it tastes so sweet
got a2 exams in a month. currently sitting on an ABC C U in As. past year in my a2 iv'e been pretty much solidly stoned for all lectures not the optimum capacity for taking in information and remembering it. so do i give up the ganj for this last month cringing with the thought of how dull life is without the blanket of haze, hoping the month of detoxing will help my weed impaired short term memory or do i just fuck it in the ass?
(POMP, Wed 19 May 2004, 23:51, Reply)

Should I stay in a mind-crushingly tedious dead-end job...
..which makes me psychotically depressed and anti-social (but pays the mortgage) - or should I try and regain my sanity through a change of career - despite the risk this would mean I'd have to sell the house due to being at the bottom of the career ladder again.
(Felchman, Wed 19 May 2004, 23:49, Reply)

Don-Keyote:
I recommend Tesco's own yellow lager, 3%, 12 for £5 or £1.80 for 4. 500ml cans.

They also do a green one at 4%, a blue one at 5% and a grey one at 8.6%, which is 4 for £4. Killer, and they actually taste OK.
( wingphil, Wed 19 May 2004, 23:17, Reply)

My worst dilemma ever ... or greatest dilemma
i know it is sad but here we go, do i buy more cheap beer or less tasty beer ... :( from one day to the next i switch back and forth ..... somedays i buy both :p
( Don~Keyotey, Wed 19 May 2004, 23:12, Reply)

How to come out
I need to tell everyone I know that I'm gay, but I need to do it in the best way possible. So far, the best I've got is "All those who're straight, step forward. Not so fast there me." Or invite everyone to a place where they find me in a very compramising position. The point is I only get one shot at it and it's got to be a gud'un. Actually, announcing it on the radio would be pretty good.
Bah, most of them have figured it out anyway.
( Whillow, Wed 19 May 2004, 23:11, Reply)

female
or shemale?
(cybersquatter_, Wed 19 May 2004, 23:11, Reply)

Well this is a weird one... (and a bit Doystoyesvsky length)
and a bit of a bloke-y one too. It's my birthday a week on Monday, and I booked the week off ages ago, wanting to go back to my hometown and see my parents, my brother and sister, my grandparents and my best mate, none of whom I have actually seen in person for months... I had a full itinerary planned for getting the train up to Huddersfield next Sunday, having a meal with my mum, bro and sis, then on the Monday going over to Hull to see my mate, having a birthday-booze up with him as he's got the Monday and Tuesday off, then going back to Hudds to see my dad and grandparents before coming back down here for a barbeque with my friends before they all leave for summer.

Now my favourite football team, Huddersfield Town FC, have thrown a spanner in the works- they've just made the 3rd division play-offs final in Cardiff, which is on my birthday. I'm really happy and want to go, but it would mean I wouldn't have enough time (or money) to go see my family and my best mate as well- I'd just see my brother who'll be going to the match. The next chance I'll get would be in August. I know the game should be on TV but there's no subsitute for being there- however if we lose I'll end up wishing I'd gone ahead with the original plan. Who should come first?
(fourplusone, Wed 19 May 2004, 22:55, Reply)

You cannot conceive the many without the one.
She stalks me whenever I'm not thinking of her, but not when I am.

Intriguing.
(Jimbob Walton, Wed 19 May 2004, 22:39, Reply)

i can't leave the house
with out putting my trousers on its runing my life. every time i walk out the door, i just have to grab them and put them on.
(Leroy_slade, Wed 19 May 2004, 22:34, Reply)

do i post this
shit.. sorry
(waikiki, Wed 19 May 2004, 22:22, Reply)

this is serious.
my cat has a life threatining ulcer so what should i do
a)have him put down
or
b)let him live a few more months in agony
seriously email me at [email protected] and tell me watchu think
(That guy with a hat., Wed 19 May 2004, 22:13, Reply)

I'm a 19 year old...
...virgin loser, iv'e never had a girlfriend and i'm worried i'm going to die alone and unhappy.

Oh yeah and there's a girl i really fancy and i don't think she knows or cares
(project-2501, Wed 19 May 2004, 22:11, Reply)

To WANK or not to WANK
that is the question.
(Roland Deschain, Wed 19 May 2004, 22:06, Reply)

i just can't decide
I just got a bunch of money from daddy. Should I buy the beemer six-series convertable or an H2. If I buy the hummer, it *has* to be pink so that I can look cute. It's all about looking cute.

Decisions, decisions! What's a girl to do?

Hopefully, daddy will give me more money next month so that I can buy a really kicking soundsystem for the car, whichever one I chose. Then I could play that Justin Timberlake like he's meant to be heard: unnecessarily loud, with the bass hooked up to one of those things that makes your insides feel funny.
(fantastic german, Wed 19 May 2004, 21:57, Reply)

GIF or JPEG?
JPEGs are so nice, and colour-ey, but those GIFs load so fast, and they can dance around like no-one's business. I'm lost!
(Spatula, Wed 19 May 2004, 21:55, Reply)

Real one!
I'm coming up to my A2 final exams which determine whether I will get into the universities or not. I've had an ABB and a BBB from Manchester and Exeter respectfully. My AS results weren't bad but recently I just can't be arsed with anything to do with school. It's pretty annoying and even though it's so close to the end I can't be bothered.

I'm pretty sure I won't make the grades which means I'd have to find somewhere on clearing.

Do I...
A)Sit it out and see what grades I get.
B)Jack it in and get a headstart in a chosen career
C)Try going somewhere on clearing if I don't get the grades?

As a side note, I sent my offers back to UCAS but am yet to have anything concerning accomodation at said Universities which is also annoying but at the same time, I can't be bothered to do anything about it.
( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Wed 19 May 2004, 21:52, Reply)

I feel like betraying someone.
Should it be
a)god
or
b)dog



HAHA! ANOTHER QUIP! YOU CAN'T STOP ME!

*runs*
(ChimneySweep IS TWO PEOPLES!, Wed 19 May 2004, 21:43, Reply)

Dear Tania,
I've lost my hat. What should I do?
Cheers, the sweep.



'(BTW: Please refrain from writing shit gags. Cheers.)' pfft. who's gonna do that?
(ChimneySweep IS TWO PEOPLES!, Wed 19 May 2004, 21:39, Reply)

German virus writing rings
Do you

a) stick up for your fellow haX0rs and keep schtum about who released the MS.RAM-Fucker-A worm onto the Internet;

or

b) take Microsoft's £250,000 reward and buy a Ferrari so you might finally score?
(rogerzilla, Wed 19 May 2004, 21:35, Reply)

Dear Tania
I have found several corpses in my garden. Obviously I know what to do. My dilemma is this: The blonde or the redhead?
( PopePollo defloculating the soup of the surreal, Wed 19 May 2004, 21:31, Reply)

The Student Dilemma
Make the 25 yard trip down the corridor to the communal toilets, past drunken fellow hallmates who might laugh at your Tigger boxer shorts. Or use the sink in your room.
(rogerzilla, Wed 19 May 2004, 21:30, Reply)

Everyone found out who I fancied
And I mean everyone. No-one shut up for 2 months
(notar3alp3rs0n, Wed 19 May 2004, 20:52, Reply)

Sorry, but at least it's not...
Daddy or Chips:

Image Linky - [new window]
Yes, it's suitable for work, pun-related humour. All my own work -NOT-
( Amos E Wolfe makes vinyl signs and things like that, Wed 19 May 2004, 20:50, Reply)

I go to the merrie universitie of Cambridge.
And I'm also from a reasonably working-class background (food on the table, but state school and street cool.) Predictably enough I have found most of my fellow students to be self-important twats who could use a few days in the real world to put it mildly. I have managed to hide my contempt for them all for three years.
The dilemma is: I graduate in a few weeks. Should I tell people what I really think of them? Or should I see if the next few weeks can deliver redemption?
(CerberaSpeedTwelve, Wed 19 May 2004, 20:06, Reply)

Not really an answer to THE question...
...but an answer to some of the questions that have been posted in answer to the question:


Hemorrhoids.
Intense itching in public. What is the etiquette regarding this?

Buy some cream, it soothes and stops itching. If you're embarrassed to buy it, find a branch of Tesco with self-service checkouts and go at about 3am.

My problem...
Should I spend all of my student loan on DVDs? (Probably a bit late now)

Of course not. You should save at least half of it for BEER

Do some work,
or lurk on b3ta all day?

You have answered your own question here. You do some work, and lurk on b3ta all day, i.e. have your browser open but minimised and read throughout the day, only posting messages occasionally

hmmm
To Revise or not to revise....hmmmmm

It's been scientifically proved (by Scientists and all that), that by NOT revising you do better in exams. The science bit says that those who DO revise, only remember the bits they have revised on

Have a wank now (guaranteed obviously)
or save it for the possibility of a shag later?

It's a tough one, you can always do both but then you won't enjoy the shag as much...

Have the wank now, and enjoy yourself. Later on, if you don't get the shag, you'll be glad you had the wank. Of course if you do get a shag LATER, you will last longer and therefore give your partner more pleasure, therefore increasing your chances of a) a blow job next time, and b) there BEING a next time.

I like horses, best of all the animals.
But I also like custard, best of all the warm yellow stuff for putting on puddings.

What should I do?

Book yourself a ticket to France, where they EAT horse meat. Complain loudly in English about how cruel it is, then eat some custard that you made earlier. Custard in French is "Sauce Angliase" or "English Sauce". 100% of fact.

I promise next time I will post my own REAL answer to the question, in other words a QUESTION...
( Amos E Wolfe makes vinyl signs and things like that, Wed 19 May 2004, 19:57, Reply)

Big problem
I'm planning on conquering the world. What should I use? Death ray, mind control, a flying battleship, an army of undead warriors, or chocloate bunnie rabbits with little bow ties?
(Egret, Wed 19 May 2004, 19:33, Reply)

Whose Christmas do I wreck?
My folks are going away for Christmas, the entire party consists of my mum, my dad, my brother, his girlfriend, my aunt, my uncle, my nan and her sister. That's a lot of people going and normally I'd jump at the chance of a free holiday.

Except.

I have a wonderful girlfriend of a year, so I can either:

A)Take her with me, making her feel guilty and taking her away from her family.

B)I can go and make both our Christmas' miserable or

C)I can stay in the UK and disrupt my family's sense of, well, family really.
(ElectricMonk is falling awake on, Wed 19 May 2004, 19:28, Reply)

the dilemma of every college student:
To eat the cafeteria cheeseburgers, or to not eat the cafeteria cheeseburgers?

I chose the former.
I was wrong.
(fantastic german, Wed 19 May 2004, 19:21, Reply)

My boyfriend
I love my boyfriend but he can be a total cunt (non-vaginal) at times

Do I?

a/ Tell him he's a cunt when he's being a cunt?
b/ Ignore him
c/ Hit him
d/ Go on 'Tricia' even though we aren't nearly chav enough
e/ Tickle him (It's his version of Kryptonite)

Thank you
(Boss Mew Covfefe does not bargain...it only covfefes., Wed 19 May 2004, 19:05, Reply)

i did some really bad thing
www.outpimp.com/?x=369659
(tombyrne, Wed 19 May 2004, 18:55, Reply)