Here is a new thread about crime.
Mrs HB's son and GF came over yesterday with their puppy.
It ate my dog's dinner. Here is photographic evidence of the crime. Sadly the puppy got bloated as has to be starved for a day now and it is probably shitting and barfing for England this morning. As it happens, some cunt ate my dinner the other day. I do not have any photographic evidence of this. Should the puppy assplode, I'll update this.
Does crime really pay?
( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Mon 1 Jun 2009, 13:27, archived)

No one ate your dinner.
You ate it and then forgot because you're a senile old cunt.
( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Mon 1 Jun 2009, 13:28, archived)

Yes they fucking did.
It was sausages. I had grilled a whole fucking packet to make a cassarole and some cunt ate them. Fact.
Don't you call me senile Georgina.
( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Mon 1 Jun 2009, 13:29, archived)

If Mrs. HB backs your story up I'll believe you.
If not I'll start a whip round to pay for your first month in a home.
( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Mon 1 Jun 2009, 13:31, archived)

Have visitors been yet?

( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Mon 1 Jun 2009, 13:32, archived)

I wasn't there
although apparently the lodger spent most of Sunday in the bathroom and the sausages had only been partially cooked for casseroling. You can make up your own minds about that.
( The Cat's Mother Not a People Person., Mon 1 Jun 2009, 13:32, archived)

That should do the trick.
I'll pay you later.
( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Mon 1 Jun 2009, 13:35, archived)

Only if done right.

( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 13:28, archived)

BIFFER!

( SuperMatt, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 13:28, archived)

I wanted to ping your braces like Tweedle Bum

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 13:48, archived)

Well you should have done
everyone else was. Bastards.
( SuperMatt, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 13:50, archived)

Haha, has it shat yet? They should really get him checked if he doesn't shit today.
Biff should have given him a nip, teach him a lesson.
( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 13:28, archived)

The past tense of shit is shit, not shat.

( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 13:29, archived)

Feck off.

( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 13:30, archived)

NEVER!

( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 13:32, archived)

Your shatter than MoT

( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Mon 1 Jun 2009, 13:31, archived)

Your shattest

( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 13:36, archived)

Of course it isn't.
"I am going to hit the ball."
"I hat the ball."

Oh yeah.
( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 13:32, archived)

Hitler will order the holocaust.
Hatler ordered the holocaust.
( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 13:33, archived)

Fack me, you're raght!

( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 13:34, archived)

William Shatner did a shit.
William Shatner.
( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Mon 1 Jun 2009, 13:36, archived)

See!

( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 13:37, archived)

DON'T FALL FOR THEIR LIES

( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 13:37, archived)

Haha

( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 13:35, archived)

that is what is known as a neologism

( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 13:47, archived)

Both words have been around since I was a nipper.
That's 20 years. Does it still count as a neologism?
( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Mon 1 Jun 2009, 13:49, archived)

I don't think it's about how old it is,
so much as how well accepted it is.
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 13:50, archived)

Etymonline.com notes
"Shat is a humorous past tense form, not etymological, first recorded 18c."

So it's pretty old, but was made up to be funny.
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 13:54, archived)

This.
I know it's not the correct past tense. My dad says it, and I used to find it hilarious when I was little.
( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 13:57, archived)

I can't see how giving him a Japanese person would help?
It would have ate him too!
( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Mon 1 Jun 2009, 13:30, archived)

That's true.
He'd only be a snack, though.
( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 13:37, archived)

Oh yer crime pays.

( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 13:29, archived)

My stint as an armed robber was a bit of a failure
So, if you are 19 year old drug addled spastic, I'd suggest no, it doesn't.
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 13:31, archived)

If you're a 19 year old drug addled spastic you're probably due for a date with the HONDA ACCORD OF JUSTICE

( Theoban What of it, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 13:32, archived)

www.b3ta.com/talk/5650723
( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 13:34, archived)

I was when I was 19

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 13:49, archived)

Close shave there, then

( Theoban What of it, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 13:51, archived)

Phew
I know
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 13:55, archived)

There's not enough diamond thievery in the world
I think a lot of world issues could be solved if only more diamonds were nicked.
( Theoban What of it, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 13:31, archived)

I'll pay 11p per carrat.
/fence
( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Mon 1 Jun 2009, 13:33, archived)

Just as well this diamond has 14000 carats then
Payment in full please my good sir.
( Theoban What of it, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 13:35, archived)

Only if you are an MP

( Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 13:32, archived)

I ate Biff's dinner too

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 13:46, archived)