You'll be thrilled to hear that I finished my first spray painting
And that, if the paint weren't full of dust and dead flies and cobwebs and shit, it'd be perfect so I give myself a 7/10. Rate yourself for something.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Sun 19 Jun 2011, 18:38, archived)

8/10 for spraying the yard with weedkiller and spraying my plants with aphid/bug spray

( moohalaa, Sun 19 Jun 2011, 18:40, archived)

10/10 for winning beer rounds in pub quizzes.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Sun 19 Jun 2011, 19:17, archived)

10/10 for getting pissed on a sunday evening even before I've had dinner

( Boris Johnson's Press Secretary, Sun 19 Jun 2011, 18:41, archived)

10/10 cheering up my Daddy

( jenpots, Sun 19 Jun 2011, 18:43, archived)

Euphemism enthusiast 10/10

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Sun 19 Jun 2011, 18:55, archived)

pfft

( jenpots, Sun 19 Jun 2011, 18:57, archived)

Rubbish beard 10/10

( Noit happy baby orangutan, Sun 19 Jun 2011, 18:44, archived)

I thought you short people were good at beards.
Tolkien must have lied, again.
( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Sun 19 Jun 2011, 19:05, archived)

7/10
I bought my dad a father's day gift and belated birthday presents, my brother got a belated birthday present too, my mum got a plant and my niece got chocolate and crisps and pop. I got NO presents today. Boo.
( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Sun 19 Jun 2011, 18:45, archived)

I too have had no prezzies today
Grim times, my tiny friend. Grim times indeed.
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Sun 19 Jun 2011, 19:00, archived)

I got a tee shirt
and a book. I've also been to a food festival in Crail, although the disappointing thing was the queue at the Arbroath Smokies stall :(
Still, I have some nice raspberry balsamic vinegar, and potted shrimp.
Also, I'm waiting for a delivery from the local Chinese. Kung Po Ostrich. Yeah! Ost-fucking-rich!
( mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Sun 19 Jun 2011, 19:07, archived)

Without wanting to turn this into a food thread
I got some Aspall's balsamic cider vinegar which, frankly, I could sup out of the bottle, so delicious is it. I made the finest gravy for beef with it that you could possibly imagine. Also, fancy going to Cardiff to see HMHB 25 August?
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Sun 19 Jun 2011, 19:13, archived)

I'd love to, but it's fucking miles away
I'm seriously considering Kendal on 1 July though
( mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Sun 19 Jun 2011, 19:17, archived)

No chance I could get to Kendal
:(
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Sun 19 Jun 2011, 19:21, archived)

Ostrich is fucking good meat
There's an ostrich farm near Preston you know.
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Sun 19 Jun 2011, 19:14, archived)

Yeah, Weatheroak Farm at Weeton.
I keep meaning to go to their shop as it's only about 10 minutes away, but it's not cheap stuff!
( mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Sun 19 Jun 2011, 19:19, archived)

console yourself with the knowledge that now is always the present
and it's the best present you could ever have.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Sun 19 Jun 2011, 19:07, archived)

10/10 for having internet access at home again.

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Sun 19 Jun 2011, 18:49, archived)

Hurrah for the relentless search for some porn that has someone who looks like someone you know in it.

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Sun 19 Jun 2011, 19:01, archived)

I need a shit.

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Sun 19 Jun 2011, 19:09, archived)

*gives a shit*

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Sun 19 Jun 2011, 19:14, archived)

What happened next?

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Sun 19 Jun 2011, 19:16, archived)

A dog pissed on one of the bridesmaids.

( mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Sun 19 Jun 2011, 19:26, archived)

YBF gold

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Sun 19 Jun 2011, 19:42, archived)

Oh man, I found a porn star who looked EXACTLY like a girl I knew, who would do pee sex too.
Naturally I sent it around to everyone.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sun 19 Jun 2011, 19:17, archived)

Of course
When I first started seeing the missus someone sent me a porn link that looked just like her in the 80s, big hair, shoulder pads and that. The woman even had a very similar mole on her back. I was slightly concerned of course, but further research proved to be conclusive. Not her. Probably.
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Sun 19 Jun 2011, 19:24, archived)

Epicurean proto-alcoholic 10/10
Enthusiastic if ultimately disappointing lover 10/10
Carer about stuff 1/10
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Sun 19 Jun 2011, 18:54, archived)

Sand it down and start again

( magnum, Sun 19 Jun 2011, 18:55, archived)

fuck that shit, I'm denibbing
bit of 1000 wet, then 1500, then some Farecla, and Bob's your uncle, mirror finish. Not bad considering it's the hardest possible colour to spray.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Sun 19 Jun 2011, 19:06, archived)

How many shades are you using on the flames around the wheels?

( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Sun 19 Jun 2011, 19:07, archived)

Piss off with your hot rod cliche
As much as I wish I were, I'm not in ZZ Top nor ever will be
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Sun 19 Jun 2011, 19:11, archived)

But I've got legs, and I know how to use them.

( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Sun 19 Jun 2011, 19:13, archived)

Giving yourself 10/10 is a load of wank
where's your sense of self-improvement?
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Sun 19 Jun 2011, 19:08, archived)

Accurate self-rating - 4/10

( mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Sun 19 Jun 2011, 19:14, archived)

OK, I have given it some thought and have rated myself for three things as follows:
27%, 7.34/10, gold blue peter badge
( vladimir, Sun 19 Jun 2011, 19:20, archived)

I give myself 100% for being CowJam.

( CowJam, Sun 19 Jun 2011, 19:27, archived)

i give you a 0/10 for that

(Mortal Wombat - he's just an excitable boy, Sun 19 Jun 2011, 19:42, archived)