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Now this looks like fun.
www.shortnews.com/start.cfm?id=79310

What spoof stories do you wish were true?
(I helped save b3ta! Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Sun 28 Jun 2009, 12:28, archived)
Most of these
www.b3ta.com/questions/
(__, Sun 28 Jun 2009, 12:31, archived)
You're in favour the the sexual abuse of children with aspergers by their uncles?

(I helped save b3ta! Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Sun 28 Jun 2009, 12:35, archived)
Who isn't?

(I helped save b3ta! The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Sun 28 Jun 2009, 12:37, archived)
given how ugly some of the QOTWers are
I'd say the uncles
(I helped save b3ta! minimum fuss - an all time favourite, Sun 28 Jun 2009, 12:47, archived)
HAHA!

(I helped save b3ta! The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Sun 28 Jun 2009, 12:52, archived)
By "I wish they were true"
I mean "I wish they'd tell the fucking truth"


See,the joke is, most of the QOTWers lie.

Lol!!
(__, Sun 28 Jun 2009, 12:38, archived)
They'd be a lot duller if they were true.
This week's stories would consist mainly of "one time I was getting the bus and it showed up slightly late, but then the traffic was quite light and I reached my destination on time."
(I helped save b3ta! Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Sun 28 Jun 2009, 12:40, archived)
Then why bother with QOTW?
Can't it just be.... Joke of the Week?

Oh, I don't care. In caps.
(__, Sun 28 Jun 2009, 12:43, archived)
MLIA.

(I helped save b3ta! The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Sun 28 Jun 2009, 12:50, archived)
What?

(I helped save b3ta! Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Sun 28 Jun 2009, 12:51, archived)
It's probably Klingon or something shit like that

(__, Sun 28 Jun 2009, 12:52, archived)

MLIA
(I helped save b3ta! The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Sun 28 Jun 2009, 12:53, archived)
I'm flabbergasted that I didn't guess that instantly.

(I helped save b3ta! Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Sun 28 Jun 2009, 12:55, archived)
There's a bit of an internet argument going on in the comments underneath.
OMG!
(I helped save b3ta! The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Sun 28 Jun 2009, 12:36, archived)
I'm staying out of that in case I hurt anyone's feelings.

(I helped save b3ta! Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Sun 28 Jun 2009, 12:38, archived)
The last thing anyone on the internet wants to do,
is offend another internet user. Internetting makes happy time!
(I helped save b3ta! The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Sun 28 Jun 2009, 12:41, archived)
online?

(I helped save b3ta! Godzuki needs more sleep., Sun 28 Jun 2009, 12:40, archived)
Gosh, yes.
This is serious.
(I helped save b3ta! The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Sun 28 Jun 2009, 12:41, archived)
seen this?
www.thegoldensprout.com/events/100th-birthday-bash-pirate-boat-party
(I helped save b3ta! Godzuki needs more sleep., Sun 28 Jun 2009, 13:11, archived)
I should make an effort to go to that.

(I helped save b3ta! The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Sun 28 Jun 2009, 13:14, archived)
Likewise.
RR is the man.
(I helped save b3ta! Godzuki needs more sleep., Sun 28 Jun 2009, 13:23, archived)
the one about qotw being shut down

(I helped save b3ta! Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Sun 28 Jun 2009, 12:40, archived)
I'm in favour of the continuuing existence of QOTW, for the same reason as my support for a shallow end in swimming pools.

(I helped save b3ta! Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Sun 28 Jun 2009, 12:41, archived)
It's something to look down our noses at.

(I helped save b3ta! The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Sun 28 Jun 2009, 12:42, archived)
ooh, and the one about SSG having pancreatic cancer

(I helped save b3ta! Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Sun 28 Jun 2009, 12:43, archived)
But that is true :(

(__, Sun 28 Jun 2009, 12:43, archived)
Hes wiv da angles now :(((((

(I helped save b3ta! Noit happy baby orangutan, Sun 28 Jun 2009, 12:44, archived)
I for one hope he hooks up with an acute one.

(I helped save b3ta! Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Sun 28 Jun 2009, 12:44, archived)
He's really quite ill y'know.
I've not seen him in some days, he's spending time with his family.
(I helped save b3ta! The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Sun 28 Jun 2009, 12:44, archived)
Online and offline personas are very different in everyone
Hell, I bet Gilga works for charity.

I bet Piston is a hit with the ladies.

I bet Moohalaa is married to a buxom blonde lady

I bet Wormulus is tolerable.

smathels is attracted to real, non-fictional women who are over 18.
(__, Sun 28 Jun 2009, 12:50, archived)
I bet Friz isn't a talentless needy shitcunt with a massive fat face

(I helped save b3ta! Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Sun 28 Jun 2009, 12:54, archived)
He isn't!
Wonderful
(__, Sun 28 Jun 2009, 12:56, archived)
this just in from Google:
www.google.co.uk/search?q=talentless+needy+attention+whoring+shitcunt&ie=utf-8&oe=utf-8&aq=t&rls=org.mozilla:en-GB:official&client=firefox-a
(I helped save b3ta! Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Sun 28 Jun 2009, 12:58, archived)
haha

(I helped save b3ta! mongychops, Sun 28 Jun 2009, 13:00, archived)
oh mongy, I have abused a search engine by manipulating search results
I could do time for this
(I helped save b3ta! Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Sun 28 Jun 2009, 13:03, archived)
you could go to prison, google are very strict

(I helped save b3ta! mongychops, Sun 28 Jun 2009, 13:08, archived)
it's against all the laws of the internet
I'm expecting the Internet Police to break my door down any second
(I helped save b3ta! Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Sun 28 Jun 2009, 13:09, archived)
I'd be more impressed if that linked to the actual article in question

(__, Sun 28 Jun 2009, 13:01, archived)
haha!

(I helped save b3ta! executiverocker only wears C&A, Sun 28 Jun 2009, 13:13, archived)
I'll give you odds of 1,000,000/1 on that bet

(I helped save b3ta! minimum fuss - an all time favourite, Sun 28 Jun 2009, 12:57, archived)
I bet he works for charity.
www.b3ta.com/talk/6256750
(I helped save b3ta! The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Sun 28 Jun 2009, 12:58, archived)
Did smathels send anyone else an incoherent, pathetically grovelling gaz after he made a tit of himself?

(I helped save b3ta! The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Sun 28 Jun 2009, 13:00, archived)
Nope.
Please, post it.
(I helped save b3ta! The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Sun 28 Jun 2009, 13:02, archived)
Which making a tit of himself are we talking about here?
Did I miss something?
(I helped save b3ta! baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Sun 28 Jun 2009, 13:04, archived)
he wants "cumshot adds" too apparently
b3ta.com/talk/6258149
(I helped save b3ta! Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Sun 28 Jun 2009, 13:06, archived)

www.b3ta.com/talk/6255211

and a fine bit of detective work, www.b3ta.com/talk/6255289

Oh, and lazymuffin threw his(?) toys out of his pram a bit later, www.b3ta.com/talk/6255675
(I helped save b3ta! The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Sun 28 Jun 2009, 13:07, archived)
You should see his profile
www.b3ta.com/users/profile.php?id=79398
(__, Sun 28 Jun 2009, 13:09, archived)
Summary: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

(I helped save b3ta! The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Sun 28 Jun 2009, 13:11, archived)
For posterity, I'd like to copy paste that into a post I can spaz back to in The Future after it has been changed.
lazymuffin's profile currently reads:
"seriously i hate you all. i won't last the week but i'm sure you can all think of some amusing pictures to illustrate my death. to make matters worse, you're all so fucking scared of originality, you continue to accuse me of being a "comedy account" one of the regulars, one of the clique. Rest assured, i'm new "ish" you don't know me, I just hate you. A lot. It's grown in fact. If you all did a Jackson/Fawcett I might be a little upset at first but only til I remembered how fucking cruel and egocentric you really are. Ning."

Thank you.
(I helped save b3ta! baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Sun 28 Jun 2009, 13:14, archived)
I like how he thinks we'll remember him next week, that's some real optimism there

(I helped save b3ta! Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Sun 28 Jun 2009, 13:17, archived)
I'm willing to bet it keeps returning and whining for a few months.

(I helped save b3ta! baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Sun 28 Jun 2009, 13:19, archived)
i'm pretty sure this is the only messageboard on the internet
otherwise, why would people come here solely to complain that it's shit? if there was some sort of alternative it would make sense to check it out first, see if it would be the sort of place that you like

a couple of years ago the only messageboard on the internet was about spiderman. i hate spiderman, and i tried to get them to change it so that it was about batman. not too big a change i thought, but they just got upset. selfish cunts
(I helped save b3ta! spacefish bong!, Sun 28 Jun 2009, 13:32, archived)
He only posted four times and he got that upset?

(I helped save b3ta! Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Sun 28 Jun 2009, 13:13, archived)
Well, yes, but also all her other accounts got banned because she is an intolerable south african ugly old spinster.

(I helped save b3ta! baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Sun 28 Jun 2009, 13:16, archived)
She should have been here last year, she'd have got on well with Bou.

(I helped save b3ta! Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Sun 28 Jun 2009, 13:16, archived)
It's not necessarily Bou.
It's just as likely to be some self-obsessed pansy teenager who's not had enough attention in the last 10 minutes.
(I helped save b3ta! The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Sun 28 Jun 2009, 13:23, archived)
I've only been here a week
and I've been accused of being a comedy account soooooo many times....ho hum such is life!! But I am real.. I think.. mmmm yup I am
(I helped save b3ta! Neddy shucking chit funt, Sun 28 Jun 2009, 13:21, archived)
Oh, some people do that as a matter of course.
They're tedious wankers, just ignore them.
(I helped save b3ta! The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Sun 28 Jun 2009, 13:24, archived)
S'alright
I think it's quite amusing
(I helped save b3ta! Neddy shucking chit funt, Sun 28 Jun 2009, 13:26, archived)
Just wait till next week when your L plate disappears and we all relent and let you into the clique.
You'll get a t shirt, the secret passwords and handshakes, AIDS and a free pint of Tennents.
(I helped save b3ta! Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Sun 28 Jun 2009, 13:25, archived)
Yay!
AIDS!! Not the bad AIDs I hope.. had it once was a right pisser
(I helped save b3ta! Neddy shucking chit funt, Sun 28 Jun 2009, 13:29, archived)
FUCK OFF FENRIS

(I helped save b3ta! baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Sun 28 Jun 2009, 13:25, archived)
Thank you.
Twats.

What do these people expect to achieve with their "WHYYY WON'T YOUACCEPT ME????:( You are SO CLIKQUE :(:(:( WAH" posts?
Do they think we will all go "Oh dear! I'm am sorry I upset you. Please make yourself comfortable and tell us again how you did drugs this one time and then had sex with a girl. We promise to care this time."?
(I helped save b3ta! baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Sun 28 Jun 2009, 13:12, archived)
His FIRST POST was " I hate you all"

(__, Sun 28 Jun 2009, 13:16, archived)
BOU.
End of.
(I helped save b3ta! baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Sun 28 Jun 2009, 13:18, archived)
Well that's a fairly common position round here.
Where did it all go wrong?
(I helped save b3ta! Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Sun 28 Jun 2009, 13:19, archived)
They're friendless social misfits who are unable to accept it's their fault they're utterly dislikeable wastes of flesh.
If they go to pubs, they probably sit on their own for several hours then approach an unrelated group of people having a laugh and scream "EVERYONE IN THE WORLD IS IN A CLIQUE, I HATE YOU ALL!!!" at them, before bursting into tears and storming out of the door.
(I helped save b3ta! The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Sun 28 Jun 2009, 13:19, archived)
Now that you put it that way, I think I know this guy.
He's a regular in my local.
(I helped save b3ta! Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Sun 28 Jun 2009, 13:20, archived)
We have one like that too.
He tried to convince us the sun was in the wrong position in the sky the other week.
(I helped save b3ta! Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Sun 28 Jun 2009, 13:22, archived)
The Sage (which is how we refer to our local cunt) got himself barred from Neary's.
The head barman there said "I'm not serving you because everybody hates you. And they're right to."
(I helped save b3ta! Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Sun 28 Jun 2009, 13:23, archived)
Hahaha, brilliant.
Séamy is barred from the Den for much that reason, I wish Cooke's would bar him too. You should come down the 'cow for a pint.
(I helped save b3ta! Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Sun 28 Jun 2009, 13:27, archived)
Will do.

(I helped save b3ta! Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Sun 28 Jun 2009, 13:28, archived)
wait, what? are you not meant to do that in pubs?

(I helped save b3ta! Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Sun 28 Jun 2009, 13:20, archived)
Actually Wormulus is really quite an affable chap.

(I helped save b3ta! Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Sun 28 Jun 2009, 13:00, archived)
Hello Wicca, how's you?

(I helped save b3ta! Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Sun 28 Jun 2009, 13:01, archived)
Oh, you know. Fair to middling.

(I helped save b3ta! Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Sun 28 Jun 2009, 13:06, archived)
*updates Wicca'd Witch file*

(I helped save b3ta! Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Sun 28 Jun 2009, 13:09, archived)
i wouldn't trust him online or offline

(I helped save b3ta! mongychops, Sun 28 Jun 2009, 13:01, archived)
I wouldn't trust him.
I'll give you that.
He reminds me of a politician in that sense.
I like him though.
(I helped save b3ta! baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Sun 28 Jun 2009, 13:03, archived)
Did you know that if you give politicians viagra they get taller?

(I helped save b3ta! Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Sun 28 Jun 2009, 13:04, archived)
i'm not sure i could hold a conversation with someone i don't trust at all, you'd have to keep it all general

(I helped save b3ta! mongychops, Sun 28 Jun 2009, 13:07, archived)
so yeah, weather's been nice this week

(I helped save b3ta! Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Sun 28 Jun 2009, 13:10, archived)
Hello bitchtits.
How are you now?
(I helped save b3ta! Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Sun 28 Jun 2009, 13:20, archived)
living in Belfast I tend to wish the real news was actually spoof
:(
(I helped save b3ta! minimum fuss - an all time favourite, Sun 28 Jun 2009, 12:46, archived)
It is.
I mean, a Minister for Science who believes that the bible is literally true, an electoral system that prevents the people having any say in the running of their government, and a police force who claims to know where all the loyalist guns are, but won't take them for "operational reasons."
That can't really be the case.
(I helped save b3ta! Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Sun 28 Jun 2009, 12:49, archived)
Dia duit.
I just had a Crunchie ice lolly. It wasn't very nice.
(I helped save b3ta! Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Sun 28 Jun 2009, 13:19, archived)
Dia's muire duit.
This is the sad price to be paid for reckless snack-choosery.
(I helped save b3ta! Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Sun 28 Jun 2009, 13:22, archived)
It had icy bits in it:(
Never mind, I have eclairs and minstrels for film watching later. It's too fucking humid here. How's Dublin?
(I helped save b3ta! Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Sun 28 Jun 2009, 13:28, archived)
Hot and humid.
I've got to plan somewhere to bring the missus for dinner later.
*dons thinking cap*
(I helped save b3ta! Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Sun 28 Jun 2009, 13:30, archived)
We had Indian last night. Nom.
In Dublin, or are you in Chil Chainnigh?
(I helped save b3ta! Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Sun 28 Jun 2009, 13:31, archived)