gum grow, they have a high sugar content, making the gum nice and sticky. MmMmmmm........

If the trees used for the skins and gum have been murdered when the sun's not about, their sugar content is low, making them annoying at best, and at worst, the reason why your girlfriend won't let you skin up any more in the lounge, what with the mess of failed doobs all over the carpet.

Same fur chips an that. High sugar content, nice Strangler-like golden brown fries. Low sugar content, peely wally as, but suitable for diabetics, and veggies, and blind people I guess.........

Woo hoo, first post.

Whassat I hear? A trumpet?

Oh, last post........... :-/
(IRONHORSE MCGLINCHY, Tue 22 Mar 2005, 11:10, Reply)

re: humpty dumpty was pushed: watermelonage
hmm, sounds painful.

have you tried lukewarm semi-melted ice cream instead?
alot safer, but resembles shafting a bird with a fanny like a clowns pocket.
er, fact.
(nappy rash, Tue 22 Mar 2005, 11:02, Reply)

Lubricated waterwings
Make far better lady substitutes than a microwaved watermelon.
(Jam Mister Geordie wants to build bridges, Tue 22 Mar 2005, 10:59, Reply)

Useless Twat
Anagram of David Ginola ex Newcastle/Spurs knobend is Vagina Dildo.....True
(Al Capone Go fuck yourselves you cunts, Tue 22 Mar 2005, 10:52, Reply)

watermellonage.-
is infact not fun.

Check previous QOTW "wanking disasters" for my tale of an over-heated mellon core... discovered with primary penetrative thrust.
( Humpty Dumpty was Pushed Is unaware of having any limits., Tue 22 Mar 2005, 10:51, Reply)

re Lister / Isaac Newton virgin fact:
Isaac Newton also had the largest right arm in the world.
and he was blind.
(nappy rash, Tue 22 Mar 2005, 10:29, Reply)

watermelons
FACT: watermelons warmed up in a microwave, then having a hole bored into it, make a lifelike sex alternative to a womans 'happy valley'.
so i've been told.

er, anyone have any ideas on how to remove watermelon seeds from ones japs-eye?
(nappy rash, Tue 22 Mar 2005, 10:22, Reply)

The instant
One of these facts (true or not) becomes repeated in conversation - either to make oneself appear cleverer or to try and impress a member of the opposite sex - it renders the entry invalid, as it will become useful information.
(jamesthegill opens new tabs with his scroll wheel, Tue 22 Mar 2005, 9:26, Reply)

My new house
is more than 100 years old. It is one of the highlights of a tourist walk through the city.
( mediocre ha ha ha, you're reading this, Tue 22 Mar 2005, 9:08, Reply)

Your dad's gay.
100% of FACT
( Fergburger, Tue 22 Mar 2005, 8:16, Reply)

Aldous Huxley died
2 hours after JFK's assassination.
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Tue 22 Mar 2005, 7:40, Reply)

That 95% of the posts here are actually wrong
I wish I could easily reply to most of these posts. But most of this uselss information is actually totally useless as it's either made up or an urban legend.
(Kaer, Tue 22 Mar 2005, 6:26, Reply)