I have tidied my office and found
£30
$1
A pikachu toy
An unopened packet of Jammie Dodgers
A book on how to make pornograghic origami
A pair of 1940s shoes
A hard hat
A rape alarm
3 18th century clay pipes
and 400 sachets of lube

What's the best thing you've found recently?
( TFD is sporting this season's finest necropants, Wed 30 Jul 2008, 17:36, archived)

my clitoris.

( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Wed 30 Jul 2008, 17:37, archived)

Can you help me find mine?

( WormuIus, Wed 30 Jul 2008, 17:38, archived)

A women's one is easy to find,
a man's one is in the secret 6th hole.
( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Wed 30 Jul 2008, 17:39, archived)

of Bootle municipal golf course

( RedStar returneth, Wed 30 Jul 2008, 17:41, archived)

J11 from the M25
Second star on the right
and then straight on 'til fawning
( RedStar returneth, Wed 30 Jul 2008, 17:39, archived)

It's just outside Milton Keynes

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 30 Jul 2008, 17:39, archived)

Well Milton Keynes
is a cunt of a place to find your way around.
( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Wed 30 Jul 2008, 17:45, archived)

Milton Keynes is probably the easiest place in England to find your way around.

( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Wed 30 Jul 2008, 17:46, archived)

ARSE!
It's unpossible witout satnav.
( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Wed 30 Jul 2008, 17:49, archived)

Is all sign posted
and quite well organised

before I moved to uni I spent a lot of time driving around there, so maybe it's only easy as I've done it so much
( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Wed 30 Jul 2008, 17:50, archived)

*touches nose*
*points at the Capt*

well done sir, you spotted the subtle joke.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 30 Jul 2008, 17:47, archived)

I DID!?

( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Wed 30 Jul 2008, 17:49, archived)

nontopical
my wallpaper pisses on yours from a great high btw..
img180.imageshack.us/img180/2200/snapshot2im3.png
( Jenk Neptune is a pedant and now I can't fit my sig in, Wed 30 Jul 2008, 17:45, archived)

Aaah, so you finally looked under your gunt.

( The Baroness The Harlot Pimpernel, Wed 30 Jul 2008, 17:38, archived)

You always say the sweetest things

(PsychoChomp, Wed 30 Jul 2008, 17:39, archived)

*touches your face*
I was going to say "aren't you supposed to be at work?" and then I looked at the time.

How are you, supertemp?
( The Baroness The Harlot Pimpernel, Wed 30 Jul 2008, 17:40, archived)

Oh ok, temping was really dull
but they have one of those coffe machines that makes wooshing noises, which is fun
(PsychoChomp, Wed 30 Jul 2008, 17:42, archived)

Hurrah!
Plus, hurrah for monies.

I'm going to V Festival.

How much am I going to die?
( The Baroness The Harlot Pimpernel, Wed 30 Jul 2008, 17:43, archived)

Probably a lot with your
"oooh I don't like crowds" thing,
(PsychoChomp, Wed 30 Jul 2008, 17:44, archived)

*nods, weeps*
£175 for the privilege of trying to not freak out and piss off my fella, yay, :*(!
( The Baroness The Harlot Pimpernel, Wed 30 Jul 2008, 17:45, archived)

Which one are you going to?

(PsychoChomp, Wed 30 Jul 2008, 17:46, archived)

Chelmsford
Luckily it's only for a day, and we're not camping.
( The Baroness The Harlot Pimpernel, Wed 30 Jul 2008, 17:48, archived)

You're missing out approximatly 80% of the fun there,.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 30 Jul 2008, 17:50, archived)

There is no fun in camping in a field full of people
I don't mix well with total strangers.

Plus we're all going back to Jon's mate's beautiful bachelor pad in Chelmsford to get pissed up afterwards,
( The Baroness The Harlot Pimpernel, Wed 30 Jul 2008, 17:56, archived)

There's plenty of fun with it,
Why do you think the country is covered with festivals every year?
(PsychoChomp, Wed 30 Jul 2008, 17:58, archived)

Because hippies like taking drugs and humping each other?

( The Baroness The Harlot Pimpernel, Wed 30 Jul 2008, 18:00, archived)

that's the fun

(PsychoChomp, Wed 30 Jul 2008, 18:02, archived)

But I can't hump anyone else and I'm too tight to buy drugs!
All I'd be doing is clutching my belongings and panicking at every noise near my tent.
( The Baroness The Harlot Pimpernel, Wed 30 Jul 2008, 18:03, archived)

shoefingers. I don't understand.

( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Wed 30 Jul 2008, 17:39, archived)

*strokes your hair*
Heeey, heeeeeeey, settle down.
( The Baroness The Harlot Pimpernel, Wed 30 Jul 2008, 17:41, archived)

what's a gunt?

( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Wed 30 Jul 2008, 17:41, archived)

gut/cunt

(PsychoChomp, Wed 30 Jul 2008, 17:43, archived)

DON'T NINJA
Edit: LOL I saw you.
( The Baroness The Harlot Pimpernel, Wed 30 Jul 2008, 17:44, archived)

I saw no ninja :(

( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Wed 30 Jul 2008, 17:44, archived)

it was a simple typo

(PsychoChomp, Wed 30 Jul 2008, 17:45, archived)

Muahahahaha
I still saw it.

I have magical important-typo seeking powers.
( The Baroness The Harlot Pimpernel, Wed 30 Jul 2008, 17:47, archived)

ohhhh, those horrible horrible things :(

( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Wed 30 Jul 2008, 17:44, archived)

And only one of those items is redundant?

( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Wed 30 Jul 2008, 17:37, archived)

that Layer Masks are useful in line drawings
I never really bothered with them until today.
( WormuIus, Wed 30 Jul 2008, 17:38, archived)

the beaten-up-to-fuck Fiat Coupe
I've got as a "courtesy" car while my MG gets a new engine.

It's fucking brilliant fun. I almost don't want the MG back. Almost, mind.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 30 Jul 2008, 17:38, archived)

*purrs at your MG*

( TFD is sporting this season's finest necropants, Wed 30 Jul 2008, 17:39, archived)

it's getting a lovely new engine
with sexy results

except the bill for £2K, I could have done with out that.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 30 Jul 2008, 17:40, archived)

I'm aquaplaning as we speak.

( TFD is sporting this season's finest necropants, Wed 30 Jul 2008, 17:41, archived)

I read that as "I squeak"
*imagines you squeeking*
( RedStar returneth, Wed 30 Jul 2008, 17:43, archived)

I've treated the leather to cope with that

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 30 Jul 2008, 17:46, archived)

I had the opposite.
When my beemer went in for repair they gave me a Corsa automatic. They were instructed by the insurance company to give me an automatic as my car is also one and that was all they had. Bloocks it is i-drive which is different.
( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Wed 30 Jul 2008, 17:41, archived)

My MG bloke only has 2 "courtesy" cars
a 1970 Morris Oxford converted for off-road rallying (see here outside my house) and 20V turbo Fiat Coupe for road rallying that has every panel caved in where he's misjudged gateways etc. Still goes like warmed poo off a teflon shovel though.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 30 Jul 2008, 17:45, archived)

I wish I could say a stone in my piss :(

( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Wed 30 Jul 2008, 17:38, archived)

Oh Captn :(

( Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Wed 30 Jul 2008, 17:39, archived)

Do you want me to finger your jap to loosen you up?

( TFD is sporting this season's finest necropants, Wed 30 Jul 2008, 17:39, archived)

*clicking*

( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Wed 30 Jul 2008, 17:40, archived)

I'm clicking this well hard. I want to be able to pop back to the popular page every once in a while and dedicate a wank to it.

( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Wed 30 Jul 2008, 17:42, archived)

THIS

( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Wed 30 Jul 2008, 17:44, archived)

Oh boys.
*spits on fingers*
( TFD is sporting this season's finest necropants, Wed 30 Jul 2008, 17:45, archived)

It could be like some kind of inverse spit-roast.
Oh fucking hell, I didn't want that image.
( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Wed 30 Jul 2008, 17:47, archived)

*ziiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiip*
( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Wed 30 Jul 2008, 17:47, archived)

I suggest you put on the hard hat and the 40s shoes
throw away the rape alarm
and lube up
( RedStar returneth, Wed 30 Jul 2008, 17:38, archived)

I found 60 quid in my bedside table drawer this morning

( Hankster, Wed 30 Jul 2008, 17:38, archived)

Great stuff.
Drinks on you then.
( TFD is sporting this season's finest necropants, Wed 30 Jul 2008, 17:40, archived)

sure thing

( Hankster, Wed 30 Jul 2008, 17:40, archived)

Along with an
empty Rohypnol bottle and a sore arse?
( DogHorse plop, Wed 30 Jul 2008, 17:40, archived)

Nah
just empty johnny packets, two old watches, ear plugs, a few receipts, lighters.
( Hankster, Wed 30 Jul 2008, 17:42, archived)

I bet the A-Team could make something really cool with all that.

( The Gentleman Bastard waxing lyrical. ©, Wed 30 Jul 2008, 17:38, archived)

A job interview.
Next week.
Yes.
( Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Wed 30 Jul 2008, 17:38, archived)

Awesometastic.
What for?
( TFD is sporting this season's finest necropants, Wed 30 Jul 2008, 17:39, archived)

Personal Assistant in a marketing company.
It's part time, but it could prove interesting.

I'm just doing a Belbin test that they requested. Hmm.
( Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Wed 30 Jul 2008, 17:41, archived)

Aceness.

( TFD is sporting this season's finest necropants, Wed 30 Jul 2008, 17:43, archived)

My Zero 7 album

( executiverocker only wears C&A, Wed 30 Jul 2008, 17:38, archived)

PICTURES OF THE SHOES

( SuperMatt, Wed 30 Jul 2008, 17:40, archived)

The band Vampire Weekend

( The Baroness The Harlot Pimpernel, Wed 30 Jul 2008, 17:40, archived)

I've met the drummer a few times.
He's shagging my friend... he's nice.
( TFD is sporting this season's finest necropants, Wed 30 Jul 2008, 17:41, archived)

*claps* How cool!
I wish he would shag me, his drumming is awesome.

*bongoes*
( The Baroness The Harlot Pimpernel, Wed 30 Jul 2008, 17:42, archived)

I like them.
They remind me of my friend aggie because we'd listen to them on the way into work every day.
( rosie posie tingly bongly, Wed 30 Jul 2008, 17:41, archived)

*does lots of hurrahs, listens to Mansard Roof on repeat FOREVER*

( The Baroness The Harlot Pimpernel, Wed 30 Jul 2008, 17:45, archived)

Nail varnishes for the equivalent of £3.50 in a shop in san francisco that sell for £9.50 in john lewis.
I bought about 10 of them.
( rosie posie tingly bongly, Wed 30 Jul 2008, 17:40, archived)

Great stuff!
Any exciting colours?
( TFD is sporting this season's finest necropants, Wed 30 Jul 2008, 17:42, archived)

YELLOW! AND NEON PINK! AND TANGERINE!

( rosie posie tingly bongly, Wed 30 Jul 2008, 17:59, archived)

are you back already?

( scott,, Wed 30 Jul 2008, 17:44, archived)

I am. got back today.
It went quick.
( rosie posie tingly bongly, Wed 30 Jul 2008, 17:48, archived)

i'm assuming you had an amazing time

( scott,, Wed 30 Jul 2008, 17:49, archived)

Oh yes, thank you.

( rosie posie tingly bongly, Wed 30 Jul 2008, 18:00, archived)

Pornographic Origami?
O.O
(allergic to curry, Wed 30 Jul 2008, 17:50, archived)