Two Hats is a big smelly poo!
Unless he has a screen reader, he'll never know how mean I've been about him. This post will surely have been pushed off the board before his sight returns.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 10 Mar 2015, 9:15, archived)

how did he go blind?

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 10 Mar 2015, 9:21, archived)

A headache stopped his eyes working.
I'm not totally convinced of his story, to be honest.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 10 Mar 2015, 9:23, archived)

I think we need to see a doctor's note

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 10 Mar 2015, 9:26, archived)

Statement of Fitness for Work For social security or Statutory Sick Pay
Patient's name: Mr Two Hats
I assessed your case on: 10/3/15
and, because of the following condition(s): Dun wanked himself blind
I advise you that: you are not fit for work.
This will be the case for: 2 weeks
Love Dr Chunder XXX
( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Tue 10 Mar 2015, 10:06, archived)

the world in which you are a doctor is a world in which we have failed as a species

( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Tue 10 Mar 2015, 10:11, archived)

My doctor never puts kisses on his letters to me.
He did fondle my balls the other day, though, so he must like me.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 10 Mar 2015, 10:23, archived)

did you turn your head and cough?

( manolith hooray for me, Tue 10 Mar 2015, 10:27, archived)

No, we maintained eye contact for the duration.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 10 Mar 2015, 10:34, archived)

it must be love then, congrats!

( manolith hooray for me, Tue 10 Mar 2015, 10:36, archived)

all I'm saying is, it is always the person that you expect to call in sick half of the time who claims to suffer from these so-called 'migraines'

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 10 Mar 2015, 9:26, archived)

all this stuff about 'working from home' was a ruse all along

( manolith hooray for me, Tue 10 Mar 2015, 9:27, archived)

I bet he spends all day down the juicer laughing it up with all the locals

( $$ ✅, Tue 10 Mar 2015, 9:36, archived)

or sits in his car and masturbates into an empty crisp packet

( $$ ✅, Tue 10 Mar 2015, 9:40, archived)

You just described my dream job.
Only the crisp packet wouldn't be empty.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 10 Mar 2015, 9:40, archived)

what flavour crisps?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 10 Mar 2015, 9:43, archived)

egg

( $$ ✅, Tue 10 Mar 2015, 9:44, archived)

blurgh!

( manolith hooray for me, Tue 10 Mar 2015, 10:46, archived)

Salt and Vinegar,
for that frisson of danger.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 10 Mar 2015, 9:49, archived)

I'm going to retrain to become a recruitment consultant
I say retrain, but what they do is basically a sales job.
( $$ ✅, Tue 10 Mar 2015, 9:44, archived)

I once got headhunted by a recruitment consultancy.
It quickly became apparent that they'd made a terrible mistake.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 10 Mar 2015, 9:47, archived)

oh, monster munch :(

( $$ ✅, Tue 10 Mar 2015, 10:00, archived)

The fact that they didn't go so far as to offer me a job
counts as a happy ending to the story.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 10 Mar 2015, 10:20, archived)

clickin dis

( mongychops, Tue 10 Mar 2015, 9:21, archived)

two hats depreciation day?

( manolith hooray for me, Tue 10 Mar 2015, 9:24, archived)

You know how much mod-sanctioned bullying upsets me, manolith.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 10 Mar 2015, 9:26, archived)

true, what with you being a mincing bender and all

( manolith hooray for me, Tue 10 Mar 2015, 9:27, archived)

Harsh

( Frisbee OG wanker, Tue 10 Mar 2015, 9:46, archived)

go away

( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Tue 10 Mar 2015, 9:58, archived)

No

( Frisbee OG wanker, Tue 10 Mar 2015, 10:34, archived)

Okay maybe

( Frisbee OG wanker, Tue 10 Mar 2015, 10:34, archived)

he requested some bullying yesterday
i'm just trying to give the forum members what they want
( manolith hooray for me, Tue 10 Mar 2015, 10:27, archived)

See a need, fill a hole or something

( Frisbee OG wanker, Tue 10 Mar 2015, 10:34, archived)

go away

( manolith hooray for me, Tue 10 Mar 2015, 10:36, archived)

I like it here though

( Frisbee OG wanker, Tue 10 Mar 2015, 11:06, archived)

really?
really?
( manolith hooray for me, Tue 10 Mar 2015, 11:08, archived)

Absolutely!
I thought to myself "you know what, I MISS manolith" and so here I am.
Missed you, buddy.
( Frisbee OG wanker, Tue 10 Mar 2015, 11:15, archived)

careful
you're starting to sound like spanishfly
( manolith hooray for me, Tue 10 Mar 2015, 11:16, archived)

Who's spanishfly, and is he a supercool dude like yourself?

( Frisbee OG wanker, Tue 10 Mar 2015, 11:17, archived)

Okay I made myself retch a little

( Frisbee OG wanker, Tue 10 Mar 2015, 11:18, archived)

and a head dobber

( $$ ✅, Tue 10 Mar 2015, 9:27, archived)

that's so mean
i never thought this once great forum would sink this low
( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Tue 10 Mar 2015, 9:56, archived)

It's all manolith's fault.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 10 Mar 2015, 9:59, archived)

It's turning into /links everyday

( $$ ✅, Tue 10 Mar 2015, 10:00, archived)