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[challenge entry] ....

From the Infographics and Flowcharts challenge. See all 196 entries (closed)

(I helped save b3ta! collapsibletank procreates, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 8:31, archived)
# I told some kids to 'bugger off' last night
I don't think I've ever said it, but felt 'piss' or 'fuck' was too harsh.

They laughed at me
(I helped save b3ta! Joe Scaramanga with a G-double-O-D vibration, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 8:50, archived)
# Good work, Sir!
Did you tell them that they were your prize delphiniums they were trampling on, and that you knew their dads?
(I helped save b3ta! Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 8:51, archived)
# Ooh those pesky kids
they've been stealing the tulips out of my front yard

If I catch them at it they'll get a clip round the ear and no mistake
(I helped save b3ta! emvee cruor deo cruoris, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 8:53, archived)
# Front GARDEN, Sir, front GARDEN.
Yards is for Shermans.
(I helped save b3ta! Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 8:54, archived)
# The missus is Canadian
I've picked up some of her mannerisms
(I helped save b3ta! emvee cruor deo cruoris, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 9:03, archived)
# You fucking bastard.
I don't think I'll be able to forgive you for this.
(I helped save b3ta! Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 9:09, archived)
# Is there a humourous rhyming slang term for Canucks?
I've been racking my brains to come up with one but I don't think I've ever heard anyone use one...I'll throw this question open to the floor - what jokey names are there for Canadians?
(I helped save b3ta! emvee cruor deo cruoris, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 9:21, archived)
# Brian
Bruce
<EOF>
(I helped save b3ta! Mighty Nibus who dares gins | @nibus, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 9:22, archived)
# I saw a Canadian stand-up once who asked for terms from the audience
someone shouted "moose-fucker!"

he was all like, woah, you know how big a fucking moose is? that's er, quite a compliment, thanks
(I helped save b3ta! emvee cruor deo cruoris, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 9:24, archived)
# I'm quite concerned really
these kids play football in the road outside my house.
last night they hit my window, so I went out and got the usual "What you gonna do about it?" reponse.

What do you do? You can't thump them, I don't know where they live?

I wrote to the council. Christ... I'm middle aged!
(I helped save b3ta! Joe Scaramanga with a G-double-O-D vibration, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 9:02, archived)
# Try running out your front door at them screaming, armed with a stick.
(I helped save b3ta! Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 9:04, archived)
# Can't use weapons...
According to the council website, I can't even take their ball!
(I helped save b3ta! Joe Scaramanga with a G-double-O-D vibration, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 9:11, archived)
# Call the police, then. And keep calling.
FFS. What are we supposed to do these days - offer them biscuits?

Seen and not heard.

Bloody kids are all scum. I blame the hippies making children think they are equal and have rights. They need to learn their place in society and that that place is at the bottom, and the pay-off is that they get free housing, food, and care. In time they must show that they can act responsibly and thus be allowed to climb up the ladder.

Grrr.

Sorry - am I still typing? I do apologise.
(I helped save b3ta! Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 9:14, archived)
# Cops don't care... low level anti social behaviour is now the remit of councils
Their helpline is open 9-5.30.

Very fucking helpful
(I helped save b3ta! Joe Scaramanga with a G-double-O-D vibration, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 9:19, archived)
# hahaha
(I helped save b3ta! Mighty Nibus who dares gins | @nibus, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 9:19, archived)
# 1. Buy a paintball gun
2. Turn off all the lights in your house
3. Pull on a balaclava
4. Wait
(I helped save b3ta! emvee cruor deo cruoris, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 9:05, archived)
# THIS
With added hatred and prejudice.

Paintball = no harm, no foul.
(I helped save b3ta! Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 9:09, archived)
# Plus it makes them easier to identify later
(I helped save b3ta! emvee cruor deo cruoris, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 9:18, archived)
# Tell that to poor PJ
www.youtube.com/watch?v=oXeMontXSTI
(I helped save b3ta! maiden is filmed before a live studio audience, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 9:22, archived)
# haha
GEOFF MAN AYUM BLIND AH CANNAE SEE!
(I helped save b3ta! emvee cruor deo cruoris, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 9:25, archived)
# call them all gay
(I helped save b3ta! Mighty Nibus who dares gins | @nibus, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 9:09, archived)
# This I like
(I helped save b3ta! Joe Scaramanga with a G-double-O-D vibration, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 9:10, archived)
# Hahahaha
"Football's so gay. Why aren't you in the park drinking and shagging girls like all your friends?"
(I helped save b3ta! Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 9:11, archived)
# Apart from the first bit
this will be my plan of attack if they are back tonight
(I helped save b3ta! Joe Scaramanga with a G-double-O-D vibration, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 9:13, archived)
# or you could go and play football with them
my best goal ever was against a scratch team of 8-year-olds, just like that one Bergkamp scored against Argentina

I was 28 at the time
(I helped save b3ta! Mighty Nibus who dares gins | @nibus, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 9:18, archived)
# yeah...
8 year olds I deal with
these guys are pushing 16
and I smoke 20 fags a day
(I helped save b3ta! Joe Scaramanga with a G-double-O-D vibration, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 9:22, archived)
# In which case, I refer you to my previous answer.
"So ... you haven't got girlfriends, then?"
(I helped save b3ta! Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 9:25, archived)
# hahahaha!
(I helped save b3ta! spesh., Fri 23 Apr 2010, 9:13, archived)
# Yes send out a team of meerkats to sing "Your all Gay!"
that will confused and compound their villiany!
(I helped save b3ta! maiden is filmed before a live studio audience, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 9:25, archived)
# talk to the boys, you may find you have more in common than you actually think*
*dr miriams casebook no 34456
(benito vaselini no not that one, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 9:15, archived)
# you peado
(I helped save b3ta! spesh., Fri 23 Apr 2010, 9:22, archived)
# hahaha
"What do we have in common? - ooh I know - do you like bunnies, little boy? I like bunnies!"
(I helped save b3ta! Mighty Nibus who dares gins | @nibus, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 9:24, archived)
# bunnies?!
is 'puppies' too obvious now then? I better brush up on my grooming skillz.
(I helped save b3ta! spesh., Fri 23 Apr 2010, 9:26, archived)
# kids are wise to the "Puppies Gambit" these days
(I helped save b3ta! Joe Scaramanga with a G-double-O-D vibration, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 9:28, archived)
# pesky kids and their facebook and bebo sophistication
(I helped save b3ta! spesh., Fri 23 Apr 2010, 9:29, archived)
# they'll be learning not to get in cars next
(I helped save b3ta! Mighty Nibus who dares gins | @nibus, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 9:31, archived)
# This reminds me of a friend's sister who once said
bugger off you bloody git.

However, the vehemence with which it was spat forth far outweighed the laughable content.
(I helped save b3ta! M3rx likes the Asian ladies, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 8:53, archived)
# When I was a kid I was once winding my dad right up, and, at the pinnacle, he decided to retreat to the bog for a shit, but I didn't stop hammering on the door and being a pain.
Eventually he burst out and screamed in frustration, "YOU ... YOU ... YOU BUGGER!" and I was utterly shocked into submission.
(I helped save b3ta! Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 8:57, archived)
#
(I helped save b3ta! prodigy69 broke b3ta and made everyone leave, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 8:56, archived)
# That pretty much sums up how effective my 'grown up having a go at kids' was
(I helped save b3ta! Joe Scaramanga with a G-double-O-D vibration, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 9:04, archived)
# just never get tempted to call them rascals
(I helped save b3ta! Griffin Saver Something, something, 2006, something., Fri 23 Apr 2010, 9:05, archived)
# It's utterly futile
believe me as a busdriver I know for fact that there is nothing you can say that will gain the respect of a mouthy chav other than "I've got some skunk and a gun - now fuck off and do one!"
(I helped save b3ta! maiden is filmed before a live studio audience, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 9:30, archived)
# I think the approved terminology for the grumpy old fart adminishing kids is 'clear off'
But well done anyhow.

'ning.
(I helped save b3ta! barryheadwound Mul-ti-pass? Multipass!, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 9:21, archived)
# I have a point of critique:
There seems to be a large area of "off you cunt"

/pedant
(I helped save b3ta! RarelyEvil, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 9:44, archived)