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how did he go blind?

(I helped save b3ta! Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 10 Mar 2015, 9:21, archived)
A headache stopped his eyes working.
I'm not totally convinced of his story, to be honest.
(I helped save b3ta! monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 10 Mar 2015, 9:23, archived)
I think we need to see a doctor's note

(I helped save b3ta! Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 10 Mar 2015, 9:26, archived)
Statement of Fitness for Work For social security or Statutory Sick Pay
Patient's name: Mr Two Hats
I assessed your case on: 10/3/15
and, because of the following condition(s): Dun wanked himself blind
I advise you that: you are not fit for work.
This will be the case for: 2 weeks
Love Dr Chunder XXX
(I helped save b3ta! 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Tue 10 Mar 2015, 10:06, archived)
the world in which you are a doctor is a world in which we have failed as a species

(I helped save b3ta! The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Tue 10 Mar 2015, 10:11, archived)
My doctor never puts kisses on his letters to me.
He did fondle my balls the other day, though, so he must like me.
(I helped save b3ta! monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 10 Mar 2015, 10:23, archived)
did you turn your head and cough?

(I helped save b3ta! manolith hooray for me, Tue 10 Mar 2015, 10:27, archived)
No, we maintained eye contact for the duration.

(I helped save b3ta! monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 10 Mar 2015, 10:34, archived)
it must be love then, congrats!

(I helped save b3ta! manolith hooray for me, Tue 10 Mar 2015, 10:36, archived)
all I'm saying is, it is always the person that you expect to call in sick half of the time who claims to suffer from these so-called 'migraines'

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 10 Mar 2015, 9:26, archived)
all this stuff about 'working from home' was a ruse all along

(I helped save b3ta! manolith hooray for me, Tue 10 Mar 2015, 9:27, archived)
I bet he spends all day down the juicer laughing it up with all the locals

(I helped save b3ta! $$ ✅, Tue 10 Mar 2015, 9:36, archived)
or sits in his car and masturbates into an empty crisp packet

(I helped save b3ta! $$ ✅, Tue 10 Mar 2015, 9:40, archived)
You just described my dream job.
Only the crisp packet wouldn't be empty.
(I helped save b3ta! monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 10 Mar 2015, 9:40, archived)
what flavour crisps?

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 10 Mar 2015, 9:43, archived)
egg

(I helped save b3ta! $$ ✅, Tue 10 Mar 2015, 9:44, archived)
blurgh!

(I helped save b3ta! manolith hooray for me, Tue 10 Mar 2015, 10:46, archived)
Salt and Vinegar,
for that frisson of danger.
(I helped save b3ta! monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 10 Mar 2015, 9:49, archived)
I'm going to retrain to become a recruitment consultant
I say retrain, but what they do is basically a sales job.
(I helped save b3ta! $$ ✅, Tue 10 Mar 2015, 9:44, archived)
I once got headhunted by a recruitment consultancy.
It quickly became apparent that they'd made a terrible mistake.
(I helped save b3ta! monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 10 Mar 2015, 9:47, archived)
oh, monster munch :(

(I helped save b3ta! $$ ✅, Tue 10 Mar 2015, 10:00, archived)
The fact that they didn't go so far as to offer me a job
counts as a happy ending to the story.
(I helped save b3ta! monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 10 Mar 2015, 10:20, archived)