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Hold on to your hats. This post contains stuff about FOOD, OFFLINE GIRLS, and GRAMMAR. /talk might just implode.
Lovely ladies are often referred to euphemistically as 'crumpet', as in 'there I was, up to my knackers in this crumpet'. I find nothing wrong with this; I like crumpets. They are tasty, filling and a convenient breakfast or supper snack. But it's not my favourite food. I'd probably say my favourite food would be a nice curry, though, for some reason, I don't think it would be appropriate to call a lovely lady 'a curry'.
Now that I've typed this, I'm not entirely sure of my question. It's probably something like 'what should we call lovely ladies other than crumpet? bacon and eggs?'
(rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Thu 4 Sep 2008, 10:49, archived)
Crumpet implies she's spongy and leaking stuff
Maybe she's got BSE?
(I helped save b3ta! Methylene Blue - electrohead, Thu 4 Sep 2008, 10:50, archived)
this could be true

(I helped save b3ta! willenium Fist bump for verification, Thu 4 Sep 2008, 11:03, archived)
Or soft, warm, moist, and slightly salty because of the butter

(I helped save b3ta! Malaka omdz, Thu 4 Sep 2008, 11:08, archived)
I never realised the erotic potential of toasted food before

(I helped save b3ta! Malaka omdz, Thu 4 Sep 2008, 11:09, archived)
*clicks*

(I helped save b3ta! Halkyardo isn't quite sure, on, Thu 4 Sep 2008, 11:10, archived)
Crumbly and burnt, with a thick crust. PHWOAR!!!

(I helped save b3ta! Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Thu 4 Sep 2008, 11:10, archived)
Oh yeah, you like those crumbs, don't you
yeah, all in your pubes, all itchy and that, FUCK YEAH, uuunnngghhh
(I helped save b3ta! Malaka omdz, Thu 4 Sep 2008, 11:13, archived)
Dr McDog's Nutritious Meatsacks

(I helped save b3ta! glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Thu 4 Sep 2008, 10:50, archived)
Could call her a Ruby, as in a Ruby Murray.

(I helped save b3ta! Jenk Neptune is a pedant and now I can't fit my sig in, Thu 4 Sep 2008, 10:50, archived)
I really don't get it..

(I helped save b3ta! Methylene Blue - electrohead, Thu 4 Sep 2008, 10:52, archived)
You don't rubber jacobee mountain...erm...slang?

(rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Thu 4 Sep 2008, 10:56, archived)
You don't speak London slang.
lol
(VodkaCoke, Thu 4 Sep 2008, 11:00, archived)
That would be cos I'm not a Londoner, yes
:p
(I helped save b3ta! Methylene Blue - electrohead, Thu 4 Sep 2008, 11:02, archived)
Ruby Murray means curry o.k
Nor am I :)
(VodkaCoke, Thu 4 Sep 2008, 11:04, archived)
You are a Savvanner, voah.

(I helped save b3ta! Johnny Catfish - Yowsa!, Thu 4 Sep 2008, 11:14, archived)
I am a Surrey girl.

(VodkaCoke, Thu 4 Sep 2008, 11:16, archived)
Is that like an even shitter version of an Essex girl?

(I helped save b3ta! Bobson I who milks the milkmen?, Thu 4 Sep 2008, 11:17, archived)
No we are classy here.

(VodkaCoke, Thu 4 Sep 2008, 11:18, archived)
It's about 2 points higher up the table
the table being out of 6000
(I helped save b3ta! Malaka omdz, Thu 4 Sep 2008, 11:20, archived)
*high-five*

(I helped save b3ta! Bobson I who milks the milkmen?, Thu 4 Sep 2008, 11:21, archived)
Sawwy geuw

(I helped save b3ta! Malaka omdz, Thu 4 Sep 2008, 11:17, archived)
:(

(VodkaCoke, Thu 4 Sep 2008, 11:18, archived)
whats wrong with 'ladies' ?

(I helped save b3ta! willenium Fist bump for verification, Thu 4 Sep 2008, 10:50, archived)
If we just called them 'ladies', then the Carry On films might never have happened.
Just think about that.
(rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Thu 4 Sep 2008, 10:52, archived)
that phases me little

(I helped save b3ta! willenium Fist bump for verification, Thu 4 Sep 2008, 10:54, archived)
Because it's plural and the thought of you having two at the same time is just laughable
;P
(I helped save b3ta! Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Thu 4 Sep 2008, 10:52, archived)
two at seperate times, too

(I helped save b3ta! Malaka omdz, Thu 4 Sep 2008, 11:09, archived)
haha, yeah
yeah, that

haha
(I helped save b3ta! Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Thu 4 Sep 2008, 10:51, archived)
I wonder why tarts are called tarts.
Food tarts are delicious.
(I helped save b3ta! LimeyTreat Bitch. Lover. Child. Mother. Sinner. Saint., Thu 4 Sep 2008, 10:51, archived)
cheap and easy

(I helped save b3ta! Jenk Neptune is a pedant and now I can't fit my sig in, Thu 4 Sep 2008, 10:52, archived)
Muffin?
BLT?
(I helped save b3ta! The Baroness The Harlot Pimpernel, Thu 4 Sep 2008, 10:51, archived)
Butt Legs and Tits?

(PsychoChomp, Thu 4 Sep 2008, 10:52, archived)
Pffft
that works
(I helped save b3ta! Halkyardo isn't quite sure, on, Thu 4 Sep 2008, 10:53, archived)

utt iff


Alright Chompy.
(I helped save b3ta! RR I love you ... in a way, Thu 4 Sep 2008, 10:53, archived)
Hello Red Rocket
hows things up north?
(PsychoChomp, Thu 4 Sep 2008, 10:55, archived)
Grim.

(I helped save b3ta! RR I love you ... in a way, Thu 4 Sep 2008, 10:56, archived)
can I also add 'overcast'

(I helped save b3ta! GrandmaOfShoes, Thu 4 Sep 2008, 10:58, archived)
I have some spare drizzle

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Thu 4 Sep 2008, 11:03, archived)
I don't know whether to laugh or chastise you for your smut.
You filthy smut peddler/pedlar.
(I helped save b3ta! The Baroness The Harlot Pimpernel, Thu 4 Sep 2008, 10:53, archived)
Pfff
You can talk
(I helped save b3ta! Halkyardo isn't quite sure, on, Thu 4 Sep 2008, 10:54, archived)
Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

(I helped save b3ta! The Baroness The Harlot Pimpernel, Thu 4 Sep 2008, 10:55, archived)
And how is the you, by the way?

(I helped save b3ta! Halkyardo isn't quite sure, on, Thu 4 Sep 2008, 10:56, archived)
At the tail end of my cold, in my dressing gown, looking forward to holiday in t-minus 11 days
WOOHOO

Your good self?
(I helped save b3ta! The Baroness The Harlot Pimpernel, Thu 4 Sep 2008, 10:58, archived)
Marvellous!
I've just come back from a fantastic holiday that ended up an awful lot more eventful than planned, but in a fantastically good way. Readjusting to the drudgery of work was ...interesting... especially as the first day back, I was still suffering the after-effects of various substances consumed the night before. Great fun.

And its nearly the weekend and 'tis SUNNY! Yay!
(I helped save b3ta! Halkyardo isn't quite sure, on, Thu 4 Sep 2008, 11:02, archived)
Bad naughty substance abused!
Where did you go on holibobs?

It's not sunny here, you awful cunt, do be quiet.
(I helped save b3ta! The Baroness The Harlot Pimpernel, Thu 4 Sep 2008, 11:04, archived)
The worst thing is, I had to go to the doctor for a blood test yesterday
I hate to think what they'll find...

I didn't go too far afield, just to Wellington, NZ's capital and stayed with some b3tan friends down there. 'twas awesome. Where are you heading off to?

If it is any consolation, it isn't sunny right now, because its 10pm. But I shan't be quiet about the sunnyness, because its the first run of good weather we've had for MONTHS.
(I helped save b3ta! Halkyardo isn't quite sure, on, Thu 4 Sep 2008, 11:09, archived)
That's because it's been bloody winter for you.
Bumboy :P
(I helped save b3ta! The Baroness The Harlot Pimpernel, Thu 4 Sep 2008, 11:13, archived)
And it's been bloody summer for you while I've been sitting around freezing and damp
Love you too
(I helped save b3ta! Halkyardo isn't quite sure, on, Thu 4 Sep 2008, 11:16, archived)
It's all your fault.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 4 Sep 2008, 10:55, archived)
LIES!

(I helped save b3ta! The Baroness The Harlot Pimpernel, Thu 4 Sep 2008, 10:57, archived)
Fat Tarts
Those are my favourite.
(I helped save b3ta! Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Thu 4 Sep 2008, 10:51, archived)


(I helped save b3ta! Fluzzy namby-pamby pudding and pie, Thu 4 Sep 2008, 10:53, archived)
Don't forget the girls with fat shoulders, like Clair from Heroes

(I helped save b3ta! Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Thu 4 Sep 2008, 10:55, archived)
*waves*
hello
(I helped save b3ta! Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Thu 4 Sep 2008, 10:54, archived)
You're a marmalade tart.
With bits.
(I helped save b3ta! RR I love you ... in a way, Thu 4 Sep 2008, 10:55, archived)
And a good morning to you too.
How's it going, Double R?
(I helped save b3ta! Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Thu 4 Sep 2008, 10:55, archived)
Not bad.
I won a battle of wills with the missus this morning. A rare victory.
(I helped save b3ta! RR I love you ... in a way, Thu 4 Sep 2008, 10:59, archived)
Though the cat was repeatedly sick last night, including on me while I was sleeping.

(I helped save b3ta! RR I love you ... in a way, Thu 4 Sep 2008, 11:00, archived)
Hello!
On a good night out do you fling your white stilettos at cabs and use tampons as beer tokens?
(I helped save b3ta! Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Thu 4 Sep 2008, 10:56, archived)
Of course!*



*may contain traces of lies
(I helped save b3ta! Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Thu 4 Sep 2008, 10:57, archived)
Coolios* :)





don't ruin the fantasy...
(I helped save b3ta! Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Thu 4 Sep 2008, 10:59, archived)
This reads like a gonzo thread
that has been put through a spell checker.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 4 Sep 2008, 10:51, archived)
Arf!

(I helped save b3ta! Methylene Blue - electrohead, Thu 4 Sep 2008, 10:52, archived)
I've never called a lady crumpet.

(__, Thu 4 Sep 2008, 10:51, archived)
I have
but I've always made sure that there's a trombone glissando ready to follow it up.
(rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Thu 4 Sep 2008, 10:52, archived)
I always hear men being described as "the thinking woman's crumpet"
But then, only people over the age of 50 say that.

I deduce you are over 50
(__, Thu 4 Sep 2008, 10:54, archived)
Dr House is thinking woman's crumpet apparently.
I care not, I just want him to use me as a Distraction

(LOL you'd only fully appreciate that if you're a proper House geek)
(I helped save b3ta! The Baroness The Harlot Pimpernel, Thu 4 Sep 2008, 10:56, archived)
I do love House
I'm on a series one rewatch. The one with Leslie Hope as the homeless woman is a very emotional one. Love it.
(__, Thu 4 Sep 2008, 10:59, archived)
It is :(
Is that the one where Wilson tells House about his brother at the end?
(I helped save b3ta! The Baroness The Harlot Pimpernel, Thu 4 Sep 2008, 11:04, archived)
To be honest, I was too busy having a wank over Foreman's face

(__, Thu 4 Sep 2008, 11:07, archived)


(allergic to curry, Thu 4 Sep 2008, 10:51, archived)
You'd get proper licked if you were hot and oozing butter
Stop complaining
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Thu 4 Sep 2008, 10:54, archived)
Well!
Erm...... *blushes*


*speechless*
(allergic to curry, Thu 4 Sep 2008, 10:56, archived)
Pfft

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Thu 4 Sep 2008, 10:57, archived)
BITCH!

(I helped save b3ta! Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Thu 4 Sep 2008, 10:55, archived)
Meat clams.

(I helped save b3ta! Noit happy baby orangutan, Thu 4 Sep 2008, 10:59, archived)
Kitten

(VodkaCoke, Thu 4 Sep 2008, 10:59, archived)
girlfriend in a korma, I know, I know, it's serious!

(I helped save b3ta! GrandmaOfShoes, Thu 4 Sep 2008, 11:01, archived)
Why call them anything, when you could just be making cat-calls from a building site?

(I helped save b3ta! Newington, Thu 4 Sep 2008, 11:05, archived)
I never heard a builder go
"Alllright darling! MEEEOW FFTF! FFTF! RREEEOOOW MEOOW OEEEOWW! MEEEEEOW"
(I helped save b3ta! Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Thu 4 Sep 2008, 11:08, archived)