Actually, mildly serious...
I have this mate, and he's a decent looking chap (well, better than me).

There's this girl that fancies the arse off him, and she's told him (and me) so. Many, many times.

He's admitted to me that he too fancies the arse off this girl, but he staunchly refuses to ask her out. Or talk to her. Or look at her. The reasons that he gives for doing so are vague and obviously rubbish.

This girl is pretty damn hot, around a 9.5 on the standard 'Holiday classic' scale. She's also startlingly intelligent, and has giant knockers. In short, perfect.

So, should I:
a) keep badgering on at him to ask her out;
b) ask her out for him myself (juvenile I know, but they're obviously desperate);
c) ignore the whole thing or;
d) shag her myself?
(New Lassic; new danger, Tue 25 May 2004, 20:05, Reply)

Do I...
...Let the slump carry on (it's been since last November)and wait to meet someone for one-night stand/possible love or do I get a couple of ladies from the local whore-shop to run riot on me all night???

Or...do I find a local dogging site and give the latest craze a go or do I stay in and watch Corrie???
(Joons, Tue 25 May 2004, 17:23, Reply)

What To Do?
Been going out with this girl long-distance for nearly a year. She's like a female version of me, but looks (slightly) better naked than ol' JimBob. Everything's going swimmingly, even with the distance, until I see an ex of mine at a mate's birthday party. We broke up cos she had started shagging my best mate (the slag), but I'm still carrying a bit of a torch for her. Should I:

a) ignore the cheating ho and stick with the current g/f, or
b) sort out the ex, who was shit hot in bed, and live with the obvious guilt?

Fucked if I know
( <somethingfunny> hasn't said anything funny since, Tue 25 May 2004, 15:45, Reply)

Hmmm
We seem to be quite a decisive lot--not many dilemmas for us.
(TDub Nunc id vides, nunc ne vides on, Tue 25 May 2004, 0:55, Reply)

The Eternal Dilemma
Okay folks, you are all good people in whom I have a great deal of faith, and whose opinion I hold dear. Perhaps you could ask your agony lady this one?

Should I continue to work in an unfulfilling job which fails to inspire me on any level, in an environment which appears designed to stifle the very creativity it purports to promote? Should I continue to write sarcastic negative emails to friends whilst bemoaning the fact that publishing companies will not see my talent and give me a large advance for my first sarcastic negative novel, despite the fact that I haven't written anything longer than, well than this, yet? Should I continue to listen to the inane ramblings of a boss who earns twice as much as me simply because he is twenty years older?

Or should I just go down the docks with a pile of cash, buy myself an automatic weapon and a big bag of crack, and go on a psychotic spree of slaughter before turning the gun on my own crack-addled head and slewing my brains out across the boss's corner office?

I can't be the only one out there facing this dilemma. Come on Tania, you're the expert.
(Greatest Bloke, Sun 23 May 2004, 8:48, Reply)

Typical Situation
Do I tell one of my closest friends I am in love with him, even though i have a feeling he feels the same?
(Mogg Questioned her own sanity on, Sat 22 May 2004, 14:33, Reply)

SiX - are you nuts? Always, I repeat ALWAYS pull. If you're looking for long term, all well and good and very noble, but you gotta still get laid while you're waiting for the right girl to come along!
(bblgoose, Fri 21 May 2004, 16:37, Reply)

Rob made a mistake on the radio
he said whillow is a boy



silly rob


or maybe i'm the one being silly... hmmm
( Naive Amoeba Bored Cig, Fri 21 May 2004, 16:27, Reply)

tania
i could have pulled last night but did cos i'm looking for somthing more serious. am i stupid? should i pull, or not????
( SiX and his hat, Fri 21 May 2004, 15:27, Reply)

Losing my house...
cos I was dumb enough to leave my ex's name on it long enough for house prices to double. This means no financial commitments. And so the dilemma brought about by such:

Do I stay in my boring, but very easy and adequately paid job, or quit and piss off to uni for a few years? I was seriously considering uni before I lumbered myself with a house, and it's probably the only thing in my life so far I regret not doing. However, this would mean dropping my career and being extremely broke for a while.
(bblgoose, Fri 21 May 2004, 12:21, Reply)

Three little words
Recently my girlfriend has started saying "I love you". Not only to my face, but also in cards and on gifts.

I don't feel the same way, and I don't think I ever will - should I tell her or just leave it? What's the kindest way to do it?


PS: Some of you sound like really great mates - remind me never to bring a girlfriend to a b3ta bash.
( Beve The Spaniard broke off his horse's head, Thu 20 May 2004, 15:13, Reply)

more shagging
I have/had an ex.
lost contact with her for many months, but when I finally cought up with her, turns out she's up the duff.
I know it's not mine (totally certain), but gave her the run around all th esame for some weks. Dilemma was to boink or not to (some months after kiddie arrived, of course). She had hooked up with an old mate who was a total twunt, and treated her like shite, so I did the decent thing.

Shagged her and left without leaving my new number......

Number 2,
Mate calls the mobile while I'm getting fellated by his lady of the moment.
choices should I:
1) stop the proceedings and confess?
2) ignore the phone and carry on?

Chose 3) continue enjoying her mouth while chatting to mate on the trumpet!!!

and here's the question:
Do I tell the missus? She knows none of the parties in question and it was years ago and won't conflict with current life.
To tell or not to tell......
( Dangermouse., Thu 20 May 2004, 10:49, Reply)

Dear Tania,
My other dilemma concerns this mate of mine.. The problem is he's a top bloke and really funny, but he adores his girlfriend. Well not many people like her as a person but she is stunning and unfortunately for my mate she is well out of his league.
The problem is that I've found out that his bitch girlfriend is shagging this absolute tosser who she works with (this guy is a fucking toni and guy haired ponce with a fucking david dickinson tan who I wanna chin for being "suspiciously to close" to my ex when I was going out with her). Do I tell my mate who would be totally destroyed or pretend like everyone else who knows and not ever mention it? (also the slight complication is that my mate sells me drugs and I don't want him to hate me and not sell me them anymore!!)

Apologies for length and girth
(Manatee Fondler, Thu 20 May 2004, 10:02, Reply)

re: lo the greebo warrior
Don't tell them you're on meds. They'd only worry.

I had a similar quandry - my parents know I'm on anti-depressants - have been so for years. They don't know I tried (and very nearly succeeded) in topping myself a couple of years ago. A big part of me wants to tell them, but the sensible part of me realises that it would be of no feasible use for them to know.

So you could weigh up your dilemma - would your parents gain anything by them knowing? If not, don't tell them.
( Station, Thu 20 May 2004, 9:35, Reply)

Pomp:
Regarding the philosophical question:

You haven't got hands. I am the scientist keeping your brain alive in that jar. Feel better?
(fantastic german, Thu 20 May 2004, 0:54, Reply)

i juat wanna point out that these are s'posed to be dilemas
as alot of them are slowly turning into moments of honesty/frank admissions.

anyway, heres another one form the house of greebo, should i tell my family that im on anti-depressants, and that its mostly their fault that i am?

and anyone who can offer advice to my dilema, as seen on page 1, feel free to drop me an email (address in profile)
edit: and i dont mean daddy or sodding chips
( lo, the Greebo Warrior - Est. 2002, Thu 20 May 2004, 0:47, Reply)

philosophy
recently i have taken an unhealthy interest in philosophy, reading up on theories over the internet. and thus i have become paranoid of the existence of my hands

1) i know i have hands
2) i do not know i have hands if i do not know i am a brain in a vat, kept alive with nutrients and stimulated with electrodes to achieve perceptual realism undefinable from the real world if i ever knew what that was in the first place
3) i do not know whether i have hands or not, or any body within this world, i can only go on past experiences to judge my existence

should i a) stop worrying about this it is a stupid argument and has no relativity to my waking up each morning to a brand new shit day

or should i be very worried about this and not trust my hands and take a meat clever to them?
(POMP, Thu 20 May 2004, 0:23, Reply)

Shagging dilemmas...
Both of my greatest dilemmas were sexual ones.
I used to have a best mate called Kevin and we used to go clubbing in his car. He’d also lend me the car keys so that I could make sweet lurve to my squeeze of that time, Nicola. So anyway, me and Nicola (who I was crazy about incidentally) were having a jolly old time on the back seat and as she nears that crucial moment she cries out “Oh Kevin…”
Well, seeing as my name’s not Kevin I had to decide really quickly to (a) stop shagging and act really upset or (b) pretend I hadn’t heard and continue shagging.
Of course I chose (c) which involved continuing shagging and then acting hurt afterwards. Turns out it wasn’t my best mate she had been thinking of, but an ex boyfriend. (I told her that she should get back with him, which she did).
My second shagging dilemma was an ex girlfriend who I had finished with for her infidelity – which I was still angry about. She wanted one last shag for old times sake and she was a very sexual creature who always came very strongly. To shag or not to shag?
So I shagged her as fast as I could so ensuring she didn’t reach orgasm. She was livid and was hurling obscenities at me for leaving her hanging. Oh how I laughed…
(emadex thinks the world will end on, Thu 20 May 2004, 0:20, Reply)