I'm like the genie in your lamp, the face on your stamp
The hip hop rocker, the microphone champ.
I've got a knock-out voice,
Like a Rolls Royce ...

Which is a very shoddy lyric as they are famous for being exceptionally quiet automobiles.

It's now the summer. I predict four day weekends and sunburn. And a riot. What do you predict?
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 22 May 2009, 18:31, archived)

Ridiculous amounts of rain or an infernal heatwave.
Hmm, it appears my browser is going senile:
"Syntax error in [user script filename], line 425."

It's only got 423 lines. HOW CAN A NON-EXISTENT BIT OF CODE GENERATE A CUNTING SYNTAX ERROR?
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Fri 22 May 2009, 18:32, archived)

I love the English obsession and pessimism about the weather.
It's what makes us such thrilling company.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 22 May 2009, 18:33, archived)

teaching phrases like "pissing it down" "cats and dogs" and "turned out nice again"
keeps me in potatoes and poppyseed cake
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 22 May 2009, 18:47, archived)

Is one of the first conversation topics they learn 'how was your weekend?'
'yeah not bad, yours?'
'alright I guess'
( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Fri 22 May 2009, 18:50, archived)

That's pretty much it
we use Language Conditioning, which means the first thing they hear when they sit down at my desk is "what have you been up to?"

Once they've learned to say "oh, you know, not much, bit o' this, bit o' that, you know how it is" instead of "naaahfink", they get a Pass Certificate and a job at the British Council.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 22 May 2009, 18:52, archived)

I predict retail therapy darling.
Thanks to some this evening, I have a ridiculous amount of male-oriented skin-technlogy enhancers with marketingbollox™ and mostlywaterandfragranceonol™
( moohalaa, Fri 22 May 2009, 18:33, archived)

Oh moomoo. Bless you.
You're rescuing the economy just through the catastrophe that is your oily youthful visage.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 22 May 2009, 18:34, archived)

Only the pink pound can save us!

( moohalaa, Fri 22 May 2009, 18:37, archived)

The what?

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 22 May 2009, 18:43, archived)

the money spent in the economy by fruity sorts
who do you think buys this crap?
( moohalaa, Fri 22 May 2009, 18:44, archived)

fruity sorts?

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 22 May 2009, 18:45, archived)

www.mooky.net/uploaded_images/Richard-737171.jpg
( moohalaa, Fri 22 May 2009, 18:47, archived)

he went out with my mate's mum.
But still, fruity sorts?
( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 22 May 2009, 18:48, archived)

MASSIVE STEAMING BUMMERS

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Fri 22 May 2009, 19:00, archived)

WHAT?!

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 22 May 2009, 19:02, archived)

RECIPROCATING BOTTOM HUGGERS

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Fri 22 May 2009, 19:04, archived)

I have heard of this "bumming"
but didn't believe it actually happened.

Well at least it's happening in other countries, I'm totally safe on the south coast.
( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 22 May 2009, 19:05, archived)

PROSTATE JABBING BACK-HAIR STROKERS

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Fri 22 May 2009, 19:07, archived)

I'm sorry it's that time of day that the sun shines directly on my screen
so I can't read your post about prostate jabbing back-hair strokers.
( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 22 May 2009, 19:09, archived)

SCROTUM CUPPING CUSHION SCATTERERS

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Fri 22 May 2009, 19:13, archived)

Nope
you might as well not be saying scrotum cupping cushion scatterers, can't see a thing.
( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 22 May 2009, 19:15, archived)

lesbians

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Fri 22 May 2009, 19:31, archived)

PHWOAR

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 22 May 2009, 19:48, archived)

I got some lovely face stuff for my birthday.
Apparently it's made of mushrooms and costs £44 a bottle.
( TFD is sporting this season's finest necropants, Fri 22 May 2009, 18:35, archived)

It's made by Campbells and costs 44 pence a tin.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 22 May 2009, 18:36, archived)

linda mccartney's stump grease?
that's fabulous for combination skin.
( moohalaa, Fri 22 May 2009, 18:36, archived)

haha, you're still fat and ugly though

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Fri 22 May 2009, 18:37, archived)

I'm fully aware of that
but all this stuff is in French, and the packaging uses phrases like
"Natures energy"
"Bison grass, Chinese galanga, Purslane"
"Intense cellular activity"

I'll be looking like George Clooney in ten days according to this.
( moohalaa, Fri 22 May 2009, 18:41, archived)

Bog standard shave gel.
... employs SSE^TM v2.0 of our unique Skin Surface Enhancing technology, with DDS^TM (Dual Delivery System) ...
( Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Fri 22 May 2009, 19:10, archived)

It has little pictoral instructions in case you can't read marketing twat.
It's good stuff mind.
( Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Fri 22 May 2009, 19:11, archived)

Exams
and then drinking strawberry wine in Cornwall.
( TFD is sporting this season's finest necropants, Fri 22 May 2009, 18:33, archived)

having a word with some dodgy crows to sort out the seagull.

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 22 May 2009, 18:36, archived)

they'll only go and get them selves shot before they manage it

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Fri 22 May 2009, 18:42, archived)

Just in:
photo of my harrowing encounter.
( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 22 May 2009, 18:44, archived)

This is the plot of Fritz the Cat, isn't it?

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 22 May 2009, 18:44, archived)

my only real knowlege of Fritz the Cat
is a clip of him getting high with a fat black lady crow, which yes, he knobs.

Whilst high.
( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 22 May 2009, 18:48, archived)

That's precisely the scene I'm referring to

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 22 May 2009, 18:50, archived)

I miss Vidz
the low budget film review show with the "Welsh bastard".
( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 22 May 2009, 18:53, archived)

THESE ARROWS ARE GOING INTO MY SKIN
THIS IS A GOOD THING
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 22 May 2009, 19:18, archived)

this wasn't meant to be sarcasticaps
I just made a mistake
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 22 May 2009, 19:19, archived)

fencing, equestrians, aston martins, wine

( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 22 May 2009, 18:38, archived)

Do stop messing around, 007. This is serious.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 22 May 2009, 18:45, archived)

oh auxilliary-'do'-for-emphasis, how I've missed you
Kiss me.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 22 May 2009, 18:48, archived)

Hands off, I saw him first >:(

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 22 May 2009, 18:49, archived)

GREY DULL TOO HOT

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Fri 22 May 2009, 18:42, archived)

That the new woman will insist we spend tomorrow together and I won't go to Grudziadz to buy a car after all
then I'll mope, and we'll have a tiff, and some hardcore sex, and she'll make me dinner to make up for "ruining my saturday" despite my insistance that she didn't, then we'll phone the seller to see if the car is available on Sunday and he'll say sorry, it's sold already, and I'll be despondant because, despite the rust, I was really enamoured with it cos it's got four wheel drive.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 22 May 2009, 18:42, archived)

Pussy-whipped nancyboy.
I believe is the accepted response in such circumstances.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 22 May 2009, 18:47, archived)

There'll be other Trabants petal.

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 22 May 2009, 18:51, archived)

which of course wouldn't rust.

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 22 May 2009, 18:52, archived)

I like the idea of a 4x4 Trabby

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 22 May 2009, 18:52, archived)

what was this car anyway?

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 22 May 2009, 18:53, archived)

BMW E30 325iX
www.allegro.pl/show_item.php?item=641547927
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 22 May 2009, 19:01, archived)

What's that photo of,
the one of a component that's not actually in the car?
( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 22 May 2009, 19:04, archived)

yeah, the in-tank fuel pump's fucked
which means you can only drive it on LPG at the moment
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 22 May 2009, 19:09, archived)

I was hoping www.allegro.pl
would yield more stuff like this.
( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 22 May 2009, 19:11, archived)

oh, what, you mean
like this?
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 22 May 2009, 19:15, archived)

Mustard yellow,
phwoaar!
( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 22 May 2009, 19:20, archived)

Are you never tempted just to go and buy a new/not very old car and just drive the thing without having to adjust, alter, remove or replace anything?

( Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Fri 22 May 2009, 19:14, archived)

what's the fucking point in that?
I live 20minutes walk from work anyway, I don't need a car at all. It's not a vehicle, it's a Lego set for grownups.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 22 May 2009, 19:17, archived)

Thank heaven for people who like poking around in cars and getting all oily,
because I sure as fuck don't.
( Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Fri 22 May 2009, 19:23, archived)

Vrooming about
Maybe while singing loudly to myself inside my helmet.
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Fri 22 May 2009, 18:49, archived)

fancy a bit of surfing?

( TopUpTheTea you ain't seen me, right?, Fri 22 May 2009, 19:12, archived)

I could be tempted
When and where?
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Fri 22 May 2009, 19:24, archived)

I predict UToL will drink more wee

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Fri 22 May 2009, 18:52, archived)

he'll drink so much he'll run out of his own and move on to other people's

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Fri 22 May 2009, 19:06, archived)

I am accepting donations.

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 22 May 2009, 19:23, archived)

I want to fill myself with it to bursting point,
like a yellowy human tick.
( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 22 May 2009, 19:07, archived)

Misery.

( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Fri 22 May 2009, 18:59, archived)

Inevitably sunburn
I need about 10 minutes in direct light and I'm burnt. *sigh*

I expect everyone I work with to complain about how it is a lovely day and they're stuck inside working, and about how at the weekend it rained. and about how life is sooo unfair. as if they've worked every day that it's ever been sunny. *sigh*
( TopUpTheTea you ain't seen me, right?, Fri 22 May 2009, 19:06, archived)

This, without the sunburn.
I have very fair skin but I tan quite quickly.
( Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Fri 22 May 2009, 19:17, archived)

PIMMS OVERDOSE.
I predict afternoon teas of joy.
( Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Fri 22 May 2009, 19:18, archived)

I predict I shall have a shit in the morning.

( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Fri 22 May 2009, 19:20, archived)

Optimisitic.

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 22 May 2009, 19:23, archived)

Well yeah but, you know...

( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Fri 22 May 2009, 19:26, archived)

BOO!
Ha, that put paid to your plans. Where's the mop and bucket?
( The Cat's Mother Not a People Person., Fri 22 May 2009, 19:28, archived)

A night out in shoreditch + getting an early train in the morning + not having packed yet = JAPERY.

( rosie posie tingly bongly, Fri 22 May 2009, 19:27, archived)